Page 19 of Paper Flowers (Stonebrook #1)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

LUKE

S leeping in Juliette’s childhood home for the first time without her, had me tossing and turning all night.

Anytime we came home from college for a weekend visit, we slept in her old bedroom.

Since then, Nina and William dedicated that room for Sadie to have when she spends the night here.

I took the downstairs guest bedroom. I couldn’t fathom the idea of being in that room, even if they painted over the lilac walls.

The morning is overcast with a cold wind coming from the ocean.

Sadie is wearing her old school’s hoodie from last year.

I have on my gray quarter zip with tan pants, the outfit Juliette loved so much.

We’re in the truck on our way to visit Juliette.

I am a complete mess inside, I offer to drive so I can feel in control of something when my mind keeps running back to the night almost a year ago.

Before Sadie and I moved, I would visit the cemetery any chance I got.

I’d be there for so long the grass started to grow in a lopsided circle from where my body would constantly lay.

William threw grass seeds but it wouldn’t grow, I wouldn’t dare tell him, I was the reason the grass over her grave wouldn’t grow.

I’d sneak away to lay on the ground no matter the weather.

I pull into the cemetery and park my truck at the entrance. Sadie waits for me to help her down while gripping the gift bag Dayna gave her full of flowers. Nina sees Sadie holding the bag, and she asks her about it as we begin walking towards Juliette’s headstone.

“Ms. Carter made me some flowers for mommy. She’s Daddy’s friend and his boss.

” I can feel my heart beating against my rib cage as Nina looks a little perplexed as Sadie goes on about Dayna.

“Dayna is our Vice Principal and Mrs. Emily is the secretary. I think you could be best friends forever!” Sadie sang, her voice light and playful.

Nina opens her mouth then closes it. Finally, she looks at Sadie and back at me. “I need to meet these two women. They sound lovely.”

“They are so nice, Grandma, you’ll love them!”

Nina lets out a small laugh and turns to me, “I’m happy she’s adjusting well to her new school.” She slowed her pace as she matched my steps. “I have missed you both so much.” I pull her in to my side for a hug and tell her that I’ve missed her and William too.

We reach Juliette’s headstone and the sight of it makes my knees tremble.

I swallow the knot in my throat as my eyesight begins to blur.

Seeing her name in stone and running my fingertips along the carved out dates make my stomach twist. The headstone stands three feet tall and Sadie pulls out each flower gently.

She places each flower very meticulously against the stone.

I sit on the newly grown grass beside William as he is looking up into the clouds.

“You know, when Jules was about Sadie’s age she asked for her first camera.

Nina went out and bought her a disposable one.

Jules went through that film in five minutes.

” He said with a low pitch laugh. “When I got home from work, she was sitting on the porch with her camera in hand. She wanted me to take her to get the film developed. What she didn’t realize was it took about a week to get it back.

” If she was anything like she was when we met, I know how impatient she could be.

“When the girl behind the counter gave her a slip that said pick up after 5 PM the following week, she cried. She counted the days until they were ready and when we got the photos back, they were incredible.” His voice fades as Sadie sits next to me leaning her little body between my arm and side.

Nina placed her own bouquet of roses for Juliette. The four of us are now sitting on the ground looking at Juliette’s headstone. Just as I was going to say something, Sadie tugs on my sweater and I look at her as she points to the flower windmill slowly spinning.

“Do you think that’s Mommy telling us hi?

” With the wind gently brushing against us, all my senses say that Juliette is telling us she’s with us right now.

“Yeah, I believe that is Mommy’s way of telling us hi.

” Sadie stands up and walks towards the headstone.

“I miss you so much, I hope you’re okay.

” The wind picks up a little stronger and Sadie lets out a small giggle.

She looks at me with her mother’s hazel eyes, “I think she’s okay, Daddy.

” William stands from his spot and holds his hand out for Nina.

The three of them tell Juliette they love her and kiss their hand and place their hand on top of her headstone.

Together they walk towards my truck giving me time to talk to Juliette.

Sitting here alone for the first time in a month and it feels like someone is stabbing my heart with a dull serrated knife.

I bring my knees to my chest and rest my arms on them.

Taking a deep breath, “Hi Juliette, It’s been a month since I’ve been here.

