Page 19

Chapter Nineteen

Jackson

“Daddy?” Isabela tugs on the collar of my jacket. “Get ice cream now?”

My mom chuckles. “See? She’s going to be perfectly fine. I mean, yeah, it helps that you have the money for therapists and specialists, but still. You’ve been worrying yourself for nothing. These are the best people in Chicago to give her everything she needs.”

She’s not wrong, but what am I earning seven figures a year for if I’m not going to spend it on my kids?

We’ve just come out of the final appointment in regards to Isabela’s diagnosis. Over the last few weeks, we’ve met with various specialists, such as developmental pediatricians, child psychiatrists and psychologists, and neurologists, and had meetings with her teachers on how her school can provide the appropriate support. I’ve come away with more information than my brain can process right now, but I feel more confident that Isabela is going to get the support she needs, especially when she goes into first grade. But it’s been a hard process. Having to watch as your child is visibly uncomfortable around all these strangers doing various different tests and assessments on her and not being able to do anything about it because it’s necessary for her development. It fucking sucked. But I’m glad it’s done now, and we can move forward with a suitable plan.

“Of course we can, peanut,” I say to Isabela while I carry her back to the car, then turn to my mom. “Are you coming for ice cream?”

She shakes her head. “No, you go. Remember, Ryan has hockey practice after school, so you’ll need to pick him up at six.”

I raise my hand and give her a salute, which causes Isabela to giggle. We wave my mom goodbye, and I strap Isabela into her seat.

“So, do you want ice cream or cupcakes?” I ask her.

Her face lights up, and she shakes her fists in excitement. “Cupcakes!”

“Okay, you got it.” I kiss the top of her head and hand over her iPad, then climb into the driver’s seat.

I’m pulling away from the curb when Hayden’s name appears on the dashboard with an incoming call. Grinning, I hit the green Answer button.

“Hey, Cas. I’m in the car with Isabela,” I say quickly, giving him the heads-up.

There have been a few close calls where he’s called me and was about to spill some filthy talk until I let him know the kids were in the car. We’ve both learned our lesson.

“Hey, Jax. Hey, peanut.”

I glance in the rearview mirror to see Isabela hiding her toothy grin behind her elephant .

“It’s Hayden. You gonna say hi?”

She shakes her head, but she’s still smiling.

“She’s gone all shy,” I chuckle.

His laugh is like a smooth caress through the car speakers. “I was just calling to see how the appointment went.”

I relay everything the specialist told us about the changes we need to make at Isabela’s school, the additional support groups I need to enroll her in, and the changes we need to make at home.

“They recommended I create visual aids to show her when I will be home because I don’t have the most structured home environment, especially during the season, and establish some clear routines.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, when I’m home, it’s usually chaotic because I’m just happy to be home with them. My mom is the one with the structured routine, and that goes out the window as soon as I’m home with them.”

That was something that was hard to hear. That I might have been doing more harm than good. But I’m ready and willing to do whatever’s necessary.

“That’s doable. Even if you apply what your mom does, then add in some extra dad time.”

“True, and they mentioned a behavioral chart. Like stickers or tokens to reinforce positive behavior.”

“Which will be hard for you,” Hayden laughs softly. “You know you’ll need to do the same for Ryan so she doesn’t feel singled out.”

I pull up to a stop light and scrub my face, thinking about the conversation I need to have with Ryan too. “Yeah, I know. It’s a good thing he’s such a good kid that he won’t bat an eye.”

He hums. There’s a small beat of silence. I can hear Isabela murmuring to herself in the back, and I quickly glance in the mirror to find her fixated on the iPad that’s playing an episode of Bluey .

“Is there anything I can do?” he finally asks, and my smile is instant.

This man.

He never fails to make me feel like I’m nineteen all over again, feeling giddy when my crush first spoke to me in the locker room.

“Not that I can think of right now, but honestly, my brain feels like it’s overflowing. I’ll probably need a few days to figure everything out, and I’ll have to fill Laura in on everything.”

And that’s a conversation I’m dreading the most. No doubt she’ll blame me for something.

“Okay, well, you know where I am if you need me, and I’ll see you in a few days anyway.”

“We can’t wait.” I catch Isabela’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Can we, peanut?”

