Page 9

CHAPTER NINE

C ASSIAN LOOKED AT his watch. He was down in the reception hall waiting for Lili. She wasn’t late but he was unaccountably nervous. When no woman had ever made him nervous, not even his first lover.

The stylist had just left, saying enigmatically, ‘She’ll be down shortly. Wait till you see her, Signore Corti.’

He heard a sound and looked up and nearly had a heart attack. Lili was on the top step in a silk midnight-blue dress that seemed to be glued to every curve of her body.

She started coming down the stairs, holding onto the wrought iron banister but all he could see was the toned length of thigh showing through the slit in her dress. And then, up, to where the swells of her breasts looked like they were ready to spill into his hands. Plump and luscious.

Her hair was down, long and lustrous. Falling behind her shoulders. Casual but very sexy.

Like her mouth, a glossy colour just darker than her own lips. Her skin looked dewy. Eyes huge and very blue. Lashes long and dark, peeping out from behind… He frowned and managed to ask, ‘Is something different?’

She touched her hair and he noticed the self-consciousness. ‘I got a fringe…do you like it?’

Did he like it? She looked all at once younger and more mysterious and sexier than anyone he’d ever seen in his life. She was going to kill him.

‘I think it’s lovely,’ he said a little inanely, not quite able to put how he really felt into words. He’d always taken for granted feeling confident around women but now he felt like a bumbling teenager.

‘We should go, or we’ll be late.’

They went out to where Cassian’s chauffeur was waiting for them and got into the back of the car. Lili’s scent was evocative and Cassian realised it reminded him of the wild roses at Villa Corti. He noticed she was wearing a simple diamond necklace and matching stud earrings and a bracelet. And she wore the wedding rings.

‘That diamond set suits the dress. They were my mother’s.’

Lili put a hand to her throat and looked at him, pale. ‘If I’d known I would have chosen something else, but the stylist suggested these from the collection. I wouldn’t really have a clue to be honest.’

‘Don’t be silly, they were hers but they in turn belonged to her mother-in-law, my nonna.’

Lili’s hand dropped to her lap and Cassian had to curb an urge to curl his hand around hers. She asked, ‘Did you know your nonna?’

He shook his head. ‘No, she died young. All my grandparents did.’ His mouth thinned. ‘Maybe my family is cursed.’

* * *

Lili was a little shocked at his bleak pronouncement but before she could respond he was asking her, ‘Are you ready for this?’

She looked out of the car and could see the venue ahead and a stream of glittering people walking up a red carpet to the entrance of one of Milan’s iconic museums where the charity ball was being hosted.

She gulped and her palms felt clammy. ‘I guess so. Now or never, right?’

‘I will take your hand when we get out but if you don’t want me to touch you, just let me know, okay?’

The thought of Cassian not touching her sent Lili into a paroxysm of anxiety. ‘It’s okay, I think I’ll need it.’ She looked at him, struck again by his consideration. ‘But thank you.’

‘And if it’s too overwhelming we’ll leave, no pressure.’

‘But I can’t ruin your night, if I can’t handle it, I’ll leave.’

‘ We’ll leave.’

Lili might have rolled her eyes at his insistence but deep inside it thrilled her. She’d never had an ally before. But now the car was pulling to a stop and her nerves took over.

Cassian got out and came around to her door and opened it. Immediately the sound was deafening. ‘Corti, Corti! Over here!’

Lili put her hand in his and let him help her out, praying she wouldn’t fall over in front of the baying mob of photographers. Cassian pulled her into his side and wrapped an arm around her and she’d never been so grateful for physical touch. Her hand was around his waist and gripping his jacket tight, in case they somehow might be wrenched apart.

He lowered his head to her ear and said, ‘Just another minute for them to get pictures and then we’ll go inside, okay?’

She nodded and somehow managed to force a smile to her face. Soon he was leading her up the steps and into the building where the shouts of the photographers was replaced by people chatting, laughing and melodic music coming from what appeared to be a small orchestra, all dressed in black.

Lili could see immediately that this was another level of the social sphere. A level that her grasping social-climbing family could never hope to aspire to. But it filled her with no satisfaction, only a sense of regret for a family who had let her down.

Cassian was being greeted by a steady line of people all vying for his attention. Thankfully he seemed to be engineering introducing her in such a way that a handshake wasn’t necessary. He was also careful to try and keep space around them and Lili noticed men in black suits at a discreet distance and wondered if they were security.

