Page 18 of Ruarc

KALLEN

The sound of laughter jerks me awake, and it takes me a moment to realize where I am.

Looking down, I see that Atasha is still sound asleep, but her little fingers are locked around my wrist in a death grip.

Her small doll, with its lopsided eyes and tattered clothes, is tucked between us because she is convinced it keeps the monsters away in the darkness.

I lay my head back down and just take a quiet moment for myself.

If anyone had told me a lunar rotation ago that I would be back home resting next to Atasha, I would have never believed them.

It is amazing how in a tic, your life can change from bad to good or vice versa.

My stomach growls, and I hear a giggle next to me.

With a smile on my face, I start tickling Atasha as she rolls around playfully on the sleeping platform.

Her laughter lightens the darkness that seems to have been swallowing my soul lately.

“Your belly was so noisy it woke me up.”

“You had better feed me before it starts thinking little Ruks are on the menu.”

As we scramble out of bed, Atasha refuses to let go of my hand, and that is fine with me at this point.

I am unsure who needs the other more. Walking toward the sustenance galley, Atasha takes the time to tell me all about this new home of ours.

Several others are in the long hallways, and I receive multiple hugs and well-wishes as we continue on.

I hear small footsteps running up behind me, and before I can turn, I am practically tackled in a hug from behind. When I stumble, Atasha turns quickly, shoving whoever it was away from me before I can even react. “Leave her alone!”

Ruby backs up with her hands in the air. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Kallen, are you all right, honey? Where have you been hiding? I was just about to send out a search party.”

“No harm done, Ruby. I am fine, just lost my footing back there. Atasha sweetness, she did not mean anything by it and she was only playing. Have you met my friend Ruby?”

“I am your friend!”

“Yes, you are, but we can have more than one and I promise you are still my only favorite.”

“In that case then, you can introduce us.”

“Atasha, this is Ruby and the quiet one standing a little further back is her sister Rowan. They were also taken by the bad bugs and could use a favorite friend as well.”

For the first time since I arrived, Atasha lets go of my hand. She is looking at Ruby in wide-eyed wonder.

“You have a sister?”

“I do.” Ruby waves at Rowan and she hesitantly walks up to the rest of us. Atasha takes both of their hands but stands there for a moment, looking at their similarities and differences.

“I have never seen sisters before. The gods must have blessed you to have a favorite friend born to you.”

Ruby and Rowan glance at each other with warm expressions before Ruby looks back down at Atasha. “I’ve never looked at it that way, but I do believe you’re right, Atasha. I’m lucky to have Rowan. Where are you guys headed off to?”

“Kallen’s belly woke me up, and we were going to go get something to eat. Would you like to come along?”

“Absolutely! Slavic, Ruarc, and Falon are still trying to contact the Zenith, and Einar is with mam, looking over a few of your other friends who are not feeling well.”

Atasha quickly returns to my side, grabs my hand in hers, and pulls me forward with the excitement only a youngling could have.

Luckily, once we reach the galley area, she becomes distracted helping everyone with the replicators, and this allows me a moment to sit down.

Closing my eyes, I try to center myself as my body sways back and forth.

At first, I brush it off as hunger, but deep down, I know that is not the case.

My collar is dimming, and I realize that once it fully fades, I will as well.

Rowan sits down beside me while Ruby and Atasha talk back and forth animatedly. She reaches over, taking my larger green hand in her smaller pale one. “Kallen, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look well.”

I glance up, making sure that Atasha is not near enough to hear my words. “I am fading, Rowan.”

She hesitates for a tic before taking a deep, fortifying breath and continuing.

“I’m not excusing my own ignorance, but I had no idea I was hurting Einar.

When that was brought to my attention, I remedied it immediately, and I have never regretted a moment since.

Ruarc was not kind to me when he realized his brother was dying, so why is he allowing it to happen to you? ”

“Because he does not know his collar is fading as well, since his anger and strength are hiding the majority of his symptoms. I was already weak, and so it is taking a harsher, quicker toll on me.”

