Page 35

JULIAN

I keep Arush’s hand in mine as we stand in line to wait for our rental car. This was a bad time of day to land. There are easily forty people in front of us waiting for a car. It’s not just this line, though. All the companies look the same.

“This is kind of irritating,” I mutter.

Arush shrugs and leans into my arm. I smile. It’s difficult to feel frustrated when I have him beside me. Every minute with Arush feels like a perfect minute.

“We’re really going to play paintball?” Arush asks.

“That’s the plan. Horny found this place online and hasn’t stopped talking about it, I guess.”

“I’ve never played.”

“None of us have,” I say, smiling. “It’s going to be a hot mess, but we have the grounds to ourselves. I hear we need to have some distance from each other before we shoot, or we’re going to be speckled in bruises.”

Arush makes a face, and I chuckle. We move three steps forward and stop again. Oh good. Now there are only thirty-nine people in front of us.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at your friends’ house?” Arush asks.

“Hilt has four kids,” I remind him. “Etna and Keno are still honeymooning it. This I’m confident of. I love my friends, but there are some things I don’t need to bear witness to. Not even through a wall.”

He grins.

“And to be frank, Horny is also a bit of a horndog. I’m not sure how much of that is talk and how much is fact, but reference my previous comment.”

Arush’s nose wrinkles and it’s adorable. His eyes meet mine and I think I see some insecurity there, so I release his hand and wrap my arm around his waist, pulling him into my side. “I promise I’m not hiding you, Arush,” I murmur in his ear.

He sighs. “I know you’re not.”

Yet, there’s something in his voice. “Do you want to stay with one of my friends? I’m sure not one of them would mind. They’ve all invited us.”

“If you want to stay in a hotel?—”

“What I want is for you and me to be together and comfortable. Maybe this is one of those things I should have shared with you, yeah?” Arush shrugs, but I’m going to take that as a yes.

“You’re here with me,” I remind him. “I want you here with me. I want to spend every minute with you with my friends. But I also want us to have somewhere we can go that’s more than a door away.

I’ve never stayed at one of their houses, and…

to be honest, I’d rather stay in a hotel even if you weren’t with me. I like that separation.”

He relaxes. “Sorry for… doubting,” he whispers.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re allowed doubts. This is new for both of us.”

“I feel silly saying that I’m twenty-five and this is my first adult relationship,” Arush muses.

I grin. “I’m not sure if I can say this is my first adult relationship, but I can definitely confirm it’s the first one that feels…

meaningful. Like I’m not just waiting for you to change your mind about—” I let my words cut off as the line moves forward.

I guess the world doesn’t need to know about my sex life, past or present.

Then again, this was an entire conversation that no one needed to overhear. I’m not bothered that they did. Talking about how you feel should be normalized. Especially men talking about their emotions. Let the world see that as masculine.

“I’m not changing my mind,” Arush says, shaking his head.

I kiss his cheek, and then we’re quiet as we listen to the people in line around us.

It’s another forty minutes before we get to the man at the desk, and then another ten before we’re inside the rental.

It’s a good thing we hadn’t made plans for today, other than meeting at Keno and Etna’s house to spend the afternoon on their pontoon boat.

Because of the rental line, Horny and Hilt are already there. Lo and Caulder will be arriving later tonight, and we’re going for a hike. The following day is paintball.

We stop at the hotel long enough to check in and drop off our bags. Once in our room, I opt for a quick shower to get the feeling of the airport off me.

“I’m going to shower quickly,” I tell him. Arush nods as I strip. He watches me, never taking his eyes off what I’m doing. “Want to join me?”

We’ve showered together before. His eyes rise to mine, and he shifts. I’ve seen him touch himself twice. Once the day I came home and found his door ajar while he fucked himself on his toy cock. The image has lived rent free in my head ever since.

There’s poetry in sex. The erotic curves and movement. The heat lining every sound. The glisten of sweat on smooth skin. It’s beautiful. I’ve always thought so. I’ve always thought that sex is hot. I’m a fan of naked bodies. I’m a huge fan of porn.

I just don’t get turned on by it. It’s not that kind of sexy.

If I were going to get turned on by anyone, it would be Arush. He makes my heart beat wildly. However, that’s not how I’m wired and I’m not sorry for that. It means I can appreciate things far more from a distance than being lost in the moment when all the details pass by.

Arush nods at my question, but he’s biting his lip.

In my underwear, I cross the room and take his lip from between his teeth. He shivers. “You want to touch yourself?” I murmur.

I’m not imagining the quiet moan as he nods subtly.

“Can I watch you?”

His entire body shudders against me. “Yes,” he breathes.

Smiling, I yank on his shirt playfully before backing away. “Take your time. I’ll meet you in the shower.”

He swallows and nods.

I leave him to gather his bearings and head into the bathroom. I’m glad there’s a decent-sized shower. I don’t want us to be forced to stand too close. I imagine there’s a fine line between this being an erotic moment, and it being much too close for either of our comfort.

I’m standing under the water when Arush walks into the bathroom with his toiletry bag. He’s naked. He’s hard. I try not to stare so I don’t make him uncomfortable, but I can’t stop myself from admiring him.

Arush joins me, and I move from under the spray of water for him. Thankfully, it’s a wide rain head so we’re both still getting some water, even from a couple feet apart.

“You okay with this?” I ask.

“I want you to watch me touch myself,” he says. “I like when you look at me.”

“That’s a relief,” I admit. “It’s hard not to. You’re beautiful, Arush.”

