Page 75 of Pretty Broken Wings

Okay. This is fine, Raven; you just have to think.

Could I bum a tank of gas off someone? Surely, someone will take pity on me.

But the more I think about it, the more I know that won’t happen. What am I going to say? Your rich, handsome business owners, who everyone respects, kidnapped me? But don’t call the cops ‘cause they’ll tell my ex?

Fuck no. Max hangs out with law enforcement on a daily basis. I used to also, so I know just how much “help” they can be. Plus, Gage is a fucking lawyer. He’s going to argue his way out of this one, and the only way I’ll come out of this one is looking crazy. My thumb? He’ll say I did it to myself to make them look bad. These are the Newman twins. They’d never do anything wrong.

For a fleeting second, I think about the guy who drives Axel around. He’d tell them, right?

But my stomach sinks. Tell them what? That I’ve been around the twins? Of course, I have. Both of them were, at one point or another, my boss.

I slow even more, realizing that I’ve gotten to the street my apartment is on. Slowly, I pull around back in the same spot I always park in.

What the hell am Idoing? Even if I was able to bum a tank of gas, then what? Bum a tank of gas all the way to… where? I have no money. I can’t buy food.

I let my head fall against the steering wheel. I should have taken Gage’s hush money before I left. The offer he made would set me up in some cheap motel for a long ass time. I could even move from place to place so they couldn’t track me.

I should have taken it.

Could I go back and get it?

Yeah. And walk right back into their clutches.

Then I think about Buddy. She wouldn’t let them touch me. She was so loyal, and she barely even knew me.

The thought brings tears to my eyes. I left her. I just left her without even saying goodbye.

I don’t even hold it back. I sit there, and I cry big, ugly tears. The snot runs down my face, my shoulders heave, and I just sob. I sob because I don’t know where I’m going to go or what the hell has happened to my life. I sob because this is the second time I’ve stood up for myself, and it worked. The first was when I left Max. I slunk out in the middle of the night, but I still left. And the second was now.

I got away.

I got away, and I still failed. I have no money and nowhere to go. Only this time, it’s worse.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I let the self-pity sink in for a while. I cry until I feel numb and stare out at the darkness. I think about my entire life, trying to pinpoint what the problem is and how to fix it.

The pity morphs into anger at myself.

So, I failed. Sort of. Is this it? Am I going to give up in the back parking lot of some fucking odd-ass, stupid town?

I want to. But honestly, that would be embarrassing.

So I don’t.

Because I’ll be damned if I let a man ruin my life.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

I spend the night in an exhausted state of sleep and wakefulness.

Part of me expects them to come knocking at my door. To break it down and force me to come back with them.

But they don’t.

It’s cold as hell in my place. I spend the night tossing and turning, but by the end of the night, I have a plan.

I’m going to Alaska. One of my friends from college was from there. I don’t keep in touch with her, but I’m going to try. I’m going to disappear. I’ll find a local job at a library or bookstore, get rid of my phone, and just disappear.