Page 27

twenty-seven

. . .

Viv

Kiana takes one look at me in the locker room and bursts out laughing.

“What?” I ask, turning to look behind me. There’s nobody else there.

“Damn, girl,” my so-called best friend says. “You got laid .”

My face heats. “Shut up.”

“You’re covered in love bites,” Grace chimes in. “I’d ask if he tried to eat your entire face, but I’m seeing the proof right now.”

“Oh, he ate plenty,” I blurt, then cover my face. “I didn’t say that.”

Cari is across the locker room, getting ready for the day. She shakes her head and smiles.

“You didn’t have to hear it,” she chimes in. “I thought my earplugs and white noise machine would be enough. They weren’t.”

“I’m sorry ,” I tell her for the third time.

When I came downstairs for breakfast this morning, Al gave me a sarcastic round of applause and Cari wouldn’t meet my eyes. Tony looked proud of himself, the fucker.

“Our Viv is a little loud, huh?” Kiana grins. “Never would have guessed.”

“I’m scarred for life,” Cari says as she rolls her eyes and smiles.

“Okay, but have you seen him?” I ask the girls. “He’s hot as fuck.”

“I’m glad he’s treating you well,” Grace says, slapping my back. “If anyone deserves a little bit of happiness, it’s you, Cap. You know you’re allowed to relax and have fun sometimes, right?”

“Relax? What’s that?” I joke.

Between rugby, working on endorsements, and taking care of my physical health, I don’t have much time for fun . My monthly get together with my book club is sometimes the only time I get to take a load off. I don’t know the last time I took the time for a bubble bath.

Kiana frowns. “You need to take time for yourself too. You can’t always put the rest of us ahead.”

“I’ll try.” My promise is empty and we all know it.

Although with Tony going away for a few weeks… Now is as good a time as any to practice some self-care.

He leaves tomorrow for the Netherlands and the competition. The time difference isn’t terrible—it’s not like he’s going to Australia, where they hosted the competition last year—but it’s the first time we’ll be apart for more than twenty-four hours since we started dating.

It hasn’t been very long, but I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping beside him every night. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. It’s crazy how quickly I’ve become addicted to him.

And it’s more than the sex. Yeah, that’s great. He’s always attentive, always makes sure my pleasure is a priority. I never feel uncomfortable or unappreciated.

The way he supports me—emotionally, yes, but also with my goals, with pushing myself to be better, to do better. He works himself to the bone, but he’s never made me feel like I’m not important. He’s made clear that he values me and wants me in his life. I wish I could show him how important he is to me.

The team gathers on the pitch for training. For once, I’m on top of things. I play some of the best rugby of my life in our scrimmage. And after, when we hit the weights room, I feel like I can achieve anything.

“So you’re coming with us, right?” Kiana says, slinging her arm around my shoulders as we head back to the locker room.

“Going where?”

“The cute new diner down the road,” Grace chimes in.

“Sure, I can do that.”

Tony’s at the shelter for another few hours, helping the vet tech with a bunch of immunizations. It’s not like I have anything else on my agenda for the day.

After a refreshing shower, I put on clean clothes and throw my wet hair into a quick braid before gathering with the rest of the girls. There are seven of us going for a late lunch.

I meant it when I told Cari these girls are my sisters. They’re my family. Things have been a bit different lately, but just because I have a boyfriend now doesn’t mean I’m not wholly devoted to them. To us.

While I’m thinking about it, I pull out my phone and send a quick “hi, I’m alive” to my siblings’ group chat. Chuck and Perry use it mostly to taunt each other, Bradley almost never responds, Janine never has her phone on her, and Frankie will send memes and gifs in response to every single question she’s asked.

It feels like the responsibility falls on my shoulders to moderate it, to make sure everyone’s okay. My therapist says that’s an oldest child trait and not particularly healthy. It’s not my job to ensure everyone else is eating right and training hard and feeling comfortable in their skin. It’s not bad to care about them; but it’s not my responsibility to manage their lives for them. I have to let them live and either thrive or fail on their own. It’s hard. I want to protect my little siblings, even though they’re all adults who can take care of themselves.

Knowing Tony is the same way… I feel a little guilty for stealing him away from his siblings the last two weeks. They don’t get much time together and I’ve been hoarding him for myself.

I enjoyed our dinner and a movie last night. As long as they’re okay with having me there, I’ll make sure we split our time a little more evenly between our places. I don’t want them to resent me for taking him away from them.

Lunch goes a long way toward refilling my energy tank. I didn’t realize how much I needed this social time with my girls. Thankfully, there’s more interesting conversation than my sex life.

Kiana is worried about her aging grandfather, who recently had a bad fall. Grace and her wife had a fight. And to my surprise, Cari tells us she’s having difficulty adjusting to the new team dynamic.

“It’s not that I don’t love you guys,” she adds quickly. “I just… I was at school for four years. I knew those girls like I knew myself. And now I don’t have that support network or the structure to my day. I’m just… I’m struggling.”

