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CHAPTER EIGHT

L ILI WASN’T ACCUSTOMED to having nothing to do, now that she was mistress of the villa and not its housekeeper. She felt redundant even though she knew that part of the marriage agreement was a bank account set up in her name with more money than she could possibly spend. In spite of her insistence that she didn’t want anything from Cassian.

She had her own money, saved carefully over the years since she’d left home and turned her back on her inheritance. She’d started out as a cleaner and then one of the houses where she’d cleaned regularly had been looking for someone to live in and become a housekeeper and that’s how she’d become a housekeeper, eventually ending up in a position where she’d been able to interview for the job at Villa Corti.

Her restlessness and feelings of redundancy had led to trying to do some housework only to be shooed away by Eloisa and now she was engaged in the very genteel practice of cutting some blooms in the garden so she could fill vases full of flowers.

Cassian had gone to the racetrack in Monza to do some more tests on the car. Lili welcomed the space to try and process everything that had happened between them since she’d gone to him two nights ago…but she still couldn’t get her head around it.

After making love again the previous morning, they’d woken at lunchtime, scandalising Lili who had never slept at the villa much after dawn. But Cassian had insisted she stay where she was and he’d gone and brought back a tray full of antipasta and salad and bread. Sparkling wine.

They’d eaten on the terrace of Lili’s room. And then afterwards, they’d taken a shower together and Lili had been able to indulge in the fantasy she’d had that first day she’d seen him, running her hands over his formidable body. She’d revelled in exploring him, fascinated by the effect she seemed to have on him.

And he’d only touched her if she let him and increasingly, she was finding that she didn’t even want him to ask her.

He’d helped to rewire her brain and make her hungry in a way she hadn’t ever imagined could be possible. He’d helped her heal more in the last forty-eight hours than the last eight years.

That thought was monumentally overwhelming. She now knew that it wasn’t exactly touch that she feared as much as the thought of being powerlesss. Like she had been with the kidnappers. So even if Cassian was touching her now, once she felt as if she was in control or held the power, she was fine.

She trusted him . And on that seismic revelation, she heard a sound behind her and turned around to see the object of her very raw thoughts standing a few feet away. Wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Hair tousled. He really should come with a health warning, thought Lili and suddenly she felt shy. When this man was the one person in the world who knew her more intimately than anyone else.

He looked at her, up and down. ‘I thought the days of wearing those shapeless dresses were over.’

Lili flushed. She’d found herself reaching for comfort from her dressing room. Eloisa had faithfully hung up all of her old clothes alongside the newer ones. Dressing differently had felt like a step too far after everything else that was happening to her. In her.

Feeling defensive, Lili pointed out, ‘There’s no one here to see me.’

‘I see you.’

Cassian’s words landed like a blow to her belly. He did see her. He had seen more of her than anyone else.

He waved a hand. ‘You’re obviously entitled to dress however you please, Lili. Come with me, I have something for you.’

Perversely, because he seemed to be saying she should feel free to dress like this, now Lili felt uncomfortable and regretted not wearing something a little more form-fitting. Maybe he was looking at her and wondering what on earth he’d been doing for the last couple of nights.

She put down the basket of flowers and took off the pruning gloves and followed him, curious. He led her around to the front of the villa where a gleaming car was parked. Dark metallic silver. Not a sports car but it looked very zippy. But also roomy. She recognised the world-famous make of the car.

Cassian held something out to Lili. She looked and saw it was a key. She looked back up. ‘What’s this?’

‘A car. For you. The Fiat is the run-around for the villa so you’ll need a car of your own.’

Lili shook her head. ‘But I can’t possibly accept this, it’s too much.’

Cassian walked towards her. ‘It’s not, really. You’ll need a car to get around and if…there’s a baby.’

Lili still didn’t take the key but she walked around it now, taking in the fact that it was roomy enough for a baby seat in the back. A large boot. Practical but stylish. She noticed something else.

‘It’s electric?’

