Page 23

twenty-three

. . .

Viv

I’m in trouble. Big trouble.

Waking up in Tony’s arms has quickly become my favorite thing. It’s been a week since our first sleepover and he’s spent the night four more times. He comes over after his shift at the steakhouse, fucks me senseless, then pulls me into his arms and holds me until I fall asleep.

The worst part? Every morning, I expect him to be long gone, just like our first time together.

The best part? Every morning, he’s right there beside me, holding me close.

No matter how many times he says he’ll be beside me, I can’t help expecting for him to leave and leave me disappointed again. How am I supposed to trust that he means it this time?

Slowly, I pull myself from his arms and slide out of the bed. After I pull on one of his T-shirts and make a quick stop to brush my teeth, I turn on the coffeemaker and start pulling out supplies for breakfast. He has training this morning, same as I do. They’re supposed to announce the Worlds team any day now. I think I’m more anxious about the team selection than he is. I want him to be picked. I want him to succeed at the highest echelon of his sport.

The coffeemaker whirs and drips slowly, flooding the apartment with the heavenly aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Tony emerges from my bedroom as I’m dicing up some fruit, his hair a mess. His eyes droop sleepily as he approaches, tugging me into his arms and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. He tastes minty fresh, the spicy sandalwood of his soap enveloping me. I can’t get enough as I bury my face in his neck and inhale, rubbing my cheek against his skin like a cat.

“Good morning,” he says, his voice rough and sleep-hoarse. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mm. You tired me out.” He ate me out on the sofa for what felt like hours before flipping me onto my hands and knees and fucking me until I screamed. I’ve already gotten a text from my downstairs neighbor congratulating me on finding a new boyfriend and asking that we keep it down.

Tony wears a self-satisfied smile as I continue slicing strawberries. He swipes one from the cutting board and I bare my teeth at him. His laugh and cheeky grin warm me to my core.

“I’ve got to run,” he says.

“You want a shake?” I’ve got about fifty varieties of protein powder in my cupboard, courtesy of Pump It Up Protein. He still hasn’t signed the contract with them—or with Alycia for representation. I’m not sure what the holdup is, but I don’t want to pressure him.

“Nah. I’ll make one at home. I’ve got to check on Shadow.”

“Is she okay?”

He pauses. “I hope so. Cari is looking after her. She has some separation anxiety, but I’m worried my being gone all the time isn’t helping. Taking her back and forth to the shelter stresses her out, but I don’t want to leave her alone all day long, either. I wasn’t expecting to fall into a relationship immediately after adopting her.”

“Do you want to bring her here?” I don’t know the first thing about kitty-proofing my place, but for him, I’ll gladly do it.

Tony shakes his head. “At my place, there’s a better chance of one of the three of us being able to look after her. We’re in and out all day. I don’t want to chain you down.”

“Hey, I might like that,” I tease.

Laughing, he swipes another strawberry from the board, this time bringing it to my lips. I suck it into my mouth, my tongue flicking against his fingertips in the process. His breath hitches and his pupils expand.

“You’d be up for that?”

Being chained up? I’ve never considered it before. I’ve never really experimented with the kink scene. As much as I like reading about it in books, I’ve never found a guy I trusted enough to let loose with.

I trust Tony. It terrifies me how much I trust him. But I know he’s the type of guy to treat me right, to be mindful of my limits and check on me.

“I’m up for anything once.” I shrug. “I reserve the right not to enjoy it.”

“If you don’t like it, we don’t have to…”

“We’ll never know unless we try.” Turning in the circle of his arms, I wrap mine around his neck. “What else are you into? Any secret fantasies I should be aware of?”

His face goes pink. “Nope. Nothing.”

Oh, he’s definitely hiding something. I bet it’s dirty. I can’t wait.

I can’t hide my smile as I kiss him. “So you don’t want to go to a sex shop together?”

Tony chokes.

“We can look into toys we can use on each other. Maybe some flavored lube?”

“Whatever you want,” he says, his voice strangled.

“Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?” I tilt my head as I study him. With how enthusiastic he’s been thus far, I didn’t peg him as a prude.

Mm. Pegging. I’d love to peg him . I’ve never done it before, but like they say, there’s a first time for everything.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested in toys,” he says. “Most women…” He winces, as if he’s recognizing that bring up whatever past he has with whoever they were might not be what I want to hear.

I have a past. So does he. I don’t care about his history or who he’s been with as long as he’s not with anyone else now.

“I’m not them. Our sex life is between us and nobody else.” Running my hand through his hair, he arches into my touch. “If you don’t want to play with toys, we don’t have to. But it could be fun.”

He swallows loudly, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Fuck. Why is that so hot?

“Maybe… we can look online? Especially not with the recent media attention, I don’t know that I’m ready to step foot in a store.”

“It’s a date.” I peck him on the lips.

He doesn’t let me get far, kissing me again. His tongue licks into my mouth, teasing mine. He tastes like strawberries with an undercurrent of his unique flavor. I can’t get enough of him.

His phone alarm slices through the air, puncturing the moment. With a sigh, he slips away, giving me one last kiss before he pulls back. I watch the muscles in his bare back flex as he retreats to my bedroom, returning a few moments later dressed in his clothes. If I had it my way, he’d be naked all the time.

“I’m at the shelter this afternoon,” he says, then stops.

I wait for him to continue. He doesn’t.

“Do you want to do something after?” I ask.

He swallows. “Maybe… you could come over to my place? My siblings will be home, Al doesn’t have a game and Cari’s always there, but maybe…”

“I’d love to.”

I want his siblings to like me. I’m fairly certain Cari does, she can’t stop beaming at me every chance she gets, and I think I won Al over that night at the bar. But being a friendly acquaintance in public is different from being their brother’s girlfriend. If we keep hiding away in my apartment and never going out or being around other people, we run the risk of this imploding before it ever really gets started.

It’s easy to put on a mask and pretend. It’s harder to be real with people watching. If this isn’t going to work out, if I’m too much for him, I’d rather find out sooner rather than later.

He says he’s not going anywhere. He says I’m worth it. But what if he changes his mind? I want to trust him, I really do. I just don’t know how to.