Reaching across the table, I take her hand in mine. “We’ll help you get through this.”

“What can we do to help?” Kiana adds.

Practice times fluctuate throughout the week. It’s not set it stone; each week is different, and it will only get worse when we start adding games to our schedule. It’s not like we can change the externalized structure for her. She has to come up with a system that works for her.

Cari swallows. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” I tell her. “You don’t have to figure it out all at once. It’s okay to trial and error.”

She buries her face in her hands. To my horror, she bursts into tears.

“I’m just so overwhelmed. I don’t know if I can do this.”

I’m out of my seat in an instant. Rounding the table, I pull her into my arms, and she buries her face in my neck. She clings to me, shaking like a leaf as she cries.

“I can’t do this.”

And at that moment, Tony walks into the diner. He stops short at the sight of his sister crying.

“What’s wrong?” His voice is thunderous, his features hard and sharp.

Cari sobs.

“It’s okay,” I rub her back soothingly, trying to block out the way he’s glaring daggers at me. “You don’t have to figure it all out at once.”

“I should know by now.”

“No. Don’t think like that.” My hands on her shoulders, I draw her back until our eyes meet. “There’s no timeline that says you have to know everything exactly as it’s supposed to be for the rest of your life. You’re allowed to change and grow, and you’re allowed space to consider everything. Just because it’s hard right now doesn’t mean it always will be. And just because something is easy for one person doesn’t mean it’s not difficult for everyone else.”

A tear trails down her cheek.

“It’s okay to not be okay,” I tell her quietly. “It’s okay to seek help. And it’s okay to work through things on your own.”

“I just want…” Cari sighs. “I don’t know what I want. I want to know what I want.”

Letting out a small laugh, I tug her into a hug. “I feel that. I think we’ve all been there at one point or another.”

“I just don’t like feeling this way.” She rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand. “It feels… itchy. Like there’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I tell her seriously. “And whatever you’re struggling with—you have a whole team to support you. There’s a whole squad ready to do battle for you. Even if that battle is within yourself.”

Cari swallows, rubbing at her eyes again. “Sorry for being a big ol’ crybaby.”

“Girl, please.” Grace gets up and joins us, wrapping her arm around Cari’s shoulders. “I started crying last week because I finished my can of protein powder. If anything, I’m the crybaby.”

“I cried when I got my period,” Andi adds. “I freaking hate wearing tampons. I’ve been getting my period for twenty years and I still cry every fucking month.”

Cari gives a teary laugh. “I cry when I get my period too. Though usually it’s out of relief.”

Andi grins at her. “See? We’re twins.”

Gently, I steer her back to her chair. “You’ll be okay,” I tell her. “We’ve got your back. On the field and off.”

I chance a glance at Tony’s face. He still has that hard set to his jaw, but his eyes are softening.

Behind him are Brody and another guy. Probably one of his teammates. I think I recognize him from the gym last week. I don’t know; I only had eyes for one gymnast.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Cari asks her brother.

“Vivienne invited me.” He steps forward and kisses the top of her head. “You’re okay?” His voice is gruff.

“I will be,” she says with a sniff.

“Hold on,” Kiana interrupts. “You call her Vivienne ?”

“It’s her name,” he says, glaring at her.

Brody pulls up two chairs, the third guy grabbing another.

Tony settles beside me, his arm sliding around my shoulders. His fingers on my chin, he tilts my head to kiss me.

All the tension coiled tight inside of me evaporates. There are times I have to be strong and capable, but when I’m with him, I don’t feel the weight of that responsibility on my shoulders. I feel like I can breathe, like I only have to worry about taking care of myself and not everyone around me.

“Viv,” Brody says. “Nice to see you again.”

“You too.”

“I’m Dylan,” the other guy says, offering his hand for a shake. “I don’t think we’ve had a chance to chat. I really like what you’ve done the last few weeks.”

“Oh?”

“The big grump has a heart,” he teases. “It’s nice to see him smile.”

Tony glowers at him, so I smile enough for the both of us.

“I like it too.”

The girls go around and introduce themselves. A few of them met Brody when he and Tony dropped by practice, but the guys didn’t linger.

And now that I know it was all a ploy for Tony to ask me out… yeah, I’m not upset about that in the slightest.

It’s nice for our friends and teammates to mingle. I hope they all get along. It’s as important to me as Tony’s siblings and my siblings getting along. These girls are my sisters too.

My boyfriend tightens his arm around me and steals a sweet potato fry off my plate. He goes to pop it into his mouth when, at the last moment, he detours and offers it to me instead. My smile stretches wide across my face as I let him feed me.

“You’re disgusting,” Grace says with a grin.

“Disgustingly happy, maybe,” Kiana chimes in.

“You’re right about that,” I tell them.

With a laugh, I lean into Tony and he kisses my temple. I don’t know a time I’ve ever been so happy.