Cassian nodded. ‘There’s an electrical point in the garage housing the cars, you can use that and there are pretty good charging points in the area.’

Then he said, ‘Why not try it out and then decide?’ at the same time as he lobbed the key at her and she had no choice but to catch it on reflex.

Lili couldn’t really argue. She unlocked the car and got into the driver’s seat. Cassian got in on the other side. The dashboard wasn’t unlike how she imagined the cockpit of an airplane to look, but she figured out the basics.

‘It’s fully electric and automatic. Head out of the estate and I’ll direct you.’

Lili did as he asked, too bemused and surprised not to. Cassian directed her away from the little local village and in the other direction, heading north along the lake.

The car was smooth and quiet and comfortable. Lili liked driving. Sometimes she took the Fiat out and went off on little trips to places along the lake-side, exploring. But always within her comfort zone. Something about that now irritated her. The years of feeling fearful. She was was starting to see that so much more had been taken from her than she’d even realised.

Cassian sat easily beside her. Relaxed. She remarked, ‘You don’t mind being driven by a woman?’

He shrugged. ‘Why would I? You’re a good driver.’

A little burst of pride lit up her chest. She said, ‘It’s a little intimidating to be driving a man who makes a living driving the fastest cars on the planet.’

‘I like being driven. I’m not a control freak.’

Lili snuck him a glance. He certainly looked relaxed. She looked ahead again and concentrated on not driving them into the lake.

After a short while they came into another village. Cassian said abruptly, ‘Are you hungry?’

Lili considered this and realised she hadn’t eaten much at all. Too busy in her head. She said, ‘I could eat.’

‘Good, because I’m starving. There’s a great restaurant here. Let’s find a parking space.’

Lili soon found out that the only other thing more intimidating than driving a racing champion was parallel parking with one in the car. But she managed it without disgracing herself.

People were emerging for the evening passeggiata and suddenly Lili was acutely aware of her loose dress and top and really regretted not dressing in the new clothes. Every other woman looked so elegant and put-together. And she stood out even more with Cassian at her side. She vowed to put them in a bag for a charity shop when they got back to the villa.

Cassian said, ‘It’s just here.’ And Lili looked to see a small doorway almost entirely obscured by twining vines. Cassian stood aside. ‘After you.’

Lili ducked her head slightly and went in to find a charming restaurant, much larger than she might have suspected, opening up into an airy courtyard full of greenery and flowers. Cassian was behind her, she could feel his presence and heat and it didn’t unnerve her at all. In fact she felt an urge to lean back against him.

The waiter approached, face wreathed in smiles. ‘Signore Corti, what a pleasant surprise. Welcome. For two?’

‘Yes, Alfredo, thank you.’

The man led them through and Lili saw couples looking up and their eyes widening when they clocked Cassian. And then looking at her. She avoided their eyes.

Just before they were led to a table in one discreet corner of the courtyard though, a deep voice said, ‘Corti!’

They stopped and Lili watched as Cassian greeted a tall and very handsome slightly older man with hints of grey at his temples. Then she saw that it was a family. The man’s wife was standing up now too. She was petite and very pretty, with long curly blond hair. Dressed in a very simple but cool silk jumpsuit accessorised with stylish gold jewelry in an effortlessly elegant look that Lili immediately envied.

There was a gangly tall boy of about seventeen who looked just like his father, then a girl of about fourteen who also took after the father and a younger girl of about ten with curly blond hair like her mother.

Cassian turned around. ‘Lili, I’d like you to meet the D’Aquannis. Dante and his wife Alicia have been friends of the family for a long time.’

Alicia came around to greet Lili who braced herself for the inevitable unavoidable handshake but she found that it didn’t cause her to tense as much as usual. She was too distracted as Alicia attempted to introduce her to all the children. Allesandro, Poppy and Cara. As far as Lili could make out.

And then Alicia turned and picked up a smaller child Lili hadn’t noticed, a little boy who immediately stuck his thumb in his mouth. He had to be about three years old and had a mop of unruly curls and dark eyes like his mother. She was wry. ‘And this is Olli, who as you might deduce was a very happy surprise.’

