Page 21 of Ruarc

RUARC

The shuttle’s ramp closes behind me, and the silence inside its walls feels ominous. I nearly turn around and go back to the compound, but I am just delaying the inevitable. Instead, I head to the helm.

“Zenith, this is Ruarc. Bikar, you better start answering or I would not want to be you when Slavic gets a hold of you.”

“A little busy up here right now, so be a good brother and distract him for a few rotations.”

Bikar’s voice abruptly fills the shuttle as he barks out that irreverent reply.

I try several more times to reconnect with the Zenith, but I get nothing back but static.

Exhausted mentally and physically, I get up and head toward the sleeping quarters, pulling one of the bunks out of the wall.

Plopping down, I await the rising and the arrival of Einar and Falon.

I overheard them mention when we were eating earlier, that they would relieve Murgul and Bikar at first light, so they too could reconnect with mam.

I must have dozed off because the sound of the ramp lowering startles me.

Swinging my legs over the side, I push myself up then head to the refresher, only to feel the engines fire up under my feet before I have completed my morning ablutions.

We are lifting off the ground just as I walk into the helm area.

“What the frack, Ruarc? What are you doing here? How the frack did you get out of the compound without the ramp code?”

“I did not know I needed your permission to return to the Zenith, Falon. And just because I am not as talented as you with technology, I am smart enough to watch you recoded it. I am not fond of being trapped anywhere.”

“Hmmm, well that explains several things. You were always a sneaky fracker. Anyway, I know you have always been a prick, but I cannot believe how frackin selfish you are, or that you would willingly throw away a blessing like a mate bond. I would have given my left sack to have mated with one of the humans, but for some reason, I was not blessed. But you, you were handed our princess. Frack, Ruarc … agghh, never mind! I am wasting my breath on you since we all know how stubborn you are when you make up your mind about something. If this serum does not kill her, she will probably be better off without your hatefulness, you ass!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Where have you been this past darkness? Kallen is missing, and after what I overheard last rising, she is probably lying dead somewhere. And if that is the case, then her death is on you.”

Alarm fills me, and I yank him out of the chair, dangling his large form off the ground. “Start talking!”

“Why?! We all know you were going to leave her anyway, so why does it matter now?”

“I will not ask again, Falon.”

“Alright, let me go, you stupid fracker.” I lower him to the ground but maintain my hold on him.

“Last rising, I went to find mam and accidentally came upon her and Kallen talking in one of the empty rooms. Kallen was telling mam that she remembered the ingredients needed to make a serum that would supposedly set you free from the mate bond.

I almost walked off to give them some privacy until I heard her tell mam that it could kill her.

Mam was upset with Kallen but made her promise to wait until after the celebration.

I am sure she was hoping that the others being excited to see her would change her mind, but then both of you went missing.

No one worried about it because we thought you had finally come to your senses. I had no idea you were hiding here.

Atasha was completely inconsolable when I left, even after mam reassured her that Kallen was probably not in her room, because she was with you.

Mam promised her that if Kallen did not show up to break her fast, they would start looking for her.

I downloaded the compound’s complete layout for Slavic and Einar before I left, just in case.

I am sure by now they are tearing the place apart trying to find her. ”

My knees hit the ground as I gasp for air, the collar around my neck suddenly smothering me.

A flicker of light dances in my vision, and then I see Kallen lying in a puddle of water, barely breathing.

All the feelings I have pushed away — the yearning and longing for her — hit me all at once, and my hearts spasm.

Rearing back from the pain, I realize that even though the odds are against us, I cannot fight this anymore, and if she is still alive, I will do whatever it takes to convince her to be mine.

If she is not, I will chase her through the afterlife. “Get me to the compound!!”

“What?”

“Do whatever you have to do, but do it quick, Falon!” He returns to the captain’s seat, his fingers moving rapidly over the console as I fight to get air back into my lungs.

My hearts shudder, and I can feel her breath like it is my own, each shallow inhalation weaker than the last. A bright light dances before me, and I see my future without her.

I am on my knees before a funeral pyre, screaming as my brothers try to stop me from flinging myself into the flames to be with her.

I watch as I become an angry shell of a male who strikes out at everyone, jumping headfirst into battle, doing my best to get killed so that I can end this endless longing and regret.

Watching my future unfold, my mind breaks. I scream her name into the heavens, and the monster within me is freed. Falon lifting me off the ground has me jerking, and I look up at my brother. “Come on, get your ass up, you are too frackin’ big for me to carry.”

Surging upward, my strength returns in such a rush that I must grab the wall to steady myself.

Gratitude so deep I could kiss my brother fills me the moment the ramp lowers because he has landed us right in front of the compound.

I can hear Atasha’s cries from here, and I run toward her and the others.

I see Slavic holding her small form just as I step inside.

Instantly, I am bombarded by people blocking my way as I try to push toward the back hall where I know Kallen is, only moments from fading away.

When another person grabs my arm, I lose control and roar, “ MOVE !” Everyone except mam and my brothers instantly backs away, freezing in place as I run forward.

I hear Slavic yell my name, but I have no time to explain. “Gods of Ruk, please do not show me the error of my ways and then allow me to be too late to make this right.”

Even though the hall turns pitch black, the small flicker of light in front of me provides just enough illumination to navigate through the deep caverns.

When my feet start splashing through water, I realize I am close, and I reach out with my senses, searching for the pull I have ignored all this time.

I can hear faint, heavy footsteps behind me just as I find the doorway hiding the oasis.

