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fifteen

. . .

Viv

This is hard to say.

“You left,” I say quietly. “The morning after…”

He pauses. “I messaged you.”

My eyebrows go up. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah. I had to leave—I had to get to practice—but I sent you a DM on Instagram. I knew it was a long shot,” he adds. “But I was hoping you’d see it.”

“My socials are all locked down, especially that summer.” Anticipation flutters in my stomach. “You messaged me?”

“Yeah. I tried to find you at the Closing Ceremony, but there were too many people. And then we came back home and you were on the talk show circuit, and I had the tour, and…” He trails off. “I had fun. I wanted to do it again.”

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Have you lived in Boston all this time?” This is my fifth season with the Revolution; I’ve been here ever since.

He nods.

“Why haven’t you reached out again?”

Tony laughs. “Hello, stalker, much? It was a one-night stand three years ago. I didn’t want you to think I was some creep. You didn’t answer, I left it at that. I figured you weren’t interested.”

Disappointment flows through me. “I wish I’d known who you were.”

He blinks. “You didn’t remember me?”

Is that judgment in his voice?

“Not by name,” I admit. “I…”

His foot nudges mine under the table. He presses his shoe against mine.

“I woke up that morning, used and hungover, and decided to make some changes in my life. I haven’t had a drink since.” My eyes are on my coffee cup. I can’t bring myself to look at him, see the pity or derision on his face. I don’t think I’d be able to survive it if he looked at me with disgust.

Tony reaches across the table and tips my chin up.

“That’s something to be proud of,” he says quietly.

“Really?” My voice comes out in a croak.

“I’m proud of you,” he says seriously.

My heart skips a beat.

“Too many people have a problem and don’t let themselves address it. You did. You decided enough was enough and tackled it head on. That’s admirable.” His eyes hold mine. “I’m proud of you.”

I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that. Not necessarily from him , but in general. I don’t talk about the why I stopped drinking with most people. It’s personal, intertwined with our history. I don’t particularly enjoy being flayed alive with all my nerve endings exposed.

But with him… being vulnerable doesn’t feel like the worst thing in the world.

“I’ve tried to go to meetings, but they don’t—I don’t fit in there,” I admit. “They all talk about a higher power and for me… it didn’t click.”

“So you’ve just been white-knuckling it ever since?” His mouth turns up in a half-smile.

“Something like that.” I don’t consider myself an addict or an alcoholic. I was perfectly capable of stopping. “I didn’t like the person I became when I drank.”

Tony reaches out and knocks his cup of tea against my coffee cup. “I like the person you are now.”

All the air whooshes out of me. “You do?”

He nods, and though his smile is casual, there’s a tension in his shoulders that makes me curious as to its cause.

“I didn’t like that you hated me. When Cari joined the Revolution, I hoped our paths would cross again.”

My face falls at the mention of his sister. “They did.”

He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing in the thick column of his throat. “Do you still hate me?”

Not as much as I hate myself.

“The animosity has decreased lately.” I offer him an over-the-top cheesy smile.

Tony barks out a laugh. “Good. I’m glad.”

“I went out with Al last night.” I say the words in a rush. “Well, not out , out, we were at the same place at the same time and we hung out.”

His eyebrows go up. “I know.”

“He told you?” My stomach sinks. Here I was hoping to navigate this sibling thing easily…

“I saw the photos Cari posted online,” he says, glancing away.

“Oh.”

“Do you… are you and him…” He trails off. “If you wanted to date him, I’d understand. He’s a catch.”

Shaking my head, I wait for him to meet my eyes. “There’s nothing there.”

“Because you were supposed to go out with him,” Tony adds quickly. “So I’d get it if?—”

“There’s only one Gonzales sibling that interests me,” I tell him. My heart pounds rapid-fire.

His eyes dart to mine, then away again. “Cari, then?”

“Not your sister.”

This time, when his rich brown eyes meet mine, there’s a quiet vulnerability shining in their depths.

