Page 5

CHAPTER FIVE

W ITHIN HALF AN HOUR , Lili had changed into a pair of jeans and a blue shirt, under a light jacket. She’d pulled her hair back into a low ponytail. She was ensonced in the passenger seat of a low-slung silver bullet of a car, going at a fearsome speed around the circuitous bends of the roads bordering the southern end of Lake Como. It was terrifying but it was also thrilling.

‘Okay?’

She glanced at Cassian and nodded. ‘Fine.’

‘If I’m going too fast just tell me.’

She shook her head and looked back to the road. He was going fast but he wasn’t driving carelessly. She felt safe. He was wearing jeans like her and a long-sleeved top, under a worn leather bomber jacket. He looked sexy and powerful. Her eyes kept going to the way he moved so fluidly, powerful thighs under denim moving as he used the brake and clutch. And his hand on the gear stick. Long fingers. A masculine hand. Not soft. She wondered what it would feel like on her skin and quickly turned her eyes back to the road. She wouldn’t know because the thought of allowing that to happen…brought with it such a sense of overwhelm that she had to breathe deeply.

In a bid to distract herself she asked, ‘It’s okay for you to drive? With your injury?’

Cassian lifted his right hand from the wheel and flexed it, drawing Lili’s attention again to long fingers, blunt nails and very masculine hands. Damn. Bad subject to bring up.

‘It’s fine for what I’m doing today, but with health and safety in the main motor racing industry they won’t permit me to drive again until the requisite time is up. It’s no big deal, I’m quite enjoying the time off.’ He slid her a glance and Lili felt herself blushing. He’d certainly made the most of his time, acquiring a wife.

Before too long they turned off the main road into the town of Monza. Cassian said to her, ‘You’ve heard of Monza?’

Lili nodded. ‘One of my brothers was obsessed with motor racing when he was younger. He would hog the TV for the entire weekend that a race was on.’

She looked at Cassian’s profile. ‘I have to admit it didn’t really interest me all that much, sorry.’

He put a hand to his chest as if wounded and glanced at her. ‘You mean to tell me you’re not one of my biggest fans?’

Lili’s heart thumped unevenly. This man was surprising her on lots of levels and she was very much afraid that it would be all too easy to become a fan. More than a fan. He’d taken what she’d said earlier with equanimity. He hadn’t run screaming from the room at her embarrassing phobia. He’d just suggested taking this day trip.

They were driving through gates now, being waved through by a beaming security guard. ‘Ciao, Signore Corti!’

‘Ciao, Enzo, va bene?’

‘Bene! Grazie.’

They drove through and Lili could make out the racetrack in the distance. Cassian parked outside an administrative building and got out, coming around to open her door. It was hard to get out of the car and he put out a hand. Lili looked at it and at him. He pulled it back. ‘If it’s too much—’

Angry with herself for something so small being such a big deal, Lili said, ‘No, thank you, I’d like a hand.’ She could handle touch like this, she just didn’t like to encourage it.

She put her hand into his and noted how he was careful to let her grip him. Something about that consideration caught her but she tried to hide it. She stepped out and pulled her hand back, feeling more breathless than she should be. ‘Thanks.’

‘Follow me.’

She did, and they went around the building to a thoroughfare that was lined with buildings either side. Cassian said, ‘When the race weekend is on, this is where all the teams have their hospitality and media rooms. We’re going trackside.’

Wordlessly she followed him through one of the buildings and they emerged in the huge arena. The track was there and Lili could see the stands full of seats. Empty now but she could imagine what it must be like when full. Terrifying and exhilarating all at once. And to be the focus of all of that attention? She couldn’t even imagine.

Cassian was greeting an older man and hugging him. ‘Ricardo, good to see you.’

‘You too.’

Cassian pulled back. ‘Please meet my wife. Lili.’

The man’s hands were covered in some kind of oil so he didn’t try to shake her hand but his smile was warm. ‘So you’re the mystery woman who has taken the world’s hottest, richest bachelor off the market, hm?’

Lili blushed. Before she had a chance to answer Cassian was saying, ‘Is the car ready?’

Ricardo nodded. ‘One of the mechanics is bringing it around now. Thanks for doing this.’

‘No problem.’ He turned to Lili. ‘I’ll have to go change, you stay here with Ricardo and he’ll tell you what’s happening.’

Ricardo had someone bring Lili a coffee and after that she was put on a stool near a bank of very complicated-looking computers and screens and machinery. The car arrived with a loud throttle of the engine, a classic motor racing car, in red with a distinctive name and logo that even she’d heard of.

