Page 14 of Ruarc
RUARC
When Kallen denied our bond to that other female, my legs almost collapsed out from under me.
Is this what she has been feeling all along each time I have turned her away?
I almost kept walking into the darkness, especially now that I know mam is out there somewhere, but with my luck, I would end up going in the wrong direction.
So instead, I settle on the rock face above them, watching their interactions from afar, as usual.
This is the first time I have been able to observe Kallen without any interference from the others, and there is no denying her beauty.
Her expressive, large amber eyes seem to catch everything, but one thing I notice almost immediately is the forced smiles she is giving to everyone.
Several times, I see her glance out into the darkness, and a sadness appears to settle all around her, almost like a dark aura, yet no one else notices as Ruby and Myev energetically chat back and forth.
The sound of footsteps reaches my sensitive ears, announcing someone’s arrival before they are visible.
Getting up from my perch, I get up ready to intercept them quietly.
Especially if this other scout is still giving them issues.
Falon is the first to come walking up the hill with his large disk secured to his back.
A tic later, I easily see the shadows of the three smaller females between Falon and Einar’s massive forms.
Slavic, not missing anything, abruptly gets to his feet, standing between the females and those approaching, as the fire’s light has not reached them yet. Everyone can hear Falon’s boisterous laughter, and I see Slavic instantly relax.
Without warning, and before we have time to react, one of the females sprints up the hill, and the next thing I know, another nameless Ruk female is embracing my mate. Her words drift upward into the air, where I am above them.
“Kallen, I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw you standing there. Einar said you were alive, but I was not willing to allow my heart to believe his words. Bless the gods, you are alive, but you look as if the darkness has stolen part of you.”
“It tried Lurtza, but it appears the gods were not done telling my story yet. I will say I am just as relieved to see you as you are me. When Slavic and the others came down initially, only to return saying no one was there, I was devastated. Myev said you found a better location?”
What little of my hearts I have left wilt at how hesitant and uncertain Kallen sounds as she speaks with this Lurtza female.
“Yes princess, but it was entirely by accident. I thought I was a goner when I fell through its air shaft. Compared to the shacks we were barely surviving in, this place is paradise. There is a hot spring for bathing and running water in the sustenance area. Each of us has his or her own room, and the temperature so far has been consistent inside the mountain. Now introduce me to this huge and imposing figure.”
“Lurtza, this is Slavic and his mate Ruby.” Lurtza turns away from me toward Slavic, bowing her head in respect.
“It is an honor to meet mam’s oldest son finally, and I see the gods have blessed you as well with a fire crowned mate to calm your soul.”
“Thank you for your kind words, Lurtza. My Ruby is a blessing I do not deserve but will not give back. I know my words might seem impatient, and I am sure you are fatigued from walking all darkness, but how far away is mam from our location?”
Jumping down from the outcropping, I barely duck in time to miss the large spear aimed at my chest as Lurtza instantly places herself between Kallen and I, separating us with the length of her weapon.
Slavic’s voice booms through the cavern, “Stand down, Lurtza, it is simply Ruarc.”
She lowers the weapon straightaway. “Forgive me, you all have such different appearances that there was no way for me to know that. Ruarc, if I had damaged you, mam would never have forgiven me.”
“No harm done, but your reflexes are impressive.” When she smiles at me in appreciation, I hear a low growl come from Kallen.
Flicking my gaze to hers, she turns away the tic our eyes meet, but not before I see the insecurities written clearly across her face.
It appears that no matter what I do, I simply continue hurting her even when that is not my intent.
Wholly distracted, I almost miss Slavic’s next words.
“Give us a tic to pick up our supplies, and we will follow behind you.” He turns from us, his attention focused on Ruby as she and her sister stand together with the other human female, Heather. “My Starshine, if you are tired, I will carry you.”
“Slavic, I am fine. Anyway, you’ll have that big ass disk and our bag to pack. I will not burden you down any worse.”
“You promise to inform me when you tire, My Starshine?”
“Slavic, my sweet cheeks, I promise! Now let’s go find your mom and the others.”
Rolling my eyes at Slavic and Ruby, I reach for mine and Kallen’s bag, only to find she has removed hers and is walking ahead with the two scouts. Ruby helps Slavic strap his disk onto his back, and just as I start to struggle with mine alone, a large green hand appears on my shoulder.
“Would you like a hand, brother? It appears your Starshine is wandering off without you.”
A male would have to be deaf to miss the sarcastic humor he is flaying me with.
“She is not mine, Einar, and is free to do as she pleases.” Slowly, he nods his head with a frown on his homely face, his mouth pinched closed in disapproval, but he says no more on the topic.
Slavic looks around to make sure we are all ready before motioning for all of us to follow.
I watch as Ruby, Rowan, and Heather position themselves between Einar and Slavic.
