Page 12 of Recovering Ivy (Red Team #4)

Zane

Ivy had done what no man or woman had ever done - rendered me speechless.

My heart throbbed in my chest.

My gut was tight.

What the fuck had happened to this woman?

I had serious issues with commitment and trust, mine came from the obvious.

It was no secret what my time in the field had done to me.

I wasn’t under the illusion I hid it from my team.

Others? I could put on my mask of indifference and no one was the wiser.

I preferred it that way; it kept people at bay.

I was a dick and didn’t try to hide that either.

Life was too fucking short to put on a front and pretend I was someone I wasn’t.

I was paid to kill.

And there was never a shortage of work.

But this woman standing in front of me should’ve had a beautiful life. Instead, she’d been fucked every which way but Sunday. She stood tall and proud with her chin stubbornly uplifted.

Strength .

She had it in spades. However, there was a need that simmered just below the surface.

The need for a hero. Someone to protect her even if it was from herself.

I wasn’t that man. The one thing I was not, was anyone’s hero.

I couldn’t even save Eric; he’d died under my watch.

Hell, too many good men had. No, I was no one’s hero; I was a failure.

I couldn’t begin to show anyone how to heal from their past when I held on to mine like a blanket.

The guilt acted as a daily reminder of everything I wasn’t.

I remembered her original question about sleeping arrangements and answered, “You’ll take my bed and I’ll take the spare.”

“I can’t take your room.”

“You can and you will.”

I didn’t try to understand why it was important to me nor did I want to put a name to the emotion that stirred deep at the thought of her in my bed.

“But…”

“But nothing. Besides, the master has its own bathroom. It’s easier all the way around.”

She followed me back to my bedroom and stood silently in the doorway.

What the fuck? Was she afraid I was going to throw her on the bed and fuck her again?

Not that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind a time or a hundred, but after what she’d told me, she was off limits.

I wouldn’t be the one to prove her right.

I’d offered her help because… shit… I wasn’t exactly sure why I felt the need to wade in and nail Forester.

But I’d offered, and it wasn’t because I wanted her in my bed again or that for some unknown crazy reason I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Then there was the nagging reminder I never double dip.

Instead of addressing the huge elephant in the room and questioning why she was still standing in the doorway, which pissed me right the fuck off, I went about grabbing her a tee out of my dresser for her to sleep in.

I debated grabbing her a pair of sweats, but it would’ve been useless.

Even rolled up, they would’ve fallen off of her slender frame.

“Here.” I tossed the shirt on the bed and waited for her to move so I could leave and give her privacy.

“I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” I questioned.

“Stay in here. Put you out like this.”

I looked at Ivy, really looked at her - her posture, the lines in her forehead, the way she crinkled her nose, her discomfort.

I was a dick.

“Ivy, listen, I’m not going to touch you. You’re safe here. We’ll work everything out tomorrow and reevaluate. If we find it unsafe for you to be out in the open, I have a safe house you can stay in. My secondary team can rotate watch. Bottom line is, I won’t come near you. You have my word.”

“Is that what you think the problem is? I think you’ll attack me?”

“Well, yeah. Hell, woman, you’re standing in the door frame with your arms wrapped around yourself.”

“Zane, you can bet your ass if I thought I was in any physical danger my rear end would be long gone. There would’ve been no way you could’ve made me stay in this apartment.

” It was cute she thought that. I thought it best for me not to point out that I could easily put her sexy little ass anywhere I wanted it.

And there wouldn’t be a damn thing she’d be able to do.

I kept my mouth shut and waited for her to finish.

“I don’t like being an imposition and I really don’t like asking for help. ”

“Does that happen a lot? ”

“What?”

“You asking for help?”

“Hell, no!”

“I didn’t figure it did. And you didn’t ask. I offered,” I reminded her.

Her lips tipped up in amusement. “Is you demanding I go to your office, then taking me and keeping me against my will, your idea of an offer?”

She was joking, and the tight ball of insecurity, another thing I wasn’t used to feeling, unraveled.

“Best you’re gonna get from a man like me.”

“What kind of man are you, Zane?”

“A man that doesn’t ask. I take. I demand. When I see something I want, there is no stopping me from getting it.”

“And is there something you want from me?”

Was she fucking flirting with me? I felt my cock start to lengthen at her playful tone. He seemed to remember last night just as vividly as I did.

She was still standing in the doorway, but her body had relaxed, and she’d unwrapped her arms from around herself.

I still wasn’t going to touch her.

I still wasn’t that man.

“There sure as fuck is. I want you to get your happy ass in my bed and get some sleep.”

Her smile slipped before she schooled her features. It was impressive. She almost had the mask of indifference down as well as I did.

I hated it.

I didn’t want her to hide her emotions from me.

I didn’t want to know how or why or where she’d learned the trait. None of it would be good. You didn’t learn to hide and wall yourself off because you’d been surrounded with hearts and fluffy fucking unicorns. You learned because you’d been surrounded with devastation and destruction.

I shouldered my way past her and didn’t wait for her response. I couldn’t take one more second of the pain in her eyes.

Rejection.

She’d said she knew it well.

Was that what she’d thought I had done? Rejected her? As much as I wanted to explain there was nothing I wanted more than to be in my bed next to her, sheets tangled around us, until we both collapsed hot and sweaty, I wouldn’t.

It was better she thought I’d rejected her.

The last thing either of us needed was me barging into her life bringing more of the shit she’d already had.

No. I walked away.

It was better this way.