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Chapter Seventeen

T he next morning, Claire got up early. She wanted to check on Grandma and do anything she needed to do with her before she got the kids up and ready for their last day of school.

Their program was tonight, and they were having practices that day, plus there were little cards that they had made for their friends, since they weren’t going to be seeing them all summer the way everyone else was.

She knew her kids felt a little left out, and she felt like Lana, especially, would have preferred to stay home.

She was only thirteen, and Claire would have to check the laws of Massachusetts, but she was pretty sure that once Lana turned fourteen, she could decide if she would like to stay with one parent full-time.

Claire wasn’t sure how she felt about that or whether she would even suggest that to Lana.

She would love to have Lana with her all summer, but it wouldn’t be fair to Ted, who, despite all his flaws, she believed truly did love his children.

Just not enough to keep him on the straight and narrow.

The love he had for her wasn’t enough either.

That didn’t mean there was something wrong with her or wrong with the kids. It meant there was something wrong with Ted.

It had taken her a long time to figure that out and even longer to believe it, and even now, she wasn’t sure she was totally on board with the whole idea.

She felt like she hadn’t been enough.

She thought she was over that, and she shook her head, getting dressed and combing her hair, trying to do it quietly so she didn’t wake the kids up before it was necessary.

One last day, and then tomorrow they could sleep in.

She always allowed them a whole week to sleep in after school was out before she started making them get up and work a little bit in the morning.

Her mom had always said that it was important that kids learn to work, and she didn’t think it was right for children to lie around in bed.

Her mom, now living in New Mexico, hadn’t thought she would be able to make it out to see her own mom anytime soon. But she had said she would look into flights.

Her mom’s brother, Uncle Bob, who lived in Nebraska, had sounded like he was going to try to make the trip—he just didn’t know when.

Grandma had a few other kids, and some grandkids, and Claire had called them all. But she didn’t have any solid dates for any of them to come visit.

Grandma had been disappointed but tried to hide it.

Still, Claire picked up her phone, hoping that maybe a few texts had come in overnight.

Nothing, except something from Josiah from earlier, telling her that he was taking care of his mom but that he’d be over as soon as possible and to let him know if she needed him to bring anything.

She appreciated the thought and the consideration, and thought about it for a moment before she texted back and told him thanks, but there was nothing right now.

She was still smiling at the fact that someone had been kind enough to check on her as she walked downstairs and decided to put water on the stove before she went in to wake up Grandma.

She wasn’t actually going to wake her grandma. She was going to go in and check and see if she was awake, and if she wasn’t, she would let her grandma sleep until she was ready to wake up.

Or maybe until shortly before the meeting with hospice .

She didn’t know. She was new at this. She didn’t know what to do.

She didn’t know how long her grandma might sleep. Maybe the pills would keep her in bed all day. The pharmacist had said that different people had different reactions to them.

Regardless, the door was still partially cracked, and she peeked in before she pushed it open any farther.

Grandma lay peacefully there, just the way she’d been last night when Claire had checked on her. It looked like she hadn’t moved at all.

And then Claire realized she wasn’t moving at all. She wasn’t even breathing.

Something gripped her entire chest and pulled it tight and hard and hot as she pushed the door open and hurried to the bed.

“Grandma? Grandma?” She spoke the first word softly and then louder, and then she practically yelled, “Grandma!”

She touched the body, but it was cool and hard, and she drew her hand back immediately. There was no question. Her grandma had stepped into heaven.

Leaving Claire and the children and the rest of the family here behind.

It was graduation, promotion, a happy day, except it didn’t feel like that to Claire.

It felt heavy and hard and sad and like she wasn’t nearly prepared.

She thought she was going to have more time.

She thought she was going to be able to talk to her grandma about more things.

Make more bread together, watch the flowers grow, spend the summer together.

Grandma could comfort her as she cried over the fact that her kids were gone and her family was broken up and she didn’t know what she was going to do with the rest of her life.

