Page 34 of Risk (Gods #3)

I t’s been eleven days since the mishap, as I now refer to it.

“We’re inevitable.”

And Kaden hasn’t said anything since that morning.

I mean, obviously, he’s talked to me, and we’ve hung out in the evenings, like we always do, and we have had most dinners together.

But he’s said nothing about our night together and his we’re inevitable speech.

Okay, it wasn’t a speech, but you know what I mean.

He’s basically acting like nothing happened.

And I know I should be relieved by this. But I’m not.

It’s driving me fucking crazy.

Which is obviously a me problem.

But I don’t know if he’s doing this to drive me nuts or if he’s just decided it’s not worth the hassle. That I’m not worth the hassle and he’s resolved that we are best off as just friends—and soon-to-be co-parents.

I’m still horny one hundred percent of the time that I’m with him and ninety-nine percent of the time when I’m not with him because I’ve now got two nights of sex with him to obsess over.

I really need to get a grip.

I’m blaming the pregnancy hormones. Pre-pregnant me would never have stressed over a man this much.

I would have stressed a bit, because, hello, I’m human.

But I wouldn’t have stressed and overanalyzed like I’m currently doing.

Nothing gets in the way of my studying—ever.

I’ve always had the ability to switch off my thoughts when I need to focus and study, but recently, I’m finding my mind drifting to thoughts of Kaden when I’m studying.

It’s fucking annoying, and I need it to stop.

I’ve just not yet figured out how to make it stop.

I hear the ding of the elevator, telling me Kaden is home. He went out tonight with Zeus for a few beers. Knowing Kaden though, he had one and then moved on to soda. He doesn’t drink much, as he says it can bring on a headache.

I’m in my room, lying in bed. My huge and super comfortable pregnancy pillow—which I purchased last week and no longer will ever be able to live without—is tucked between my legs and under my quickly growing bump and now-massive boobs, and my head is resting comfortably on it while I watch 13 Going on 30 for the thousandth time with Balboa sleeping soundly near my feet.

I stop listening to the sound of the TV and listen to the sound of Kaden moving around.

I hear him in the kitchen, and then I hear him moving down the hallway.

I hate myself for how much I want him to come to my room. He’s not been back in here since the night we had sex.

There’s a tap on my door, and then Kaden’s head is poking around the partially open door.

My pussy and my heart damn near break out of my body and launch themselves at him. Traitorous bitches.

“Hey.” He smiles, and, fuck, he looks so damn handsome that it hurts.

“Hey.” I force my smile to look real. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah. It was fun.”

Is it bad that my first thought is not too much fun, I hope , meaning I hope he didn’t meet any women? But he was with my brother, so it’s not like he’d have been out, picking women up—I think. I mean, it’s not like he can’t. He is single.

And maybe he didn’t tonight, but there will be a night when that does happen. When he does meet a woman and he has sex with her.

Bile rises in my throat, and my stomach sinks through the mattress and bed frame and straight to the floor.

His eyes flick to the TV. “What you watching?”

“A movie— 13 Going on 30 . You ever seen it?”

“No.”

“Wanna watch it with me? It hasn’t been on long, but I can rewind it to the beginning, if you want?” And how desperate do I sound? Might as well have just begged him to come and spend time with me.

He glances at the screen again before looking back at me. His extended pause makes me want to die of embarrassment at sounding so damn needy to have him here and at the anticipation of the no, thanks he’s going to likely say.

“Sure. Sounds good. No need to restart it though. I’ll just watch it from this part.”

I can’t tell you the level of relief I feel. It’s so high that I’m actually embarrassed for myself.

“You want me to get you anything before I sit down?” he asks.

“No, I’m good.”

I watch as he glances around, looking for a place to sit. I see his eyes home in on the chair at my vanity. But I don’t want him to sit all the way over there. I want him close.

I know; I’m messed up in the head and heart. I want him, but I don’t.

Only I do want him.

I’m just afraid to want him.

He makes a move toward the chair, and I stop him by saying, “Sit on the bed. There’s plenty of space, and it’s much more comfortable than the chair.”

He hesitates again. I know that hesitation is because of me. But where is the decisive, confident we’re inevitable guy from eleven days ago?

I want him back.

I know I sent him away, okay? But I want him back now.

I think.

Kaden glances down at his jeans. “Let me just change into something more comfortable, and I’ll be back.”