She hides her giggle behind her toy.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I can hear his smile in his voice. “Are you doing anything fun this afternoon?”

“Just heading to Jacob’s shop, then we’ll probably get hot dogs before we pick up Ryan.”

“Wow, watch you don’t go too wild with that. Coach might have you doing bag skates.”

“If I could flip you off right now, I would,” I warn, but my cheeks are aching with my wide-set grin .

“I’ll let you go and speak to you later.”

“Okay.” I swallow and lower my voice, even though it won’t make any difference because Isabela will still hear me regardless. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Jax. Later.”

We hang up with the promise of speaking later and I pull up outside the front of Jacob’s Delicious Desserts. The bell rings when we walk inside, and I let go of Isabela’s hand. She runs to the glass cabinets and places her hands flat on the glass to peer in.

“Hey, Jackson.” Alex smiles, then rests his elbows on the counter and leans across. “Hey, Isabela. Is your Daddy treating you to a cupcake today?”

She nods silently.

“She was brave today, so I said I’d treat her to either cake or ice cream, and she chose cake,” I say, running my hand over her head.

“Good choice.” Alex stands back upright and props a hip against the counter.

“Hey, Jackson!” I hear Jacob shout from the kitchen. “I’ll be with you in a sec!”

“He’s mid-decorating a custom order,” Alex explains. “So, how’s things? I haven’t seen you since Thanksgiving.”

“All good. Did Blaine tell you we’re going on a toy drive next week?”

“Yes,” he chuckles. “Well, I didn’t find out from him, I found out from Elliot, who is very excited about it. Did you ever have those baby harnesses for the kids when they were little?”

I furrow my brow at the change in topic. “Uh, yeah, why? ”

“I think you might need to bring them for Elliot because you’ll lose him based on how much he’s looking forward to it.”

I huff out a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Daddy, I want this one.” Isabela tugs my hand for me to follow. She points at a vanilla cupcake covered in rainbow sprinkles. When I look up at Alex, he’s already on it.

“This one?” He points, and Isabela nods. He puts it on a plate and slides it across the counter. I pull out my wallet, but he waves me off. “You’re family.”

“Alex,” I argue.

“Nope. We don’t charge family.” He waves his hand in the direction of the booths. “Go take a seat. I’ll bring you a coffee over.”

I stuff a twenty in the tip jar when he turns his back, then lead Isabela over to the booths. I help her peel the cupcake wrapper off and grab a handful of napkins because no doubt we’ll end up in a mess. Alex joins us with a steaming hot cup of coffee and a cream-cheese-filled bagel.

“We’re trying something new,” he says, sliding the plate across the table. “If you don’t want it or don’t like it, I won’t be offended.”

“Oh, wow, thanks.”

It’s not until I take the first bite that my stomach rumbles loudly. Shit, I think I skipped lunch.

“So, how’s Hayden?” Alex asks.

I swallow down my bite of bagel and glance up. His eyes sparkle with a knowing look. I’m about to open my mouth, ready to play dumb, when Jacob comes rushing out of the kitchen.

“Wait! Don’t answer that without me!” He quickly walks over and nudges Alex with his hip to move up so he can sit down.

My gaze darts between the two brothers. Both of them are wearing matching bright expressions.

“How is Mr. Tall, Blond, and Handsome?” Jacob asks. He lets out a happy sigh and props his chin on his hand.

“Don’t think we didn’t notice the tension between you at my wedding.” Alex smirks.

“Or how you came downstairs pretty much together at Peyton’s Halloween party,” Jacob adds.

“ Or —” Alex’s lips tip into a wicked grin as he continues. “—the way you kept making heart eyes at each other at Thanksgiving.”

I shoot my gaze down at Isabela. She’s not paying any attention to us as she’s too engrossed in eating her cupcake.

“You two are hellions,” I grumble under my breath. “We might be seeing each other.”

Jacob lets out a loud “whoop,” and Alex fist bumps the air.

“I think Hayden’s great. He’s done so much for Blaine over the years. And let’s be honest, he’s really easy on the eyes.”

“Don’t let Blaine hear you say that,” I chuckle.

Blaine’s oddly possessive over Alex, something I know Hayden likes to wind him up about whenever he can.