Lili couldn’t help respond to the other woman’s infectious and easy friendliness and smiled.

‘Please, join us?’ Alicia’s husband was saying. Lili looked at Cassian who was already shaking his head, but she put a hand on his arm and he looked at her. ‘I don’t mind, if you’d like to.’

‘Are you sure?’

Lili could tell he was concerned that this might be a bit much for her, all the people, and shook her head again. ‘It’s fine.’

‘Oh good,’ responded Alicia. ‘We’re all very bored just talking to each other.’

Within minutes the waiters had organised it so that Cassian was on one end of the table and Lili at the other. Cassian was shooting looks at Lili and she did her best to reassure him that she was fine. She was seated with Alicia on one side and her oldest son on the other and they were charming company. It made her even more aware of how much she’d cut herself off from other people.

Cassian was deep in conversation with Dante at the other end of the table and Alicia remarked, ‘A handsome pair, hm?’

Lili blushed. ‘Yes, they are.’

‘You’re newlyweds, aren’t you?’

Lili nodded. The older son was now attending to one of the younger children and something about his easy tenderness and tactility plucked at her insides, because it was a dream she’d always had, of a loving family, that she hadn’t witnessed.

To avoid any more personal questions Lili observed, ‘You’re English?’

Alicia nodded and took a sip of wine. ‘I can’t seem to get rid of my accent no matter how much I try and my husband insists on speaking English to me. Mostly to annoy the kids into learning so they can understand what we’re saying.’

Lili laughed. ‘That’s one way of doing it.’ Then she said a little shyly, ‘I love your style.’

Alicia’s eyes widened comically. ‘Oh believe me, this is after years of trying to keep up with innate Italian style. I now stick to some core basics and that’s it. But if you ever want someone to go shopping with give me a call. I loathe shopping but I love making new friends and drinking coffee.’

Lili smiled again. Food was ordered and eaten. Lili had a little wine, mindful of driving. She couldn’t help stealing little glances at Cassian and once or twice their eyes met, sending little electrical charges into Lili’s blood.

And then she felt her dress being tugged and looked down to see the smallest child, Olli, looking up at her with such an adorable and cherubic expression that she couldn’t help but reach for him. He came willingly and sat easily on her lap.

Alicia immediately said, ‘Oh no, you don’t have to hold him, he’s covered in chocolate sauce.’

‘It’s fine.’ Lili smiled, relishing the heavy weight of the child. This was a revelation because as much as she knew she wanted a child, she’d always harboured a doubt that when it came to it, she might not be able to get over her fear of being touched but this felt like the easiest thing in the world. He was no threat to her.

The trust that the child had, to come to her and let her hold him, humbled her too. She felt emotional.

‘Are you okay?’ Alicia asked.

Lili nodded and blinked furiously. ‘Fine, just something in my eye.’

There was a lull at the table and then Alicia’s husband looked from Lili to Cassian and said, ‘I assume you both know that there is a clamour of interest in knowing more about the new mysterious Signora Corti?’

Lili looked at Cassian, alarmed. Was there? He avoided her eye and said, ‘Well, I’m sure they’ll soon lose interest.’

‘You know how they can be if they sense a story… I’d be careful. Maybe a couple of appearances just to curb the interest might be no harm. After all, your new wife is utterly charming, Cassian, it’s a crime to hide her away.’

Lili squirmed and as if sensing her discomfort the child, Olli, reached out for his mother who took him onto her lap. Cassian looked at her and she tried to communicate, sorry for not being more normal , with her eyes.

He just said easily, ‘Maybe I just don’t want to share her with the world yet.’

Dante laughed. ‘Well, my friend, I can understand that. Enjoy it while it lasts because I have a feeling the world will come knocking.’

