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Page 42 of Out of Bounds (Atlanta Demon Series #4)

“And friend… it really just escalated from that point. I’m so conflicted because I’ll never forget how I felt the moment Ashton approached me.

The way my heart ripped to pieces when I first saw KJ’s picture—how betrayed I felt.

Yet, I catch myself slowly stepping back into the role of his wife.

And that’s what messes with me the most because if he were still the same man who broke me, this would be easy.

But he’s not. I look at him, and all I see is the man that I’ve loved for all of these years.

The man who catered to my mind, body, and my fucking soul. ”

“Masai… You’re falling back in love with your husband.”

I looked over at Koya. “That’s the thing. I don’t think I ever fell out of love with him.”

“Babe. This is… something.”

“Ya think?” I snorted. “Imagine having to go through it.”

“What about Lamar?”

“I like Lamar…” I stressed.

“But you love Kreed,” she finished the sentence for me.

“I love Kreed,” I acknowledged because it was true. “And I don’t know what to do with those feelings.”

Koya grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Babe, I’mma hold your hand when I say this… You need to take a step back from Lamar and figure out what Masai really wants. Because from where I’m sitting, babe, you’re not ready to move on.”

In a way, Koya wasn’t doing anything but confirming what I’d already been feeling but wouldn’t admit.

I was so busy trying to stand on business, not even realizing that the business was in my face more than my kids.

The one thing that Koya said that really stuck out to me was that I needed to pump the brakes with Lamar.

She was right. I needed to take a step back until I could sort through my feelings and make a decision once and for all about Kreed Dolla.

Flipping the steaks over in the pan, I cradled my phone between my shoulder and cheek. “You are lying…” I dragged out. “I know she didn’t do that.”

“Yes, the fuck she did.” Kreed laughed. “Deuce was so fucking mad.”

“I bet he was!” I laughed. “We gotta find a new place for her now. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say the nursing home is negligent because someone should’ve been watching her.”

“That’s what I told Jream. Yeah, Ma Dukes done got wild.”

“Wild is an understatement.” I laughed. “Have y’all dropped KJ off yet?”

“Yeah. We ain’t too long pulled back up to the house.”

“Okay. Tell them I’ll call them before they go to bed and let Maddie Claire know I’ll be at her school at ten.”

“Aight. Goodnight, Sai.”

“Night, big head,” I said before ending the call. Pulling the phone down from my ear, I set it on the counter. “My bad about that. Jream’s mom lives in a nursing home, and her aide walked in on her tonight with another resident in bed with her.”

“What the hell!” Lamar chuckled. “How the hell did that happen?”

“We don’t know. Mind you, she has Alzheimer’s.”

“They need to do better at monitoring them.”

“Same thing I said. Food is almost done if you want to go wash up.”

“I’ll be right back,” he said as he stood.

After my conversation with Koya last week, I’d done some serious soul searching and realized that she was right.

It was time for me to break things off with Lamar.

Kreed had the kids for the night, so I’d invited him over for dinner so the two of us could talk.

By the time Lamar had made it back from the bathroom, I’d plated the food and fixed us a glass of wine.

“Want to do the honors?” I asked and sat next to him at the island.

Lamar grabbed my hand and blessed the food. Once he was done, the two of us dug in.

“This steak is cooked to perfection.”

“Well, thank you.” I fluttered my eyelashes. “It took years for me to learn how to get that perfect marble.”

Holding the steak up, Lamar inspected it. “You did a damn good job.”

Sticking my tongue out, I patted myself on the shoulder.

“You said we had to talk.”

“We do…” I exhaled slowly.

Lamar nodded. “What’s going on?”

I glanced down at my plate for a brief moment before bringing my eyes back up to his. “Lamar, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you. You’ve been kind, more than patient, and all around perfect.”

“But…”

“But this… Us… We were never meant to last. I didn’t see it at first, but it’s clear I was running from something instead of facing it.”

“Kreed.”

“Yeah. When I left, I thought I was done. Didn’t think there was anything to fix. And I’m not saying that there is something to fix, but I’m admitting that I jumped headfirst into something new, hoping it would make the pain stop.”

“Did it make the pain stop?” he probed.

“For a minute, it did. You made me feel seen in a way. And I’m grateful for that. But I find myself doing a lot of comparing between the two, and that’s not fair to you.”

“It’s not. And I kind of felt like there was still something there. The night he and I met, I could tell he wasn’t a man who had come to terms with it being over. I just hoped that I was seeing things.”

“I’m sorry if you felt like I led you on.”

“You didn’t. Truthfully, I should’ve given you time to really heal. I should’ve remained a friend, and we should’ve never invited intimacy into the mix.”

“Right…” I tongued my cheek. The weight of my honesty was settling in. The truth of the matter was that Kreed still had my heart. No matter how many times I’d told myself that he didn’t, he did. He was so deeply embedded in it that it was hard for me to rent that space out to anyone else.

“What now?” Lamar queried.

“Well, for starters… we’re going to finish eating dinner as we planned.” I gave him a small smile. “Eventually, I have to figure out what’s left between me and Kreed. I’m not even sure if I want him back, but I know I can’t keep using you to avoid answering that question.”

“I understand completely. I’m not going to sit here and tell you what to do; no one can make that decision for you. But I will tell you this: you owe it to yourself to get real about what you’re feeling, and not just what is expected of you.

“Kreed didn’t just cheat; he created a whole other life outside of your marriage.

That’s not something that you just get over.

If you do consider taking him back, let it be because you genuinely believe there’s something worth rebuilding.

KJ is a forever situation—holidays, birthdays, co-parenting…

that would be your reality. And if you can’t see yourself being a part of that, it doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you honest. If you stay, you have to realize that healing won’t come from just trying harder.

It’ll come from both of you doing the work, and he needs to carry more of that weight than you do.

At the end of the day, you don’t have to rush to decide.

Genuinely sit with everything and then decide how you want to move forward. Either way, I’m Team Masai.”

I sighed because every word he stated was true. I appreciated his sermon, and while I was usually the preachy person in everyone’s life, it felt nice to hear something real that could help me from someone else. Forking my salad, I turned to him and asked, “So, you don’t hate me?”

“No, Masai.” He chuckled. “I don’t hate you. I’ve been where you are. Not the infidelity, but the wondering if you should go back. Divorce is tricky, but so is rekindling. If you can make it work, then I say go back.”

“Thank you so much, Lamar.”

“You’re welcome.”

Our conversation made me feel at peace with my decision to end things. The soft weightlessness of being able to let go without there being any ill feelings gave me relief. There was a lot of validity to what Lamar had said, and I fully planned on taking heed to his advice.

As I told him, even if I decided not to give my marriage another shot, I still needed to heal to remain single until my feelings were absolved.

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