Page 34

ARUSH

Fingers brush my forehead, pulling me from sleep and making my eyes flutter open. The room is dark. I can only make out the vague image of Julian’s shape in front of me. It takes several blinks to clear enough sleep fog from my brain to see that there’s a dim light coming from the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” I murmur.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he says quietly. His fingers still moving through my hair make my eyes flutter closed again. “Open your eyes, Arush.”

I love the sound of his voice. I can hear warmth in it. Fondness. Maybe a little amusement right now.

My eyes open, trying to get a clear view of him.

“Come on. I have something to show you.”

“Now?” I ask, already struggling to make my muscles work to sit up. “Something’s wrong?”

He chuckles. “No. Nothing at all.”

I’m not sure why I need to get up if nothing’s wrong, but I struggle to do as he asks of me. He has a set of sweats on the corner of the bed and urges me to get into them. Julian even makes sure I take a pee break before leading me out of the bedroom.

Then he’s kneeling in front of me, tying my sneakers onto my feet, and placing a beanie on my head. The days aren’t ridiculously cold at the moment, but once the sun goes down, they get chilly. And I swear, there’s an ever-present wind.

Which makes sense, as Chicago is known worldwide as the Windy City .

Julian has me leaning into his side in the elevator and then he’s tucking me into the passenger seat of the car. It’s dark out. The time reads twenty of five. In the morning . I can’t even fathom why we’re driving somewhere right now, and my brain is simply not awake enough to try.

I try to watch the city in the dark of night, lit almost brightly with streetlamps and building lights. We wind down the streets, stop at lights, and keep moving. My eyelids are heavy, and my blinks slow until they stop completely and I doze.

I must have fallen asleep because Julian wakes me again. He has such a lovely smile. “Come here,” he says, unbuckling me and pulling me from the car.

The wind is much stronger here. There’s strange, irregular background static. I make a more concentrated effort to turn my thoughts on, though it’s proving difficult. I have always loved my sleep. Interrupting it tends to leave me groggy all day.

We don’t go far. In fact, once Julian hits the button to lock the car, making the lights flash and the horn give a single beep, he opens the hatch. There’s a moment when I think that maybe I’m so tired that I’m imagining a nest of blankets back there.

I’m not imagining them when Julian urges me to climb in. He joins me, cuddling up beside me, wrapping blankets all around us. But he leaves the hatch open.

Not going to lie. I’m totally confused. The confusion becomes insignificant when he pulls me into his chest and holds me tightly.

Where we are and what we’re doing doesn’t matter.

Snuggled inside the blankets, against his chest, and feeling his heart beating steadily, with the warmth of his body seeping through his hoodie into me, I relax entirely.

Besides the chilly wind that swirls around the cabin periodically, the atmosphere is perfect for falling asleep. With the sound of the wind in the trees, and the steady, rhythmic static in the distance, I begin dozing once more.

And once more, Julian wakes me.

“Arush,” he murmurs, kissing my forehead. “Open your eyes, Arush. I want to show you something.”

He’d said that earlier, hadn’t he? I thought he wanted me to see the nest bed he’d built in the back of his SUV. I approve, even if I’m not sure why he brought me here to sleep.

I open my eyes and look around, trying to get my bearings. The sky is beginning to lighten. There’s a soft glow in the car now.

“Come here,” Julian says quietly. “Sit up with me.”

He pulls me up with him, keeping me close and wrapping the blankets snugly around me. Honestly, this man is so damn sweet. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

Julian chuckles. “Open your eyes, Arush. Look.”

I do as I’m told and follow the direction he’s pointing to see one of the most stunning landscapes ever.

The static background makes sense. I’m looking at water moving along the shore as I stare out at a wide expanse of ocean.

Which can’t at all be what I’m seeing since we’re smack in the middle of the US.

I’m tired, yes, but I didn’t sleep long enough for Julian to drive us to either coast.

Making the scene even more dream-like, the sun is rising over the water.

“Welcome to Lake Michigan,” Julian says.

My chest tightens. He brought me to see the sunrise over Lake Michigan. It’s stunning. Breathtaking. Even more beautiful than I could imagine.

But more than that, the romantic gesture is something that will stay with me for my entire life. I’ll never forget this moment. Ever .

In fact, as I stare at the sun painting the sky in yellows and oranges, I note as many things as I can, attempting to commit it to memory. The sounds. The temperature. The way the wind pulls at the blankets now and then. Julian’s arms around me.

Periodically, he pulls out his phone and takes a picture. At one point, he has us twist so that we’re in the picture with the sunrise and the lake behind us.

“This is… amazing,” I tell him. I’m not sure I’m entirely awake yet, but I’m definitely not asleep anymore. “I can’t believe I’m seeing this.”

“It’s your birthday this week,” Julian says.

“This is the best birthday present.”

He grins, kissing my head. “Actually, this is the start of your birthday present.” He reaches for a small box and pulls it into my lap. It’s not wrapped. A simple but elegant wooden box.

I open it and find five glass jars and five glass vials. In the lid, there are a marker and blank stickers. So… yeah, I don’t know what I’m looking at.

Julian laughs. “We’re taking a road trip. We’re going to visit all five Great Lakes and watch the sunrise over them. When the sun is up, we’re going to walk along the beach, collect some sand and some water, and then continue our journey along the shore until we connect to the next lake.”

Chills rush over my skin. I can feel the gooseflesh rise. It takes me a minute before I can bring my eyes to his. I need to say something. Anything at all. But all I do is stare at him. He did this. For me.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Julian’s smile is soft and warm, and I can feel it in my chest. This is the best feeling in the entire world. Being thought of. Having someone put this much time and energy into making my birthday special.

