Page 52 of Resurrection
Even the vague memories of Titus were disjointed. And not nearly as vivid or emotionally powerful as the ones he had of Seiran. Love and infatuation were two very different things. He’d died twice for Titus. The first time as a mortal, and the second as vampire to his first forced grounding. And he’d felt pain and loss each time, heartbroken, lonely, but it didn’t breach the surface of the well of emotions tied to the witch.
Sam had been the last to visit, not offering aciboto Gabe, as Gabe had already had Luca’s blood when first arisen. The stirring of broken memories slotting back into place had made Gabe dizzy, hands digging into the table, even as Sam sat there quietly.
“You hurt him again, and I will fuck you up,” Sam offered, looking bored.
“I thought I was supposed to be some sort of super vamp that all the baby vamps were afraid of?” Gabe had asked him.
Sam snorted. “Sure. Maybe? The fuck I care. Treat the witch good, or else.”
They sat in silence a bit longer as Gabe sorted memories, his forehead pressed to the wood tabletop. “I love him?” Gabe asked after a while.
“You did,” Sam agreed. “Was that legit?”
Gabe thought so. That ache to have Seiran close didn’t feel like the Focus bond. The desire to see him smile, know he was happy, those were intense. Almost as intense as the pain of knowing he’d really fucked up. And on top of that major screwup, he’d been forced to ground for over a decade when Seiran had needed him most. “I cheated…”
“Not sexually,” Sam offered. “I questioned folks after you went to ground. Sounds like you couldn’t get it up. Whatever Tresler did to unravel your control, made you hungry. You were gorging on blood. Not that regular blood from addicted and dying humans does much for us.”
The reminder brought back a bitter taste in Gabe’s mouth. Like he could remember the hint of death on his tongue. Bad blood. He’d never been a fan, though knew it had been necessary from time to time over the long years of his life.
“Notcibos,” Gabe said.
“Seiran’s the jealous type. I don’t think it was a good idea for you to be feeding only from him and the bottled shit. Probably a good idea to set up an arrangement like Max has. Maybe let the witch choose?”
“You think he will?”
“I think Seiran is practical. If you make clear to him, you’re not having sex with blood donors, he’ll get it.”
Sex and blood. They went well together. A perk of being a vampire, but not a requirement. Though the thought brought back visceral memories of Gabe in bed with Seiran. Sex and blood. Yeah, their relationship had been very defined that way. “He was young…”
“Was. Past tense verb. I know you vampires think of life in different terms. All humans nothing but babies, but he’s not a kid anymore. Don’t treat him like one.”
“You’re a vampire too,” Gabe pointed out.
Sam shrugged. “I also don’t use that seduction bullshit.”
“Right. No seducing your lovers and feeding on them?”
“Only Luca. Con isn’t into that, and that’s okay. I eat well enough. We have an arrangement. And I have othercibos,as well as hunting. You’ll need to make one with Rou.”
“Does he hate me?” Gabe wondered. The memories were so disjointed. In fact, the bits at the end, had giant holes. He remembered his arm aching, organic material sprouting from it. A flex of power from the witch that could force the earth to take him back. He’d done something, though couldn’t remember what. He even had a vague glimpse of twin infants. But only a snapshot. The rest was lost to the memory of tears, and finally cold resolve when the witch walked out.
“No,” Sam said after a few minutes. “He probably should. But love is that way. Forgiving even when it shouldn’t be. You abandoned him when he needed you most. Even if you couldn’t help it, it doesn’t hurt less.”
Gabe wondered about the anger in Sam’s tone. More like Sam had been abandoned. But maybe both? Gabe got the impression that he’d brought Sam over, and knew he was fairly young, but still only had bits and pieces. “I abandoned you?” Gabe asked after a few silent minutes of debating. Pull out the thorn or let it continue to dig in?
Sam stiffened and nodded. “Severed our tie.”
A young vampire cut off from their sire always turned revenant. Gabe couldn’t imagine himself doing that. And Sam sitting there, not only alive, but in control? That was amazing.
“I’m sorry,” Gabe said.
“My superpowers appeared then, so whatever. I suspect you’ll be saying sorry a lot in the future.”
“Probably,” Gabe agreed. “Do words help at all?”
“No,” Sam said flatly.
Gabe sighed, “I will do my best to be better. It’s all I can really offer.”