And then Cassian emerged from somewhere in the back in a close-fitting driving suit and she nearly fell off her stool. The suit was molded to his powerful body like a second skin, and she couldn’t look away from him. Watching as he pulled on some sort of protective head covering and then the helmet.

He got into the tiny space of the driving seat, sunk low into the car, and within seconds he was out on the track, engine revving. Lili noticed someone with headphones and a microphone was talking to him and looking at data on a screen.

And then he was gone, starting his laps of the track. The noise was deafening and Ricardo handed her a pair of headphones. It was only when she had them on that she realised she could hear the conversation between Cassian and the engineer. Nothing she could remotely understand, about enabling DRS and other incomprehensible things.

Then Ricardo touched her arm briefly to get her attention and he led her out to walk up into a stand above where the engineers were based. Here Lili could see Cassian’s car zooming around the track at what seemed to be the speed of light.

She was surprised to find it absolutely thrilling. Especially when he passed where they were and every bone in her body seemed to rattle. But then she thought of other cars being on the track at the same time and realised just how dangerous it must be.

‘Okay, Cass, we have all the information we need, you can come back, thank you.’

‘Copy.’

And then Cassian was returning with the car. Lili went back down and saw him contorting himself to get out, pulling off the helmet and snood, a big grin on his face. It was the first time she’d seen him smile like that and it was as if someone had punched her in the chest. It made him look younger. And even more gorgeous.

Ricardo chuckled. ‘You’re looking forward to Monte Carlo, eh?’

Something Lili couldn’t decipher crossed over Cassian’s face and his smile faded slightly. ‘Of course, can’t wait.’

If she didn’t know better she’d almost have guessed he seemed…resigned. Not exactly as joyful as he had been just now, driving the car for no other purpose than to test it out.

Cassian caught her eye. ‘I’ll change and be back in a minute.’

His face was flushed after the activity and his hair was messy, and a little sweaty. Lili found herself battling the curiosity to know if this is what he’d look like after sex. She nodded jerkily. ‘No rush.’

When he’d disappeared again and Lili turned away from the men to try and get herself back under control she wondered if she was thinking like this because of all the stuff the doctor had said: Young, healthy, fertile…no reason why it can’t be done naturally… and now her brain seemed to be helping Lili to redirect itself towards the possibility that she might actually get naked with the man. Her, a woman who had shared only the most fleeting of touches with anyone else in eight years. Still a virgin, and destined to stay that way if they used IVF.

The sound of a throat clearing nearby made Lili startle. She turned around to see Ricardo. She handed him back his headphones with a smile, grateful for the interruption. ‘Thank you, that was fascinating.’

‘You liked?’

She nodded. ‘I’ve never seen anything like that before. It’s exhilarating.’

He made a gesture with his finger to encompass the area. ‘Here, it is life . Everything.’

Lili could well imagine these stands full of fans. Locals. Cassian appeared then, redressed in his jeans and top, jacket slung over his shoulder. Ricardo said something to him but Lili couldn’t make out what over the sound of one of the mechanics driving the car away again. When Cassian looked at her quizically. Lili said, ‘What?’

Cassian asked, ‘Do you drive?’

‘Yes. I use the little Fiat at the villa to get around.’ She liked driving. She always had. Seeing it as a way to escape her family whenever she wanted, until she was of age. And, it was how she’d escaped the kidnappers.

‘There’s a karting track just around the back of here, do you want a go?’

Lili blinked. Completely nonplussed to be asked such a thing. And she couldn’t think of a reason to say anything else but, ‘Why not?’

‘Okay, come on.’

* * *

A short while later, Lili was sitting in a driving seat of a contraption like the racing car she’d seen before but this was open and it had some kind of a buffer ring on the outside, so it also kind of resembled a boat, on land even with its four big wheels.

They’d given her a driving jacket and it was a padded thing, buttoned up to her neck, close-fitting.

Cassian was leaning in, explaining how to use the accelerator and brakes. The steering wheel. It was simple. Then he put a helmet on her head. He said, ‘Go as fast or slow as you like, just have some fun.’

Fun . It had been so long since Lili had had anything resembling fun that it caught in her throat. She nodded, glad of the helmet hiding her too-exposed emotions. It was because she was out of her comfort zone. The villa.

‘Okay, let’s go!’ Cassian called out as he hit his accelerator and his kart shot forward. Lili did the same and her heart nearly came out of her chest when her kart moved forward. It took her a little while to get used to and she went at the pace of a snail but once she had the hang of it, she started moving faster. And faster. And faster.

Soon, she was zipping around the track at such a speed that she could feel the rush of air. It was more than exhilarating. She couldn’t think of anything else but focus on what she was doing and it was incredibly liberating.

