Page 29

ARUSH

Chicago closes the season with six losses in a row. That’s rough. I talked to Julian this morning before he left his hotel room in L.A., and he didn’t seem to be in bad spirits. More than anything, he wanted to come home.

I haven’t spoken to him since, but he sent me a text an hour ago telling me they were at the airport and he’d be home soon. From the airport, they take a bus back to the arena where their cars are.

He’s only been gone for three nights. In the bigger picture, it’s not that long.

We’ve had much longer times apart and still not as long as Julian says some of their away stretches can be.

He just had a stretch of six away games with a single home game smack in the middle of the stretch.

For just over two weeks, he was away more than he was home.

In that time, I spent as much time online with my friends as the time difference would allow and spoke to my father often.

I spent a lot of time with Ellie and Paul, as well as Skylar.

I even started working out in the gym with the roommates from the fourth floor, Tobias and James.

It makes all the difference having people in the building to hang out with.

But more than anything, I’m excited for Julian to get home. Tomorrow he has a local hockey thing that he’ll be at for most of the morning, but after, he doesn’t have any commitments. That means we’re spending the next several months together. Just him and I.

This is the real deal. If we’re going to work together, this will be the time we’ll figure that out.

In a way, it’s even more nerve-wracking than getting on the plane in India.

It feels like I have a taste of how good we can be together and now, it’s a matter of learning whether that’s a vision that’s been constructed in my mind because I want it, or if it’s reality and the direction we’re heading.

During the days he’s been away, I’ve done a lot of domestic things like washing the bedding and the towels. I studied recipes online and have made or prepped a bunch of snacky, ‘ game-day ’ foods because I thought it would be fun to have a snack night for dinner.

I appreciate that Julian installed a few delivery apps on my phone so I can schedule grocery deliveries. The idea of trying to get a ride to the grocery store and then home again with bags of groceries in a city that I’m unfamiliar with was slightly terrifying.

The weather is just starting to turn nice, and I think we have plans to explore a bit locally over the next couple of weeks.

I’ve been pacing in front of the entryway when I hear the lock.

My feet freeze, and I spin around, my heart in my throat.

Even though I know it must be Julian, there’s always that moment of unease when I think someone could be breaking in.

Not because that’s happened in the condo or that I’ve had any indication that home invasion is running rampant in Chicago.

It’s a byproduct of being alone in a city I’m largely unfamiliar with.

The door opens, and my breathing stutters as I look at Julian for the first time in several days.

He’s looking down as he steps forward, but his eyes rise and meet mine once he crosses the threshold.

I love the way his shoulders seem to relax and the smile that spreads across his face.

Does he know my heart races every time I look at him? It definitely does.

Julian steps inside and closes the door. He reaches for me, and I’m immediately wrapped up in his arms, the very place I never want to leave.

“I missed you,” he murmurs, making my heart flutter even more.

“Missed you too,” I answer, hugging him a little tighter.

We don’t move for quite some time until I lean back and take his face between my hands. Julian smiles, leans in, and kisses me.

“No more hockey,” I say.

“No more hockey for a while,” he agrees.

“What do you want to do now?”

“I’m tired. I’d like to take a nap.”

I grin. “Really?”

Julian nods. “Traveling is exhausting all on its own, but then you add in the physical stress of the game and the mental fatigue of constantly losing the game… I could probably sleep for a week.”

“Then let’s get you to bed. I’ll tuck you in.”

I love his amused smile. He lets me take his hand, and I pull him down the hall and into the bedroom. I turn to him and pause. I’d like to pamper him right now. Take off his clothes and put him into bed, but am I allowed to do that? Will he think that I’m trying to undress him for other reasons?

Julian’s hand tightens around mine, and he pulls me closer. His lips brush mine. “Want to take a nap with me?”

A smile touches my lips, and I sigh. “Yeah.”

“Maybe cuddle?” he asks, and I fucking adore the hopeful note in his voice.