But life looked bleak and empty now, and her kids hadn’t even left yet. Just Grandma.

She sat down in the chair beside the bed, staring at the body.

Did she need to move the sheet to cover her head?

Wasn’t that what people did? Why did they do that?

Was it something she had to do? Grandma just looked like she was sleeping.

And then… What did one do when one found a dead body in their house in the morning?

She assumed hospice was going to go over all that with her.

Or someone was. She had no idea what to do.

Did you call the police? An ambulance? Who ?

She had no idea. She’d never felt so helpless and alone, so very, very alone, in her life before.

Her phone—she still held her phone in her hand, and she looked at it. Who to call? What to do?

And then she thought, Josiah. He was on his way over anyway.

Maybe he could come faster and stand beside her while she tried to figure this all out.

She wasn’t going to be arrested for killing her grandma, was she?

Like…people would understand her grandma was dying and it had nothing to do with her, right? Was she going to be in trouble?

She was going to text Josiah, but with those thoughts, she decided to call him instead.

And then, after she dialed his number and the phone had rung once, she wondered if the police would look at her phone and see that her first call had not been to 911 or the police or to some kind of authority, but to someone else.

Maybe they would accuse her of trying to get rid of the body so that she could get rid of the evidence.

She tried to calm herself down and remind herself that her grandma had cancer—they were expecting her to die. No one was going to blame her or think that she’d killed her.

Wait. Did she give her an overdose of her pills last night? Because she wasn’t supposed to die so fast, was she? Except the doctor had said she could die in her sleep tonight.

That was what had happened.

“Hello?”

“I didn’t kill her. I promise. I gave her the exact amount of pills that I was supposed to, and when I checked on her before I went to bed, she was fine, and I woke up this morning, and she’s just lying there, and I thought she was sleeping, but she’s not sleeping—she’s dead—and I’m afraid I’m going to go to jail for the rest of my life!

” By the time she was done, she was practically shouting and sobbing and almost incoherent, but Josiah sounded calm and controlled when he spoke.

“Claire. She had cancer. Everyone knew she was going to die. I’ll be there in five minutes. Stay on the phone with me. You don’t need to do anything until I’m there.”

“I can’t leave her alone. I was supposed to watch her. Am I going to get arrested? ”

“No. You’re not going to get arrested.”

“But who do I call? Do I call the police? Do I call an ambulance? She doesn’t need an ambulance. They’re not going to resuscitate her. She was hard. I touched her—she was cold. It was terrible.”

“Claire. It’s okay. They’re not going to arrest you. I promise.”

“How can you promise? You don’t know.”

“I do know. I actually know the head of the police personally, and he’s a reasonable guy. We’ll have your doctor talk to them if necessary. She just told you yesterday she could die in her sleep tonight. And that’s what she did.”

“But I didn’t believe her. I didn’t actually think it was going to happen. I thought I had all summer.”

She hadn’t cried yet. But to her dismay, tears were streaming down her face, and she broke down in sobs.

“I’m sorry. I thought I was ready for this. I mean, I knew I wasn’t. But I knew she was going to die.”

“It’s okay. It’s normal for you to be upset. No one expects you not to be upset. That would be weird.”

“What? I want to be calm. I want to be in control. But I’m just…overwhelmed.”

“‘When my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.’” He quoted the Bible verse.

His words, the familiar Psalm, the calm tone, the knowledge that someone was coming to stand beside her, calmed her and eased her mind.

And then a new thought struck. “I should have been there. I should have been sitting beside her, holding her hand. She died alone.”

“She didn’t die alone. Jesus promises to walk with us through the valley of death. He was there with her. She didn’t need you. Why would she want you when she had Jesus?”

It might have sounded like Josiah was telling her she wasn’t loved, but Claire knew exactly what he was saying. He was telling her that her time to hold her grandma was over, and Jesus took over from there. Who would want a human when they could have Jesus?

And he was right.

Thankfully, it didn’t take him long to get there. As soon as she saw his truck pulling in, she hung up and ran to the front steps and met him as he parked.