“Eh, it’s all part of the fun. But seriously, I’m happy for you both.”

“Me too,” Jacob agrees. “And I’m assuming this is on the DL?”

I nod, lifting my hand to rub the back of my neck. “Uh, yeah, it is. ”

Alex mimics zipping his lips. But Jacob scrunches up his nose. “Ethan’s the one who pointed it out, so I can’t exactly stay secret. But he’s the only one who knows!”

This doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Ethan has always been so observant.

At the mention of his partner, I seize the opportunity to change the subject. “How’s his recovery going?”

“It’s all going well, except he’s bored. I think with this being his first season in retirement and having to spend it resting, it’s been a bad combo, but he’s getting there.”

“Daddy,” Isabela whines quietly and holds up her frosting-covered hands.

While I’m wiping her hands clean with a napkin, Jacob must have gotten up and boxed up a few more cupcakes because he slides a box in front of me on the table.

“One for Ryan and yourself and another one for Isabela.” He smiles.

“Thank you.”

He gives me a wink, then lowers his voice. “Let me know when Hayden’s next in town. I’ll make sure you have some more of those and let you in on a little secret that’ll bring a whole new meaning to if you use too much frosting, it won’t fit in your mouth.”

My jaw drops open.

Is he implying what I think he is?

Alex drops his face into his hands and lets out a strangled groan.

There’s a flurry of heat sizzling in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of indulging in Hayden in a different way.

The next day, I decide to pay a visit to my old captain after practice. Ethan was the first guy to welcome me to the team when I was traded from Buffalo. Of course, with him being the captain, it was only natural he was the one to welcome me into the fold, but he went that one step further than my previous teams. He made sure I knew that he was there if I needed anything, and that included watching my kids sometimes.

Isabela and Ryan adore him too. So much so that they like to FaceTime with him on a weekly basis.

I fired off a text to Jacob asking if he was home when I left the rink, and he let me know that while he was at work, Ethan was—or should be—at home and to let myself in. But despite the open invitation, I still rasp my knuckles on the door before I let myself in and kick off my shoes.

“J?” Ethan calls out from the living room. “You’re home early. Something up?”

“Wrong J.” I round the corner and flash a wide smile.

“Jackson, hey. What’s up?”

“I thought I’d come see how my old captain is holding up.”

I sit down next to him where he’s sitting on the couch with his leg propped up on the coffee table, crutches resting at the side.

“Less of the old, thanks,” he grumbles. “It’s okay. I’m fucking bored out of my brains, though. Who knew TV was so shit, eh?” He waves a hand at the wall-mounted TV that’s showing a sports talk show. “These presenters don’t know squat either. Have they always been this shit?”

I laugh. “I’ve gotta hand it to you because I don’t think I’d cope with daytime TV. It’s Bluey in our house, all day, every day.”

He grunts and turns the volume down.

“So, how’s the knee? What have the doctors said?” I ask.

“Not a lot. Just that it’s healing as it should be, and I’ll hopefully be done with them soon.” He points to the crutches. “But I’ve gotta admit, I’m glad I waited to do it now and not while I was still playing because I think I would’ve pushed myself to be back on the ice sooner than I was ready. Though, now I hate that Jacob’s waiting on me.”

“Maybe he wants to wait on you. You ever thought of that?”

“He’s too good.” His lips tip into a small smile beneath his scruff. “Anyway, enough about me. Jacob mentioned you’re dating Cassidy.”

I lean back into the cushions and huff out a laugh. “Wow, news spreads fast, huh?”

He gives me a bored look. “Don’t act like it was some big secret. If you were trying to keep it under wraps, you did a shit job.”

I let out a choked laugh. It’s not like I can deny it.

“Yeah, it’s fairly new, but we… uh…” I run a hand through my hair. I might as well be completely honest about everything now. “We actually used to date when I was playing for Boston.”

This time, he doesn’t try to hide his surprise. His eyebrows lift, and his mouth drops open. He blinks at me for a beat, then shakes his head slightly. “Wow, okay. Well, I didn’t see that one coming. ”

“That was kinda the point. We worked hard to keep it a secret because we didn’t want anyone to know.”

