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Chapter Ten

J osiah felt guilty for not telling Claire about her grandma. He’d dropped as many hints as he possibly could and hoped that if she suggested going to the doctor, her grandma would come out and talk about what she already knew.

Of course, he was sure that Claire was going to be upset with him when she found out that he knew and she didn’t. But maybe her grandma wouldn’t say. Maybe Claire would figure it out, and maybe he wouldn’t be around when it happened.

They quit for lunch around noon. He’d packed a bag lunch, which Claire had stuck in the refrigerator earlier, and she threw a couple of sandwiches together from the leftover homemade bread from the day before.

“No bread today?” he asked as they moved around the kitchen together.

“No. Grandma overslept, and I thought about making it anyway, but I’d rather do it when she’s there to help me figure out what I’m doing wrong. My texture just isn’t the same as hers, and I’m not sure how to fix it.”

“You’re doing just fine,” Grandma said as she walked into the kitchen.

Josiah thought he’d heard the floorboards creaking, which meant she had gone to her parlor turned bedroom for a nap rather than just napping in her chair. He felt like that was a more serious note than a regular nap.

Claire must’ve felt that way too, because she didn’t hesitate to say what had been on her mind. “Grandma, do you think that maybe it would be a good idea for you to see the doctor? I’m a little bit concerned about you.”

Grandma was walking over to the sink, but she paused mid-step, her hand on her cane, her eyes going to her granddaughter before they skittered to Josiah.

Josiah lifted his shoulders and shook his head a little bit.

Then, because he felt a premonition, his eyes moved to Claire, who was looking at him. She’d seen his silent message to Grandma, saying that he hadn’t said anything, and she might not have understood exactly what he was saying, but she could tell he’d been hiding something.

Her eyes narrowed, and she didn’t have to say anything for him to know that he was in big trouble.

“Let’s get some food on the table, and then I need to tell you something,” Grandma said.

“All right,” Claire said, her voice sounding a little strange. As she set the pitcher of sweet tea on the table, she spoke to Josiah through gritted teeth. “I saw that. You know something.”

He lifted his hands in innocence, but what he was really trying to say was he couldn’t say anything. Hopefully she would understand and appreciate the fact that he was loyal to her grandma. But he had the feeling she wasn’t going to.

They soon had food set on the table, and at some point during the morning, someone had made a salad, and it looked delicious as well.

Josiah said the prayer. Claire didn’t waste any time after he was done.

“Grandma? What was it you wanted to tell me?”

Josiah almost interrupted to tell her to let her grandma eat a little bit first, but he kept his mouth shut. He was already in the doghouse.

“Well, I didn’t want to worry any family. But a few months ago, I wasn’t feeling as perky as I had been, and I started getting these bruises on my arms.”

“I knew there was a reason for those bruises,” Claire said, narrowing her eyes at her grandma’s arms. “Go on,” she urged.

“Well, they just did a simple blood test, and it came back that I have leukemia. It’s some special kind—I don’t remember.

But I do remember that the doctor said that he could extend my life with chemotherapy, but most likely he couldn’t cure the cancer, and I should consider my quality of life, which would be not as good on the drugs.

In fact, he said that if it were his mother, he would suggest that she enjoy the last of her life and not worry about chemo. ”

“My goodness. Cancer.” Claire’s hands went to her throat, and her voice wobbled.

Then, smoke seemed to blaze from her ears as her eyes narrowed to slits, and she looked at Josiah.

“You knew.” It wasn’t a question.

Josiah nodded slowly, watching her the way he would watch a rattlesnake all coiled up and ready to strike at him.

“Don’t you get upset with Josiah. He was the one who took me to the doctor’s. I wasn’t feeling perky enough to drive myself.”

“Grandma! I would have taken you!”

“Sweetheart, you had your own problems. Don’t you remember how terrible this winter was for you?

How broken you were over your husband’s infidelity and the breakup of your marriage and the splitting of your family, and how you were trying to sell your house so you could move here, and it was just hard.

So many hard things for you. I didn’t want to lay any more on you. ”

“I had the right to know. I should have known. I could have come sooner.”

Again, her eyes flew to Josiah. “I can’t believe you knew and you didn’t tell me.”

She shot back away from the table and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. There was a door slam not long after, and Josiah thought that maybe that was kind of like what having teenage daughters would be like.

Maybe it was good that he’d never gotten married .

Although, part of him wanted to go and explain, to beg forgiveness, to somehow make things right between them, because he hated the fact that their relationship had a problem he couldn’t solve.

“Should I go talk to her?” he asked Miss Mattie, knowing that he would if she wanted him to although also knowing that there probably wasn’t any point in it. Claire was not exactly in the state of mind to be reasoned with.

“Don’t you worry about it. When you leave to go back outside, I’ll go upstairs and see what I can say to her.”

He nodded, knowing that he probably wouldn’t see Claire again until Monday. He didn’t typically work on the weekends, and he didn’t work long days on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday when his dad was out of town and he went home for lunch.

He might not see her until next Thursday.

“I’m sorry. I was tempted to tell her, but I thought it was your information to share.”

Miss Mattie nodded. “I had asked you not to tell anyone. I wanted to keep it to myself.”

“I figured you’d share it if you wanted her to know.”

“She’s been through so much, I hated to put her through more.

I wanted her to get settled here, maybe get reacquainted with some old friends, so she had a bit of a support system around her for when the end happens…

Sometimes I think it’s not going to be long,” Miss Mattie said, looking at the food on the table, and then her eyes dropped down to her plate where she’d only eaten a bite or two.

“Maybe you could eat a bit more?” Josiah suggested.

It was the same thing he sometimes said to his mom when she didn’t eat.

Sometimes he thought that maybe people didn’t eat because their bodies were telling them that they just didn’t have the energy to digest things, or they needed to put their energy into something else.

But whatever it was, he just couldn’t see trying to get someone to force-feed themselves.

“I think I’ve eaten enough. I really didn’t have any appetite at all. I came to the table just because I love your company. I’m sorry about my granddaughter.”

“No. She’s mad at me. And upset about you. She loves you. I think she thought she was going to come back and you guys were going to have a long, long time together.”

“She’s had a grandmother a lot longer than a lot of people do. Longer than I did. My grandparents all died by the time I was ten. I didn’t have anyone growing up.”

“That’s too bad. I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents, but they’re all gone now too.”

“It’s the way of life. The older generation slowly gives way to the next, and the next, and the next.” Somehow, Miss Mattie smiled, and it made things feel like they weren’t so bad. He liked being around people who were able to make bad times seem not so bad.

He knew that Claire was going to be upset, but he hoped it was short-lived. And he hoped that she could see that he was doing the best he could under the circumstances.

Because, for some reason, having their relationship not be right bothered him more than he wanted to admit.