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They both sat there thinking. Maybe they were thinking about how they had struggled to get in the boat before either one of them had realized that Yolanda wasn’t with them. Then they had called for her while continuing to try to climb in.

“Sometimes I wonder if maybe one of us had dove for her. Or maybe if we had… I don’t know. I just knew that I felt like we were pressed for time, and we needed to get to shore. And it was essential that we got back in the boat.”

“I felt the same way. And I wonder too—if we would have looked for her, would we have found her?”

“But it wasn’t like there was something she could have gotten tangled in. I mean… She had to have sunk down almost immediately.”

“Do you think she bumped her head?”

“I’ve wondered that. Did she get confused? Was she dazed? We just didn’t see her? I mean, the wind was blowing pretty hard by then, gusting, with occasional waves. But that big wave was the only wave that was really anything we hadn’t dealt with before.”

“Yeah. I mean, we did spend what—ten minutes?—looking and calling her name and paddling around. But then we knew we needed to get to shore, and we didn’t want to drift.”

“Yeah. I remember talking to you about whether or not we were even in the same spot that we were when we capsized. Like we might’ve been a quarter mile away by then.”

“Yeah. We drifted some. But still, she had on a bright pink suit. Surely we would have seen her.”

“It was such a bright suit. But…” She sighed.

“I suppose the thing that I always worried about the most was that we rode away and she was somehow somewhere where we missed her, and if we would have just seen her, she would have been saved too. But we rode away without her, and she died after we left her.”

“That was always my fear as well. I told the police when they talked to us that the boat capsized, and I never saw her come up. Which was the absolute truth. I also told them that we looked around—I mean… I was honest.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I always wondered if maybe we missed her.”

They were both silent for a bit. There wasn’t really any need to talk about anything else. They had gotten to the shore, gotten out of the boat, and immediately called 911 .

Someone had been there within twenty minutes, and despite the fact that a random summer storm had come through, they were out on the water looking for her.

Grace picked at her chicken. “We weren’t that far from shore. I just… I feel like they should have found her.”

They were quiet, because Yolanda’s body had never been found.

Finally, Claire asked the question she was most afraid to know the answer to. “Was there anything I could have done to prevent that?”

Grace stared at her. And finally she put her hands up.

“I think there are things that we both could have done to prevent it. We could have stayed home that day. We could have insisted on the life vests. But it’s not like we talked her out of it.

So that should alleviate any guilt. Neither one of us wore one, so it wasn’t like we were trying to be safe and trying to hurt her.

I guess… We made mistakes. Everyone does.

And there were things we could have done that would have prevented the outcome.

But I guess I’m just a believer that God allows things to happen for a reason, and for me to sit here and second-guess myself and wish that I would have done differently makes it sound like I know more than God and that I could have done things and handled things better than He did.

And to me, that makes me prideful and arrogant. ”

Claire just stared at Grace with her mouth open. Finally, she said, “I never thought of it that way. That for me to try to change the outcome, even just in my mind, wishing it had been different, made me arrogant, like I thought God couldn’t handle it or hadn’t handled it well.”

“It helps me. Truly. Do I believe that God is in control of everything? Then if I do, He obviously could have changed something about that day. But all I can think is that He wanted Yolanda in heaven with Him.” She paused.

“But I have spent some time wondering why some people die young and some people don’t. ”

“I guess I just accepted that that’s something I’m not going to know until I get to heaven.

Why God allows tragedy to befall some people and other people seem to lead charmed lives.

It’s all confusing and complicated, and I suppose that it will make sense when I get to heaven and maybe have a little bit of the mind of God.

But… For now, God says over and over in the Bible how we’re just supposed to have faith.

That doesn’t mean we understand or even that we like what He does—it me ans we believe that God works everything out for our good and His glory.

It means we believe that God is a loving God even when it seems like He’s not.

It means that we believe that God is in charge of our lives and protects us from our own stupidity sometimes, and then other times…

He doesn’t. And I don’t know why. I can’t explain it.

I just know faith is a huge part of that.

And without faith, we can’t please God.”

“Wow. That was deep. It’s all about faith.

Why can’t I see that? I want to have everything explained to me.

