Page 1 of Personal Foul (The San Diego Storm #3)

Colin Kearney

“ Y ou’re gonna cross a line, Kearney, that even I can’t bring you back from.”

Coach’s words after my ejection replayed in my head like a broken record. From the time I was a teenager, I’ve had a propensity for destroying the few good things in my existence. Rugby had saved me from a life behind bars, but now it would seem I was intent on obliterating my career.

Did I regret what I’d done? Not during the match when I was teeming with adrenaline and rage.

But when I was alone, and my demons haunted me, I deplored it all.

I hadn’t intended to injure the Orcas’ forward until he mouthed off at me.

I’d seen red and slammed into him, earning my ejection and the fine that was to follow for a crushing tackle.

I should check on him tomorrow.

Tilting my head, I braced my forearms on the tile to allow the hot water to slip down my back. The open contusions on my face stung with the pressure, so I angled them into the spray, welcoming the pain.

Lost in thought, I didn’t hear him when he entered the shower and wedged his dick between my cheeks. I wasn’t surprised he was here. He always came over when I fucked up.

Leland Phillips was my agent and former teammate. The thirty-five-year-old tighthead prop captured my attention for the first time when I was nineteen. Full of false bravado, I’d let him know I wanted to suck him off. He’d been on board after I’d dropped to my knees and made him curse.

“Hello, trouble,” he said, wrapping his hand around my throat. “You’ll never learn, will you?”

Sinking his teeth into my earlobe, I hissed as he tilted my head to the side, giving him more access. His prickly stubble rasped along my skin, sending waves of sensations down my spine.

“Determined to wreck your life, eh?”

His hips bucked forward, letting me know he wanted me. But that wasn’t accurate. It wasn’t me he wanted; it was my asshole.

Leland swept his index and middle fingers over my lips before slipping them into my mouth. He pressed them down on my tongue, just like always.

“Suck,” he commanded.

I sighed and pushed back, seeking more friction.

“You’ve made my job difficult again and cost us money.”

Shame flowed over me along with the water. I knew he was right, but there was no mistake. I loved it when he did this to me. He knew I needed to be fucked hard to take my mind off the trouble I’d created in my life again.

It had been stupid to fall for him. He wasn’t a great agent or a good person.

But he gave me the attention I craved and made me fly high every time he railed me with no workup.

I needed more, even though I knew I’d crash later when reality set in.

My mistake was allowing myself to think this time might be different.

That he might want me for more than a fuck.

Drawing his hips back, Leland took his shaft in hand and rubbed the slippery tip along my entrance. He was going to push himself inside me, then pound me into complacency. As fucked up as this was, I wanted to feel close to him and to think I mattered, if only for a short time.

Tomorrow I’d tell myself the pain that coursed through my soul was from the rough fucking I’d received.

I’d convince myself it didn’t eat at me when he walked out of my house and went home to his wife.

I’d also deny the detached way he looked at me like this was all transactional, and if I disappeared, the only thing he’d miss was the paycheck. There was no hint of affection or any words at all. I was simply a means to get off.

“Ready or not...”

I sucked hard as the fat head slipped in, causing the burn to light me up. No matter how much it hurt my heart, I’d take it every time he wanted to give it to me.

Leland sank balls deep, then bit down on my shoulder. He paused long enough to keep from coming. I knew it wasn’t for my comfort. This was how he kept me at arm’s length for six damn years so that I wouldn’t mistake this for anything other than physical gratification.

“Your ass is perfection. I fucking love shoving into you.”

Sucking harder to distract myself, I clenched my eyes as he leaned forward and pressed me onto the tile. He took my hole like an animal, alternating between hitting my spot and grinding his hips into me. His heavy breathing and grunts were signs he was close.

“Grab your dick… if you want to get off.”

I did as he asked, shuttling my fist back and forth until my balls drew up. I wanted to come before he did, but his loss of rhythm told me I was too late.

Working myself over a few more times, I felt the impending orgasm rise from my core.

“Coming,” I moaned into the humid air.

The moment I said it, I knew it was a mistake. Just as I shot my load onto the wall, Leland stepped back, withdrawing all contact with me.

As my climax crested, I was boneless on shaky legs, clinging to the tile for support.

