Page 29

Jackson – one year later

I take a step back and admire my handiwork. The blue light provides a nice ocean feel to the tank, where three moon jellyfish bob around. The tank is a D shape, because apparently you can’t keep jellyfish in an aquarium with straight edges, and has a built-in LED system. Hayden told me all about how the tank would change color, so I made sure I found one that could do the same.

“I think he’s gonna love it, Dad.” Ryan smiles up at me, mirroring my posture with his hands on his hips.

I glance down at my son, amazed every day at how grown-up he is.

“Yeah? You think so?”

He nods confidently. “Yeah, I do.”

Hayden’s been away for two days in Toronto on business and is due back this afternoon. I’ve been wanting to surprise him with his own jellyfish tank for a while, but with my schedule and making sure I found reputable sellers, it hasn’t lined up until now. I spent weeks emailing with Roberta asking for her advice and what kind of tank and type of jellyfish she has so I could replicate it at home, knowing how much Hayden loves them.

Ryan’s also been so excited to get this set up because this is the first pet we’ve had as a family. Not that we can cuddle up or pet a jellyfish, but the novelty is still there.

Plus, there’s something else me and the kids want to ask him, so it kinda ties in nicely.

“Have you got everything ready for him?” I ask, picking up the empty packaging to take out to the trash.

“Yep, and Izzy is finishing up her drawing now.” He motions for me to follow him into the family room, where Isabela sits at the dining table, her coloring markers scattered everywhere.

“Daddy, look!” she says excitedly and holds up her drawing.

I take the sheet of paper from her, and my eyes burn as I take it all in. There are four stick-figure people, two large and two small, all joined up by their stick arms like they’re holding hands. Daddy is written under one, along with Isabela’s and Ryan’s names, and Hayden is on the other end. Underneath the four stick figures, there are big block letters that say, “The Wilde Family” and a bunch of love hearts in various sizes and colors.

“This is beautiful, peanut. Hayden’s gonna love it.”

She beams. She’s grown so much in the last twelve months since we started her specialized programs at school and created the right environment at home. My mom still takes care of the school runs, and often, they stay overnight with my parents when I have a game, but most of the time when I’m on the road, they stay at home with Hayden. He’s adjusted his travel schedule so he can be home with them more, and the difference we’ve both seen, and her teachers too, is significant.

Ryan has moved up a group in hockey, and Hayden makes sure he always attends his practices even if I can’t. He really looks up to Hayden. Always wants his advice and often asks for his help whenever he’s struggling with something, whether it be on the ice or homework.

Seeing the relationships develop between him and my kids is something I never would have expected, but it’s come to mean absolutely everything to me.

“And this is mine,” Ryan announces, handing his drawing over. It’s a similar concept to Isabela’s, without the stick men. He’s drawn Isabela wearing her Bingo costume, which is her current favorite. So much so I had to buy another one recently because she’s worn it so much. Then, Ryan and I are in our hockey gear, both of us holding hockey sticks, and Hayden’s in a suit, but it’s what he’s written that causes a choked noise to escape me.

‘Hayden, will you be our Papa?’

When I decided I wanted to ask Hayden to marry me, I spoke to the kids first. Their happiness is the most important thing to me, and I’d never do anything that would upset them. As expected, they were so excited about the idea of me and Hayden getting married. Isabela demanded to be a bridesmaid, then asked when we could get her dress, but it was Ryan who almost knocked me off my seat.

“Do you think we could call him Dad?” he’d asked.

I’d let him know that as long as Hayden was happy with it, they could choose what name they wanted to call him. But the second they turned their attention back to the TV, I hid in the kitchen and cried.

Because how fucking lucky am I to have these two incredible kids.

“Is it bad?” Ryan asks, his voice hinted with worry when I haven’t said anything. “I can do it again.”

“No, no. Ry, this is beautiful too. He’s…” I swallow the lump of emotion in my throat and look at my son with glassy eyes. “He’s gonna really love this. I promise you. I love it.”

Ryan lets out a relieved sigh, then turns to his sister. “We better clean up ’cause he’ll be home soon.”

Home.

There was a time when I never thought I’d hear those words again in association with Hayden. The home we had together back in Boston was tainted by the actions of our past selves, but we’re both in a different place now. Not just geographically. We’re older. Matured. We’ve both been through things that have shaped us in ways we wouldn’t have otherwise expected. I’ve got kids who rely on me.

Rely on us .

Laura hasn’t been in their life as much since I told her to get out. We did talk things through a few days later, and I told her the surprise visits had to stop. I wanted to instill stability and structure into Isabela’s life, and having her mom turn up whenever she felt like it didn’t fit into that plan. She’s seen them twice in the last twelve months, and part of me worries that it’s because of how I flipped out on her.

But then I see how happy and healthy my kids are, and I know I’m doing my best and giving them everything I can .

And now they have Hayden too. Who I have to remind almost daily not to spoil them. That he doesn’t need to buy them a gift every time he leaves the house, and he doesn’t need to spend money to show his love.

But that’s just who he is. It’s his love language, and I love him for it.

He hasn’t had the surgery yet on either his knees or his hips, but I’m not forcing the issue either. I can understand his fears, even if I have to watch him struggle with pain. He ended up speaking with Ethan at Peyton’s New Year’s Eve party, and I think it settled some of his anxiety, but he’s still working up the courage. All I can do is be there for him. Support him and love him and distract him when his mind tries to take him down a different path.He has changed his medication though, and he’s no longer getting himself worked up about not being able to perform in the bedroom. He still has struggles sometimes, but he doesn’t beat himself up as much anymore.