Ethan’s brows furrow as his expression turns thoughtful. “Huh, you know, that makes a lot of sense.”

“What does?”

“I’ve known Hayden for a long time. I don’t know him well enough to consider us friends, but enough that we’d acknowledge each other whenever we were in the same place.” He rubs the scruff on his jaw. “He always seemed like he was running from something. I’d heard some talk that he dabbled in drugs, which wasn’t my scene at all, but it seemed like he had some demons he was fighting. And now that I think about it, it kinda happened after you were traded to LA.”

I drop my gaze. There’s a cold, hollow feeling in my chest. Did my trade trigger his downward spiral? We haven’t had the conversation yet on what truly happened between us, but was it the beginning? He never touched drugs when we were together, despite a few of our teammates doing the occasional line or two.

I struggle to swallow from the heavy lump forming in my throat.

Fuck. Did I fail him? Did I give up on us too soon? Did I miss the signs that he was hurting and was pushing me away to protect himself?

“He was running from himself, I think.” My voice cracks slightly.

When I look back up, Ethan’s smile is sad.

“It makes sense. Sometimes our biggest demon is our own minds. I mean, hell , I spent a long fucking time allowing my fear of history repeating itself to rule my life. We’re conditioned to believe that we’re strong, and emotions are for the weak, but ultimately, the only people we’re hurting by doing that is ourselves.”

Ethan told me all about how he fell in love with Jacob while on summer break in London but was too chickenshit to show his underbelly and take what he wanted because he had been burned in the past. It almost cost him Jacob. But he managed to pull his head out of his ass and go for what he wanted, fear be damned.

Maybe I need to take a page out of his book.

“I guess I’m just scared,” I admit.

“Because you’ve got more than just yourself to think about now?”

I nod.

“Eh, kids are more resilient than you think, but I get it. It’s natural to be cautious, given you’ve gone through a divorce and moved states, but if everything in you is telling you this thing between you and Hayden is right…” He shrugs. “Sometimes you’ve just gotta go for it because life’s too short for regrets and questioning the ‘what could have been.’”

Ethan’s right. Everything inside me is screaming that this is it. That he was my first love, but it was the wrong time for us back then. Hayden has slotted back into my life better than he did before, and I would be a fool to ignore the magnetic connection between us. He’s proved himself tirelessly. My heart yearns for him, and I know it could go one of two ways. It could be the best thing, or it could destroy me more than it did before.

“You’re good at this, you know.”

He arches a brow. “What’s that? ”

“Being the one who gives good advice. Carter mentioned the talk you gave him when he and Zach were figuring things out, and Alex and Blaine adore the shit out of you.”

He rolls his eyes, but it doesn’t do anything to dampen the smile that appears on his lips. “I’m gonna start charging you all for my time.”

“Hey, I should get it for free, considering I’ve taken on the role of team dad, apparently.”

He snorts. “Good luck with that.”

We pass the time chatting about the season and our plans for the holidays. Before I leave, I fetch him a coffee, then slip on my coat.

“Oh, I know what I was going to ask you. Jacob mentioned letting him know when Hayden’s back in town and something about if there’s too much frosting, it won’t fit in your mouth?”

For the first time ever, the top of Ethan’s cheeks turn pink. He blushes. Fucking blushes .

I bark out a laugh. “Holy shit! Are you telling me that he was on about something sexual?”

“Fuck off,” he grunts, but it’s only half-hearted. “Get out of my house.”

I hold my stomach and bow over with laughter. “I never knew you had it in you.”

“I didn’t. I had it on me.” His eyes widen, and then he blanches, realizing what he said. “Don’t you dare tell the guys. They won’t let me hear the end of it.”

I hold my hands up in surrender, but I’m still struggling to breathe. “It’s in the vault, I swear.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Once I’ve stopped wheezing, I ask with a smirk, “But you recommend it, yeah?”

He shoots me a glare with his dark brown eyes, then gives the slightest of nods.

I slap him on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Ethan Parkes.”

He huffs in response. I turn and head toward the door, stopping when he calls out my name.

“Talk to Hayden. Be vulnerable, and go for what you want.”

“I will. Thanks.”

I say goodbye and head back into my car, feeling a lot lighter than I did before.