Page 29 of Out on a Limb

Cameron’s expression changed to one of disgust. Walker didn’t blame him.

“I can’t believe you were married to that guy, or whatever.”

“Doug’s not a bad guy. It was just an awkward moment.” Too awkward. He worried what Hobie thought. Or rather, what Doug would tell him to think.

“Thanks again for covering with your son. I’ve basically ruined his life.”

“He’s six. He’s already forgotten it.”

“You’re good with him,” Cameron said. “You’re firm, but fair. And it may be hard to see, but he loves you, too.”

“Thanks.” He knew Cameron was just being nice, but it was still good to hear.

“I’m serious. I’ve seen some shitty fathers. When I was little, my friend and I were yelling in the backseat about something, and his dad pulled the car over, slapped my friend hard across the face, then continued driving like it was nothing.”

Walker’s blood boiled at the thought of parents hitting their kids. He’d never do that to Hobie, no matter how much he could get on his nerves sometimes. Hobie was a good kid at heart.

“Hopefully your dad wasn’t that bad,” Walker said.

Cameron laughed a little too hard, like a live studio audience during a bad sitcom. “I’ll spare you that sordid little story. That woman is eyefucking the shit out of me.”

Walker glanced behind him, and sure enough, the Dollop lady was staring them down from her billboard perch. With a bright smile, naturally.

“That billboard makes me want a restraining order, not a cupcake,” Cameron said.

Each time Walker looked up, the billboard just seemed more terrible. “The cupcakes should be front and center. Nobody cares about her.”

“Maybe she’s trying to cultivate a Martha Stewart image.”

“That billboard isn’t helping.” Walker shoved down another yawn. This one inflated his chest like a balloon. “And it’s the wrong tact. If she wants to be the next Martha Stewart, she needs to build up a loyal customer base first. She can do that through cupcakes. If they like her cupcakes, they’ll like her.” Walker felt a yawn rumbling in his lungs. He covered his mouth and gulped it down. “Cupcakes can be an impulse buy. You see a billboard of cupcakes, you’re gonna want a cupcake.”

The yawn unleashed itself. He pressed his forearm into his mouth. Cameron watched in amusement.

“You really care about cupcakes.”

“It’s not that. A lot of small businesses don’t know how to advertise. My work-study job at Browerton was getting advertisers for the football and theater programs they hand out. These ads were awful. No creativity. Stupid taglines. Just plain ugly. Dollop takes the cake.”

“You mean cupcake.”

“You can’t imagine how frustrating it was to have to bite my lip and run these ads. And then the businesses would complain that they weren’t seeing results.”

“Well, what would you do for Miss Cupcake?”

“I don’t know.” But Walker did. His brain got instantly decluttered. He was in some type of trance. His tiredness seemed a thing of the past, as his mind spun like it was drenched in caffeine. He pulled out an old receipt and pen from his pocket. “Turn around and bend over.”

“I thought we were just friends!” Cameron said, making Walker blush momentarily, then he was back to trance mode.

“I want to show you something.”

Cameron complied. Walker began sketching out his design, using Cameron’s back as a desk. His hand could barely keep up with his mind.

“Can I sit up now?” Cameron asked.

“One more minute.” Walker put the finishing touches on his sketch. He stretched out his cramping hand. It was a series of wayward lines, but they all came together to resemble…something.

Cameron’s eyes bulged open when he got a look.

“See, I’d put the cupcakes on most of the billboard. Beautiful, buoyant cupcakes. And then her picture would go on the right with the address. People read ads left to right, so you hook them with cupcakes, and then you bring it home with the personal touch.”