Page 47 of Resurrection
“He’s had a rough day,” Seiran said as he rubbed Kaine’s little belly and scratched under his chin, being rewarded with a tiny kitten smile.
“Do you want me to take him, or measure ingredients?” Kelly volunteered.
“Ingredients?” Seiran asked, as he didn’t want to give up his baby so soon. He planned to hold on to all of them as long as he could.
Chapter 16
Seiran tucked Kaine into bed, and snuck down to the kitchen to shave off a second piece of cake. He’d already had a jumbo slice. But stress set his sweet tooth on fire. And he’d filled the house with the scent of baked goods, prepped and ready for the next day, so the temptation was irresistible. The kids would love it, even if they all tried to limit how much sugar they ate.
He’d have to be sure to hit the gym soon, or at least do a hardcore sparring match with Sam to work off some of the calories. Seiran told himself that it didn’t much matter anyway if he put on a few pounds, no one saw him naked anyway. Well, other than his brother to check for bruising and broken bones. And that was too weird to spend much energy worrying about.
But Seiran ate the slice with slow reflection, savoring the fudgy cake and the bittersweet ganache. Kelly’s last-minute thought to adding cherries to the cake batter had been divine. It had only been the pie filling stuff, not even anything he’d made from scratch, but it added so much fluffy moisture to the cake, and a bite of tart and sweet cherry, that Seiran was certain to be baking this again.
Everyone else had gone to bed. He had insisted, taking his time to clean the kitchen and put everything away. Even packing up lunches for the kids for school tomorrow. They’d be thrilled to find blondies in their bento boxes. He still put little affirmation notes in them every day. It probably wasn’t cool to get notes from your dad when you were in high school, but they hadn’t complained.
Seiran was tired. He knew he couldn’t sleep, and didn’t bother trying. His mind clouded with anxiety over Gabe. He hadn’t meant to shut the bond down. It had been an instant reaction to the idea of Gabe feeding on other people. Jealousy, fear of renewed pain, and way too many memories made it impossible to unclench that fist. If Gabe went nuts, would it be his fault? Would someone even call him? Could he tell through their tie as faded and weak as it was?
He hadn’t felt any changes to the bond. Not any sort of tugging from Gabe, or awakening of it that might indicate he was more himself. Seiran swallowed a laugh. Himself. Who was Gabe? He didn’t think he knew. And that was the heartbreaking part.
He angrily stabbed another bite of cake. It was an exercise in mindfulness for him to pick out the flavors and define the texture. It helped soothe his anger, but not his frustration. Should he be worried? Should Gabe be back? What if he went crazy, and Mike had to put him down? How much damage could Gabe do? Seiran wondered if he should have gone with. Wasn’t that part of his responsibility as a vampire Focus? Only now did he realize how young he’d been to make that decision. Realistically, he had sort of forced the decision on Gabe. A life-or-death situation. Though Gabe hadn’t really been in danger of dying, had he? Vampires were far from physically fragile.
Seiran growled at himself. Dwelling on the past had never given him anything but pain. He cut the last bites of cake up smaller, counting bites, and trying to find clarity in the racing of his mind. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He should be able to handle anything. Like being a grown-up meant he somehow had all the answers. What a joke.
The front door opened. Seiran tensed, knowing there was only one person it could be. He’d have to remember to have Jamie oil that door since the hinges squeaked. It could be Sam, he supposed. And that was likely how Gabe had gotten the key. Had probably even been dropped off at the front door by Sam, who was still Gabe’s fledgling, even if Gabe had severed their tie before he’d gone to ground.
Seiran felt the bond tighten, Gabe close. He forced himself to let his hold on it relax; it was a bit like a flower blooming. A slow opening of something delicate, still weak, but slowly filling.
He braced his hands on the counter, trying to not imagine terrible things and offer judgment when it wasn’t his place. Sam had reminded him that they didn’t have to be anything anymore. Nothing more than a partnership. He could manage that, right? The kids didn’t need to see Gabe as a parental figure. They had plenty of that without a vampire ex-lover added to the mix. Seiran didn’t need a partner. Had spent almost a decade and a half making his way without one. He had friends he trusted to have his back if necessary, he worked hard to be a good father, and a good witch. Those were some of the few things in his power. Being a good lover? He wasn’t sure that was ever in the cards for him. His wild days in his youth, the many incidences in the past, and losing the man he thought he had truly loved. They left an impression.
Not broken, he reminded himself. Resolved, resilient, and able to handle just about anything. Except maybe losing that love a second time?
The sound of footsteps drew closer. Seiran’s heart sped up. He worried Gabe would look like he’d been seducing and feeding people all night. That was what vampires did, right? How would he react? A jealous rage? Tears? Stunned silence?
Gabe had always been good at keeping his feelings and memories locked down. It had always been one of the things that annoyed Seiran most in their relationship. Seiran was the out of control one that felt too much. But maybe it was more that he was the only one of them willing to share it.
Not anymore. He kept his own memories and emotions locked away as best he could. An invisible barrier between them that didn’t close the bond, but kept the tide of his internal chaos to himself.
When Gabe stepped into the kitchen, he didn’t look debauched at all. He didn’t really look any different than when he’d left. Though his skin had a bit of a tan tone to it, and his eyes were a vibrant green when Gabe’s gaze fell on Seiran. Like life had been added to him. Seiran had thought he’d looked good before, but now, that last edge of waxy paleness gone, he was breathtaking.
Had that been the draw? Maybe it was just a physical thing, Seiran thought. Attracted to a beautiful man. But there had been plenty of offers over the years, beautiful men a plenty. And even trying to convince himself it hadn’t really been love, Seiran knew it was, and still tried to recall what it felt like all these years later.
Was it supposed to be raw? Almost sharp? A need to touch and be touched, while fearing both at the same time?
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Gabe asked quietly.
“Probably,” Seiran admitted.
“Your baby is okay?” Gabe remained standing in the doorway keeping his distance, but looking casual, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.
“Yes,” Seiran said. “He’s a kid, and sometimes the world is hard.”
Gabe chuckled lightly. “Understatement of the year.”
The sound brought memories to the surface for Seiran, even making his body react, as he’d heard that laugh before. Had it really been so long ago? It wasn’t fair that Gabe was so beautiful still. Seiran remembered his younger days and the handsome man in a suit, perfectly trimmed hair, and clean shaven. Poise and polish had been Gabe back then, rock solid. Almost too good to be true, but as in life, that was never reality. This version of him was a bit wilder. Less contained to a role of the perfect businessman, and Seiran wondered which was the truth? Neither? Both? Would he evolve each time he had to go to ground? And would that be the short trip each year like Sam, or something worse like a lifetime of long stretches of loneliness for Seiran?
“You don’t look like you were partying,” Seiran said.
“Not really that kind of party. But I smell like the bar. Even if it’s just food and alcohol. Sounds like I’ll have to do this sort of thing periodically as my people come in to visit over the next few months? Might take up to a year for everyone to stop by. It was good to reconnect though.”