Page 1 of Paper Flowers (Stonebrook #1)

LUKE

I am intentionally keeping my distance from the noise of my family inside my house. It’s not a home without my wife. Today we buried her and a piece of me went with her. We were supposed to have forever, but we had a dozen short years together.

I reach for the top of my collar and pull at my navy blue tie. Juliette loved this one. I wore it for her today, but now it feels like a noose and I am struggling to breathe.

From the porch deck, I watch Sadie on the swing set, her small frame cutting through the dusky light. She’s wearing the dress we picked out together, a black dress with a white scalloped collar. Her curls bounce with every kick forward. She looks…fine. But I know she isn’t. Neither of us are.

Laughter drifts from inside, soft and familiar. They’re reminiscing about my wife. Sharing stories, clinging to the memories we have left of Juliette. But I can’t do that. Not yet anyway.

I take a swig of my beer and swallow the warm, stale liquid. Just as I decide to pour it over the railing, a fresh one clinks beside me.

“Here,” my brother Liam says as I reach for the cold beer.

“I figured you’d want another one since you’ve been nursing that one for hours. ”

“Thanks.” I tell him as I lift the cold beer to my lips.

He doesn’t say much, but he never has to. Three years older, but somehow he always treated me like we were the same age. Liam knew when I needed advice before I even knew it. But right now? I need advice he can’t give me. I have one question he can’t answer. How do I survive without her?

Settling to the left of me, he leans on his arms against the railing. “They’re looking for you inside. Something about Juliette’s camera?”

I scrub my face with my free hand and take a deep breath. “The sheriff’s office called. They said we can pick it up. I just haven’t had the chance to get it.”

The case is closed. My wife’s death was a freak car accident.

The authorities filed no charges. No one to blame.

But that doesn’t stop the thoughts from creeping in at night.

The ones that whisper, what if? Liam studies me, waiting.

I already know what he’s thinking. He’ll offer to go for me.

He’ll try to shield me from one more painful reminder.

Before he offers to go, I say, “I’ll pick it up tomorrow.

It’s something I need to do alone.” Just like identifying my wife’s body at the morgue.

Seeing her lifeless body replays in my head constantly.

When I do actually get some sleep, I wake up in a cold sweat.

Touching her cold skin has branded me forever.

What really did it for me was having to tell my daughter her mother wasn’t coming home. The cry from Sadie’s lungs made me want to run away with her. Protect her from the heartache we feel rooted deep in our bones. It’s been a long fucking week.

My little girl’s voice cuts through the evening air.

“Daddy!”

Sadie shouts, running up the deck stairs. Something’s clutched in her tiny hand. She stops at my feet, holding up a small yellow flower, petals slightly crushed.

“Can I save this for mommy?”

I crouch down, brushing a curl from her face.

“Of course, Sadie Girl. We’ll put it in water and bring it to her next time we visit. ”

She beams just for a second, and I catch a glimpse of my wife in her eyes. They shared a lot of the same features. My favorite being the same hazel colored eyes. Kissing her forehead, I stand up and hold out my hand. Sadie takes my hand, leading me inside.

Later, after she’s asleep, I sit at the kitchen island, pain meds in one hand and a glass of water in the other. This headache won’t go away. Liam watches me carefully as he wipes down the sink. “I cleaned up most of the house. Trash is overflowing, though.” Liam says.

“Thanks, I appreciate you doing that.” I say before I swallow the meds. The dull ache in my skull is nothing compared to the one in my chest. Taking a deep breath, I look at my brother.

“I don’t know how much longer I can stay here without her. This town, this house, it’s all too fucking much.”

“You do what you have to do, but don’t rush into anything right now. Give it some time, but don’t change Sadie’s life drastically.” Liam sets a plate of food in front of me. The shitty part is, it already did. Our lives have changed and it’ll never be the same.

Everyone will trickle back to their regular routines.

The texts will slow. The check-ins will stop.

Sadie and I are left with a deafening silence and a gaping hole in our hearts.

Everything we do is a reminder of my wife’s absence.

The dinner table feels bigger now. The sofa stretches longer.

My bed is colder than it’s ever been. She’s everywhere and yet nowhere at all.