Lili had been handed a glass of sparkling wine and sipped it, needing the slight sense of Dutch courage it gave her.

Before long they were guided into an even larger ballroom where a charity auction was being held. Everyone was seated at round tables and small dishes of food were being served but Lili was too afraid to eat in case she dribbled something onto her dress or cleavage.

Cassian said into her ear, ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ and then he was getting up and walking away. Lili felt a lurch of panic which dissipated when she saw he was only going to the podium to give a speech.

He was easily the most handsome man in the room, in his classic black tuxedo. Hair slightly less messy than usual. Dark hair hugging his jaw. Vital. Commanding.

He was also articulate and succinct and passionate, inspiring the crowd to dig deep into their pockets for the auction. His playboy reputation notwithstanding, he’d managed to retain the respect of his peers and Lili felt a little glow of pride, even though she was cynical enough to know that this world always protected their own, not to mention a sporting legend.

He said then, from the podium, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, you see before you a changed man.’

The crowd laughed and some heckled playfully. Cassian put his hand up. ‘No, really, I am joined here this evening by my beautiful wife and I am very happy to declare that my life in the fast lane is only going to exist on the track from now on.’

There was laughter and Cassian said a few more words before he came down from the podium to rejoin Lili. She felt eyes on her but she was surprised to find it didn’t bother her too much because she couldn’t take her eyes off her husband.

He said, ‘May I take your hand and kiss it?’

She knew he was just acting out this role of changed man in front of everyone but she nodded. He lifted her hand, never taking his eyes off hers and pressed his mouth to the back of it. She felt the slightest touch of his tongue against her skin and an arrow of need spiraled down to between her legs.

He sat down as the emcee proceeded with the auction. Lili hated to admit that even she was being taken in by this very public declaration of changing his ways even though she knew it was all a lie.

He had no intention of becoming the devoted husband and family man.

But she couldn’t help wondering if maybe there was a chance for— what? The suspicion that she was yearning for something she knew she couldn’t have was not welcome.

‘What is going on behind that pensive look?’ Cassian’s voice broke her chain of thought.

She forced a smile and said, ‘Be careful not to be too convincing in your newly committed husband role.’

He looked at her pointedly. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Lili swallowed. Why had she opened her mouth? She shook her head and forced a smile. ‘Nothing, just that when you’re pictured out and about again you don’t want to undo all the good PR work.’

Cassian just looked at her for a long moment with no expression and then stood up and held out a hand. ‘It’s time to dance.’

* * *

‘I can’t dance, Cass, seriously, it’s not pretty. My mother made me go to classes but nothing worked.’

Cassian hated the way Lili said Cass impacted him somewhere deep and tender. But he’d told her he liked it. Especially when she said it as he joined their bodies or put his mouth on her. He cursed silently.

He looked down and all he could see were her huge eyes, very blue, and the far too tantalising flesh of her breasts, pressed against him. He realised he was holding her very close and relaxed a little. ‘Is this okay for you?’

She nodded. ‘It’s fine. Did you hire those security men to keep people back earlier?’

Cassian felt a prickle of exposure over his skin. ‘I didn’t want you to feel crowded.’ He said this just as someone bumped into them and he registered stark fear flaring in Lili’s eyes. He turned them so she had her back to the wall and not the people.

She looked over his shoulder and said a little shakily, ‘Thanks.’ And then, ‘I’m sorry.’

A surge of protectiveness rose inside Cassian. He wanted to do damage to whoever had put that fear into her eyes and wanted to push her to tell him what had happened but he resisted the urge.

‘Don’t apologise.’

She hadn’t lied about not being able to dance, she kept stepping on his feet but Cassian had to admit that he found it somewhat refreshing. He was so used to everything being seamless. Unsurprising. Dull .

That little conversation they’d just had replayed in his head. Be careful not to be too convincing. The truth was that he hadn’t had to act convincing at all. When he’d spoken those words they’d fallen out of his mouth all too easily, and he hadn’t even noticed. But she had. His convenient wife.

He’d already begun to concede that his fast living persona had been growing more and more tiresome and easier to see for what it had been all along. A smokescreen to hide his phobic reluctance to allow anyone close. Lili had touched on that before, at the villa, when she’d asked him if his playboy persona was all an act, not even knowing how close she was to the truth.

