Page 35 of Pretend Wife (Angels of the Secret Order #4)

TWENTY-FIVE

Hayden

Something was wrong. I didn’t know what, and Danielle insisted everything was fine whenever I tried to ask, but I wasn’t a complete idiot. I knew there was something bothering her. And I couldn’t fix it if she wouldn’t tell me what it was.

She was still taking her class and spent hours studying old-as-shit-looking books in her old bedroom, but I didn’t think that was what was bothering her.

She no longer read at a frenzied rate like she was racing a clock.

The dark circles were gone from under her eyes, even with all the late nights we spent not sleeping.

This was different than a few weeks ago.

It wasn’t as obvious. Most of the time she was normal—the girl I’d known since I first woke up to her face in the hospital over two years ago.

But there were moments when she’d stare at me like she was waiting for me to disappear.

Sometimes she’d reach for me in her sleep and hold on like she needed to physically keep me with her.

And then there were the times her mind was somewhere else entirely.

She’d get lost in her own head and didn’t see or hear anything.

I’d never imagined how terrifying it could be to watch the woman you love turn into a shell, to call her name and get no recognition whatsoever.

I wanted to climb inside her and battle whatever demons she was fighting. But I couldn’t. Not when she refused to tell me anything.

I slipped my arms around her from behind as she stared out the window at the Charles River. The view was stunning, but I didn’t think she saw it.

“Danielle.”

No response.

I lowered my mouth to the side of her neck, kissing and nibbling. “Come back to me, baby,” I begged against her skin.

It took a couple of agonizingly long seconds, but she gave a slight jolt and then she was tilting her head to offer me better access to her neck.

“Are you about ready to go?” I asked, pretending everything was fine and she hadn’t been unreachable a few seconds ago.

“Yep.”

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. My brother and sister will understand.”

She turned to face me with a frown. “Why wouldn’t I want to go?”

I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to add to your stress. ”

“I’m fine,” she said with a wide and very fake smile.

“Please don’t hide from me. Whatever it is, I want to help or at least be here to listen.”

Her gaze dropped, hiding her eyes from me. “You can’t help.”

“Dani, please talk to me. You’re starting to scare me.”

“I tried to warn you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I knew my secrets were going to hurt us.”

“Hey.” I tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at me. “I stand by what I said. I don’t care what your secrets are—they aren’t going to change how I feel about you—but I want to be here for you, to understand.”

“You will. I promise, I’ll tell you everything. Soon.”

I bit back my frustration. When the fuck was soon? Before or after I lost her completely to whatever was bothering her and stealing her from me?

“Let’s go.” Danielle squeezed my hand in reassurance. “I just want to forget for a while.”

“Okay.” I conceded for the moment, but I knew we’d have the conversation again. She’d been doing a lot of trying to forget, but when the distraction ended, she’d slip back into her head.

We met Maggie and Miles in the bubble tea shop where I’d given Danielle her engagement ring. They were already there with drinks on the table and a card game partially spread between them.

“Dani!” Miles jumped up to kiss Danielle’s cheek, most likely for the sole purpose of antagonizing me.

“Hey,” she said with a smile that looked more genuine than earlier. “What are we playing? ”

“Nothing yet. Maggie’s still coming up with the new rules she’s going to make us play by.”

“Go get your drinks,” Maggie said, waving us off without looking up from the cards in front of her.

I placed a hand on Danielle’s lower back and led her away from my asshole brother and his shit-eating grin. I knew he didn’t see her that way, but that didn’t mean I had to like their touchy-feely friendship.

We got our own cups of bubble tea and then joined my siblings at the table where Maggie explained how to play her new version of Sleeping Queens.

Three rounds in, she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “What’s going on?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The looks you keep giving Danielle, like you’re afraid she’s going to get hurt or something.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me. You know it doesn’t work.”

“I’m worried about her. But there’s nothing I can do because she won’t talk to me about what’s bothering her.”

Maggie glanced to where Danielle and Miles were trying to cheat by stealing extra cards—could you even call it cheating when we weren’t playing by the rules in the first place?

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

I shook my head.

“Hayden, my cat queen is declaring war on your poodle queen,” Miles announced.

“It’s a dog queen.”

Miles leaned over and squinted at the card of a woman with a fire-hydrant crown, holding a tiny dog in her palm. “That’s definitely a poodle. Not only is it poofy, it’s literally pink.”

I rolled my eyes. “The card says dog .”

“Whatever. I’m still going to call it a poodle.”

Danielle laughed and swatted at his chest. “Stop deliberately annoying him.”