“I’m sorry for being a dick to you when we first met,” I say quietly. “I was hurt. Seeing you again… it brought up a lot of bad memories, things I hadn’t properly dealt with.”

“And have you?” he asks. “Dealt with them?”

“I’m working on it,” I admit. “I’d like a do-over.”

Slowly, a brilliant smile spreads across his face. “Hey. I’m Tony. It’s nice to see you again.” He holds his hand out for a shake.

“I’m Viv.” Sliding my hand into his feels like coming home.

Tony flips my hand over, tracing his thumb over my palm. “Vivienne.”

I shake my head. “No. Call me Viv.”

To my surprise, he presses a kiss to my palm. “You’ve always been Vivienne to me.”

My breath catches.

Then Tony grimaces. “I don’t have a lot of free time, but I’d like to take you out. Properly, this time.”

“I can make that happen. Cari said you work in the North End?”

He nods. “Yeah. Between there, the shelter, and training, I don’t have a lot of time for myself, much less for another person.”

“How did you get started at the shelter?” When he pauses, I add in quickly: “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I’ve been volunteering there since high school,” Tony finally says. “I want to go to vet school.”

“That’s awesome!”

His small smile is pained. “Yeah, well, in order to do that, I need to retire.”

Oh.

“There’s no way to do gymnastics while you’re in school?”

He shakes his head. “It takes up too much time. And my body’s giving up on me.” His lips quirk into a half-smile. “I’ve already decided to retire after I turn thirty.”

“Oh? When’s that?”

“March. They’ll name next summer’s Olympic team at the national championships in June, but I don’t know if I’m going to push for that,” Tony admits quietly. “I just…”

I glance around the coffee shop, but nobody is paying attention to us. “After the Olympics next summer, I’m done,” I tell him, just as quietly.

As long as I stay healthy and keep to my regular standard of play, I’m a shoo-in for the team, or so Alycia says. I’m certainly not ready to be done entirely. I want one more chance to prove my worth and bring that gold medal home. If I fail, I fail, but I’ll have done it knowing I’ve given the sport my all.

His eyes snap to mine.

“My contract with the Revolution expires at the end of the season and I’m not going to renew it. I’ve already decided I want to move on to something new.” I laugh awkwardly. “I don’t know what it’ll be yet, just that it’ll be something different.”

Tony gulps loudly. “I’m guessing this isn’t public knowledge.”

I shake my head. “Only my agent knows. I haven’t told the team or my friends. I haven’t even told my family.”

His mouth moves wordlessly for a few moments. “Thank you for your trust in me. I won’t share this with anyone.”

“I know you won’t.” I’m not sure how I know, just that I do.

Me and him, we’re two sides of the same coin. On the precipice of change, the world is open to us, and it feels so fucking daunting to know I can do anything I want to. Maybe I’ll travel the world, maybe I’ll stay put, maybe I’ll move across the country. There’s no limit to what I can do.

Tony’s phone buzzes with an alarm, and he grimaces as he goes to silence it.

“I have to get to work,” he says, disappointment in his voice.

I glance at my watch, surprised how three hours have flown by. It feels like we just sat down, but we’ve been talking forever. It’s surprisingly easy to talk to him. He’s not the asshole I thought he was. Maybe I was too quick to judge.

“Thanks for meeting with me.”

He gives me a crooked smile. “Maybe we could do this again?”

My stomach flutters. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll call you,” he says. He unlocks his phone and hands it to me to punch in my number. I call myself so I have his number too. “How does Monday night work?”

“Wow. You really mean it.” Even though I knew he was interested, I didn’t think he’d actually go so far as to make plans right away. I thought I’d have to work for it a little more.

His dark eyes are bright when he grins at me, softening his features. “I don’t want you to change your mind.”

“I won’t,” I promise. “Monday night is great.”

Tony leans into my personal space and I get a whiff of his spicy sandalwood scent. He presses a soft kiss on my cheek.

“I can’t wait.”