And maybe his entire racing career was founded on the anger and whim of a young man determined to do the thing that scared him most—get into a car and risk his life again and again. Because he’d survived and his family hadn’t.

Maybe ? jeered a voice, how about not maybe, but definitely.

Cassian almost resented Lili for this little prompt to examine where his demons lived. He’d been quite happy with them, until she’d come out of nowhere and somehow inserted herself under his skin like a prickly burr. And he couldn’t quite recall how that had happened. It all seemed a little hazy, as if he’d been drinking.

But his resentment couldn’t last long when all he could think about was how she felt, pressed up against him. Her curves softening against his harder body. Hardening body. He gritted his jaw.

Then he heard a sound, a very distinctive gurgling sound and looked down at Lili who went puce. He raised a brow, glad of the distraction from disturbing thoughts. ‘Hungry?’

She glared at him. ‘I was afraid to eat in case I spilled something on the dress and I forgot to eat earlier.’

Cassian smiled. ‘Want to leave and get some pizza?’

He saw the relief on her face. ‘Can we?’

‘We can do anything we want. I’m the host.’

‘But should you leave yet?’

‘They’ll just assume I’m taking my delectable new wife home because I can’t resist her.’ Which wasn’t untrue. It unnerved Cassian, the fact that he wanted her as much now, if not more. Lately he’d found his desire for a lover waning quickly. Surely this would follow the same pattern? And then what? asked a little voice, You can go back to your empty existence pretending to be something you’re not? Taking unsatisfying lovers to bed?

Cassian scowled at himself and took Lili’s hand and led her off the dance floor, taking care to shield her from other dancing couples.

* * *

‘That pizza was amazing, thank you,’ Lili said as they walked back into the reception hall of the palazzo and she bent down to slip off her shoes with a little groan of relief. She caught them by the straps and before she knew what was happening, Cassian had lifted her into his arms.

He said, ‘Is this okay?’

Lili nodded, a little speechless, but suddenly self-conscious with a belly full of food. She hated comparing herself to all the willowy women he was usually seen with but she couldn’t help it. ‘You don’t have to carry me, I’m too heavy.’

‘No, you’re not.’

Lili clamped her mouth shut. Frankly, she felt too safe and secure in his arms to argue. He brought her to his bedroom and put her down. It was like her room, sumptuously decorated and with period features without being overwhelming.

In her bare feet she felt a lot smaller next to Cassian. He started taking off his clothes with an efficiency that had him naked in a matter of seconds. Lili drank him in. The broad chest, wide shoulders, corded muscles. She felt like sighing in pure awe.

‘Can I undo your dress?’

Lili nodded and turned around, presenting her back to Cassian as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

‘Is this okay?’ he asked. She nodded and pulled her hair over one shoulder. His hands came to her shoulders first, massaging gently and then harder when she said, ‘That feels good.’

Liquid heat entered her veins and coursed through her body as his hands moved down, fingers tracing her spine, making her skin rise into little bumps. Then he was pulling down the zip, all the way to the top of her buttocks.

The dress loosened around her breasts and then she let it fall down and he tugged the material at her hips until it fell all the way to the floor. Now she only wore pants.

Cassian came and stood in front of her. Lili pushed the underwear down and stepped out of them. They were naked. There was something very elemental about facing each other like this. Bare skin. Nothing to hide behind.

Desire surged up inside Lili like an unstoppable force. She’d been starved of touch for so long. She said, ‘Please touch me, Cass.’

He took her hand and led her over to the bed. ‘Lie down,’ he instructed.

He looked at her. ‘Where do you want to be touched?’

‘All over.’

His eyes were like molten silver. He smiled and it was pure sin, as he started at her feet and worked his way up her body. It was hard not to let emotion mix with desire when she thought of all the years she’d spent in a self-enforced purgatory of isolation, but any emotion was turned to pure molten heat when Cassian reached her thighs and parted them and that devilish glint in his eye was all she saw before he put his mouth on her and drove her to her first climax of the night.

* * *

At first, Lili wasn’t sure what was happening. All she knew was that she couldn’t move. She was being held immobile by rings of steel. And it was dark. Fear and panic were immediate and acidic all the way from her gut to her mouth. Adrenaline coursed through her body and she fought with all her might to be free. Her elbow landed against something soft and there was a muffled groan and suddenly the bind was released and she leapt up.