He opened the door, and she rushed into his arms, not thinking that it was inappropriate at all, just knowing that she needed some kind of comfort, and he was there, and she was going to take whatever he was willing to give her.

“Hey. It’s okay. I know this is hard, but you’re going to do it.

I’ll be here with you. We’ll do it together.

” He stroked her hair and held her against his chest, feeling so warm and hard and solid and alive.

So alive. Her grandma wasn’t. Gone. Gone from this world, and she felt lonely and left behind and afraid.

This is where she was supposed to cling to Jesus, but Jesus had given her people to cling to as well.

“I don’t want to put you in the place of Jesus, but it feels so good to have someone alive to hold onto.”

“I’m here to hold onto as long as you need me,” he said, his words reassuring and calm and with that same easy, confident tone that he’d been using on her all morning since she’d called him, and it infused her with strength and with determination that she could do this.

“I don’t want to go to jail,” she said.

“You’re not going to jail.” He didn’t laugh, and she appreciated it, and he smoothed his hand over her hair at the same time, making her feel reassured.

“It kind of sounds like I’m more upset about going to jail than I am about my grandma dying, but I just don’t want to die in jail.

Also, I’ve never been in a house by myself with a dead person.

” She paused for a moment, then she said, “Oh my goodness. The kids! They’ve got to get to school.

It’s the last day. What can we do? Should I tell them about Grandma? ”

“I don’t think that you need to tell them. They have to get through the school day. Can you shut the door and get them off to school?”

That sounded reasonable to her. She would rather tell them after they came home, even if they didn’t make it to their program that night. At least they’d made it through the last day of school.

They’d had enough upheaval in their life. They didn’t need more today .

“All right. I’m not sure it’s the right decision, but I’m going to shut the door, and I’m not going to tell them about her until tonight when they get home. Then I’ll make a decision about whether or not we go to the program.”

She closed her eyes, not wanting to let go of his solid strength. Then her eyes flew open, and she drew back. “I texted Grace last night and told her that I would meet her at two today. I can’t. I can’t do that. And I have to cancel hospice and figure everything else out.”

He put a hand on top of her head, running down her hair, and put his thumb over her lips.

“Shhh. One thing at a time. We’ll get the kids off to school. Then we’ll start making phone calls. If you need help, I’ll make phone calls too. We’ll figure it out. Let’s get the kids to school first.”

“All right. Kids to school. Do you think I should call the authorities? Who do I call?”

“Actually, I’m not exactly sure who to call.

Maybe a funeral home. You don’t need an ambulance, and there’s no point in bringing one out here.

I can get on the phone with the funeral home and stand outside and talk while you take care of the kids if you want.

I can ask if I need to call an ambulance or if they’re going to send the coroner to pronounce her dead or what.

I’ll try to make sure that we don’t have anyone in the house until the kids leave. What time would that be?”

She appreciated his calmness again. His willingness to take on some undesirable task, because she sure as shooting didn’t want to have to call the coroner. Or the funeral home.

“Do you know if your grandma had a certain funeral home?”

“I don’t. But there’s only one in Blueberry Beach, and there’s none in Strawberry Sands or Raspberry Ridge. I think that’s the closest.”

“Then I’ll get a hold of them. Okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll go in, shut the door, get the kids up.

” She looked at her watch and then told him what time they needed to be on the bus.

Then she realized that was only twenty-five minutes away and jerked away from him.

“I need to run. I didn’t realize it was only twenty-five minutes. Lana is going to die.”

“Maybe she’s already up getting herself ready.”

That was so absurd, Claire actually laughed .

“How do you have me laughing? My grandma died, I’m a mess, and I’m out here laughing with you.” She put her hands down, and she turned to him fully and went back and gave him a hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I really, really can’t tell you how much I appreciate you just being here.”

“I’m here. I’m staying as long as you need. Okay?”

She leaned back, looked up at his eyes, and nodded. “Thanks.”