He presses his lips to mine. His hand comes up and rests on my neck, his thumb brushing softly against my cheek. It’s such a light touch. A gentle gesture. And yet, it feels incredible. One of the most intimate moments of my life.

There’s a lot of confusion about what defines an intimate moment. It’s so closely tied in with sex that people automatically assume that’s all intimacy is.

They’re wrong. I’ve had sex many times. And no matter how much I loved the man I was with at the time—Jash because anyone else after him had only been to confirm that I didn’t like other people’s hands on me—this moment feels so much deeper than sex ever has.

I almost feel our connection as if it were a physical manifestation.

Wrapping around us. Securing us together. Tying our hearts together.

We’re not physically touching much. There are heaps of clothing separating our bodies. And yet, I feel Julian White everywhere.

Our lips come apart and hover together as we share the air between us. “Thank you,” I whisper, repeating my words. I’m not sure I can express just how much this means to me.

“You might thank me less when I tell you I packed your bag while you slept,” he says with a grin.

My cheeks heat when I think about what he might have found in my sock drawer.

“I didn’t go through the toiletry bag because it felt a little too personal, so if you’re out of anything or removed something when you unpacked your bags, we can replace it when we stop for the night.

I packed for cooler weather since it’s still April, though it seems you brought clothing for a more southern climate. ”

He’s amused as he notes this. “I honestly don’t know why I left the warm clothes at home. I guess I somehow thought Chicago was closer to the equator than it is, which is kind of silly in retrospect.”

Julian kisses my nose, and we watch the sun continue to come up.

There have been very few times in my life when I’ve been able to turn my mind off completely.

Usually, there’s always something I’m thinking of, even if it’s just a feeling.

But as I watch the sunrise, wrapped in a blanket in Julian’s arms, I’m not thinking of anything at all.

I’m only enjoying the moment. Getting lost in the sun’s rays.

Sharing this moment in time with the man I’m convinced I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

I never knew how quickly the sun moved. I suppose, more accurately, it’s the Earth moving, but that doesn’t truly change how it looks. The sun rises rapidly. The colors in the sky fade and blend and bleed outward until the muted watercolors disappear entirely and we’re left with a blue sky.

Julian takes out one of each of the glass containers from the box and hands them to me. I watch as he writes ‘ Lake Michigan ’ and then the date below it on each. He hands me the stickers, and I place one on each of the jars.

“Ready to walk the sands of Lake Michigan?” he asks.

“Definitely,” I say.

“You feeling awake now?”

“Fifty-five percent.”

Julian laughs.

We climb out of the back, and I watch as he pulls two jackets from the heaps of blankets. It’s only now that I’m far more awake than I had been when we first climbed into the trunk that I see it’s not just pillows and blankets stacked in a nest.

I see our suitcases. There’s a cooler. There are more lumps pushed against the back of the front seats under the blankets, but I’m not sure what they are.

“How long have you been awake?” I ask as he holds open his jacket for me to slip into.

“I actually packed your suitcase yesterday while you were in the shower,” he says, giving me a sly look. “Then hid it in my closet where I had everything stacked in a corner, waiting for you to be asleep.”

“Wow. Sneaky.”

Julian gives me a wide smile. “I really wanted to surprise you, and I knew if I told you to pack a bag, you’d guess that something was up.”

Once he’s tucked into his jacket as well and we have the glass containers in our pockets, he shuts the trunk. Before he can walk away, I step into him and wrap my arms around his neck.

We’ve never shown any PDA beyond the occasional holding of hands.

I’m not sure how he feels about it. I’m definitely not one to practice it much.

But right now, I need to hug him. I need him to understand in a way that I can’t possibly put into words just how much this means to me.

There will never be enough ways to express it.

His lips and his nose brush against my cheek as he pulls me against him. “Happy?” he murmurs.

I nod. It’s difficult not to get choked up.

Jash was a good first boyfriend, and he certainly had his sweet moments—which is kind of impressive when you think about it, since we were little more than kids—but I feel like I’m finally living my life as an adult.

In an adult relationship, with adult feelings and overwhelming emotions I’m not sure what to do with.

Julian keeps me in his arms until I pull away. I want to thank him again, but I’m afraid it’s going to sound repetitive, so I don’t. He takes my hand, and we follow the path down to the beach.

“I’m dubbing these our sand shoes and socks,” Julian says. “I have fresh ones already set aside in the car for us to change into before we head out. No one wants to sit around with sand between their toes all day.”

I smile. I can’t believe he thought of that. I’m not sure I would have.

“We’ll have to make this trip again someday, when it’s warmer,” Julian says while I’m bent over at the edge of the water, trying to get some into the vial without it filling with sand, too.

“Then you can stick your feet in the lakes. I think I should have brought us rain boots. That’ll be our first purchase. ”

“This is perfect,” I assure him as I stand. I didn’t manage to keep the sand out, but I’m not upset with that.

Julian screws the cover on and then presses his lips together. “Okay, new method. Stickers go on after we gather water.”

The sticker is coming off. I grin, shrugging. It’s fine. We’ll know it’s Lake Michigan. The peeling sticker only adds to the memory. To this moment in time when we’re sharing our first adventure together.

With a jar of sand and a vial of water safely secured in our pockets, we walk along the beach of Lake Michigan in the warm rays of the morning sun.

There’s one thing on my mind as we walk hand-in-hand down the beach: I’m well on my way to falling in love with Julian White. He holds my heart in his hands already.