Page 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Hayden

“Do you need anything?” Zara asks, placing a cup of coffee on the bedside table.

“No, I’m okay.” I glance over at my new phone on the dresser, where it’s plugged in next to my old, beat-up phone. “Has it still not updated yet?”

She shakes her head, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. “No, not yet.”

I groan. The guy in the store said it could take a few hours to transfer everything, but it seems to be taking forever. Doesn’t it realize I have calls to make?

Zara’s been coming over to check on my house while I’ve been in Chicago and collect my mail, and she showed up as I got home from the mall. I didn’t know how much I needed to see her until I did because it was like the moment I stopped, the weight of everything that’s happened came crashing down, hitting me with a wave of exhaustion. I told her everything that happened with Laura, and what Jackson said when he got home, and about my flight last night. I proceeded to get worked up while trying to sort my smashed phone, and she responded with one of her tight hugs, something that’s always surprised me because she’s a petite woman, but damn, she’s strong. Then she told me to take a nap while she sorts out my phone and prepares some lunch.

“I need to get hold of Jackson,” I say, moving slowly into a seated position, trying to hide the throbbing ache that blooms in my hips.

I can’t begin to imagine what he must be thinking right now, especially if he listened to the voice messages and has been unable to get hold of me. He’s bound to be worried, probably angry.

“Is he on social media?” she asks.

“Yeah, he’s on Instagram.”

“Should I send him a message? Let him know what’s going on?”

“Yeah, that would be good.” I smile. “Thanks.”

She leaves the room to get her phone, but before she can come back, the doorbell chimes. I strain to listen to the murmur of voices as she answers, but my bedroom is at the back of the house, overlooking the beach. Reaching over, I grab my coffee. I zone out, staring out the window at the waves crashing against the sand. The anxious part of my brain begins to think up seven hundred different scenarios.

Maybe I need to start keeping a note of my emergency contacts in my wallet in case something like this happens again.

In my disassociated state, I’m vaguely aware of the sound of footsteps against the hardwood in the hallway, but nothing could prepare me for the sight of Jackson appearing in the door. Relief flashes through his eyes the moment those gorgeous blue eyes settle on me.

“Hey,” I croak, and the second I put my cup of coffee down, he’s moving toward me.

Placing a knee on the bed, he engulfs me in his arms, hiding his face in my neck. The tightness of his embrace could rival Zara’s, but I melt into him. Wrapping my arms around his wide shoulders, I pull him closer. His scent grounds me. The warmth of his soft breath against my skin brings me a sense of peace.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he mumbles into my sweater.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” I whisper.

He shakes his head slightly, the move causing his blond hair to brush against my cheek. I press a kiss to the side of his head.

“I’m just glad you’re okay. I thought you were saying your final goodbye in that voice message. Then I couldn’t get hold of you…” He trails off. His unspoken words are loud and clear. He thought the worst, and I hate that I caused that fear.

He lifts his head, letting me go to cradle my face with his palms.

“I was really scared.” He swallows roughly. “I thought something really bad happened, that I’d lost you.”

Fuck, I’ll never forgive myself for putting him through that. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I still managed to fuck it up somehow.

He’s still here , my conscience reminds me, sounding a lot like Roberta. He still came for you.

“I ended up breaking my phone. We had really bad turbulence, and my mind started to catastrophize, and by the time we landed, I was so shaken up that I dropped my phone going down the stairs. I got a new phone this morning after I saw Roberta.”

I take his hand in mine. His skin is warm and familiar. I run my fingers over the calluses, memorizing how each one feels scraping against my skin.

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He smiles. “Did everything go okay with Roberta?”

“Yeah, it did. I spoke to her about possibly changing or adjusting my medication so I can…” I wave my hand in front of my lap. “You know, get it up.”

“You know it doesn’t bother me.”

“But it bothers me, Jax. I realized this morning during the session that I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, and I do deserve good things in life, and those good things include getting hard and coming all over your chest.”

He grins so widely his eyes crinkle at the corners. “You do deserve good things, Cas. You deserve all the good things, and I can’t wait to contribute to that.”

He leans in and kisses me. My free hand finds its way to the back of his head, sifting through the strands. He traces the seam of my lips with his tongue, and I open willingly, groaning at the taste of him. We’ve kissed thousands of times since we met, but this one feels different. It feels like a thousand I love yous. It feels like I can’t breathe without you. It feels like a turning point for better things to come.

It feels like the start of forever.

The sound of Zara clearing her throat causes us to pause mid-lip lock. She’s wearing a wide, toothy grin when I reluctantly pull away from Jackson’s mouth .

“I hate to interrupt, but I’m gonna go. Do you need anything?” she asks, looking pleased as hell.

“No, I’m all good. Thanks, Zara,” I say with a half smile.

“Anytime. And Jackson?” She turns to my man. “I’m so happy to finally meet you! Make sure you look after this one, okay? His phone is almost done transferring everything, and lunch is in the fridge for whenever you guys want it.”

“You got it, and thank you.” He clears his throat. “For taking care of him when I couldn’t. Not just today, but before… You know. Thank you for being there for him.”

