Page 23 of Risk (Gods #3)

I ’m sorry, what?

Surely, I heard her wrong. Because she couldn’t have said what I thought she said.

No way.

Yes, I’m a twin, but they skip a generation, right?

RIGHT?

I let out a nervous laugh. “Wait, I’m sorry. I think I might have misheard you because I thought for a moment that you said I’m having…twins.”

“You are.”

She’s still smiling, and I’m feeling a tightening happening in my chest.

Twins.

I was just coming to terms with one baby, but two?

Two.

TWO.

Jesus Harold Christ.

My chest is getting tighter and tighter. I’m either having a panic attack or a heart attack. Quite likely the latter.

This is how I’m going to die. Killed by my own children, before they’re even born.

“No, I can’t.” Another laugh, this one more panicked-sounding than the last. “I can’t, um…

no, that’s not right.” I start to sit up, my eyes swinging to Kaden’s, who’s looking a little shell-shocked.

“That’s—no. Nope! I’m sorry, but I can’t have two babies.

I’m a twin! But it’s not happening. Sorry.

One will have to go back or something because there is no way I can have two—”

“Beautiful, it’s okay.”

Kaden touches my hand, and I snatch it away.

“This is definitely not okay!” My voice is getting a little screechy.

“I cannot have two babies! I’m doing my PhD, and one baby was going to be hard enough to handle!

But now, she”—I point a finger at the doctor like it’s somehow her fault, which is totally irrational, but I’m not feeling any part of rational right now—“tells me I’m having twins!

Nuh-uh. Not happening!” I slide off the bed, and my top drops and sticks to my stomach.

“Crapping crap! Now, I’ve got gunk all over my top! ”

I yank it back up, just as Kaden stands and approaches me, hands out, like he’s dealing with a caged animal.

“Try and calm down.”

Doesn’t he know that’s the worst thing you can say to a woman anytime? It’s a thousand times worse when said woman is having a full-blown meltdown.

“You calm down!” I yell at him.

“Okay. We’ll both calm down. I’m calm now. Are you?”

“Of course I’m not calm!” I bunch my hair into my fist, tugging.

“Beautiful…you have to relax. This isn’t good for the…babies. I know this is a little scary, but remember how scared you were when you found out you were pregnant, and you dealt with that like the strong woman that you are.”

“I know what you’re doing, and compliments will not work. Because two babies, Kaden. TWO FUCKING BABIES!”

He glances back at the doctor, as if looking for help, and then back to me. “Surely, you knew this was a possibility?”

“Why would I?”

Kaden looks at me like I’m mental. Maybe I am.

“Because you are a twin. Remember your brother Lo? Shared a womb with him?”

“So not the time to be snarky! And twins skip a generation?” I give him a duh look.

“Actually,” Dr. Adams finally chimes in, “that’s an old wives’ tale. There is no concrete scientific evidence that suggests twins skip a generation.”

“What?” I practically screech. “But why would people say that if it’s not true?! Goddamn old wives! They need to learn to shut their mouths!”

“Beautiful…” Kaden wraps his hands around my upper arms. “We’re having twins,” he says softly. “And I know it’s scary. I nearly shit myself when she first said it, but then I thought about it, and it’s pretty fucking amazing. We get to have two babies, Missy.”

“But what about school? I don’t know if—”

He cups my face in his big hands and bends at the knee so we’re eye to eye. “Like I already told you, I got you, Beautiful. I got all of us. We can do this.”

His smile is so beautiful and so openly happy that I can’t help but feel his words and let them soothe me.

“How about you get back up on the doc’s bed and let her carry on with this ultrasound, so we can get a look at our kids?”

I take in a deep breath and then blow it out. “Okay.”

I let him lead me back to the bed, and I hop up onto it, lying back down. Kaden stays standing this time.

“Sorry I freaked out,” I say to Dr. Adams as she gets the bottle of gel, squirts some onto my stomach, and presses the wand to my tummy. “And for blaming you for the fact that I’m having twins.” I cringe as I say it because I know how stupid it sounds.

“It’s fine.” She gives me a warm smile. “I’ve had way worse said to me in the delivery room.”

She chuckles, and I find myself relaxing and laughing along with her.

“Okay, so here we are.” She turns the screen around for me and Kaden to see. “You see here and here?” She uses the mouse cursor to point to what she wants us to see. “Those are your babies.”

There are two little funny-shaped blobs on the screen.

But they’re my babies. Our babies. I blindly reach out for Kaden, and he grabs my hand.

I look at him, and his eyes are wide with wonder and awe, fixed on the monitor.

He tears them away and stares at me. His mouth curves up into the biggest, happiest smile I have ever seen on anyone, and of course, my eyes get watery again.

Frigging hormones.

“Everything looks good. Both babies are the right size, and both heartbeats are strong. I’m just going to get the ultrasound printouts for you,” Dr. Adams says, putting the wand down.

She presses a few buttons on the screen, and it makes a beeping noise.

Then, she wipes my stomach clean with some paper towels.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a moment.”

I don’t even acknowledge her leaving because I can’t take my eyes off Kaden.

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” he says to me in a low voice.

“Yeah, it’s really happening.”

He leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. Then my cheek. He pulls back a little, mouth mere centimeters from mine. His thumb presses to the corner of my lips, and I suck in a breath.

I think he’s going to kiss me. And I want him to. I really, really want him to.

But I shouldn’t because it’s all too complicated.

Kaden might want me sexually, but he doesn’t want a relationship with me, and going down the sex road with him will only make things messy.

I’ve only slept with him once, and look what happened.

Two frigging babies.

I can’t even imagine what would happen if we had sex again.

He’d probably perform a miracle and impregnate me again with another set of twins, and I’d end up having to push four babies out of my vagina.

Okay, I know that is highly improbable.

Okay, it’d never happen. But I’m allowed to be a bit overdramatic right now.

“Right, I’ve got your ultrasound pictures.” Dr. Adams comes back into the room, and I’m relieved that she breaks the moment.

Kaden moves away, but slowly, and he takes my hand in his again. I take the pictures from Dr. Adams, and I hold them out so that Kaden and I can both look at them.

I can’t believe I’m having twins.

With Kaden.

We’re going to be a family.

But not really.

Two people co-parenting twins.

If only things were different and Kaden and I were together, this would maybe not seem as scary, but I know better than anyone to wish for things that won’t ever happen.

I need to learn to accept and be happy with what I have. Kaden being here to help me through the pregnancy and then being here for our children.

Wanting and thinking of more will only lead to heartbreak, and I can’t afford for that to happen.

For the sake of the two lives growing inside of me.