“Definitely.”

He kisses me lightly again and lets my hand go. I watch as he pulls his shirt over his head. I missed when he kicked off his shoes at the door, but he’s not wearing them. With the expanse of his beautiful, smooth chest exposed, I turn my attention away from those washboard abs and undress as well.

We strip to our underwear and climb into bed together. I bring him into my chest right away and wrap my body around him.

Julian sighs in contentment. His face presses against my chest and his entire body begins relaxing in my hold. His fingers move over my back lightly and I close my eyes to absorb his warmth. So much warmth.

When I open my eyes again, I see that more than an hour has passed. His fingers continue moving softly over my back. I think I dozed more than Julian did.

“You’re still awake,” I comment.

“Mm,” he agrees with a quiet hum.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes.” His lips move against my skin, and I try not to shiver. Can he feel the way goosebumps trail down my spine? “I’m in that state where I’m so tired that I can’t fall asleep.”

“That’s inconvenient.”

He chuckles quietly.

“You want to do something else instead?”

“What do you have in mind?”

Nothing. I can’t actually think of anything I’d rather be doing than laying with Julian. “We can go for a walk?” I suggest. “I hear cold air might help put you to sleep.”

“I think that’s fresh air, but I don’t want to get out of bed.”

“Oh, good. Neither do I.”

His smile presses against my chest again. “How about you tell me about your family? We haven’t talked about our families yet. Your profile said you have several brothers and sisters, right?”

I nod. “Yep. So, I have two older siblings—both married and have kids. Kiaan is the oldest, and he has two kids. Then my sister Ishika, who also has two kids. Then there’s me.

After me is Veer, also married with a little son.

Then Navi, not married and I don’t think he particularly wants to be married, though he keeps talking to girls with the proposed intent of marriage.

Last is our baby sister, Sona. She’s nineteen and in school, hoping to be a movie director or something. ”

“Wow. That’s difficult to get in on.”

“It is, but I hear money talks, so maybe our father will have some connections or something.”

Julian hums. “Your parents?”

“My mom is kind of quiet. She doesn’t work all the time.

Sometimes she can be convinced to do an interior design project, and it’s always totally stunning, but I think she’d much rather be home taking care of her kids and grandkids now.

My dad is a lawyer—a partner in one of the most high-profile firms in Mumbai. ”

“Wow. That’s really cool.”

“It is.”

“Is it completely different living here than it was in India?”

I don’t answer for a minute as I think about it. “So, culturally, yes. But I’m probably not the best person to answer that question. I have lived a very privileged life because my family is very wealthy. My circumstances aren’t very common anywhere.”

“That’s fair,” Julian agrees. “I can get you a chef, if you want.”

Grinning, I shake my head. “No. I kind of like not having anyone picking up after me and learning to take care of myself. It’s almost…

I don’t know. Validating to know I’m capable of doing these things, maybe?

I feel like I’m contributing to my life, even if my life is kind of standing still since I’ve paused my studies. ”

“I’m sorry if you’ve felt like you weren’t,” Julian says.

“No,” I assure him. “It’s fine. I’m really enjoying meeting so many colorful people in this building. It’s like a window into how people live in this country. I love it. And… I’ve also been looking at beginning my classes again in the fall when you start hockey again.”

“That’s great, Arush,” Julian says, hugging me. “Where are you thinking of attending?”

“Well… you have been concerned about being traded since that’s your pattern.

” Julian snorts. “So I guess I don’t know where yet.

There are some universities where I can take a few online courses.

I might enroll in them to get started. That way, I will have something set up for fall, regardless of where we go. ”

If you want to keep me with you. The words don’t leave my mouth, but they’re loud in my head. I’m not sure why I’m still a little insecure in this relationship. I feel like we’re definitely in a relationship now, so I can’t quite put my finger on why I feel so… uncertain.

