Page 27 of Pretend Wife (Angels of the Secret Order #4)

TWENTY

Danielle

In the week following Scott’s accident, I spent every spare minute I had learning everything I could about the grand princes of Hell, their fall from Heaven, and the rules of war that kept Heaven and Hell at a sort of standstill.

I was desperate for a loophole in my deal with Beelzebub.

There had to be something I could use against him or at least something that could protect my family from him.

I hadn’t found it yet, but I was sure there was an answer.

I sat on the floor of my bedroom, surrounded by books I’d borrowed from the secret order’s manor house library in Heaven. I’d learned more than I’d thought there was to know about Hell’s politics and layout, but none of it really helped.

Actually, knowing more about Hell made it worse.

I had confirmation that Beelzebub really could bring an army to attack my brothers and their families. I knew about his mansion in the Devil’s court where he could easily keep my nieces and nephew prisoner.

I was in so far over my head I couldn’t even see the surface anymore.

With a sigh, I picked up the book closest to me and reread the same pages I’d already pored over a dozen times.

When Lucifer and his angels took over the throne of Hell, they became impossible to kill.

Their souls were connected to the land and could not be destroyed as long as Hell existed.

Even if I or my brothers somehow managed to strike a fatal blow on Beelzebub, he would just come back to life as good as new.

How did you fight a demon who couldn’t die?

Easy.

You didn’t .

So I had to outsmart a millennia-old ruler of Hell who had more life experience than almost any being in the universe. Even Micah was young in comparison to the original Fallen.

Still, if there was anyone who could get me out of this mess, or at least keep the rest of the family safe, it was Micah.

He had been the sole member of the secret order for a couple thousand years, and I couldn’t even begin to comprehend all the things he’d seen and done.

I didn’t know if his experience would be enough to rival a grand prince of Hell, but he certainly had a better chance than I did.

I let the book drop from my hands and closed my eyes in defeat. I needed help. No matter how much I wanted to deal with this problem on my own and prove to my family that I wasn’t just a liability to the secret order, I couldn’t.

At least if I broke the deal with Beelzebub on purpose, I could control the when and how. It would give my brothers time to prepare for an attack. And it would give me a chance to be honest with Hayden and Miles before the shit hit the fan.

Opening my eyes again, I pulled another book from the pile and flipped through it until I found the section on the rules of war.

There had to be somewhere I could meet with my and Hayden’s families where we’d be safe from whatever network of spies Beelzebub had.

Somewhere the grand princes were forbidden from going. Or at least I hoped there was.

By the time I heard the penthouse door open, announcing Hayden’s return home, I felt like my eyes were about to bleed and my brain refused to comprehend half of what I was reading.

I left the books and went in search of Hayden. The idea that you had to search for anyone in an apartment still seemed crazy to me, but this place was bigger than some houses.

I found Hayden in the living room, dressed in one of his many delicious suits. He stood with his back to me, his gaze fixed on the view of the city through the wall of windows.

“Hey,” I said. “How was work?”

He turned to face me. “The usual. How was your day off?”

“I honestly wish I’d had a shift at the hospital. That would have been more relaxing than studying. My brain feels like it’s going to explode.”

Hayden chuckled. “You do know you’re married to a soon-to-be billionaire, right? If you don’t want to take whatever classes have been sucking the life out of you for the past week, you don’t have to.”

If only it were that simple. I’d told Hayden I was taking a certification program to explain the books and trips I’d been taking to Heaven. It also made a good excuse for my mental exhaustion that definitely did not go unnoticed.

“Come here.” Hayden held out a hand to me and, as soon as I took it, tugged me into his chest. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” I said in a choked voice that sounded anything but fine.

“Uh-huh. Seriously, is it worth it? I don’t like seeing you so listless.”

“It’s worth it,” I said, resting my head against his chest where I could hear his heart beating steadily.

Hayden rested his cheek against the top of my head. “What can I do to make it better?”

“Just be here.” For as long as possible.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

We stayed like that for a while without speaking while I soaked in his presence, wishing the moment could last forever.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” I whispered.

“You don’t need to ask permission for that; you have an open invitation.”

