Page 54 of Pretty Broken Wings

I blink back into the present, realizing I’ve been staring at the bed. Raven has now backed to the far edge of the bed, legs curled up to her chest.

Raven looks just like I felt.

The rage that starts to wash over me comes in a warm tingle. That rage that I try so hard to keep down every year. The rage I try to drink and fuck away. The rage that makes me murderous.

I open my mouth to demand who the fuck hurt her, but then snap it closed.

I have the foresight to snatch the plate off the floor and stalk from the room. I make it to the top of the stairs, where I catch a glimpse of the attic landing. It looks just like the one at Rich’s house.

Suddenly, I just stand there and stare. All the emotions are roaring around in my head. They all scream for attention, the betrayal, numbness, and fucking sadness like a smothering blanket I’m stuck under, unable to move.

It takes me a long time to snap out of it. When I do, it’s because I hear a soft thump from the room behind me.

Then, the rage starts roaring up again.

Someone made Raven feel like this, too.

And suddenly, all the emotions have a place to go. Someone fucked with Raven. So I’ll fuck with them.

For a second, a wild idea fills my mind. Icouldfind them. Could hunt them down and make them pay. I feel elated at the idea. I could kill them for her. I’m not a kid anymore. I could make it right. She could be my girl for real. Like, I could date her and get to know her and fucking do all the nice things for her.

Then, I hear Rich’s voice. “You’re my boy. I love you.”

Suddenly, I feel sick. The nausea rolls through me, and I dart to the bathroom just in time. Then, I hurl into the toilet. I wretch, getting everything in my stomach out. Then, I drop my head on the toilet seat.

What am I thinking? I can’t love anyone. I’m not built for that shit. That was always Gage’s job. Why the hell am I over here acting like Gage?

My heart twists, but I force myself to flush the toilet. Look at Axel, playing Captain Save-a-Hoe. Fucking can-get-whatever-pussy-he-wants Axel over here simping for someone he hasn’t even fucked.

I wash the food from my face.

Raven will never fuck me. Plus, I think I just entered a game that is so far out of my league. I just need to let her go.

My skin prickles, and for some reason, I fuckinghatethat idea.

Fuck. No, I’m not going to get attached. What’s the rule? Never fuck the same girl twice.

But I haven’t fucked her yet, so I’m not breaking the rule…

Fuck. I splash my face, then rip the hand towel away and dry my face. It’s scratchy and smells stale.

I can’t just leave Raven like this.

I could go to her apartment and lock the door since I left it unlocked when I carted her out. Maybe while I’m there, I can see what I can find, and if there’s nothing there, then there’s nothing there, and we call it quits.

Yeah. I owe it to her to at least keep her stuff safe.

I straighten, smelling like a mix of lavender soap, stale towel, and pesto.

This doesn’t mean anything. Just a decent thing to do after keeping a stubborn woman warm.

Fuck, if this woman won’t be the death of me. I won’t allow her to be. I can’t.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

7 Years Old

Mom is crying. She doesn’t usually cry.