Page 16

16

P aisley

I feel sick to my stomach as I enter the Royal Offices.

“Morning.” I barely get the word out, I’m so nervous. My hands are shaking. I feel cold right to my bones, and it has nothing to do with the air-conditioning throughout the castle. I was unable to eat breakfast this morning. I could barely get a cup of coffee down. After all the tossing and turning I did last night, the coffee was a must. I forced myself to drink it.

Sally smiles, glances at the clock, and then looks back at me. “You can go straight in. He’s waiting for you.”

Crap!

“Thanks.” I walk over to his office, smoothing my scrubs with one hand. Then I knock and walk in straight away, closing the door behind me.

Arctic is sitting at his desk, his laptop closed in front of him. It’s like, as Sally said, he’s been waiting for me to arrive. Surely not? Surely he has better things to do. He looks the picture of calm, when I am anything but. My cheeks feel warm, even though my insides feel cold. Despite not having eaten, my stomach feels like it is full of rocks and clenched tight like a fist. I feel completely out of sorts.

“You’re late,” he rasps.

“I apologize, I—” I stop talking for a moment so that I can gather my thoughts. “Actually, I’m not sorry at all. I almost didn’t come. I shouldn’t be here. I haven’t heard from Thorn, so I’m going to assume you didn’t tell him I’m reporting to him from here on out. I think it would be for the best if I reported to him. You and I should stay far away from one another going forward.”

“I disagree. Please take a seat. Or we could talk over there.” He gestures toward the couches to the side of his spacious office.

“Here is fine.” I feel better having a desk between us. “I am not going to sit. There isn’t much to discuss. Look, what happened happened. We won’t speak of it again. Let’s move on, and—”

“I don’t want to move on. I’ve thought long and hard about what happened in that closet, Paisley. I’m sure you have, too. The long and the short of it is that we’re attracted to each other.” He gestures again for the chair. “Please, can you at least sit down so that we can talk about what happened and about how we’re going to tackle it going forward? It can’t be ignored. And I don’t want to move on.”

I think Maggie might be right. I think he wants more.

Surely not!

Is Arctic crazy? Has he lost his marbles?

I make a noise of irritation and sit, perching on the edge of the chair.

“It doesn’t matter that we’re attracted to one another. You’re a candidate and my boss, and you’re the king.” I groan, covering my face with my hand. A few moments later, I remove it.

Arctic is smiling. The asshole is smiling.

“What are you doing? Why the smile? Stop it right now. This is no smiling matter.”

“I have a proposal for you.”

“A proposal? What kind of proposal?” I hold up a hand. “On second thoughts, I don’t want to hear it. The answer is no. A proposal is a terrible idea.”

He smiles, and it’s devastating. I hate him!

The smile quickly fades. “I haven’t so much as looked at another woman, let alone touched one, since my mate died. You would be the first. I’m not ignoring that. It’s a big deal.”

A big deal.

“So, now you want me to feel sorry for you, is that it? Well, I don’t. Okay, that’s not true; I do, but it isn’t going to influence me in any way. Just in case you haven’t noticed, I’m freaking out a little. I’m going to stop now.”

“I propose that we fuck.”

I almost choke on my spit. “Did you have a side of insane with your breakfast this morning?”

He laughs. “I’m serious, Paisley.” He turns serious, as if to prove a point. “I think we should fuck…and not just once.”

“No way.” I shake my head.

“We’re both trying to get over hardships. I see an innate sadness in you, Paisley. I know it because I see it in myself, too. We’re both grieving the loss of a loved one.”

“Except my loved one didn’t die; he chose to leave me. It’s very different.”

“In some ways, it’s worse. My Anya would never have chosen to leave me.” His eyes turn hazy. His whole expression morphs into a crushing sadness that I feel right down, deep in my bones.

“How long were you married?” he asks.

“Ten years.”

“And he chose to leave you?”

I nod. “Jim left me when I was at my most vulnerable, when I was a broken mess. When we took our vows, I thought it was for better or worse. Turns out that it didn’t go both ways.”

“We’re both damaged, perhaps beyond repair. Or perhaps we could help heal each other enough to carry on.”

“Through sex?”

“Yes. My proposal is that we fuck. Discreetly, of course.”

“That’s so crude.” My eyes go wide, and my throat feels dry.

“It is what it is, Paisley. It would be fucking, nothing more and nothing less. Two people taking from each other in the most basic of ways. I’m stuck in grief mode and can’t seem to move on. I think you’re stuck there, too. You’re still grieving the end of your marriage. The end of a dream. I can see it in you. I understand it because, in a different way, I feel it, too. We can help each other. I know we can.”

“So, what? You just bend me over your desk once a day for the next week, and we’ll feel better for it?”

