Page 52 of Queen of Shadows and Ruin (The Nightfire Quartet #4)

FIFTY-ONE

After Row left, everyone retired to their separate spaces to rest for the night.

Zarya and Rabin closed the door to her room. He turned around to face her, and his expression was so full of misery that she thought her heart might burst from her chest.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I have to…”

He strode across the room and wrapped her in his arms as she broke down, sobbing against him and letting everything out. He trembled as he squeezed her, pressing soft kisses to the crown of her head.

“I hope you know…” she gasped. “I wanted more time. I wanted to do everything with you. See the world. Be together. I just…”

“Zarya,” he murmured softly, cupping her face in his hands. “It’s not over yet.”

“The odds of surviving are almost nothing,” she said.

“But they aren’t zero.”

She nodded, even if she knew it was hopeless. “I’m sorry this is the end for you, too. You should never have agreed to bond with me. This wasn’t worth it.”

He lifted her chin with a finger. “Zarya. Don’t you dare fucking say that. I entered this bond willingly. Openly. I knew what I was signing up for. From the very start, I understood your destiny would take us somewhere important, and it might mean sacrifices along the way.”

He wiped an errant tear from her cheek with his thumb.

“The first time I saw you, I knew there would never be anyone else. I knew I would die with you, one way or another. You’ve brought me the greatest happiness I’ve ever known, and if it could only be for so short a time, then I need you to understand it was worth every moment I got to spend with you.”

He paused, searching her face, his dark eyes sparking with gold. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I would have made the same choice over and over, even knowing what I know now. I would have made the same choice no matter what. Loving you and spending even a moment with you was worth all of it.”

Her tears were flowing freely now, coasting down her cheeks as her shoulders heaved with the weight of the emotions she was carrying in her breaking heart.

“What do you picture after this?” Rabin said. “If we survive?”

“You and I together,” she whispered. “I want to go to university, and I want to live in Ishaan. I want Row and my mother to get another chance, and I want us to be a family.”

He exhaled a soft breath. “Then you’ll have all of that. Do you understand me?”

He cupped her face in his hands and stared at her until she finally nodded. “I can’t wait.”

He gave her the softest smile that cracked through the center of her chest.

“I love you,” she whispered, clinging to him. “I don’t care if the gods chose you for me, I would have loved you until the end.”

Then he kissed her in answer. They clung to one another as if trying to hold on forever.

Suddenly, she couldn’t get enough. She surged up, pressing her mouth harder to his. She needed him. She needed to feel all of him against her. Inside her. She needed his hands and his touch. This might be the last time they’d ever do this.

In silent agreement, they began undressing, sliding off layers, pants, shirts, boots, cloaks, everything hitting the floor until they were both naked, their warm skin pressing together and heat rising between them.

They kissed and kissed like the world was burning around them. He lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. Then he lay her on the bed before he began planting soft kisses down the length of her body.

He pulled up and looked down at the space between her heart where the silver dragon Kishore had inked on her skin sparkled. She touched it, but there was no magic anymore. No power left to control them. It would only be a reminder of everything they survived.

He traced her iridescent black dragon and then the silver, his expression contemplative. Zarya thought it looked like they were reaching for each other.

Then Rabin gave her a soft smile and then leaned down to suck on the curve of her throat and kiss her collarbone, followed by the valley between her breasts. His mouth dragged lower, skating over her stomach and down over her navel. He spread her legs as he fell to his knees, and this reminded her so much of the first night they’d been together.

She forced her mind towards the good memories. The moment he’d told her that he loved her. When he’d saved her from falling to her death in Dharati. She thought of the moment when she’d finally forgiven him. Of the day Row and Koura walked in on them in the haveli.

She giggled, and Rabin peered up from between her legs with an arched brow.

“What are you smiling about, Spitfire?”

She told him, and he barked out a laugh.

“That door is locked, right?”

“I hope so,” she answered as his head dove between her thighs, and he licked her with a long stroke. She moaned as her head tipped back and her hips arched.

He continued tasting her as his hands slid up her thighs and stomach, cupping her breasts. With the tip of his tongue, he circled her clit as he pinched her nipples. She was somewhat conscious of everyone else in the apartment, so she did her best to muffle her cries, but they might both die tomorrow, and surely everyone would understand.

She felt herself winding tighter, and it didn’t take long before her release exploded as she gripped the bedspread so hard she felt the fibers give. She hadn’t stopped shaking when he crawled up her body and lined himself up with her entrance, slowly easing in.

“Zarya,” he said as he thrust his hips, his voice low and dark. “I love you.”

Then he leaned down to kiss her, and she felt the message he was trying to send. She felt the moments they’d spent together in the depth of that kiss as he made love to her. This was a letter written with their bodies and the hope—the hope —that they’d live through this to see another day.

She held his face in her hands as they stared at one another while he slowly drove into her. Their gazes locked for several minutes as they found strength in each other. She felt him thicken inside her, and they came together, moaning softly.

When it was over, they said nothing as they lay tangled together.

What was left to say?

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she decided it was the last one until this was over. There would be no more crying until this was done.

She would face this head-on. She had vowed to do this. She had been chosen for this. She was duty-bound to fulfill her mother’s prophecy and free the vanshaj.

The collars were broken, and now it was up to Rahajhan to finish what had been started.

She hoped they wouldn’t waste this opportunity for peace.

She hoped for so many things.

Zarya heard Rabin’s breath turn into a steady rhythm as they lay in silence.

She was asking everyone to do the unthinkable.

Zarya might have to take this into her own hands.

Slowly, she extricated herself from Rabin’s arms. She hunted for some clothing while he remained asleep and dressed in the dark bathroom.

Then she tiptoed across the room and eased the door open. She was relieved to find the common area empty. On light steps, she crossed the flat and then headed outside.

She passed homes with the curtains drawn and the windows dark and whispered a prayer that everyone else would survive this, too. Then she stole through the city’s ruined streets, navigating herself to a familiar place.

After about twenty minutes, she knocked on the door she’d been looking for. It was late, and Zarya hoped she would answer. It took a moment before she heard movement on the other side.

The door popped open to reveal Thriti, her expression wary.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, scanning Zarya up and down.

Zarya swallowed the knot in her throat. “I need your help.”