Recognition dawns on Zara’s face, and her eyes fill with tears. We don’t talk about the before , choosing to keep focused on the future. She wets her lips and nods, her voice soft when she speaks again. “I’d do it all again in a heartbeat for him. We might not be married anymore, but he’s still important to me.” She turns her gaze onto me while still addressing Jackson. “He’s one of my best friends, and I’d be lost without him.”

I give her a grateful smile, and she gives us both a hug before she leaves.

Jackson kicks off his shoes and crawls into bed next to me. I take my glasses off, placing them on the bedside table. We lie down, and I curl into him, my head on his chest, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, his fingers lazily drawing a heart against my back.

“Did you mean it about getting a place in Chicago?” he asks quietly.

I tilt my head up to look at him, resting my chin on his firm pec. “Yeah, I was going to look today to see what was available. ”

“Move in with us.”

My eyes widen, his words completely unexpected. “What?”

“Move in with us. The kids love having you around. I love having you around. There’s a room upstairs you can convert into an office. I want everything you said in your voice message. Waking up next to you, falling asleep in your arms. I want lazy Sundays with you. I want to come home from a game, knowing you’re at home waiting with the kids.”

“Only if you’re sure…”

“One hundred percent. And I’m going to speak with our trainer to see if there’s anything we can buy to help combat the winters too. Like heating pads or something. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“That sounds great.” I smooth my hand over his chest. “I also asked Roberta if we can move our sessions to a video call.”

“Did she agree?”

“Yeah, she did.” I settle my head back on his chest, but then a thought hits me. I sit up quickly, ignoring the pinch in my hip as panic sets root in my chest. “Wait, you have a game tomorrow. Don’t tell me you got yourself scratched for me?”

“I have a plane on standby to take us back to Chicago early tomorrow morning. It’s going to be a rush, but I had to come and see you.”

“And where are the kids?”

“With my mom.”

I’m unable to do or say anything. I can’t believe he dropped everything and came for me. Put his career on the line. And his health because, holy shit, this is going to impact his performance on the ice.

But the look of unconditional love shining in his eyes tells me he would do it all again without a shadow of a doubt.

He did it all for me.

“I… Will you help me pack later?”

“Yeah, I will. Let’s just lie here for a bit.” He tugs me closer and drops a kiss to the top of my head. “I just need to hold you for a while.”

Jackson wasn’t kidding when he said the plane was leaving early the next morning. The sun wasn’t even up by the time the plane powered down the runway, but it meant we landed in Chicago before lunch, giving Jackson plenty of time to rest ahead of his game tonight.

I’m still in shock that he didn’t think twice about the repercussions that it would have had on his career if something happened and he missed the game.

We ended up falling asleep yesterday, then lost track of time making out. By the time we got around to eating the lunch Zara had prepared, it was late afternoon. Jackson helped me pack up as much as I could. Mainly clothes and my medication, but I wasn’t too worried because if I did forget anything, I could buy it in Chicago.

“The kids are going to be so excited to see you,” Jackson says as we head down the I-90.

“Were they upset that I left?”

“I think they were confused at first, but then when they walked in on me listening to the voice message, I explained that sometimes our minds can play mean tricks on us.” He gives me a quick glance before focusing back on the road. He reaches out to take my hand. “Ryan had picked up that sometimes you seemed sad, so I think he had an idea.”

My face falls. This is what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to let the kids see me when my mood was low. I didn’t want to wear the mask around them because I’m so damn tired of wearing it.

“I’m sorry. I tried so hard to keep it from them.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to shield them from things. They need to learn that not everything in life is happy and great, and I’m trying to bring them up to know that it’s okay to talk about your feelings, to show your emotions, and the only way I can do that is if I do it myself. And I don’t want you to hide yourself to protect them, Cas. They love you—something they told me yesterday morning—and if there’s days where you feel lower than others, it’s okay to show that. They’ll probably smother you in cuddles and make you watch Bluey , but trust me, it works.”

A warmth spreads through me, knowing that I’m accepted and welcome as I am. But there’s one important piece of information he just dropped that comes rushing to the front of my mind.

“Wait, what?” I gasp. “They said they love me?”

His face softens as he smiles. “Yeah, they do.”

I duck my chin as my eyes blur and cheeks ache from my smile.

“Fuck,” I say under my breath. “I… Fuck, Jax. They have no idea how much it means to me.”

He squeezes my hand .

“They know.” He winks.

When we pull up outside Jackson’s Lake View home, there are several cars parked outside. I glance over at him, and the confused expression on his face tells me this is unexpected.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“I’m just wondering why there’s some of the guys’ cars here. They should be at home because morning skate would’ve been over and done by now.”

We get out and begin unloading the car. The front door swings open, and Elliot stands there wearing the costume Jackson was wearing at Peyton’s Halloween party.

“Finally! I was starting to think you’d ditched us and decided to stay in California!” he calls out with a wave. “I mean, I wouldn’t blame you—they have Disneyland. Oh, I’d come help you, but I don’t have my shoes on. Plus, you look like you’ve got it all handled.”