There was no way I could ever tell Leland I preferred for him to finish me, or that just once, I wanted to feel his lips on mine and to be connected. Saying the words would end whatever this was in its tracks.

The reality was I didn’t deserve more than this. I paid him a lot of money to manage my contract, and in return, he fucked me before going home to his wife.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

The momentary high and euphoria from coming was fleeting, only to be replaced by shame.

The slap of his hand on my wet ass, and the snap of him taking off the condom, broke me from my train of thought. My skin heated from the contact, providing me with the only warmth he had to offer.

“Hurry it up, mate. We’ve got some things to discuss.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I gave a single nod. “Yeah, okay. Give me a minute to finish up.”

Leland didn’t reply, but stepped out of the shower, leaving me just like he’d found me.

Alone.

How had my life come to this? I was a professional athlete in the prime of my career, who should have been at the top of my game. Yet here I was, hurtling out of control again.

“Hey,” he called. “Chop chop. I’ve got to get home.”

Nodding, I turned under the spray before turning off the water and reaching for my towel. After rubbing it over my face and hair, I wrapped it around my waist.

I padded out to my bedroom to find him redressing. He was retying his tie when I leaned against the doorframe. Droplets clung to my torso as I folded my arms over my bare chest.

Leland raked his eyes over my body, then met my eyes. “The league has had enough, mate. They’re suspending you for a year, effective tomorrow.”

My heartbeat picked up as nausea set in. Without rugby, I had nothing.

“What do you mean? I thought I’d just be fined again. Maybe sit out a match or two.”

He smirked. “You don’t get it. You sent the bloke to the hospital, Colin. They’re fed up with your rough playing, and the fines don’t faze you. But they hit you with a big one anyway. They’re making you an example for others. You’re officially done until next season.”

I ran my fingers through my hair and fisted it in my hand. “You’re gonna fight this, eh? You’ll go to them and ask for leniency. It’s what Coach wanted.”

Leland chuckled. “It doesn’t matter. I told you last time that if you didn’t get your head on right, they were going to do this. The only time you listen is when I’m fucking you.”

I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands. “I have to play.”

What the fuck was I gonna do?

“Not here, you don’t. But you’ve got options, Colin. Consider getting out of the country for a while. Perhaps South America. I’ve got connections over there. Maybe I can find you a spot and negotiate a contract. You’ll have to figure out a way to pay my fee.”

My eyes widened as panic flooded me. “Why the hell would I go there? I can’t speak Spanish.”

He pierced me with his gaze. “Then fucking learn it if you know what’s good for you. No one here or in Europe wants you. It might be the only place you stand a chance to start over.”

Standing, I walked over to him. “Can’t you find me something else to do here?”

I don’t know what I expected. “Nah. Not worth the hassle. You fucked yourself here, mate, and everyone knows it. I’ll make some calls and see what I can dig up over there. Maybe if we get lucky, no one will have heard of you.”

He brought his hand to my face and patted it roughly. “You’ll love South America. It’s cheaper to live there. You can make it with less for a while if you want to play. I’ll call you when I know something.”

When he turned to leave, I reached out for his arm. Leland stopped and glared over his shoulder.

I sank to a new level with my question. “You truly don’t care if I go over there?”

He shrugged, unconcerned about my leaving.

“But what about…” I motioned between us. “This? It’s been six years.”

He ran his fingers over his mouth as he contemplated what I had asked. “There is no us, other than business. Our relationship is symbiotic, like the birds and crocs. You need to be fucked, and I need to fuck. No more than that. You’re not the only hole around.”

I stood, speechless, as he walked down the hallway toward the front door. Leland stopped and turned back. “I’ll pay the fine out of your account.”

My life as I knew it was over, and I didn’t give a fuck about the money. All I wanted to do was play.

I waited for the door to close before dropping my towel to the floor to crawl into bed.

My ass hurt, but this is what my life had become.

No one gave a shit anymore, not even me.

I was nothing without my career. And I had no one without this semblance of a relationship with him.

The only one I didn’t have to wear a mask for was Allister, my cat.

He loved me, no matter how badly I destroyed my life.

Curled up with him, I focused on his purr and tried to sleep.