It took her long seconds to realise where she was. And that she wasn’t being held captive. Moonlight shone in through a window, illuminating Cassian’s bedroom. It hadn’t been rings of steel around her, it had been his arms.

Another light came on, a low light. And suddenly Lili felt cold. She spotted a robe on a chair and pulled it on over her naked body. She was shivering now, trembling in the aftermath.

Cassian was sitting up and rubbing his chest. Lili was horrified to be able to practically see the dent in his chest where her elbow had hit him.

He stood up. ‘Lili…what the hell?’

Too shocked and horrified, she fled blindly from the bedroom and found her way to a reception room. She saw a drinks cabinet and went and pulled out a bottle filled with what looked like whiskey. She poured some into a glass and threw it back, wincing as it burned its way down her throat.

The room was suddenly illuminated in soft light. She slowly turned around and saw a bare-chested Cassian looking at her. He’d pulled on his tuxedo pants. The top button was open. Not even that could distract her from the tendrils of fear still gripping her insides like the bind she’d imagined.

‘Lili…? What just happened?’

The terror was still real. She felt even now that someone might just grab her from behind and yank her back to the awful place. She blurted out the only thing she could say. ‘Can you hold me, please?’ She’d felt so safe in his arms earlier. And yes, that had turned to terror just now but it hadn’t been his fault.

Cassian came over and took the glass out of her hand and enveloped her in his arms. Wrapping them tight around her. Gradually, Lili’s heart rate eased back to normal and the intermittent trembling stopped.

The warmth of his body seeped into hers, removing the cold tentacles. Melting the terror. Her cheek was pressed against his chest and his heart was a steady beat.

And infinitesimally, Lili felt sensation return. Awareness. And with that came a need to eclipse the terror she’d just felt. In the only way she knew how.

She pulled back slightly and looked up. Her eyes fell on Cassian’s mouth. Up to now, they hadn’t kissed. They’d done everything else but kiss.

Cassian spoke. ‘Lili…do you want to talk about what just happened?’

She shook her head. ‘I want you to kiss me.’

He made a sound—like a groan. ‘Lili, believe me, I want to kiss you too, more than anything, but I think we need to—’

She reached up and pressed her mouth against his, cutting off his words. His mouth was still open and she opened hers. Their breaths intermingled and then Lili felt Cassian unlock his arms. He put a hand to her head, fingers in her hair and he pulled her even closer.

And then, even though this was the first time she’d kissed a man, it happened like an age-old dance. Her arms twined around his neck and his other hand was on her waist, gripping her through the fabric of the robe and their tongues… Dio …how had she not allowed herself to have this before now? It was the most exquisite pleasure she’d ever known and she was drowning in the taste of him. It was like hot nectar. It made her feel desperate. She didn’t know how long they stood there kissing but she never wanted it to end.

But eventually, they broke apart. Lili opened her eyes. Everything was blurry. Cassian came back into focus. He stroked a finger down her cheek to her jaw. He said, ‘Now, that was a kiss worth waiting for.’

Lili might have said something witty or flippant but she just wasn’t that type of person and the faintest tendrils of her terror still lingered to remind her that her past was all too present for her liking.

She said, ‘Take me back to bed, Cass.’

He rubbed his chest and she could see where a faint bruise was blooming over his pectoral muscle. She was mortified. She touched it gently. ‘I did that, I’m so sorry.’

‘You didn’t mean to. And soon you’ll tell me what happened, hm?’

Lili weakly avoided his eye and nodded and to her relief he didn’t push it and led her back up to the bedroom.

* * *

Two days later Lili was back in the villa on Lake Como. For the first time since she’d started living there, she had a sense that she didn’t need this place to be her safety net or sanctuary. Because something else had taken its place. Or, more accurately, someone. And that revelation was terrifying. Because from an early age she’d learnt not to depend on anyone.

But now she was here on her own again because Cassian had gone to Rome on business before he stepped back into being a racing driver. The race in Monte Carlo was in a week’s time and he would be busy prepping for that. And Lili felt bereft.

Angry with herself for allowing this attachment to form— Ha! Attachment? That’s what you’re calling it? sneered a little voice—Lili forced herself to put thoughts of Cassian aside— good luck with that— and get on with learning how to be the mistress of this villa and not its housekeeper.

First of all she cleaned all of her loose and flowy clothes that she’d been using as a uniform and then put them in black bags and took them to a women’s refuge centre in Como. There was a slight tussle with the bag as her hand clenched around it instinctively when handing it over but she forced herself to let go.

