Page 53 of Resurrection
“Best you tell us if something is happening this time. The revenant taking control or you just wanna be done with this world. No more of the lone wolf bullshit.”
“Okay.”
Sam stared at him awhile longer like he was debating the truth of that, but didn’t press further. He had offered to escort Gabe home. Home, Gabe wasn’t sure he had one. It was supposed to be with the witch, but he would have to mend those fences if he could with a half broken memory.
They rode in the car in silence, Gabe lost in thought. There was still a lot missing. Mike said it would take a while to regain it all. His life long enough that the history books couldn’t keep up. Gabe didn’t feel that old. And many of the memories felt more like a movie replay than something he’d experienced. A lack of emotion tied to some of them, kept them surreal. But Seiran, he hadn’t been sure about that emotion until he’d stepped in the kitchen to find him awake.
The need to reassure him had been intense, making Gabe work hard to keep himself from crossing the room and wrapping his arms around Seiran, demanding to know everything he’d forgotten. And Seiran’s gaze had delivered heat and interest, enough to know that he still physically desired Gabe, even if the man was obviously very tired. The shadow of exhaustion etched on his face and his slumped posture.
Gabe could work with that, interest and a lowered guard. And the sex had been amazing. Seiran begging beneath him, so responsive, tight, and warm. The connection between them at the tip of his fingers, close, but they weren’t ready yet.
Gabe had wanted to bite and drink deep. He’d nearly come undone at the idea of devouring the sweet flavor of Seiran’s blood along with the singing intensity of their sex. But he’d withheld.
Blood and sex could go together. And those two together with his Focus? He suspected he might just unravel again. Would the revenant rejoice? Or break free?
No need to scare the witch.
Seiran, Gabe thought. Sei. He’d fallen asleep in Gabe’s arms. The stress and tension finally seeping out of him and leaving him to what seemed to be restful sleep. They would need to share blood soon. It would strengthen their withered bond and help his control. But all at once would have been too much, maybe for both of them.
Seiran’s phone rang a half dozen times, coming from across the room where it had fallen. The volume low, but enough to make Gabe tense fearing it would wake Seiran. But he seemed to be sleeping deeply. Gabe even dozed for a while, a few hours perhaps. Flitting from nightmare to nightmare, some in which he killed Seiran, others that he began slaughtering at random. All leaving him on edge, fearing the revenant would break free if he actually slept deeply.
He was woken again by the sound of knocking. It was light, and it took him a moment to orient himself, where he was, and the man in his arms.
He worried getting up would wake Seiran, but he was fast asleep, nestled deep within the blankets. Gabe extracted himself carefully, grabbing his dirty shirt off the top of the basket in case there was a kid at the door. He paused at the top of the stairs, breathing in the scent of the older muscular man.
Jamie. The memories walloped him with another nosebleed.
Gabe sighed, and lifted the shirt to brush away the blood as he opened the door a crack. If Jamie wasn’t alone near the back of the kitchen everyone would be getting an eyeful of naked vampire, but he was.
Jamie’s gaze was cold, going to the shirt and the blood on it now rather than Gabe’s nudity.
“It’s mine,” Gabe said quietly, lowering the shirt to show the blood coming from his nose. “Memories of you returning with a vengeance. You should be pleased.”
“That memories of me hurt you? Sadly, not enough. Is Seiran okay?”
“He’s the Pillar of Earth. Do you really think anything I could do could hurt him? It is my understanding that he can’t die until the earth allows him to. She’ll keep bringing him back.” There was a sudden image in his head of Seiran being shot, right through the forehead. He even felt as though the bullet had entered his own skull, burning into his brain and then turning everything dark. Thankfully it only lasted a few seconds, though his nose began to bleed harder. Gabe pinched it and tilted his head back. “Fucking memories.”
“Not all pain is physical.”
“That’s for fucking sure,” Gabe agreed. “Seiran is fine. He’s asleep. Doesn’t seem to get much of that these days.” The comment was a bit accusatory. Jamie caught the tone and bristled as though gearing up to attack. Then a younger blond man appeared.
“Kelly,” Gabe said. He was going to need to eat again soon if he didn’t stop the nosebleed, or at least all the overwhelming memories that were triggering it.
Kelly put a hand on Jamie’s arm and stepped between them. “Feeling more yourself?” Kelly asked cheerfully.
“Somewhat,” Gabe agreed. “Do the kids need Sei right now?” There was light coming from the arboretum, and distantly the windows, though the curtains were drawn. Morning, but Gabe wasn’t sure what time in the morning. Early? “He needs some sleep.”
“We’ve got the kids. Taking them off to school,” Kelly said. “Picking our kid up, but we’ll be out for a few hours.” He tugged Jamie away from the door. “You’ve got a bit of time alone. I trust you found the lube I left in the drawer? Figured it was best to be prepared.”
“I did. Thanks.”
Jamie began to protest, but Kelly shoved him toward the door out of the kitchen. “They are consenting adults, and you don’t get to choose for them,” Kelly told him. He looked back at Gabe and winked, before shoving the big man out of the kitchen despite the bluster.
Gabe closed and relocked the basement door before heading back down. Seiran hadn’t moved. Gabe cleaned up, rinsing away the blood as best he could until it finally stopped. He stared at his reflection a while, wondering if he should shave, maybe cut his hair. It was a bit wild. Did Seiran like it? That was more important than Gabe thought it should be. But he could wear his hair any which way. Over the years he’d learned to use it to blend in where he could. Changing it wasn’t a big deal. Letting Seiran choose would be a small thing, perhaps a step in the direction of forgiveness.
But with it was a sense that he hadn’t been himself in a long time. Existing, rather than being. Did he have a preference about his hair? He wasn’t certain, but liked the feel of it, long in his fingers, and the scruff of the beard. Maybe burying himself in some sort of model of perfection wasn’t the best way to keep sane. Would Seiran still love him if Gabe was no longer that man?
He wondered at that. He’d come apart in the end. Not himself, perhaps the revenant taking control, but not openly slaughtering people. He couldn’t remember. Not really. Everything was broken to tiny bits of memory like slivers of glass. Andrew Roman. Not his real name, not by a long shot. But a long-time enemy.