Page 22

JULIAN

“Welcome to El-Mozhra. Enemy movement is high in the A.O. Stick together.”

Our characters are frozen while the final countdown to begin gets near. I adjust the view so I can look around. We were dropped at the docks, where there are half sunken ships and abandoned aquatic vehicles. The six of us are grouped together in a loose gaggle.

“Everyone have a scuby?” Horny asks, referring to scuba masks.

“No,” Hilt says. “I lost mine when you got us killed last game.”

“I didn’t get us killed,” Horny says.

“You drove off the map,” Caulder says. I grin because he’s not even playing. Though I can hear him clearly, so I think he’s jacked in with a headset and watching beside Lo, but he’s not a character in the game.

“I said to jump!” Horny exclaims.

My eyes meet Arush’s just as his flicker to mine. He’s sitting in the puffy chair perpendicular to the couch I’m on. We share a smile. Have I ever acknowledged how much I love his smile?

“Or you could have just turned away,” Keno points out. “Just saying.”

“I have an extra mask,” I interject. “Here.” I drop it from my pack and Hilt’s character stops beside mine. The mask disappears from the ground.

“Let’s check out the wreck first,” Keno says.

I jump into the water and hit the button for the scuba mask. It extends the time I have underwater. In the distance, a series of shots go off, the sound muddled by the water.

“Bots,” Etna says. “They’re at the gas station.”

“I pinged the helicopter,” Horny says.

It’s not always easy with six people on a platoon.

It’s easier for us to get split up and end up off playing separate games as we work on our own missions or simple miscommunication as we move around and some end up going in a different direction.

More times than not, the commander’s voice from the game telling us we’ve split up is when we realize that not everyone is together.

I open various cartons and containers within the sunken hull of the ship before swimming up through a hole in the deck. Most of the things you can open just give you XP. Like every other game, XP allows your character to level up.

Climbing out of the hole, I head for the higher end of the ship and climb to the very top of the captain’s station. With a periscope in hand, I search the area.

Out of nowhere, I’m shot. A single bullet takes me out. Through the plates I have in my armor vest and I’m down.

“Bullshit,” I mutter. “Sniper got me. Coming from somewhere over by the airport. I didn’t see.” I scoot my dead body off the top where I’d been so that I’m under cover when someone can resurrect me.

“Wow. That’s not a ridiculous distance or anything,” Hilt says.

“I’m right here,” Etna says.

“Found them,” Horny says. “They’re wearing bunny suits.”

I sigh in irritation. The sign of a hacker is that they’re almost always in some ridiculous animal suit, more often than not, a bunny. It’s really fucking stupid.

Etna’s character is over me and the blinking aqua medic sign turns green as he injects health into me. When it’s filled, I get to my feet just as a deep explosion goes off.

“I Jokered them,” Horny says. “They probably survived since they’re cheating, but, eh.” I can see him shrugging in my head and smiling.

My eyes flicker to Arush’s again. He’s watching the game, though I’m not sure he’s very entertained. I’m not sure if he looks at me often or if we’re just attuned enough to catch each other’s eyes from time to time because he looks at me just then, too.

Is this considered making eyes at each other? I grin and look back at the game.

“Go to the helicopter?” Hilt asks.

“Yep,” I say and jump off the side of the boat. It’s more difficult to be killed in the water. Our little arrows over our heads on maps and heat signatures disappear, so I swim in the water for most of the distance toward the helicopter.

“Daddy?” a quiet voice says.

“Hey, baby doll. What do you have?” Hilt answers, his voice getting muffled. “Oh, look at that. Beautiful. Nice job, Anabel. Are those rainbows in your hair?”

“Yes. Can I get real rainbows in my hair?” she asks.

“Of course.”

“Thanks, Daddy.”

I grin. His youngest kid is now seven, his oldest is seventeen. There’s rarely a time when he’s playing games with us that we don’t hear at least one of the kids come in. Sometimes we hear his wife Letty, too.

“She’s getting so big,” Lo says. “I can hear it in her voice.”

“It’s hard to believe you’ve been gone for almost two years now,” Etna says. “It doesn’t feel that long and feels longer at the same time.”

