Page 8 of Ruarc
RUARC
Holding her this close to me is a pleasure and torture all at the same time.
I do not want her, or that is what I tell myself every time I catch myself leaning down to sniff her hair.
This mate collar feels heavy against my neck and is slowly strangling me.
Unlike Einar and Slavic’s marking, mine has not moved down my body to mark my chest or back.
The collar sits upon my neck and shoulders like a boulder weighing me down.
When she extracted her sire’s signet ring from that wall, I barely stopped myself from falling to my knees, begging her to forgive me and all my doubts.
No one must tell me I am an idiot; I am fully aware of the mess I have put myself in.
However, even though I have been having moments of weakness, I refuse to acknowledge this bond.
The pain I am experiencing now is mild compared to what it would be if she decided to break a sealed mate bond.
I have seen strong warriors fade away like dust in the wind when they lost their mates.
I will not allow myself to become that vulnerable to anyone or anything.
My life is controlled by me, not by the gods who abandoned my family or a female with tortured amber eyes.
I watch her walk around the field, grabbing the ripe berries off the vines, eating them quickly as she passes. Although half the size she should be, and clearly malnourished, Kallen has never asked for anything extra.
I hang my head in shame. Of course she would not ask.
If I have heard nothing else this entire time, it is that she does not see herself as worthy.
As her mate, I should have provided better for her instead of running because this is not what I wanted.
If I had done my duty she would be stronger right now; instead, a stiff wind could blow her away.
Growling, I grab my head. ‘ Stop this …’ I practically yell at myself.
Kallen is not your mate! She is a grown female who has been through a terrible ordeal, but she is not yours to take care of.
The only reason you are so drawn to her is because of this frackin mate collar.
Then my mind whispers, ‘ If that is the case, why as a youngling did you stand on the wall above the settlement trying to get a glimpse of her when you knew her family was out among our people? Why did you follow her actions on the local holo comms? Your eyes have always sought her out. You are a fool.’ A voice calling my name snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Ruarc, Ruarc, are you alright?”
“Yes, sorry. I was lost in the past there for a moment. Are you done here? We need to catch up with Slavic before darkness falls.”
Kallen does not say anything else, but I can see the worry and fatigue all over her face as she walks toward me. Stepping up on the disk my arms reach for her once again, and for a moment, I allow myself to enjoy the feel of her in my arms before I activate the device.
I do not rush to the location my comm unit is showing for Slavic and his mate.
I take my time looking around at the planet that protected my people while we were trapsing across the stars, searching for the next heist or something to steal to survive.
The woodlands before us harbor giant, dark-skinned trees with large canopies that oddly do not touch.
It is like they each have their own space to grow in.
The grasses are tall, yet soft to the touch with red feathery plants growing between boulders that look like they have been randomly placed.
Kallen stands between my feet stiffly but trembling slightly.
Her strength and determination to survive are humbling, especially with all that she has been through.
The fact that she is not comforted in my arms bothers me more than I want to admit, and it seems as if my mind and heart are once again in a battle, and before I realize it, my thoughts are rolling out of my mouth.
“When we came down last rising, we were so focused on what we were not finding that we did not even stop to realize we were planetside. It has been lunar rotations since I stepped foot on solid ground. Several times already, I have felt clumsy, as if my legs were having a hard time adjusting to the planet’s gravitational pull.
Deapra is quite lovely. I do not believe I have ever seen ground coverings or wooded areas in this green color, nor a sky that changes colors the way this one does.
” I feel her sigh wearily, but my words do exactly what I wanted them to do.
She relaxes back against me slightly as my hands rest upon her hips to keep her steady as we continue to move forward through the surrounding wilderness.
“When the darkness forms fully, the tree canopies collapse, tucking their branches tightly against their large trunks. The dirt below our feet also transforms into what Edie calls ‘mushrooms’. The spores they let off dance in the air, catching the light off the moons above, making them look like little sparks frolicking in the air all around us.”
“Are there any predators I need to be concerned about?”
“There are a few Uana’s in the area, but that is the only thing I have seen.
Some of the scouts have reported herbivores grazing next to the mountains, but I have never ventured that far.
The planet does not seem to support much wildlife, but I believe that is because it is technically still terraforming.
You will see signs of that this darkness.
We do not know who originally seeded the planet for possible future use.
However, the lake over that rise is what sustained us in the beginning before we were able to get the fields planted.
It is rich in aquatic life, crustaceans, and tubers that flourish in its salty waters. ”
“Then why the need for scouts?”
“Your mam … she taught us never to let our guard down.
We knew the Aynar would always be hunting for us, and there are only so many planets behind the veil on which to hide.
We were all terrified when the cargo ship crashed here with almost everyone on edge, convinced that they would find us within the rising.
Anything we could use as a weapon, we gathered and watched the skies.
All of us were willing to die before being retaken.
As rotation after rotation passed without any sign of them or anyone else, we held a meeting and decided to see this as a new beginning, a blessing from the Gods. So, we started rebuilding.
But without your mam’s guidance, I have no idea what would have happened to us. I think the fact that we all needed her helped push her through the loss of your sire, and I am sure Atasha’s birth and consequent needs took place over her own.”
“I cannot believe I have a sister out there somewhere. Does she know of us?”
“Absolutely, your mam speaks of you all regularly. But I have seen her spend many a darkness sitting next to the falls, staring up at the sky. Even though she never confided in me, I think she knew you would all come one rising.”
Without noticing, I had let my guard down and lost track of time, while we were talking. As I notice the shifting light in the sky, I glance down at my comm unit and locate Slavic, who is only a few meters ahead of me, apparently stopped.
“I thought we would have more time to explore, but it appears darkness comes quickly on Deapra.”
“Shortened risings signal the approach of the cold season.
The darkness is much longer than the light at that time.
After the crash, many could not be moved, either physically or mentally as most were healing.
When the first cold season hit, we all crammed together inside the cargo hold of the ship, sharing our warmth, trying to make the rations stretch as we had no extra clothing or ways to protect ourselves from the cold.
The older Ruk Orc I told you that passed …
Zauz, he snuck off one darkness, only to return two risings later with a sack full of sea life and greens.
He lost a toe from the cold and limped for the rest of his existence, but his sacrifice kept us all from starving.
After that, anyone who ventured out was better provided for as we tore every strip of fabric we could find off chairs or anything that had survived in the ship to clothe them.
It was a tough time, but we all made it through.
Most of us were grateful to have escaped with our lives from the Aynar.
If we had perished from the cold or the trip here, at least it would have been on our terms, not theirs. ”
“How many of you are there? I have been so focused on mam and our sister, that I did not take the time to think about the others who escaped.”
“Initially, and to be honest, this is just conjecture, I believe there were thirty, maybe a few more. Between the crash and the ill health of a few before and after, there are only fifteen adults and three younglings left from Viri 9. But we also have five from the planet Earth.”
“Ruby and Rowan’s Earth?”
“Yes, we are not the only ones who found their way here. There are other females from the sisters’ home planet living among us.”
“Do Rowan and Ruby know there are others of their kind here?”
“No, in all of this it had slipped my mind. I do not think I ever imagined I would return here, to be honest.”
“You will have plenty of time to inform them, as we will bunk down with Slavic and Ruby this darkness. That smoke up ahead on the mountaintop is where Slavic has stopped. We will rest and start fresh with the rising light.”