She passed Cassian on a straight and let out a whoop. She was sure he was allowing her to pass but she didn’t care. A laugh bubbled up and out. Eventually she realised that they were slowing down and Cassian, ahead of her, came to a stop. She braked behind him.

He got out and pulled off his helmet and came over. She somehow levered herself out of the kart and realised she was trembling all over after the overload of adrenaline. She pulled off her helmet and realised she was grinning stupidly. But she couldn’t stop.

He was smiling too. ‘You’re sure that was your first time karting?’

Lili nodded, still beaming, unable to speak.

‘You’re a natural.’

Eventually she managed to say, ‘That was amazing. Thank you.’

Cassian took her helmet. ‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’

They walked back to the car after Lili had given back the driving jacket. She still felt a little wobbly all over, amazed by how good it had felt to have to focus so intently on one thing. Usually she was so scared of people and anyone noticing her quirks that she felt exhausted. That’s why the villa had been such a balm. But now, she felt lighter, as if something had been sloughed away from her epidermis.

In the car, Cassian said casually, ‘I thought we could have a late lunch in Como before going back to the villa?’

‘Sure, that sounds nice. I’ve only been into Como a couple of times.’

On the way, Lili couldn’t hold back her curiosity. She looked at Cassian. ‘You obviously have no intention of retiring from racing any time soon, you love it.’

She noticed that his hand tensed on the wheel momentarily but then he said, ‘Well, today wasn’t racing.’

‘I know that.’

He shrugged. ‘I don’t have any intention of retiring in the short term but I can’t deny it’s something that’s been on my mind. I’m well aware I never should have been any good at being a racing driver. I’m too tall, for a start. And I’ve lasted a lot longer than I thought I would.’

‘Why do you think you’re so good?’

He looked at her. ‘You know they say I have a death wish?’

‘Do you?’

He made a face. ‘Not a death wish so much as a…not caring wish.’

Lili felt a burst of compassion. Her family hadn’t died tragically but she could sort of empathise with that feeling of being beholden to no one. ‘That sounds a little like a death wish to me…’

‘Maybe. I’ve always told myself that as soon as I lose my edge, I’ll take it as a sign to go, but that hasn’t happened yet.’

‘You’ve won…six world championships?’

He nodded. They were driving into Como now, the old town. Cassian pulled into a seemingly tiny car parking space with enviable expertise. He came around to help her out again and when he held out his hand, Lili noticed that she only hesitated for a second before letting him pull her out. She let go though, as soon as she could, but she noticed that it wasn’t coming from her discomfort of being touched so much as her awareness of him and how nice it felt to have his fingers wrap around hers.

They walked down a cobbled street and Cassian stopped in front of a boutique. Lili followed his eyeline to a dress in the window. Slinky and shiny. Dark green. Straps with a deep vee and a cutout over one hip and a slit over one thigh. A dress like that filled her with equal parts awe and horror.

Cassian glanced at her. ‘You’d look good in that.’

Lili could feel heat rise, a mixture of desire and embarrassment. The thought of the sheer amount of skin on display…she shook her head. ‘No, really I wouldn’t. I’m too…big for a dress like that.’

To her relief, Cassian turned away and they continued walking, into the Piazza Duomo, a beautiful central square dominated by Como’s massive and impressive Cathedral.

They stopped at a restaurant on the corner of the square with lots of green foliage protecting the clients from passersby and prying eyes. Cassian was greeted like an old friend and they were led to a table that afforded views of the outside terrace and the piazza.

‘This is lovely,’ Lili remarked as the waiter took her napkin and flicked it open but before he could lay it on her lap and just as she realised what he was about to do and had started tensing up, Cassian had reached for it with a smile and took it, handing it to Lili when the slightly bemused-looking waiter walked away.

Cassian had nipped something in the bud before she’d even had a chance to realise that the waiter was going to invade her space like that, by placing the napkin across her lap. Lili felt shaken. But not in a bad way. Up until this moment, she realised that she’d never ever had anyone notice her fear or watch out for her, because of it.

It felt disconcerting. She forced herself to look at Cassian. ‘You must think I’m very strange.’

He took a sip of the wine that the waiter had poured. ‘No, not at all. We all have our…issues. Me having an obsession with cars and becoming a racing driver after watching my family die in a tragic accident is no less strange than your fear of being touched after whatever happened to you.’

Lili felt strangely comforted. ‘Maybe.’

The food arrived—local and seasonal—and Lili found that she felt pleasantly relaxed, eating and conversing with Cassian. He poured her some more wine after their main courses were taken away, saying, ‘I have to drive home.’