He takes a breath as he reaches for the body wash dispenser attached to the shower wall.

While he’s doing that, I admire his dick.

It’s maybe exactly perfect. Not too long, but not short.

Not too thick, but not thin, either. His veins are pronounced, decorating his cock like a living, breathing organism.

His cockhead is pronounced and smooth, with a perfect mushroom tip. His slit is… weirdly sexy. The whole shaft stands at a hard forty-five-degree angle, almost pointing at me.

Which means I have a full look at his balls. They’re tight. Full. Unmistakably hard. Sexy.

Strange. I’ve never looked at a man’s junk before and thought it was sexy. By far, it’s the most beautiful body part. There’s something elegant about it.

I wait, wondering if this is the moment when my body will wake up.

I experienced these moments a lot growing up.

Okay, not this specifically, but moments that were sexy in nature.

I waited, expectant, that my body would respond.

It was frustrating at first because the stark difference in how I was built stood out like a red balloon in a sea of black and white.

Eventually, I stopped waiting for it to happen.

When it happens, and I can count on a single hand the number of times it’s happened naturally, it’s taken me fully by surprise.

And in those moments, I now realize I’m very much like Arush.

I don’t want someone else to get me off.

I don’t want to engage in intercourse. I’d rather get myself off.

My body doesn’t respond, as I was relatively certain it wouldn’t. This is something I’ve come to appreciate. There’s no distraction now. I can admire the show.

Arush’s soapy hand wraps around his cock and he gives himself a single stroke, root to tip. He hums quietly. I look up and find his eyes on me. I wish I could look at both places at the same time. I want to watch him touch himself, but I also want to get lost in his eyes.

His hand moves slowly over his dick, gliding smoothly with a mixture of soap and falling water. It’s difficult to see when a bead of precum forms. It gets lost in the water droplets and soap bubbles that are quickly washed away.

His moan fills the stall, and I lick my lips. I love that sound. “Beautiful,” I murmur.

Arush’s lips part. His hand moves a bit more rapidly over his cock. His balls bounce, wiggle like bells. The thought almost makes me snort. Do I hear them jingling? Well… I hear the rattle in his breathing. That counts, right?

He leans against the wall; his free hand drops to his balls, and he cups them. His stroking quickens. His hips begin rocking a bit with each downward stroke.

Is he getting close? Already?

I look into his face again, and like last time, he’s watching me. His eyebrows are knitted together. His lips parted. His chest heaving slightly.

“Come,” I murmur. “I want to see you come.”

His answering groan can only be described as sensual.

It’s deep. I can feel it in my chest. His dick spurts like a water pistol.

His abdominal muscles flex, accentuating the lines of his toned stomach.

They’re not quite as pronounced as some, but they’re sexy all the same.

As is the prominent V that points down to this leaking dick at the fulcrum.

Arush’s head falls back against the tile as he lazily rubs his cock. The hand on his balls falls to his side, and he lets out a deep breath. I still watch him. Waiting. A minute passes, and his eyelids flutter open again.

He looks at me, and there’s pink on his cheeks.

“Can I kiss you now?” I ask.

The slight indent of his bottom lip suggests that he’s chewing.

He nods. I close the distance between us, but don’t press against him entirely.

Only my chest touches him against his arm.

I cup the side of his face and kiss him.

Licking into his mouth as if I can share his pleasure in a more controlled, enjoyable environment for me.

Arush sighs. The arm at his side wraps loosely around my waist as we share sweet, exploratory kisses. Even this moment following his orgasm isn’t sexy between us. There’s no pressure. No expectations on either of us.

This is probably one of my absolute favorite sexual experiences of my entire life. I didn’t have to be a part of it, and yet, in a way, I was.

“You really liked watching?” he asks.

I’m surprised he asks because it’s not my first time. Then again, it’s only my third time.

“Very much.”

“What’s it like?” he asks, his eyes dropping to my soft cock hanging between my legs.

I shake my head, unsure how to put it into words. “I don’t know how to explain. It’s… beautiful. Intimate. Sexy. I love that you let me be a part of it without wanting something from me. In a way, it made me feel like I’m more of a part of it, which sounds counterintuitive.”

Arush gives me a smile. It’s small but sweet.

“What about you? Does it bother you that I’m here at all?”

“I’ve never had someone watch me get off before you,” he admits.

“I wouldn’t have thought I’d like it. Orgasms have felt private, but the moment I saw you watching, it was just different.

The way you look at me is different. Like…

I imagine there’s want there, but I know that’s not what I’m really seeing, and I feel relaxed.

Relieved. Assured in the moment, I suppose, because you’re content to only watch. ”

I press my lips to his jaw. “I’m definitely happy to watch. Even if it doesn’t appear that way physically.”

“Sex is different for everyone,” Arush says, turning his body so he’s angled to be facing me more fully, and resting his face into the crook of my neck.

“I’ve tried a lot of different sexual experiences, and the few moments I’ve shared with you are the best of them all.

The best orgasms. The biggest arousals. The most intense…

pleasure. I understand how it can feel counterintuitive. ” He laughs quietly.

From beyond the bathroom door, I can hear my phone ringing. Probably one of the guys, wondering if we got lost. I sigh.

“We should get cleaned up for real now. They’re going to track us down if we don’t head out soon.”

Arush nods. His lips press to my neck and linger for a second. I can feel the warmth of his kiss seep into my skin, hitch a ride within my veins, and fill my chest.

He steps back, and together we wash, in silence.