I also met Roberta, too, during the off-season. I mentioned to Hayden that I wanted to have a session together so I could learn what I could do better, and after our joint session, she asked to see me alone. She let me know that there will be hard times, and depression isn’t something that’s fixed with medication or disappears overnight. But she told me that if I ever needed her, because sometimes the people who are closest don’t have an outlet for their thoughts, that she was there to support me too. Luckily, I’ve not needed to take her up on her offer, but I can’t deny it’s been hard sometimes. Watching the person you love struggle with a demon in themselves and no words you say or actions you do is enough.

But every day, I always tell him how much I love him, and I always show him with actions.

The kids’ heads snap up at the sound of the door opening, and then it’s chaos mode. Isabela throws herself off the chair and hightails it down the hallway, Ryan inches ahead. They crash into Hayden, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“Wow, hello,” he chuckles, dropping his bag to the floor so he can hug them back. “Did you miss me?”

“Yeah!” they reply.

“Well, I missed you too.” He lifts his head and looks at me. His lips quirk in a soft, loving smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I lean against the doorjamb to the living room. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too.” He stands up and ruffles Ryan’s and Isabela’s hair. “Daddy’s turn.”

I grin. The first time he called me daddy, he tried so hard not to laugh. We’re not into that, but we still find it amusing whenever he uses it.

I open my arms, and he steps into them. He smells like the cold winter air and his spiced aftershave. I take a deep inhale, then press a kiss to his cold lips.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

He nudges his glasses up his nose. “A surprise?”

“Yeah. Come see.”

He takes off his coat, and then I hold my hand out. The kids follow us into the living room, giggling excitedly. His shocked gasp makes me grin widely when his eyes land on the tank.

“You got me jellyfish?” he asks, spinning around to face me.

“Yeah, we did.” I give the kids a look, a silent sign to go and get their drawings. They disappear into the kitchen, returning moments later and standing at my sides.

“We have something we’d like to ask you,” I say, then reach out to take his hand. “Hayden, I was nineteen when I first met you, and a part of me knew the moment I locked eyes on you that you were the one I was supposed to be with. We made so many memories during our time in Boston, and I like to think of that as part one of our journey. But this? This is part two.”

The pinch between Hayden’s brows tells me he’s trying not to cry.

“Fourteen years later, you found me at a time I was struggling and thought I wasn’t quite enough. And your patience and your gentle love made me fall in love with you again. Only this time, I brought two extras.” I nod my head to Ryan and Isabela, who are both shining toothy grins up at him.

“The gut feeling I had when I was nineteen wasn’t wrong. You are the one I’m supposed to be with. You are the one I’m supposed to bring my kids up with. You are the one who I want to share lazy Sundays with and cook while listening to Frank Sinatra with.”

I let go of his hand and get down on one knee. Slipping the ring from my pocket, I hold it up. “I love you, Hayden Issac Cassidy. Will you marry me?”

He sucks in a shaky breath and nods. Tears cling to his eyelashes behind his glasses, and his voice cracks when he answers. “Yes. Yes!”

The kids start clapping and squealing in excitement. I slip the platinum band onto Hayden’s finger, and then he grabs hold of my hand and tugs me up. Cradling my face with both hands, he kisses me hard. My cheeks are damp with my own tears and his. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him tight to me.

“Me and Isabela also have a question!” Ryan interrupts.

We separate with a chuckle, quickly wiping at our faces with our palms.

“Wow, I’m so lucky tonight.” Hayden lets out a choked laugh, then takes a seat on the couch.

Isabela hands over her drawing first, and his face lights up.

“Wow, peanut, this is amazing!” he praises, running his finger over the letters at the bottom. He raises his head to look at her. “You think of me as family?”

“Yeah!” She nods, bouncing on her toes.

“Wow, I love this so much. Thank you.”

“And this is mine,” Ryan says, handing his drawing across.

The corners of Hayden’s eyes crease with the smile that seems everlasting on his face, and I see the exact moment he sees the question at the bottom. His eyes widen, and his head snaps to me with questioning eyes.

“Is this real?” he asks, barely audible.

I nod. “It was the kids’ idea, but I love it.”

His eyes immediately fill with tears again, and his hands begin to shake.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes!” Ryan bursts, his arms going in the air. “If you don’t like Papa, we can call you something else.”

Isabela climbs onto the couch and wraps her arms around his neck. “Pleaseee!”

Hayden’s laugh turns into a sob as he wraps his arm around Isabela, and Ryan takes his other side.

I crouch down in front of him, taking the drawings from him and putting them on the table. Placing my hands on his knees, I rub my thumbs in soothing circles.

I blink back tears, unable to wipe the smile from my face. He takes a deep breath, then slowly exhales. Nudging his glasses up, he wipes at his eyes again and takes a few minutes to collect himself.

“I would love to be your papa,” he says to the kids, then looks at me.

Sometimes those gray eyes can appear to be stormy, like rough seas at night. But right now, they are filled with so much happiness and love they almost twinkle. Although that might be down to the Christmas tree lights.

“Papa and Mr. Wilde, two titles I never thought I’d have.”

I rise on my knees and lift my hands to cradle his jaw in my palms. I press a slow kiss on his lips. There’s no need to hurry right now because we have forever to go.

“Welcome to the Wilde family, Hayden. We’re all glad to finally have you home.”

THE END