A lot has changed since our move. Sadie’s made some great new friends, including Mrs. Emily, a sweet 65-year-old woman she gets along with so well.

She reminds me of your mom so much. Sadie will be starting therapy soon, which I think will help her work through her emotions.

This year I’m a third-grade teacher. I’m loving my class— they’re a great group of students.

I have a drawing project coming up, you know as well as I do, I’m shit at drawing.

I’ll probably get roasted by a bunch of eight-year-olds, but it’ll be fun.

The school has welcomed us with open arms, and the sense of camaraderie here is like nothing I’ve ever experienced in a campus.

The move to Stonebrook has been so good for us. ”

I cross my forearms over my knees and rest my chin. Staring at her headstone with flowers made by Dayna, I know what I need to say.

“This won’t be easy, but we promised to always be honest with each other, no matter what.

Dayna’s back in my life, and, coincidentally, she’s the vice principal at my school.

Seeing her again felt strange, especially when I’m still trying to find peace with losing you.

The feelings I’ve been wrestling with these past few weeks feel like a betrayal of our marriage, and I don’t know how to navigate them.

Please know how deeply sorry I am. I’ll never stop loving you, Jules. ”

“I miss you every single minute of every single day. There is nothing I could say that will ease my broken heart. I’ll hold the memories of us close to my heart forever. Our beautiful baby girl is a symbol that our love is resilient and you live on in our hearts.”

I stand up onto my feet and press my fingers to my lips, kissing my fingertips and placing them on the cold headstone, “I love you, Juliette Grace, visit me in my dreams, my angel.”

Sitting in the backyard of Anderson’s house, I take a sip of my water and look out to the yard. Sadie is running around with Juliette’s oldest brother Matthew and his two teenage boys Nico and Julian.

“Luke! How has it been? How’s the new town?” Juliette’s brother Nick walks out from the back patio door. Sadie immediately stops running as she hears Nick’s voice booming.

“Uncle Nicki!” Sadie starts running towards Nick and jumps into his arms. He tosses her up above his head and she lets out a laugh and he does it again. Nina calls out to him and tells him to put her back down before he hurts his back. “You’re not as young as you think you are, son.”

“Yeah okay Ma, I’m still in my thirties.”

“Son, you turned 41 two months ago.” William calls out from behind the grill and we all begin to laugh.

“It doesn’t matter how old I am, I’ll still throw my Slim Sadie in the air whenever I see her. Speaking of which, how is my favorite niece?” Nick says as he places Sadie on his hip.

“Uncle Nicki, I’m your only niece!” she lets out a soft giggle. Nick’s wife Kayla and their two teenage daughters finally make their way through the doors. Macie and Mila find Sadie with their dad and fight over who gets to hold her first.

“The town is good, everyone seems really close. It’s nice.

” I say as I give Kayla and the girls each a hug.

Nick hands Sadie off to Macie and asks her if she knows any cool spots around town yet.

“ Swirl and Toppings is my favorite!” Everyone simultaneously laughs and says “Of course its ice cream!” Her love for ice cream is unmatched.

At that moment William comes up the stairs of the back porch and tells everyone dinner is ready.

We each take a seat at the patio dining table and serve ourselves.

I cut Sadie’s steak into pieces for her.

Then I place a ribeye on my plate with some of the veggies and Nina’s mashed potatoes.

Sitting here next to an empty chair, a placemat, and eating dinner with Juliette’s family is a reminder that she isn’t here.

But being surrounded by her family tonight has me feeling entirely grateful. I will always love the Andersons.

Sadie is sitting between her cousins, talking away about her new school.

I take this moment to ask everyone if they would like to come over for Sadie’s birthday next weekend.

“Of course we would love to come over for her birthday, I was hoping you’d invite us over for it!

” Nina said gleefully. “Nina, you know you don’t need an invitation, you’re always welcomed. ”

“Honey, I know but I didn’t want to intrude. William and I will drive up Friday, maybe we can pick Sadie up from school?

“That would be really nice, wouldn’t that be Sadie Girl?”

“YES!” Sadie says with a mouth full of mashed potatoes. I pass her a napkin for the side of her mouth. She is a messy eater but not a picky one, thank goodness .