You can come back naked if you want? Or don’t leave at all and just strip here, so I get the pleasure of watching.

Thank Christ my brain-to-mouth filter seems to be working.

I pause the movie so he doesn’t miss any more than he already has, and then I mess around on my cell while I wait for him to come back.

“You didn’t have to pause it for me.”

My eyes flick up from my cell, and I have to stop myself from drooling.

He’s not wearing anything that I haven’t seen him in before, but honestly, those fucking gray sweatpants that hang low on his hips are like a fucking aphrodisiac to me.

His tank top is not one I’ve seen him in before.

It’s one of those workout tanks. It’s black, and it has that soft, over-worn look to it, with the name of what I’m guessing is a gym on the front.

Kind of reminds me of those Gold’s Gym tanks.

He pads over to the bed and climbs on to sit beside me, but leaves a respectable amount of space between us. His back is against the headboard, whereas I’m lying down, on my pillow.

My view is currently of the side of his hip and crotch. Not a bad view overall, but I’d prefer to see his face.

I pick up the remote and restart the movie, tilting my face back to the TV.

“When did you get this?” He taps my pillow with his fingers.

“Last week. You were at the gym when it was delivered.”

“Did they need a crane to get it up here?”

“Funny.” I roll my eyes at him. I shift a little and hug my pillow tighter. “I truly and madly love this pillow. I’m never giving it up. Ever. I’m going to sleep with it forever. If I could marry this pillow, I would.”

“That so?” He shifts down the bed, turning to his side, putting us face-to-face.

The grin on his face makes his eyes glisten in the low light of my room. He’s so fucking gorgeous. I don’t think I’ll ever look at this man and not have that thought cross my mind.

“Yep. Actually, you can marry inanimate objects now. I saw this story about this woman who married a tree and another one who wanted to marry a swimming pool, but I’m not sure if that actually happened.

Oh, and there was this dude who was in a relationship with his car, but he didn’t marry it, I don’t think.

Oh, and there was this woman who married a pirate ghost, but I don’t know if a ghost counts as an inanimate object. ”

Laughter bursts from him. “Where the fuck were you watching this shit?”

“YouTube.”

“Of course.”

“Hey, just because it was on YouTube doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

“If you say so, Beautiful. So, you’re gonna marry this pillow then?”

Beautiful. He’s not called me that since our night together.

“Yep.”

“So, does that mean it’ll be our babies’ stepfather, or is the pillow female? Their stepmom? Or does it not have a gender—you know with it being a pillow—and I should just go with step-pillow?”

“Shut up, doofus.”

“Yeah, I’m the doofus in the situation.” He chuckles, turning his eyes back to the TV.

I stick my tongue out at him, feigning annoyance, not that he’s even looking, but I’m smiling on the inside.

He does that a lot. Makes me smile. I like being with Kaden.

A lot. Probably more than I should. I know I’m getting attached to him, and it’s a dangerous path to go down because he’s the father of my unborn children, and getting attached to him is only going to make things sticky. Well, stickier than they already are.

Madonna’s “Crazy for You” starts to softly play in the background of the movie. It’s the scene where Jenna goes in the closet for Seven Minutes in Heaven, thinking Chris is coming in, but Matt actually goes in instead, and she freaks out.

“This song reminds me of my mom and dad,” I tell Kaden without even really thinking about what I’m saying.

I rarely, if ever, talk about my mom. Let alone my mom and dad in the same sentence.

I honestly don’t know why I just did. But I’m not going to analyze or assess that now. I’ll park it for later.

“Yeah?” He looks at me again.

“It was their song. It played at their wedding, and whenever the song came on the radio or whatever, they’d both turn the sound up and sing along—loudly and badly.

” I laugh softly at the memory. “And sometimes, Mom would play it at home, and Dad would slow dance with her. Of course, we’d all complain that they were grossing us out, but honestly, I secretly loved it because I could see how much they loved each other, but then… yeah…” I trail off.

He turns on his side to face me. “Zeus once told me that your mom died from cancer, and that was when your dad started drinking.” His words are gentle and measured.

“Yeah, it was.” A bitterness coats my throat, and it surprises me. I’ve never felt anger or bitterness toward my dad. Just pity and sadness, but overall loss. Of the father he could have been to us after we lost Mom, when we needed him most and he let us down.

Bitterness is a new thing for me. Maybe it’s because I’m close to becoming a parent myself, and I can’t imagine ever letting down my kids the way our dad let us down.