” Grace smiled gently, and then she said, “Something you said about your grandma struck me. It was that she was with Jesus, and you were going to be happy for that. I never thought about that with Yolanda. I know she was a Christian. And I’m sure she’s in heaven.

But it never occurred to me that she was probably happier than I ever was—in heaven with Jesus.

The last dozen years or so, I’ve struggled and cried and been hurt and dealt with divorce and saw my life fall apart and have been through trial and tragedy, and…

Yolanda’s been happy in heaven all this time.

Why would I wish any different for her?”

“That’s such a great point. Wishing that she was still with us is kind of saying that we think that somehow she would be happier with us than with Jesus? That’s crazy.”

“And I got that idea from you. So thanks.”

“I wish I could take credit for it, but it was Grandma. When she was given her six-months-to-live sentence, she was happy. She was excited, even. She was going to see Jesus. The only thing that made her sad was the fact that I was sad about it. And I tried not to be, because I knew I was the thing that was bringing her down. Otherwise, she would have gone skipping out of that doctor’s office and probably jumping up and tapping her heels together.

That’s the kind of attitude that she had. ”

“That’s amazing. I hope I have that kind of attitude when I get news like that.”

“Somehow I think it’s a lot harder for the people who are left behind.

We have to live life without the people that make everything familiar.

We kind of have our anchor set on the familiar, and we depend on the people around us.

And on the one hand, God gives us people to live this life with, and for that exact reason, so we have someone to depend on.

But… I think sometimes they take the place of God.

At least, that’s what I figured out for me in my life.

That my world gets tilted and almost upside down because I put my trust in the wrong thing—in people instead of God. ”

Grace nodded. “That’s good.” She smiled a bit. “For a while, I didn’t think I was going to be able to eat my chicken, but I feel my appetite has come back.”

“Same. I think it might be the smell. It is divine. But we went on a carriage ride with Becky and Rodney and then flew kites along the lake, and I didn’t eat nearly enough food.”

“Wait until they’re both teenagers—you’re going to need to buy a grocery store in order to keep from getting eaten out of house and home.”

“Oh goodness. Maybe I’ll be happy at some point that my husband has them over the summer, so I can get an extra job just to pay for the food I’m going to need in my house.”

“I don’t know how people with big families do it.”

“They need a garden. So they can feed their kids. And with all those kids, they have plenty of free labor to grow and weed and work in the garden.”

They laughed together.

They chatted about the weather and about a few things in town, and how Raspberry Ridge really needed a restaurant or something.

“It’s too bad Lauren’s mom isn’t feeling well. Since the bakery closed down a few years ago, it just hasn’t been the same.”

“I agree. No one could bake like Lauren’s mom.”

“Except Lauren. Lauren actually made a few things that I liked better.”

“I guess I’ll always be partial to my grandma’s homemade bread. Unfortunately, she passed before I truly learned her secrets. My bread doesn’t turn out like hers.”

“I think that’s what makes the people in our lives special. If we could just do everything that they did, we wouldn’t miss them.”

“I suppose you’re right. Still, Lauren’s mom made cheese bread that was just absolutely divine.”

They chatted a bit more, and then Claire apologized. “I wish I could stay longer. But Josiah is making barbecue ribs for us tonight, and I don’t know how I’m going to eat another bite, but I definitely don’t want to miss it. He’s expecting me to be there.”

“Of course. I… I think you and Josiah might have something going on.”

Claire knew her cheeks had to be beet red.

“I hope so. I can’t imagine anyone being more supportive of someone than what Josiah was of me during this whole situation.

I’m not talking just since Grandma died, but when she was diagnosed with cancer.

It’s true that he knew and didn’t tell me, but that was because Grandma didn’t want me to know.

And he respected that. But no one could have been more supportive or kind or better in any way than what Josiah was. ”

“I guess you know by now that kind of man isn’t easy to find.”

“No. It’s not. And if he happens to be funny, and handy, and…” Claire blushed even more red. “A good kisser.”

Grace laughed. “You’ve known that since you were what—fourteen?”

“Something like that. And yeah, it was a little bit of knowledge I had tucked away.”

“He’s probably gotten better over the years.”

Claire paused, and then she let the words come out. “I hope I get to find out.”