Page 44 of Out on a Limb

Walker didn’t have to ask if this was another cheap ploy for sex. Sadly, he knew the answer. He worried if he could control himself. But Cameron could. Cameron set the boundaries, and he followed.

He kicked off his shoes and stretched along the right side of the bed. He stuffed the remaining pillows under his side, mirroring Cameron. He could pick out touches of gray in his blue eyes.

“Everything is always possible,” Cameron said. “I mean, the film industry is insanely competitive. There are only so many movies made each year. But I’m going out there, and I’m not going to give up until I succeed. It’s all about perseverance.”

“It’s easy to say that now, before your journey has begun. We’ll talk again in a year when you’re really in the trenches.”

“And I’ll still have the same attitude.” Cameron yawned, and Walker followed in one continuous burst of air.

“I think you should have a back-up plan.”

“Walker…”

He held his hand up. He was determined to impart what little wisdom he had. “You don’t want to be chasing a dream so long that you’re stuck. I know guys who tried to make it in advertising, and now they’re years behind the rest of the working world.”

“Is that what you wanted to do?” Cameron asked pointedly.

Walker pictured himself flipping through old issues of Adweek, reading up on the big agencies in New York. It was a lifetime ago.

“You would’ve been good at it.”

“Maybe.” Walker smiled to himself. “I know it doesn’t sound sexy and cool, but there’s nothing wrong with a steady job that you like.”

“But don’t love.”

“You’ll love having money in your back account and insurance when you go to the doctor.”

“You really seem to love it.”

The words jabbed at Walker, stronger than they let on. He picked at a stray fabric on his pillowcase, an expensive pillowcase that working at Berkwell allowed him to afford. But it was just a pillowcase.

“Sometimes, when I’m at my desk at work, or I’m in a meeting, I’ll ask myself, ‘How did I let myself get here?’ I have friends who kept pursuing their dreams, through down times and unemployment and moving to new cities, but they stuck at it. And they’re succeeding. Why couldn’t that be me?” Emotion clogged his throat. He knew the answer to his question, but he didn’t want to say it aloud. “You reach a certain point in your life when you realize you can’t hit the reset button again.”

Cameron placed his hand over Walker’s. “You still have one more reset in you. I know I’m probably too young and bright-eyed to say this, but the cement hasn’t dried yet.”

“You’re right. You are too young to say that.”

Walker didn’t mean to sound so harsh. Cameron would learn the bitter truth about life eventually. “What do your parents think about your film dreams?”

“My mom says I should give it a shot, but I know deep down, she wants me to go to law school or something with a higher success rate. I’m an only child, so all of her eggs are in my basket.”

“No pressure there,” Walker said.

Cameron cocked his head, which Walker had to resist finding irresistible. “She understands this is what I want to do, and she wants me to try. She never got to pursue her dreams. Life got in the way.” The dim light of the lamp glowed around Cameron’s face. Walker noticed that look on his face from before.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you want to watch some TV?” Cameron looked ahead. “You don’t have a TV in your bedroom?”

Walker shook his head no. TV was the last thing he cared about right now.

“Is it okay if I shut my eyes for a few minutes?” Cameron asked. “I have a headache.”

“Sure,” Walker said, stumbling over the word. “I have Advil.”

“That’s okay.” Cameron turned away from Walker.

Walker remained on the bed, an ocean of tension between them. Seconds crawled past. He didn’t want to leave the bed. He hoped that just being here, next to Cameron, was enough to make the guy feel better. Walker soon felt himself dozing off, only to be pulled back by the sound of Cameron’s meek whisper.