“Don’t worry, El. You stand there and watch,” Jackson deadpans.

Elliot responds with a double thumbs-up.

I only have two cases and a few suit bags, so we manage between us. Once we’ve got all my luggage inside, I slip out of my coat and let out a relieved exhale.

“I need coffee, stat. And you need to nap for your game,” I tell Jackson, stepping up behind him and placing my hands on his hips. “Maybe we can nap together once your goalie’s gone back to his own house.”

“Okay, this is cute and all, but sexy nap time will have to wait because I have a surprise,” Elliot interrupts. He puts his hands between us and tries to wedge us apart.

“Actually, why don’t you start with why you’re in my house?” Jackson asks.

“Because I had the best idea yesterday after you left, and being the genius that I am, I made it happen. So, if you would stop being cute, you’ll find out what it is.” He motions for us to follow him into the living room. “Come on. Don’t just stand there.”

I throw a worried glance to Jackson, who looks equally confused, but we follow Elliot into the living room.

I startle as a streamer pops, showering us with confetti.

“Welcome home!”

I place my hand over my chest, my heart beating rapidly against my breastbone. Holy shit, they scared the crap out of me.

Standing in the living room are Blaine, Alex, Jacob, Ethan, Zach, and Peyton.

“Kenny would be here, but he’s on kidlet duty,” Elliot adds, referring to the Thunder defenseman Adam Kendrick.

“And Carter is in Denver, but he said to say hey.” Zach smiles.

I’m about to open my mouth when the two angels who have stolen my heart jump up from where they were hiding behind the couch.

“Surprise!” Ryan and Isabela shout together, then proceed to burst into laughter.

“Wow…” I say barely above a whisper. I’m struggling to find any words because I wasn’t expecting this kind of welcome .

The kids jump off the couch and run over to hug me. I crouch down, wrapping an arm around them both.

“Did we surprise you?” Ryan asks quietly.

“You sure did.” I smile. “That was the best welcome I’ve ever had.”

Isabela’s arms tighten around me, her silent way of telling me how she feels.

When I stand back upright, it’s Blaine who talks first.

“We wanted to start off by saying we’re sorry that we’ve been shit friends to you—” He grimaces. “Sorry, I forgot there’s little ears around.”

“It’s okay,” Jackson says around a huff of laughter before Blaine continues.

“I know we work together on a professional level, but I, and I’m sure I speak for everyone here, do consider you a friend, and we had a bit of a reality check yesterday when your man yelled at us.”

My head snaps to Jackson. “You yelled at them?”

Jackson rubs the back of his neck, something he does when he’s not feeling so sure of himself. “Yeah, I was angry and scared and kinda let my emotions take the wheel.”

“It was warranted,” Zach points out, then looks at me. “The times when you’ve been there for us, both on a personal and professional level, have meant a lot to us, and we’re sorry that we haven’t shown you the same respect.”

I shake my head. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Friends know where friends live. Friends check in on each other. Friends notice when friends are struggling and make sure they know they have support,” Peyton adds, and then his lips tip into a smirk. “And friends tell each other when they’re dating our teammate. ”

Heat travels up my neck at the knowledge these guys now know, but I also feel overwhelmed. It’s been a long time since I had this. I can’t remember the last time I had more than two people in a room who cared about me.

“I…” I lower my head, feeling emotional. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell us you’re staying in Chicago,” Jacob says.

I turn my head to Jackson. A soft smile spreads over his lips, those blue eyes I love so much dancing with happiness.

“Yeah, I’m staying.” I take Jackson’s hand, interlocking our fingers together. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I’m aware of cheers and someone clapping, but my gaze stays locked on Jackson’s.

“I love you,” I say, just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you too.”

“Wait!” Elliot shouts, breaking the moment. “Does this mean we’ve gotta be on our best behavior now our agent is in town?”

“Well, I’d hope you’d be on your best behavior regardless…” I pause. “Why? What have you done?”

“Nothing!” he says a little too quickly. “Nothing bad, anyway. And it’s probably nothing. It’s probably so irrelevant, it’s like having the ‘does pineapple belong on pizza’ debate.”

I furrow my brows. What the hell is he going on about?

I look over at his twin, hoping maybe he’ll give a clue on what’s going on. Blaine’s face is lit in amusement, and Alex is hiding his face behind his hand, but the pinks at the top of his cheeks and his shaking shoulders give him away.

“Is everything okay, El?” Jackson asks, wearing a matching frown .

“Yes! It’s great. Oh, look! Ethan’s without crutches now. Bye to the old man jokes. So, are we gonna have lunch together before we nap, or are we being kicked out?”

At the mention of him, my eyes land on Ethan. He’s without his crutches, one arm wrapped around Jacob’s waist, and he looks happy. No sign of pain or discomfort.

Maybe I can do it. Maybe I can speak with Ethan about it and finally put the anxious thoughts to the back of my mind and get the surgery.

While the chatter starts about where to order lunch from, I take a seat and add it to my list of things to do to be a better partner for Jackson and to be the best for Ryan and Isabela.

To overcome my fears and continue to put myself first.