Running through the mist, it feels as though I am suddenly moving in slow motion.

Kallen is no longer on the ground; she is sitting up, with the open vial to her lips.

I see the liquid edging toward her mouth, and I bellow, “ NOOOOOO!” The flicker of light bursts forward, and I swear it is like an invisible force knocks the vial out of her hand.

A tic later, I have her safely in my arms.

“ Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I keep saying it over and over while I gather her close.

I can feel her body trembling in my arms as a few hushed voices sound around us.

After a few moments, I hear them all leave, but I am so focused on Kallen that everything else seems to be in a haze.

“Please tell me that not a drop of the serum passed your lips.”

“Why? Why Ruarc … why did you stop me? I cannot take this anymore. Please let me do this for you, for us. Let me free you from myself and the guilt that made you come running to my side. Death is preferable to forcing this unwanted bond on you. I am tired … so very, very tired of the fight to survive, of trying to fit in, to be what everyone wants me to be. I do not want to do this anymore.”

“NOOO!! No, Kallen! I know I am a selfish, worthless male, but I refuse to live in a world without you. I Do Not Deserve You! I know this to be fact. I have pushed you away without explaining all the reasons why, but despite my efforts to make you hate me, here we are. You were willing to sacrifice yourself, your very spirit, in this life and the next to free me, and I am not worthy of that. Please tell me I am not too late!”

“Too late for what?”

“This!” My lips crash upon hers, swallowing her gasp of surprise as I pull her into my lap and off the floor.

I do not know how to be gentle as I fight against the need to possess her completely.

Her lips are hot against my own, and even though she is hesitant at first, Kallen meets me with the same intensity.

The taste of her robs me of all senses as I pull her precious form closer, mindful of my claws on her delicate skin.

Pulling back, I lean my forehead against hers, breathing her in. “Kallen, before we go any further, there are things I need to tell you. When I am done, if you still want to break this bond, I will take the serum myself and free you from the evil inside me that you know nothing about.”

Her small hand cups my cheek and I lean back, gazing into her bright amber eyes.

“I already know Ruarc. Do not ask me how, but I know of the power you work so hard to control and contain. What you do not realize is … it does not manipulate you now. You conquered it rotations ago; you simply doubt yourself.”

“No, it is more than me simply being an ass or stubborn Kallen; it is much worse than that. I have the power to control others, to bend them to my will … the Aynar did something to me. Something I had no idea of until I was no longer under their control. It is evil, and there are times I must fight the urge to use it to bend others to my will. I am not a good male.”

“Ruarc, before you say another word, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you care nothing for me, that you are only here because you feel as if you have a certain duty to perform.”

“I cannot do that, Kallen. As much as I wanted to feel nothing, you have wormed your way under my skin, and now the very thought of you not being near tears me apart. The moment Slavic put you in my arms, I was doomed to love you; even though the gods know I fought it hard enough. I know there is no forgiveness for the things I have done these past few risings, but if you will give me a chance, I will spend the rest of them doing everything I can to make those awful memories fade into ones of nothing but happiness and contentment. You will never be alone or lonely again as long as I can hold you in my arms, but there are still things we need to discuss.”

The moment I stop blocking our mate bond, I can literally see Kallen’s strength returning, but I can also feel the depths to which I hurt her as well. It makes my hearts shrivel within my chest.

“You hurt me, Ruarc. That pain was worse than being taken, starved, or beaten. Worse than the Aynar experimenting on me or crash landing here, simply waiting to die. The pain I have experienced while tied to you is like no other because it was straight from the hearts. You are going to have to work really hard to replace those memories and the heartache.”

Kallen’s face is creased with all the pain and suffering her voice holds as she flays me with her words. “All I need is the chance.”

It is like my words fall upon deaf ears as she pushes herself away from me. “I do not know Ruarc. I am more scared now than I was when I put that serum to my lips. I am terrified to allow myself to hope; my life has been nothing but disappointments.”

“Kallen, I want you to know that the words, ‘I am sorry,’ will not undo the hurt or erase the pain I have caused you. But I promise you, I will never turn away from you again. Your happiness is all that matters to me.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a glow approaching, and before I can say a word, a small figure comes into view. Atasha is holding the lamp up as high as she can, trying to peer through the haze of the hot spring. “Kallen, is that you?”

The lantern drops hastily as she runs our way.

Gently gathering Kallen up, I get both of us to our feet a tic before Atasha crashes into my legs.

Bracing myself, I ensure my precious mate and youngling sister keep their feet as they embrace one another.

I look behind her, expecting Slavic, or at least mam to be with her, only to realize she is alone.

Before I can ask her how she found us, her tears are soaking through my thin pants as she reaches up for Kallen, her words hard to understand through her hiccups, as she has been crying hard for some time.

“I tried… to fff-ollow the others earlier…

, but before I ccc-ould get here… they made everyone gg-go back to the main hall.

They kept telling me… that you were all-right and that you would be right bbb-ack, and I waited and waited…

bbb-ut you never came! When mam was ccc-alled away, I took one of the

lll-anterns out of my room, but I got really sss-cared when I kept www-alking and still could not…

find you. I thought for ss-sure I was lll-ost, and because I ddd-id not tell anyone, no one www-ould know www-here to look for me.

Then I hhh-eard your voice… and I rrr-an as fff-ast as I ccould.

I really wish… you www-ould stop lll-eaving me! !”

Lowering Kallen down, we both pull Atasha close, holding her as we try to understand her little words, which are all mixed together. Just as I push her hair off her tear-streaked face, I feel a tremor.