The dinner broke up soon after that. Olli the toddler was getting tetchy. They said their goodbyes and Lili was genuinely sad to see them go. The older boy took Olli in his arms as they left and Dante and Alicia had arms wrapped around one another. Lili saw them steal a kiss as the kids went ahead and felt another disturbing lurch of emotion bordering on envy.

‘Do you want anything else?’ Cassian asked as he came and took the seat to Lili’s left.

She shook her head. ‘No, I’m full. Your friends are really nice.’

He nodded. ‘They are. Dante became a friend once I came of age and whenever I was at the villa he’d insist on taking me out or I’d go over to visit them. They’re good people and very loyal.’

‘They seem like a genuinely happy family too. Close.’

‘I guess.’ Cassian’s voice was a little clipped. He avoided her eye.

‘What do you mean, you guess? It’s obvious they’re a really solid unit—’ She broke off suddenly as something occurred to her and she cursed herself silently. ‘I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. They must be a reminder of what you lost.’ And what she’d never experienced.

A bleak expression crossed Cassian’s face. ‘I won’t lie. I like spending time with them but each time I do, I feel nothing but terror.’ He looked at her. ‘Don’t they realise how much they have to lose?’

Lili’s chest ached a little. There was no reason why he couldn’t have what his friends had but she could understand even more now why he would choose a scenario with a child that put him at a distance.

Lili had to remind herself that she’d been perfectly happy at the thought of being a lone parent with a child. And now… what? she asked herself. Now she wanted more than that? That thought was so disturbing and provocative she changed the subject. ‘Do you think it’s true about there being speculation about…me?’ The thought of people she didn’t know wondering about her made Lili’s skin crawl a little. She imagined thousands of hands reaching out trying to touch her.

Cassian made a face. ‘Much as I hate to admit it, he’s probably right and Dante loathes the press about as much as I do so he wouldn’t say we should court it, lightly.’

Lili’s insides twisted. ‘And if we didn’t, would it get worse?’

He looked at her. ‘It might…especially if there’s not much else going on.’

The waiter came by with the check and Cassian settled up. He stood up and held out a hand and then at the last moment he pulled it back and said, ‘Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.’

But Lili had an image in her head of watching Dante and Alicia kiss and she said, ‘No, it’s fine.’ She put out her hand and let him take it. And kept holding it as she stood and they left. Walking down the street he interlaced his fingers with hers. A more intimate hold. A shot of pure lust went straight between Lili’s legs. She blushed.

Cassian was looking at her. ‘What are you thinking about?’

She shook her head. ‘About how you affect me…’ She sent him a quick glance. ‘Is it normal? To feel so…needy?’

* * *

Cassian stopped walking and looked at Lili. All evening he’d found it hard to take his eyes off her. She’d looked like she was concentrating so hard while talking to Dante’s wife, Alicia. And then she would smile and it lit up her face in a way that stopped his breath.

And then when she’d had their smallest child on her lap, a look of pure awe and wonder had come over her face. He’d never known a woman like her.

But now she said, ‘Actually don’t answer that, you’ve probably already lost interest and I wouldn’t blame you, I mean, I’m completely inexperienced and not elegant and—’

Cassian put a finger very gently to Lili’s mouth. He ached to replace it with his mouth but they hadn’t kissed there yet and for the first time in his life he realised why it was considered such an intimate act and he marvelled at how easily he’d kissed women before. Without even thinking. Taking it for granted.

She’d stopped talking, eyes wide. He said, ‘Yes, it is entirely normal, when the chemistry between two people is as strong as it is with us. And yes, I still want you, Lili.’

‘Oh.’

‘I can show you when we go home if you like?’

Her cheeks coloured and she sounded a little breathless when she said, ‘Okay.’

Cassian led her back to the car and he said, ‘I’ll drive if you like, I didn’t have much to drink.’

‘Okay.’

They got into the car and navigated their way out of the village and back along the lakeshore to the villa. It struck Cassian then that this was the longest amount of time he’d spent in the villa since his family had died. And it had crept up on him without noticing.

Obviously circumstances had led to this but he found that driving back to the villa now with Lili in the car beside him was the closest he’d come to a sense of peace in a long time. If ever.