“I know,” Lo says.

“And Jules has been gone almost a year too,” Horny says.

“In reality, we’re lucky to still be here in Arizona,” Keno says. “The more we talk about it, the more we’re challenging the hockey gods to split us up.”

“Maybe,” Lo says. “Caulder’s agent says that he’s had a ton of teams try to trade for him, but Buffalo refuses to let him go. There’s a chance that the same is going on for any of us who don’t get traded.”

“Awe. That’s awesome,” Horny says.

I’m at the edge of the dock closest to the helicopter and climb out under a bridge.

Hilt and Etna are right on my tail. I’m not sure where the other three are.

As soon as we come out of the water, rapid fire shots surround us.

Before I can figure out where it’s coming from, the three of us are down.

Worse, I fell backward off the deck into the water when I was hit. There’s no reviving that. Scowling, I set the controller down. “I’m out. Going to drown over and over again.”

“Same,” Hilt says. “Lost all my shit.”

“It’s the bunny suits,” Keno says.

“Sorry to abandon you, but I’m heading in the opposite direction,” Lo says. “Heading to Keep 99 to glitch.”

I push the mic up to mute it and pull the headset from my head to lie beside my controller. “Need anything from the kitchen?” I ask Arush.

He shakes his head.

With another glance at the screen to make sure they’re still moving around and haven’t reset the game, I head for the kitchen. Figuring I have a minute, I pull the blender out to make us a couple mango lassis.

I’ve made them a few times now and am slowly refining the recipe so it matches Arush’s taste. In goes freshly chopped mangos that I bought from the market; milk, sugar, and cardamom powder into the blender. Once blended smooth, I add the yogurt.

It has this lovely, bold yellow color and smells like mango.

I pour it into glasses, add a couple glass straws, and then turn the blender pitcher over into the sink and press down on the cup washer so it sprays a high-power stream of water through the pitcher.

One of the best things I’ve ever bought since I use my blender constantly.

I’ve gotten pretty quick at making this drink, so the guys are still working their way out of the game by the time I return. I hand Arush his drink, earning myself a big smile. With my now free hand, I lift his face by my fingers under his chin and kiss him.

He sighs, leaning into my touch and my mouth.

Now, with a permanent smile on my face, I head back to my seat. I take a few sips of mine as I watch Arush sip his.

He nods. “Best one yet.”

Grinning, I set my glass on the table and put my headset back on but don’t bring my mic down. The three remaining are just shutting down the game via a glitch mode that allows them to keep everything in their backpacks without having to get out via an extraction point and risk being killed.

“Did you really tell Anabel she can dye her hair with rainbows after I told her she couldn’t?” I hear Letty ask. It’s not loud, but we all hush when she gets that tone.

“She didn’t say anything about dyeing her hair nor that you told her she couldn’t,” Hilt says. “She asked if she could put rainbows in her hair and I thought she was talking about barrets or something. How was I supposed to know she wanted to dye her hair?”

Letty sighs. “Hello, boys.”

I pull my mic down and join the others in saying, “Hi, Letty.”

“I’m going to ground that child for trying to play us against each other,” Letty mutters on her way out of the room again. I hear a door shut and then her voice raises as she calls for Anabel.

I wince.

“Wow. Starting the manipulation young,” Etna says.

“She’s got three older siblings. She’s been well trained,” Hilt says.

Pushing my mic up so it’s muted again, I look at Arush. “Sit with me?” It feels really awkward asking these things. One day it won’t, right?

He gives me a shy smile in return and joins me on the couch. I lay my hand on his leg, just so I’m touching him, but I’ll need my hand, eventually.

“Want to cuddle while you play?” Arush asks. I love the quiet, bashful tone of his voice. I also take comfort that he sounds like I feel. Asking for something intimate is a little discomfited.

“Yes.”

Arush brings both of our glasses to the table at the far end of the couch and sits on the sectional’s lounge. He looks at me expectantly to sit between his legs.

Not going to lie. I’ve never been in someone’s lap before. Not since I was a child, and lap-sitting was an accepted seating option.