He closes his eyes for a moment before opening them. “No, I don’t want a quickie; at least, not for our first time. I want to savor you. I’m glad we were interrupted in that closet.”

My nipples tighten as soon as he says “savor.”

“And yes, I do think we’d feel better for it. I’m a candidate. I’m supposed to meet a human and mate with her. I’m not in a position to do that right now.” He shakes his head. “I’ve come to realize that it isn’t going to happen. Not without a nudge.”

“By nudge, you mean sex with me. So, after sleeping with me for a week or two or five…you’ll what? Get into the groove?” I widen my eyes.

“You’re making it sound cheap. I like you. I respect you. I’m attracted to you, and I want you. I know you feel attracted to me, too. I know you haven’t dated since your husband left you. I’m willing to bet you haven’t had sex since him. You’re just as celibate, just as stuck as I am.”

“It’s none of your business. I think it’s a terrible idea.”

“Let me fuck you, Paisley. Let me make you feel good. Let me remind you what it feels like to be worshipped. I’ll awaken a part of you that you thought had died with your marriage. I’m sure you can do the same for me.”

“Then we move on like nothing happened?”

He nods. “Yes, that’s exactly what we’ll do. I don’t think either of us is in a place where we would start to fall for one another. I know I’m not. I’m not looking for love.”

“I was badly hurt. I doubt I could ever trust anyone again.” The worst part of it all is that I still feel like I’m to blame for the end of our marriage.

“That would be the biggest hurdle,” he says. “Emotions. We’re both attracted to each other, but neither of us is going to fall for the other. That’s a good thing. In fact, it’s fucking perfect. We’ve both been celibate for too long. I suggest we break the dry spell.”

“And in the meantime, you keep dating and hanging out with the Tributes.”

“Yes, but on a strictly platonic basis. I have three rules for this arrangement. One: no one can know about it. Two: we can’t let our feelings get involved. The fact still remains: I have to pick a candidate. I don’t have a choice. And three: if we fuck, we only fuck each other until such time as we call it quits.”

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “It…it’s tricky.”

“Give it some thought, Paisley. That’s all I ask.”

“It’s a bad idea.”

“It’s an excellent idea. You want me, and you can’t deny it. You need release just as much as I need to push so deep inside you that it would be impossible to tell where I start and where you end. I want to make you come so hard that you see fucking stars.” His voice has turned deep and rough.

Holy fucking shit!

My panties go wet. Heat pools in my lower belly, and my clit starts throbbing. I want to squeeze my thighs together. I want to get rid of this ache inside me.

“I need to put in an order for a large dildo with an extra pack of batteries,” I blurt. “That would be the clever thing to do.”

Arctic laughs. “You don’t need a dildo. You have me. I’ll press every button you have. I’m willing to bet there are a few you didn’t even know you had.”

That’s what I’m afraid of.

“Where would these activities take place?” I ask.

“In a bed. Preferably your bed. It would be easier for me to sneak into your place than for you to sneak into the castle. I would suggest a bed for the first time. I want time and four walls. Like I said earlier, I want to savor you. After that, we can get creative. This desk.” He looks down at the gleaming wood. “Against that wall. As long as it happens often but doesn’t go on for too long, I think we’ll be golden.”

“If we do this, I can’t report to you, Arctic.”

“Does that mean you’re thinking about it?” he smirks.

Damn him!

“I’m thinking about it, but I haven’t agreed yet. Not by a long shot.”

He sniffs the air. “Your pussy is all in.”

“Do you always talk like that?”

“If by ‘like that’ you mean if I’m always direct? Yes. Your pussy is wet. You want me to fuck you. You’re shaking, you want it so much. You just need to talk yourself into it. Let me know when you’re ready to proceed and if you need to add any rules of your own. I will look forward to hearing from you. You have my number.”

He’s too much.

I should turn him down flat, but I can’t. I will give it some thought, and then I’ll turn him down. I have to.

I stand. My legs are shaking. My clit is still throbbing. I’ve never been this turned on by words alone. One touch and I think I would go off like a rocket.

“You’re seriously arrogant; you know that, right?” I tell him in a soft voice.

“You’re mistaking confidence for arrogance. I sincerely hope you’ll agree. It’s a good proposal.”

“We’ll see.” I start to turn toward the door.

“Paisley.” His voice is like a caress.

I turn back.

“Don’t make me wait too long.”

I face the door again.

“Oh, and, Paisley.”

“What?” I sound annoyed.

Arctic grins. “If you have some perfume in your purse, you should apply it to mask the scent of your arousal.”

My cheeks go blood red. It can’t be that bad. I rummage in my purse and pull out my aerosol deodorant, which I spray all over me.

“Better?”

“Not by a long shot, but yes, you have adequately masked your scent.”

“Can I go now?”

He throws me a half smile and nods once.

I leave, my heart pounding and my gut churning.