“I know this may be a stupid question, but surely there’s a way to fix this? Can the bond be broken without harming either of you?”

Just as I start to say no, it hits me. “Possibly, but it is not without risk.” Standing too quickly, I must grab the back of the chair to steady myself. “Can you and Ruby keep Atasha busy? I need to go find mam.”

Rowan blinks at the abrupt change in conversation before she nods. “Yeah, go on.”

Quickly, I exit the room, hoping to escape before Atasha sees me so I can talk to mam alone.

I make several wrong turns, but I finally find her in the triage area with Einar, who is busy resetting an injury one of the older males received.

She smiles when I come into the room, and I instantly wrap my arms around her, pulling her close.

“Youngling, you are shaking all over here. Let us find a place to sit.” Pulling back, she peers into my eyes with grave concern, and I do not hesitate to ask my next question.

“Can we go somewhere private? I need to speak with you.”

“Of course, there are several empty rooms this way.” I follow her down the hall and into another area before she turns back to me, cutting right to the point. “What is wrong, Kallen?”

“I know this is all going to come out wrong, and I apologize in advance, as there is no way of saying this without bringing up bad memories. You know I was present when Elwas was testing his experiments?”

Her face shutters a bit at my opening comment. “Yes, I am aware of this.”

“Well, thanks to the advancements they put inside my head, I never forget anything I see. And I believe that if we have the right ingredients, I may be able to break this unwanted bond.”

I do not think she was prepared for me to say that because the emotions flowing across her face are racing too fast for me to catch all of them.

“Kallen, I know Ruarc is handling this all wrong, and I can see it is taking a physical and mental toll on both of you, but are you sure about this? Have you tried talking to him? I do not need to remind you that nothing the Aynar ever concocted worked out the way they wanted.”

I lean against the wall wearily, a single tear running down my cheek before I can brush it away.

“Mam, I have talked, screamed, and begged, but he remains unwilling to bend. You know firsthand that the bond affects the females differently from the males. He will become angrier the longer the bond remains unsealed, but he is already angry at the universe, so he does not realize what is happening. I can feel my soul leaving my body mam, and I refuse to waste away over a male who does not want me.”

“Kallen, I know the serum you speak of, because Elwas was designing it for me. There is a huge chance that this will kill you.”

Her dire warning is not something I do not already know.

I was there during the serum’s creation and its subsequent testing.

My voice is heavy with exhaustion and despair, and Mam’s face falls as she processes my following words.

“I am dying either way. I will not tell him how this bond is affecting me, nor will I accept him simply because he feels like it is his duty. If I can get the mix right, he will be free to continue on … as will I, if I survive. If it is my time to go, then I want it to be on my terms. All my other choices have been taken, but not this one.”

“If you break the bond the gods have granted you, … you will walk in the afterlife alone, Kallen.”

Shrugging off her words, my rebuttal is my final truth. “Until you and Atasha, I have always been alone.”

“Kallen, now that you are home, I wish you would reconsider. There is still time, and I plan on convincing at least one of them to stay with us. Ruarc’s tie to you would work out perfectly.”

“I am sorry, mam, but I could not bear lying beneath him knowing I was not his first choice. If I get the mix wrong, it will be a quick death; if it continues on this way, a slow, miserable demise is ahead for all concerned. Please support me in this.”

My desperation is so deep that I finally see mam’s entire body wilt in acceptance, but her next words fill me with dread and renewed resolve. “What will I tell Atasha if this goes badly? She loves you, Kallen.”

“As I do her, but this is bigger than either of us. I would rather her not witness what happens when you are rejected, especially by the brother she just found.”

“I am not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?”

“ No !”

“Kallen, I will help you gather the things you need, but all I ask is that you wait until after the celebration this coming darkness. Please! Let everyone celebrate your return before you might possibly leave us again. Who knows? Something could change, and you may talk yourself out of it, or Ruarc may surprise you.”

“I am not sure what Ruarc could even say to me at this point that would change my mind. His cruel words will forever live in my thoughts, and I fear I could never trust any kindness received from him without wondering ‘what or why’?”