Once Falon makes sure Heather is safe, he heads off to walk ahead with Kallen and the two scouts, his arm draped around Myev in camaraderie like he has known her for rotations instead of mere moments, while I stay in the back with Einar.
Cutting my eyes over at him, I ask the question that has been burning the tip of my tongue since he joined the group.
“I take it you found the crash site?”
“We did, and it is a miracle any of them survived—the hull has collapsed in three separate places. I do not know if that was from the impact or the weight of the cargo hauler itself, but the majority of the interior has been torn apart; there is nothing left worth salvaging.”
Einar’s words are heavy as he tells me what they found. Dread pools low in my belly the more he says.
“Was there no sign of them there either?”
“No, … mam has taught them well how to cover their tracks, and I do not blame them for being so distrustful. If we had been dumped here and forced to make this our home, we would react no differently.”
Nodding in agreement to his statement. “True … how far is their new base from here?”
“Half a rising, according to Lurtza.”
My eyes instantly search out Kallen, and I wonder in her weakened state how she will make this trip.
All three of the human females seem to be almost bouncing in place as they walk forward, their words so fast between them that I can only catch pieces of their conversations.
I watch as Kallen holds herself apart from them, even though she is part of their group.
She spends most of her time listening and only participates when addressed directly, while the others keep talking over the top of each other as we travel.
The first time I see her legs give out, I brush it off as an anomaly until it happens again, and then again.
Walking quickly past Einar, Slavic, and the chatty human females, I do not stop until I am directly next to Kallen.
Glancing at her face, I see the fatigue and how she is clenching her teeth as she struggles to keep up with everyone.
Gently grabbing her arm, I pull her to a stop.
“Kallen, may I speak with you privately for a moment?” Nodding her head in agreement, she lets me lead her away from the others, just far enough to ensure our conversation is mostly private.
When I see Slavic look our way in concern, I motion for him to go on.
Once they are out of earshot, and I am sure no one will hear what I have to say, I look down at my mate, worry filling my voice.
“Why are you pushing yourself so hard, Kallen? You have nothing to prove.”
“This reunion is rotations in the making. I will not hold you or the others back. Just give me a moment to catch my breath, and we can resume the track forward.”
“Stubborn ass female, why would you not ask me for help?”
“You, of all beings, should know that I would never ask you for help, Ruarc. My body may be weak, but my hearing is fine. You have been more than clear on multiple occasions as to what you want others to think of you, … of us.”
Before she can issue another biting word or give me a reason why I should do or should not do something, I swing her up into my arms.
“Ruarc, put me down this tic! You are embarrassing us both.”
Pointedly looking around at the empty wilderness around us, I glance down at her with a smirk.
“Complain, quarrel, and squirm all you want, but you will not be on your own two feet until the rising, and then you will proceed the rest of the distance on the disk if need be. If I were you, I would close my eyes and relax because I am sure it will be some time before you get another quiet moment when you return to your people and they realize you are alive.”
Hefting her more comfortably in my arms, I start back down the faint trail the others left.
“Ruarc, they are your people as well. I do not know why you feel as though they are not. Your mam has done nothing but tell us all about you for orbital rotations. Anyhow, I know holding me like this makes you uncomfortable.”
“Holding you is a discomfort.” The moment the words leave my scarred mouth, I feel her tense within my grasp, and I hurry to continue before she attempts to escape my hold, “but not in the way you think. I enjoy the feel of you in my arms, Kallen, as this is the one thing I can do for you. I will never be able to build you the dwelling you deserve or clothe you in the garments befitting your status, but my arms will always be strong enough to hold and protect you when need be.”
Kallen’s anger finally explodes, “ Why would you not think that’s enough ?
I have never asked you for anything material-wise.
You are the one assuming I need all of that in order to be happy.
Well, let me inform you of something… I had the big dwelling, the jewels, and the expensive garments.
None of that held me when I had a bad dream, or made me smile.
It provided no safety, nor did it keep the cold from chilling me to the bone.
The only thing that has ever provided me with the fulfilling things that I desperately crave is you, and it is cemented by what you are doing right now!
Me in your arms, … how I wish you could see yourself the way I do.
You would stop this foolishness before our bond is too far gone for either of us to fix.
Ruarc, you are everything I have ever dreamed of.
Riches or a large dwelling overlooking others are not what I need … I just need you .”
Sighing heavily, I say nothing as I pull her closer.
Kallen sighs wearily, and before long, I feel the dampness of her eyelashes on my bare skin as her tears flow down my chest. Each tear tracking down my body brands me from the outside in; my mate’s misery is literally etching itself into my hide.
We walk continuously through the entire darkness, and I am thankful when Kallen finally falls asleep in my arms. Her words flow through my mind endlessly, and for the first time, I allow myself to wonder … what if?