“That’s my job as the youngest sibling. It’s written in the rule book we’re given when we’re born.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

He grinned at her like she’d offered him a compliment, and I felt my jaw clench as I resisted the urge to pull Danielle closer and away from him.

“So Hayden, are you going to war with me or surrendering?”

I lowered my eyes to the cards in my hand, taking stock of my armies and kingdoms. There was almost a zero percent chance that I could win a war against Miles, but he didn’t need to know that. “War,” I said with a you’re going down smile at my brother.

Danielle smirked at me, and I got the distinct feeling that she knew I was bluffing. I drank in her amusement, her joy, wishing I could bottle it up and keep it safe.

In the end, Maggie won most of the games, to the surprise of no one. I wasn’t sure if she rigged the games to always work in her favor when she came up with the new rules or if her wins were completely fair. It didn’t matter. We all played by her rules anyway.

Scott met us at the bubble tea shop before we all headed to my parents’ for dinner.

Dad had been getting worse lately—working from home more days than not and bowing out of almost all events he was invited to.

So Mom was now insisting we do family dinners on Saturdays.

I wasn’t going to pretend I was particularly fond of the idea, but I was sucking it up for the sake of everyone else.

Danielle slipped her hand into mine as we walked up to my parents’ front door. “You okay?”

I squeezed her hand. “Yeah.”

The door swung open while I was still knocking.

“How many times do I have to tell you to just come in?” Mom said, pulling me and Danielle into a hug. “This will always be your home.”

It hadn’t been my home in over ten years, but I didn’t say that. It would only hurt my mother’s feelings.

She let go of us and moved on to Maggie and Scott, who were coming up behind us.

“You didn’t bring Jessica,” she said with a hint of disappointment when she got to Miles.

“She was busy tonight,” Miles said even though we all knew it was a lie. Or maybe she was busy, but that was only because Miles didn’t want to bring her. If he’d wanted her here, she’d be here for him.

I’d met Jessica a couple of months ago and only saw her a handful of times after that, but it was easy to see how good she was for my brother and how much she genuinely cared about him. I couldn’t imagine her picking something else over a family dinner with Miles’s dying father.

“That’s okay. Maybe she can come next week,” Mom said.

“Maybe.”

But we all knew she wouldn’t. Miles was hiding her from Dad. I couldn’t say I blamed him. I still hadn’t forgiven him for asking Danielle about our prenup during the vacation at the beach house.

Danielle was quiet through dinner, only speaking when someone asked her a direct question, and she kept casting glances around the table with an unreadable expression on her face.

“What’s on your mind, Sunday School?” I asked, leaning in so my lips brushed her ear with every word.

She shook her head. “This isn’t the time or place.”

“Come for a walk with me then.” I pushed back my chair and held out my hand to her.

She stared at it for a second and then looked up at me with disapproval in her eyes.

“Please excuse us. We’ll be back in a bit,” I said.

Danielle accepted my hand and followed me out of the dining room.

“That was rude,” she hissed when we were out of earshot of my family.

“I honestly don’t give a fuck. Tell me what’s bothering you. Did one of them do something?”

“No. I’m just… I need to tell you something, all of you. Do you think your family would be okay with doing a joint thing with my family next weekend instead of dinner here?”

“Yeah. I’m sure they’d be happy to.” I didn’t care what they wanted. If this was what Danielle needed, I’d make it happen.

She nodded. “We should go back in there.”

“Not yet.” I tightened my hold on her hand and pulled her into the conservatory off the kitchen. It was one of my mother’s favorite rooms in the house. She said it reminded her of her grandmother who had raised her and apparently loved plants and gardening.

“What are we doing here?”

I led her to the middle of the room where there was a small table with a couple of chairs facing each other.

“My mom sits here every morning to drink her coffee. It doesn’t matter what else is going on—if she’s home, she’s here at seven a.m. My dad has never once joined her.”

“Does she want him to?” Danielle asked.

“Does it matter?” I replied. “ He should want to.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t want us to ever become my parents. I don’t want to watch you sit by yourself. I want to be there with you, hearing all the things you’re thinking about.”

She swallowed hard, tears welling in her eyes. “And I want to tell you. I promise I will as soon as I figure out how.”

“Is there something I can do?” I asked, silently begging her to let me in, to give me something to work with.

But she just shook her head.

We returned to my family, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Danielle was slipping away from me, that I was somehow losing her. In some ways, we were closer than ever, and yet it felt like I was watching her get further and further away. And I didn’t know how to fix it.