“Why? ”

He pulled back so he could look me in the eye.

“What kind of question is that? I want you. I want to keep every promise I made to you in that church three months ago. I want us to be a team against the world. I want to be there for your good days and your bad days. I want to take care of you when you’re sick and celebrate your wins with you.

I want to be the person who makes you smile and the shoulder you cry on when you’re sad.

I want to believe that this can last forever. ”

“But what if you change your mind?”

“I’m not going to change my mind. I don’t believe in marriage, Sunday School—I never wanted to get married, and I’ll never want to marry anyone else—but I do believe in us.”

My breath caught. “There are things you don’t know about me.”

“I know you’re loyal.” He bent to kiss my cheek.

“That your family adores you.” He kissed my jaw.

“That my family adores you.” Kiss. “That you aren’t afraid to call me out on my shit.

” Kiss. “That you have no interest in my money or what you can get out of me.” Kiss.

“And I know that you make me feel at peace.”

“But—”

“No buts.” His mouth clashed with mine, effectively silencing anything else I could say. Not that I was fighting very hard. Or at all.

Actually I was pretty sure wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing closer was the exact opposite of fighting.

“I don’t want to lose you,” I said when we came up for air .

His arms tightened around me. “You’re not going to lose me. In case I haven’t made it abundantly clear, I don’t give a fuck about our deal. Nine months is not going to be nearly enough time with you.”

“My secrets could put you in danger. What if being with me gets you hurt?”

“Everyone gets hurt by something.”

I pulled back as far as his arms would allow and looked up at him. “You’re not taking me seriously.”

“Yes, I am. I just happen to believe you’re worth it.” He brought a hand up to cup my face, his thumb running over my lower lip. “I don’t care what your secret is. It’s not going to change how I feel about you.”

“You don’t know that.”

He caught my chin between his thumb and finger, forcing me to look at him.

“Yes, I do. You are it for me, Danielle. And nothing is going to change that. You could tell me you have a secret life as an assassin, and I would still love you. You could be a hundred-year-old vampire, and I’d still want you. ”

My lips parted at his words. Did he really mean that?

It was almost scary how close to the truth he was.

Sure, I wasn’t a vampire or a hundred years old.

Yet. And I’d never thought of myself as an assassin, but that was what I’d been training for in the past four years I’d belonged to the secret order. It was almost like he knew…

But he couldn’t.

I’d been so careful. I didn’t even spread my wings outside of Youngblood. Not for anything. I hadn’t healed even a bruise on Hayden, or Miles for that matter, since the time I’d saved his life .

I was being paranoid. That was all.

“Danielle?” Hayden stroked his thumb over my jaw. “Where did you go?”

I blinked, refocusing on him. “I’m right here.”

“Are you ready to go to bed?”

I nodded and followed him up the stairs. I’d been up here before to do my laundry, but I’d never set foot in the master suite. Not even when we’d been dating before. Hayden had come to me, not the other way around.

The master bedroom was simple, everything in some shade of gray. Two of the walls were made up of glass windows just like the living rooms downstairs, with gray curtains pushed aside to show off the view of the Charles River and the city lights.

My gaze landed on the giant bed in the middle of the room, much bigger than the one we’d shared at the beach house. Everything about this space was big. And empty. There were almost no personal touches anywhere. It looked kind of like a hotel room—tasteful but impersonal.

“Shit, we didn’t grab any of your stuff…” Hayden’s words trailed off as I unzipped my dress and let it pool on the ground at my feet.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a tight voice.

“I’m not sleeping in that dress.”

“While I appreciate your confidence in me, I don’t actually have an unlimited amount of self-control.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to stay in control.

” If I was going to lose him—lose everything—I didn’t want to waste the time I had with him.

I wanted to experience everything I could before it all came to an end.

It didn’t matter if Hayden was my mate or not.

He was my choice. I might never get another chance to have this physical connection, and I was just selfish enough to take the opportunity while I had the chance.

The reality was that if Beelzebub killed me tomorrow, my one regret would be never taking the next step with Hayden, not giving him everything I had to give.

“Don’t fuck with me, Sunday School.”

“I’m not. I want you. All of you.”