That revelation was disconcerting but not enough to distract him from how much he wanted to be naked with Lili as soon as possible. So he focused on that and not on the fact that his life seemed to be deviating alarmingly far from its course.

* * *

When they reached the villa, before they got out of the car, Lili turned to Cassian and said impulsively, ‘If it would help to be seen in public at a couple of things, I don’t mind.’

He looked at her, frowning. ‘You don’t have to, it’s not part of the agreement. Something else will come along to take the press’s interest.’

Lili shrugged a little. She wasn’t ready to fully admit that there was something deep inside her that felt almost compelled to out herself as Cassian’s wife. That maybe she wasn’t prepared to hide herself away in the villa like some sort of secret wife.

‘I’ll leave it up to you. If you think it’s necessary, I’ll do it.’

He considered her for a moment and then said, ‘There’s an event in a week, in Milan. I have a board meeting and then there’s the charity Corti ball, a philanthropic event we host every year. There’ll be a lot of people there, Lili, a big crowd.’

The thought of it sent that tendril of fear down her spine but she forced herself to say, ‘I haven’t been such a recluse all the time. I’ve navigated crowds, I’ve just avoided them where possible but I don’t want to spend my life in the shadows anymore. If I have a child I don’t want to limit their life because of my…issues.’

Cassian looked at her. ‘You’re brave, you know that?’

Lili felt like squirming . ‘I’m not really,’ she protested.

As if reading her mind he asked, ‘Will you tell me what happened to you?’

Lili’s insides constricted. He might not think her all that brave if he heard her story and deemed it to be not worthy of those issues. She thought of spilling out the terror of those few days and how she’d really believed she might be raped, or die, and of her family’s indifference. She couldn’t bear the thought of Cassian’s reaction, whatever that might be. The best would be pity and the worst would be him looking at her as if to say, was that all?

She shook her head. ‘Not…now. Maybe someday.’

‘Okay.’

His easy acceptance, and his not pressing her, soothed her a little.

Then he said a little ruefully, ‘I won’t lie, it probably won’t hurt my reputation to be seen in public as a more settled man.’

Lili forced a smile even though she was inevitably thinking about the day when he would take another lover after he was done with her and if and when she got pregnant. She recalled holding that small child on her lap and forced herself to remember that that was what this was all about. Creating a family. And a chance for love. Except, it wouldn’t be a family, would it? Because Cassian had made it explicitly clear that he didn’t want to be a part of the kind of tableau they’d witnessed this evening with Dante and Alicia.

And, she had to remind herself, she’d never imagined that either. Until now. Her mind was getting scrambled. She forced her mind back to the moment and said, ‘Well then, I’ll do my best not to let you down.’

Cassian got out of the car and came around to open her door. They walked to the front of the villa and he lifted his hand, silently asking for hers. She put her hand into his and let him lead her inside and up the stairs.

Lili shivered with anticipation. When they got to his room she said, ‘I’d like you to undress me.’

He stood in front of her, eyes glittering. Then he smiled, unbearably sexy. ‘I thought you’d never ask. I’ve been fantasising about taking these clothes off all evening.’

‘I don’t think I’ll wear them again. I was embarrassed to be wearing them in public.’

He looked serious. ‘You could wear a sack and look good in it, Lili. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about.’

Something very fragile and light filled Lili as he very gently started to push open the long cardigan and pushed it off her shoulders. It fell to the floor. Then his fingers were on the buttons on the front of the dress, his knuckles grazed the bare skin of her breasts and she shivered. He stopped. ‘Okay?’

She nodded and just managed to stop herself from saying, can you hurry up please. He kept going and pulled the dress open and pushed it off her shoulders. She stepped out of the flat sandals she’d been wearing.

Now she was just in her underwear. The new underwear. Satin and lace. Cassian stood back and looked at her. Devouring her.

‘Cass, please.’

He looked at her. ‘Say that again.’

She frowned. ‘Please?’