Lili might have protested but the truth was that she was enjoying the feeling of something tight unwinding inside her.

By the time they were walking back to the car she felt deliciously relaxed. The combination of the overload of adrenaline from earlier and then the wine at lunch. She wasn’t used to feeling so languorous.

It wasn’t surprising then that she fell asleep in the car on the way back and only woke up when her head jerked against Cassian’s shoulder as they came to a stop outside the villa.

She sat up. ‘I’m so sorry, I had no idea I was that tired.’

He remarked dryly, ‘It’s a long time since I put a woman to sleep without even touching her, thanks for the reality check.’

Lili’s face flamed as Cassian uncoiled himself gracefully from the car and came around to help her out. This time she put her hand in his without even thinking about it.

He said, ‘Coffee?’

She nodded. ‘Coffee would be good. I’ll make it.’

He shook his head. ‘You don’t have to, we have Eloisa.’ Who had just appeared as if summoned by a genie—exactly as Lili would have been doing if she were still housekeeper.

She smiled at the woman weakly and even though it went against the grain she said, ‘Could we have some coffee, please?’

Eloisa smiled. ‘Of course, Signora Corti, I’ll bring it out to the terrace, it’s a lovely evening.’

They went up to the terrace. The sun had set and the sky was fading from pink and oranges into dusk. Magic hour.

Eloisa appeared with coffees and some biscotti. Cassian said grazie and told her they wouldn’t need dinner as they’d had a late lunch. He looked at her after Eloisa left. ‘I’m sorry, I assumed you wouldn’t be hungry too.’

Lili took a sip of coffee and welcomed the return of clarity to her brain. This had had been an entirely unexpected day from that first very frank phone call with the doctor to the racetrack and lunch…

She shook her head. ‘No, it’s fine, I couldn’t eat again.’

‘It’s nice to see a woman enjoy her food.’

Lili tried to fight the blush of self-consciousness. ‘As you can see I’m not someone who is shy of food.’

‘You’re not overweight, Lili, by any stretch. You have a perfect figure. I think a lot of people, men and women have forgotten what a body looks like.’

‘Your body is…fine too.’ That was the understatement of the year. Lili was glad of the fading light hiding her hot cheeks. She hid behind the coffee cup.

Cassian said, ‘I’m lucky, I’ve always been into fitness, but it was very apparent early on that I didn’t have the right physique for racing…which only made me more determined to prove people wrong.’

‘Maybe you should have been a boxer.’ Lili could see him, bare-chested, in silk shorts, weaving around an opponent, muscles bunching and—

His voice cut off her vivid imagination. ‘That certainly could have been an option, it would have satisfied my need for danger and channelling anger.’

Lili shook her head. ‘I can’t imagine what it must have been like to lose everyone you loved at such a vulnerable time in your life.’

Cassian’s hand stopped en route to his mouth but then it continued, as if nothing had happened. He didn’t look her directly in the eye though. ‘It was what it was. It’s in the past now. We have more pertinent things to discuss than my tragic past.’ He did look at her now. ‘Specifically, our future.’

Lili’s insides clenched. ‘We do need to talk about this.’

Cassian put his cup down. ‘I’ve already told you, I find you very attractive, Lili. It would be no hardship to take you to bed.’

Lili found Cassian’s directness both shocking and a little thrilling. She wasn’t sure if she’d entirely believed him this morning when he’d told her he found her attractive.

But her body seemed to, her insides liquefying with a kind of heat that was totally new and alien. Exciting but also a little terrifying. He was looking at her so steadily. ‘You’re a beautiful woman.’

The platitude sank like a heavy weight inside her. Surely he said that to every woman? But in her case she knew it wasn’t true. She felt acutely self-conscious and a little disappointed that he was going to try and persuade her to consider going to bed with him. Had the whole day been a prelude to this? ‘You don’t have to say these things, they won’t work, I won’t change my mind.’

He shook his head. ‘I’m not trying to change your mind, I’m stating facts. And I’m curious…why do you hide yourself?’

Now Lili wanted to squirm. ‘I don’t like eyes on me.’ When she’d been kidnapped, she’d been blindfolded and so she’d felt the men’s eyes on her and it had made her skin crawl.

Her skin didn’t crawl when Cassian looked at her though. It got hot. Even if he might be trying to seduce her. The nascent suspicion that this man was doing something to heal those awful memories was a little overwhelming.

‘Do you mind me looking at you?’

Could he see right into her head? Was nothing she thought private anymore? She shook her head. ‘No… I don’t mind.’

‘You never really answered me earlier…do you find me attractive?’