I don’t think about it. I move down the couch until I’m between his legs and lean back against his chest. It still feels very awkward. I’m incredibly self-conscious, until he wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck.

I’m not sure why that’s the trigger, but my entire body relaxes. While the game resets and counts our kills and shit, I lean my head back on Arush’s shoulder and close my eyes. It’s a little graceless since I have the big headset on.

His mouth brushes softly over the skin of my neck. Nothing that I interpret as sexy. Just… comfortable. Intimate. I love his touch on me and the way his arms around my torso are secure.

“We lose you, Jules?” Lo asks.

I pick my head up and pull the mic down. “Nope. I’m here. Was getting a drink and comfortable on the couch.”

On my neck, Arush’s lips curl into a smile.

“Cool. You good with another game?”

“Yep. Invite me.”

The chatter is a little mindless as we exchange the missions we have and what we’re going to bring into this map. How much money, which weapons, and do we need keys? That kind of thing.

“So… I did a thing,” Horny says as we’re getting ready.

“What kind of thing?” Lo asks.

“I told you I signed up for Thrustr, right?”

I grin but don’t say anything, preferring to let the others direct the conversation while I listen.

“Yeah, man. You been talking to some guys?” Etna asks.

“Yes. I… uh, met up with him last week and he sucked me.” The nervous jitters in his voice are entirely far too evident.

“How’d it go?” Keno asks. “Did you like it? Hate it? Somewhere in between?”

“I don’t know if it was really, really good, or I got off like I did because it had been a while or… maybe because it felt… scandalous, but yeah, I liked it.”

“Cool, man. You going to do it again?”

“I think so. I told this guy I was just experimenting and stuff. I’d never done anything before. He called me a big hunky guy and told me he’d be happy to help me out.”

My grin spreads wide. Horny isn’t a shy or self-conscious man by any means, but I can hear the vulnerability in his voice. He’s so damn sweet.

“Does he know that you’re a pro hockey player?” Keno asks.

“I don’t know. It hasn’t come up, and I didn’t offer that information,” Horny says. “Should I?”

“No,” Keno, Lo, and Caulder say at the same time. I laugh at the chorus, imagining Horny shrinking back from their louder tones.

“Okay, I won’t,” Horny says. “I didn’t think I should.”

“I’m going to give you some advice,” Lo says. “When choosing who to hook up with, I suggest a series of non-specific probing questions that ultimately lead to gaining information on whether they’re hockey fans. If you have any indication they are, block them and move on.”

“Is that how you played the game?” Keno asks teasingly.

“It is. If for any reason it sounded like they’re hockey fans, I instantly blocked. No further questions. No explanation. Just block. If you want to keep a secret, you take as much risk out of the equation as possible.”

“To be clear, there’s no shame in experimenting with men,” Caulder says. “But I’m not sure a media parade following you around and asking you inappropriate questions is going to allow you to explore in peace the way you’d like to. It has a way of taking your control away.”

The media definitely has a way of fucking with people.

Caulder should know. There was some major baby mama drama that he was roped into unfounded, and it got big and ugly.

While he claims that’s not the reason he ended up coming out, I think it definitely had something to do with it.

As he said, media circuses have a way of taking your control and putting a situation out of your hands.

“I know,” Horny says. “I’m being careful.”

“Good to hear,” Hilt says.

“I’m meeting him again next week,” Horny confides. “I might touch him. You know, a handie or something.”

I smile. It takes a lot of bravery to explore something about yourself when you’re aware of the nasty world around you and their unasked for unwelcome opinions. I think it’s far easier to remain in the lane they set for you than to allow yourself some vulnerability.

I’m really proud of Horny for having the confidence in himself to try things and answer the questions inside him.

“We’re heading to Vondyl, yeah?” Horny asks, his way of saying he’s finished with this subject. He wanted to confide in us, but he doesn’t want to fully examine anything about his situation. That’s cool.

“Yep. Everyone ready?” Hilt asks.

“Ready,” I agree and try not to concentrate on the way Arush is surrounding me, kissing me, or the way his heartbeat feels like an echo of my own.