He shook his head and stepped close to her, tugging her bra straps down, baring her breasts. He cupped them and rubbed his thumbs across her tingling nipples, making her legs weak.

‘Say my name.’

She breathed it out. ‘Cass…’

‘Like that.’

Then he lowered his head and covered her nipple with his mouth, drawing the stiff peak into a vortex of damp heat. Her legs gave way but he caught her, effortlessly, lifting her against his chest. Very dimly, Lili was aware that she was moving in leaps and bounds beyond a place where she’d never even imagined before, but she couldn’t think of that now.

Cassian laid her on the bed and stripped efficiently. He was hard. Ready. He reached for her underwear and pulled them down. He left her bra framing her breasts.

‘Widen your legs.’

She did. And he stroked himself for a second before coming down and hooking her legs over his shoulders. He pressed kisses up along her inner thighs and then he put his mouth on her and Lili no longer cared about anything but this exquisite place only he could bring her to, where time and matter ceased to exist, replaced purely by pleasure and the pursuit of it.

Milan

They had arrived to Cassian’s Milanese palazzo in the afternoon. The busy city felt a little jarring to Lili after the relative peace and quiet of Lake Como but she was doing her best not to feel intimidated by it.

The palazzo was down a leafy side street off one of Milan’s main thoroughfares. It was modest from the street but behind the door lay an open cobblestoned courtyard and massive ancient door, flanked by statues and trailing vines.

The palazzo was on three levels. Flagstones in the reception hall with a massive stone staircase. Cassian had shown her into rooms with terrazzo floors, massive windows, frescoes on the walls dating from the eighteenth century.

It had all the period features with the comforts of modernity. There was a male housekeeper called Domino who Lili had greeted, still feeling a little like an imposter.

She was in her bedroom suite now with a stylist from a boutique in Milan with a selection of dresses. Cassian had gone to his board meeting.

The stylist was saying, ‘I think this blue would look amazing with your eyes, why don’t you put it on and I’ll help you do it up.’

The friendly woman was being so suspiciously hands off that Lili wondered if Cassian had said anything to her. But she dutifully went into the lavish en suite of her bedroom and shimmied out of her jeans and top and into the dress. She had to take off her bra because it was strapless and had a sweetheart neckline. She was holding this up to her chest when she went back out and the stylist did up the zip at the back, winching in Lili’s waist and pushing her breasts up.

She looked at herself in the mirror, eyes wide. ‘I can’t wear this.’ Her breasts looked so…provocative. And her waist was tiny. Since when had it been small? And her hips, so wide. There was a slit on one side, showing the length of one pale thigh.

Her upper chest, shoulders and arms felt very bare. Because they were.

‘Nonsense,’ the stylist said. ‘You look fantastic. It could have been made especially for you. It’s sexy and modern and you have the figure for it.’

The stylist stood back and looked at her and then said, ‘Have you ever considered a fringe? I think it would really suit you.’

Lili looked at her and said honestly, ‘I haven’t considered much about my looks at all to be honest.’

‘I used to be a hairdresser, can I try something?’

Lili shrugged and let the stylist help her back out of the dress and into a robe. They went into the bathroom and the woman put Lili on a stool and started working on her hair. It didn’t take long. Then she stood back and said, ‘Look.’

Lili stood up. She didn’t recognise herself. She now had a long, choppy fringe that together with the layers in her hair made her look much younger and somehow…cooler. Edgy. Modern. She looked like a different person. Like the woman she was becoming. Emerging from the shadows.

‘Do you like it?’ asked the stylist, sounding a little worried now.

Lili turned her head from side to side. ‘I think I…love it.’ She felt emotional. ‘Thank you.’

‘Good!’ The stylist looked at her watch and said, ‘I’ll go and pick up those things we need and be back in time to get you ready, okay?’

Lili nodded.

She sat back down on the stool feeling a little stunned. Just who was she becoming? The woman you were always meant to be. Ridiculously, Lili had to blink to get rid of the stinging in her eyes.