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thirty

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Tony

When they put the team silver medal around my neck, I have to clench my jaw before I start crying like a baby. I’m not ashamed of crying. But once I start crying, I won’t stop, and nobody needs to take photographs for the international press with my face all blotchy and my eyes swollen. I’ll save that for the team party in a few hours.

With the fancy podium lights, I can’t see her, but I know Viv is in the crowd cheering me on.

I’ve placed into the event finals for my two best events. After a day off for rest, I’ll have the vault final competition, and then two days later will be the floor finals. However I do, wherever I place, I’ll have done my best.

All of this has reignited my fire for gymnastics. I thought I was done. I’m ready to move on to the next phase of my life. But I don’t think gymnastics is quite done with me .

I’m going to make a solid run at the Olympic team. If I don’t make it, I’ll walk away with my head held high. But if I make it… I’ll finish my fifteen years of elite competitive gymnastics at the pinnacle of my sport.

I’ve had a storybook career. Two—now three —World Championships team medals. Two World silver medals on vault and a bronze on floor. An Olympic bronze team medal. Not to mention the fistfuls of medals I’ve won over the years.

Athletes fight through adversity. It’s what we do. We do what we have to do. I like to think I’ve proven it to be true. Through working my ass off at my three jobs, taking care of my siblings, and generally figuring out who I am and what I stand for, I’ve been able to consistently perform with the best in the world. I’ve made it to the upper echelon.

After the official medal ceremony is over, the team gathers in our conference room at the hotel. The women’s gymnastics team is here as well—their team competition is tomorrow, and they’re poised to win gold for the umpteenth time in a row, but the Russians and Canadians are pulling close in qualification scores and Brazil and Romania aren’t far behind. It’ll be a good meet to watch, that’s for sure.

I make a beeline for Viv, who immediately wraps me in a hug.

“I love you,” I whisper in her ear. “Thank you for being here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she says.

She won’t always be able to be at all of my meets, just like I won’t be able to make it to all of her matches. Our schedules won’t always line up perfectly. I’ve already looked ahead at the calendar—her first match of the season is the same weekend as the Winter Cup, the men’s start of season competition.

But wherever we can, however we can, we’ll be there for each other. We’ll support each other.

Anxiety gnaws at my stomach when I think beyond next summer. It’s time to start applying to vet schools. I really don’t want to leave Boston, but if I have to… Will she come with me? That’s a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship. Especially considering how much her life will be changing without rugby in it…

I can’t borrow trouble. We’ll deal with that later, when it becomes more time sensitive. I don’t want to make it a problem before it needs to be.

Going through the retirement process with someone else, making all these big lifestyle adjustments with someone going through the exact same thing at the same time… I think it’ll make us stronger. From what my former teammates have all said, it’s not an easy process. Doing it together, I think we’ll be able to handle it. We can handle anything as long as we’re doing it together.

With Viv tucked under my arm, I introduce her to the athletes and the support staff she hasn’t met. Coach Jack greets her with a wide smile. Ross is less friendly—I’m guessing he remembers her dropping by the training facility.

There are a few guests of Team USA, people related to the team or associated with the sport.

I’m surprised when Viv greets Charlotte Kent with a happy smile. I’ve known Charlotte for years just from being involved in the highest echelon of the sport, but I didn’t realize they were friends. Then again, she was at the restaurant with that group last week.

“Congratulations,” Charlotte says with a pleased smile. She gives me a quick hug. “I thought something was up with you two the other night, but seeing you in person… I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’m happy for us too.” I press a kiss to Viv’s temple. “She’s pretty fantastic.”

Vivienne scoffs, lightly backhanding my chest, and I grab her hand and squeeze.

“You are.”

Her face flushes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I really think this new partnership is going to be good,” Charlotte continues. “Birdie is doing everything right.”

Oh. That’s their sponsor. Birdie Sportswear was hosting the dinner the other night.

“We’ll have to arrange a get together the week of the shoot,” Viv says. “I’d love to work with your She Can Fly campaign.”

Charlotte goes around the country talking about getting girls involved in sports. She’s a UNICEF ambassador, a Sports Illustrated cover model, and generally an all-around lovely person. She’s also fairly open about her history with an eating disorder. If there’s anyone Viv can lean on to navigate the post-rugby world, Charlotte would be an excellent ally.

“That would be great.” Charlotte gives her a genuine smile and my grumpy girlfriend beams.

We mingle throughout the room. Cari is deep in conversation with Brody’s girlfriend and Dylan’s boyfriend. My teammates are talking with some of the other athletes from the women’s, rhythmic, and mixed trampoline teams.

A wave of happiness settles over me. Being around all the people important to me… the only thing that would make it better would be if Al and my parents could be here, but I understand why they couldn’t make it. They’ve already texted their support and congratulations.

The job isn’t done. I’ve helped the team earn a medal, but now it’s time for me to do it on my own.