“I’ll talk to my agent next week and see if he has any ideas about whether I’ll be traded. He usually has a heads up that someone is talking to someone about me, since they need to involve my agent. Then we’ll know a little more.”

“When would a trade be announced?”

“Anytime. The bulk usually happens right before the draft, as teams trade for picks in the draft and whatever. But they can happen any time, really.”

“That’s inconvenient,” I say, frowning.

“It is. But we’ll get through it.”

We . I love that pronoun best of all pronouns. Trying to contain my grin as that one word does a lot to dissuade my uncertainty, I ask, “What about your family? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you mention them except about cooking.”

“I’m the only child of two generations of only siblings on both sides.

It’s always been just me and my parents.

My great grandparents—all of them—had many siblings, so I do have many extended cousins.

We grew up in the same city for the most part, so I was surrounded by family.

I always say I’m close with my family, even though we don’t talk often. ”

“I can’t imagine being an only child,” I say.

“I have mixed feelings about it.” Julian chuckles.

“Do you want kids?” I ask, remembering what I talked to my father about and thinking this is a good opening for that discussion.

“Not particularly,” he answers and leans back to look at me. “It’s something we can talk about, though, if you do.”

Okay, now I’m far more convinced that he definitely wants a future with me. I’m a little too nervous to ask outright, but I like that question a lot. A whole lot!

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I kinda don’t either.”

A soft smile rests on his lips. He leans in, pressing his forehead to mine. “I have a confession.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“I’ve always felt really guilty about not wanting kids.”

“Why?” Who would make him feel guilty? That’s crap.

Julian sighs. “A few reasons. The world seems to think that you can only live a fulfilled life if you have kids and a family. I guess a part of me feels like… I don’t know. Like something is wrong with me because I have zero desire to have kids. It makes me feel guilty for some reason.”

“I understand that feeling,” I admit.

He nods subtly against my head. “And then there’s the family line, too.

If I don’t have children, I’m literally ending two family lines.

Both my parents’ bloodlines end with me.

It’s a sick feeling knowing that if I choose to remain childless, I’ll be cutting them both off entirely.

It’s a weight I’ve carried for more than a decade now, which was when I first realized all this.

I haven’t even brought myself to mention it to them. ”

“But… is that true, though? Yes, they’re only children like you, but you said you have a lot of cousins. That means your family line doesn’t actually end.”

“My cousins come from my great-grandparents’ siblings.

Both sets of grandparents for both my parents were all only children.

I feel like I’m ending so many family lines.

The first time I mentioned this to someone at school as a teen, I was told I was selfish by not wanting to bring kids into the world. ”

“Wow,” I say, disgusted. “There are nine billion people on this planet. We’re literally suffocating it. How the fuck is it selfish not to want kids?”

Julian huffs. “I don’t know. I’ve stopped talking about it because I hate hearing other people’s opinions, always acting as if I’m doing something despicable by not bringing more life into the world.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, tightening my arms around him. “I’m relieved that you don’t want kids. I’m actually really excited that this big thing is something we agree on.”

My heart skips several times when his arms tighten around me as well. I even feel his fingers dig into my back. “Me too, Arush,” he murmurs. “I don’t think relief covers how I feel. It’s like a massive burden I’ve carried around for ages has been lifted.”

“I think we can have a very happy and fulfilling life, just the two of us,” I say. The end of my sentence sounds a little breathless to my own ears. It feels as though I’m being incredibly presumptuous in saying that.

But Julian hums and presses his lips to mine. For several seconds, I get lost in the feel of his mouth on mine. “Me too. It’s kind of remarkable how perfectly you fit into my life. Like your wants and needs and dreams align as if we were made to be a pair.”

Oh my god! “Yes,” I agree. The word comes out a little louder than a whisper. “Yes,” I repeat, my chest filling with warmth and emotion.

Finally. This man is just… mine. The words have been said now, right? That’s finality? It feels like he just sealed our fate, and that’s a future together.