Then when she got back to the villa she walked around and noticed lots of areas where paint was peeling or looking shabby. The decor was tired. She’d noticed this since she’d arrived but she’d put its careworn appearance down to lack of interest on the owner’s behalf. Now she knew that Cassian cared deeply about the place even if it pained him to be there.

She went online and started to do some research and welcomed the distraction.

* * *

Cassian was sitting in his office in Rome—Milan was where the board of the Corti Group had their meetings because symbolically that’s where the seat of Corti power had been for centuries, but Rome was where the operational part of the corporation was run from in the modern day. Along with London and New York.

He was feeling restless, distracted. Aware that his mind wasn’t really on business, or the race coming up in Monte Carlo. In fact, he hadn’t fully admitted it to himself but the Corti Group required a lot more of his focus than he was currently giving it and he’d known that for some time.

Not to mention the passion he had for making motor racing more sustainable because he knew if they could do it there, then they would be blazing a trail for every other industry.

But all of those things paled into insignificance when his mind kept looping back to Lili, like a boomerang. Passion. He’d never known anything like it. Even now there was a banked fire inside him, just waiting for her to send it sky-high again. He felt permanently altered in some way. As if she’d retuned him to vibrate at a different frequency.

He’d always prided himself—or assumed arrogantly—that he was a consummate lover. All of the women he’d been with had certainly behaved that way. But it wasn’t until he’d slept with Lili that he’d really noticed another woman’s reactions. And cared that she was truly with him, all the way.

He couldn’t get that kiss out of his head. That first kiss. When she’d reached up and put her mouth to his. So soft. But firm. Sweet. Mouth open. Slightly clumsy but all the sexier for it.

He’d fallen into that kiss like a drowning man searching for an anchor and the truth was he hadn’t found it, he was still drowning.

There was a ping on his cell phone and he picked it up. A text from Lili. That was enough to make his body react. He opened it and could imagine the slightly shy expression on her face.

Hi, I hope your meetings are going well. I don’t want to disturb you but I wanted to discuss doing some redecoration work in the villa? And there are some upgrading renovations that would be useful. I have all this time on my hands now, I’d be happy to take it on board, with your approval. Lili. x

Cassian couldn’t take his eye off that small x . Filled with a sudden sense of urgency he issued an order to his assistant and then sent back a text.

I’m on my way home.

On the flight to Milan Cassian realised the significance of telling Lili he was returning home . A wave of ice went through his body, dousing the sense of anticipation at the thought of seeing her again.

That sense of peace he’d felt recently mocked him.

This had started out as a very clinical marriage arrangement to secure his inheritance of a property that held equal parts pain and joy for him. And yet it had turned into something else entirely.

Lili had been the one to suggest the marriage in the first place. Who was she really? A prickle of exposure skated over Cassian’s skin. He might look to everyone else as if he lived without much of a care but he was pretty circumspect when it came to choosing lovers. He always made sure they were from his cynical world and didn’t expect anything more than a very transitory liaison. But since he’d been with Lili, all those concerns had fallen by the wayside.

Because you’re married . Yes, but it wasn’t a real marriage. And yet, here he was, running back to his new bride because he couldn’t stop thinking about her. You need an heir, you’re just doing what needs to be done. But even Cassian wasn’t sex-distracted enough to delude himself that the sex with Lili was being undertaken with one focus in mind and nothing else.

It was being undertaken because his desire was unquenchable and ravenous. Any other concern was secondary. He was realising uncomfortably that he needed her like he needed to take another breath. And that’s why he’d gone to Rome—because subconsciously he’d needed to prove to himself that she didn’t have him in a bind. But now here he was, disproving that.

Cassian almost instructed the pilot to turn around again but his phone pinged with another text. Lili responding to his last message.

Great, I’ll be waiting. x

And that was all it took for his head to be filled with tantalising images of Lili laid out on a bed, naked, inviting him to come and explore those luscious curves—Cassian threw down his phone. The ice was melting, the doubts were receding and he told himself he was being ridiculous to overthink this. He wouldn’t want Lili forever and he’d never denied himself pleasure before now.

He was still the same man with the same basic motivations: to live his life on his terms, and if those terms meant pursuing pleasure at all costs and racing around a track in a structure made of mostly carbon fibres at speeds of two hundred miles per hour then nothing much had changed at all.