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When she and Ted went out to a restaurant, she always ordered the ribs. And the waitress almost every single time thought the man was getting the ribs and the woman was getting whatever pasta dish or salad Ted had ordered. They’d always laughed about it.
“Claire?”
“I’m sorry,” she said, realizing he had said something, and she had no idea what it was. She’d been lost in the memories. Was that the way it was always going to be? Something would trigger a memory, and she’d remember what she’d lost.
“Nothing important. I just wanted to know if you wanted me to order some scaffolding or a lift. That’s what I was planning to use rather than a ladder. It’s a little safer.”
“I thought I would check and see if I was comfortable above the ground before I spent the money on renting any piece of equipment that was going to get me up higher than my comfort zone.”
“And?” he asked, sticking his hand in his pocket and shifting his weight so it was balanced on one foot with a hip stuck out. It was a casual pose, and for some reason, she noticed the ripple of muscle under his T-shirt.
She jerked her eyes away. “And I haven’t gotten dizzy or fallen off, and I’ve been okay. But I’ve only made it up to the third rung. It’s going to take a lot longer than what I was thinking to paint this house.”
The first day she’d done it, she’d gone to bed with aching muscles and woken up with arms that were so sore she wasn’t sure she would be able to use them that day.
But the more she’d used them, the more they’d limbered up, and her grandma had told her to drink a lot of water.
She supposed that had helped, because she almost couldn’t feel it anymore, and she thought she might be developing some muscles of her own.
Before she knew it, she was going to look like a bodybuilder.
“House painting is not for the faint of heart. Although spraying it on is actually kind of fun.”
“You’re not using a paintbrush? ”
“No way. Paintbrushes are for the previous generation. Us modern guys use sprayers all the way.”
She lifted her brows and then laughed.
“Seriously, paintbrushes are good for some things, but if you’ve got a lot of area, a sprayer is the way to go.
You can waste a lot of paint. If you’re just doing something like a rocking chair or piece of furniture, or even the porch, it’s okay.
But when you’re doing something as big as a house, a sprayer makes it worth it. ”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Although, are you trying to take over?” She wasn’t sure whether she resented that or not. Did she want help? Or did she want to do this by herself?
“I suppose it’s up to you. Miss Mattie gave me a whole list of things she wanted me to do, and this is on it. I can help you, or I can check this off my list and go work on something else.”
She thought about it for a minute. What else was she going to do all summer while her kids were gone?
“Can I work on it myself, and if it turns out to be too big of a job, I’ll ask you to help?” She tilted her head to the side. “That’s pretty much what I told Grandma I was going to do. I would try, but if I needed you, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask.”
“I’m happy to hear that. After the way we started off the last time I was here, I kinda thought that maybe you would go out of your way to avoid talking to me.”
He had an intense look on his face, like he was studying her for her reaction. She felt her cheeks heating.
“I’m sorry. There is no excuse for my behavior.
Then or today. I… I could say that I’ve been going through a hard time, an emotional time, but that’s no excuse not to be nice to people.
Kindness is a command in the Bible, and to not be kind is just as bad of a sin as any of the sins that we would say would be terrible. ”
Including adultery. How could she point fingers at her husband and think about what a terrible person he was, when she allowed herself to not be kind? It was so easy to think someone else’s sin was worse than one’s own.
“That’s an interesting take. One that I hadn’t really thought about. But I suppose the Bible does say that sin is sin, and not to do something that you know you should do is a sin, just as much as doing something that you know you shouldn’t.”
“Exactly.” It’s what she’d been telling herself and part of the reason she was actually able to talk civilly to her husband.
Ex-husband. After all, she wanted to take the moral high ground and say that she hadn’t cheated, and so therefore she wasn’t as bad as he was.
But she hadn’t been kind. There’d been the fact that she had thrown the pillow and two slippers at him, and that had not been kind either.
Even though she wanted to justify that, still, it was sin.
She turned back toward the house, not really thinking about it but realizing that was more than she wanted to get into with Josiah. How had she started talking to him in the first place? She didn’t even like him. And didn’t want to be friends.
Except it seemed like that would be inevitable if he was going to be around.
“All right. I’ll let you get to it. I have a list of other things your grandma wants me to do, so I’ll go start with the flower boxes. I’ve got a feeling she’s going to be ready to put flowers in soon.”
“I can’t wait. That’s how my memories of this house are—with it overflowing with loads and loads of blooming, beautiful flowers.” She was sharing more than she should have. Wasn’t she just thinking that she didn’t want to share with him? And yet… He was so easy to talk to.
“We’ll do our best to make sure that’s the way it looks this summer.”
She didn’t talk to him about the kids. What was the point of having a beautiful house all summer if she didn’t have her children here to enjoy it?
The idea of moving back to Boston, trying to find a place and a job and… What would be the point of that? She’d have to work so much she’d barely see her kids all summer anyway. Then she’d have to try to find someone to watch them.
She hated this. Hated the fact that her husband had forced her into this position. This wasn’t what she’d wanted for her life. Why did she have to suffer because her husband couldn’t keep his word?
But even if she had her kids all the time, she didn’t have a husband and family, a mom and dad to raise the kids the way they were supposed to be raised. Children didn’t thrive in one-parent homes. They just didn’t. The best place for a child was in a home with both biological parents.
She sighed, knowing that there was nothing she could do about that. She couldn’t fix her husband, she couldn’t change the past, and all she could do was try to make the best of everything going forward. She hated what had happened, but she was left with no other choice.
Putting a foot on the ladder, she started to climb.