Page 35 of Out of Bounds (Atlanta Demon Series #4)

EIGHTEEN

DOLLA

The ringing of my phone pulled me out of my peaceful slumber. When I grabbed it off the nightstand and saw that it was Masai calling, my heart galloped in my chest.

“Masai.” I breathed heavily into the receiver. “Is everything okay?” Her sniffling on the other end of the phone had me hitting the lamp on the bedside table. “Sai, what’s wrong?”

“I need you…” she sobbed.

I hopped out of bed in search of something to throw on. “I’m on my way.”

“I’m… I’m not… at home.” She struggled to get out.

“Where you at?” I asked. I was on high alert now. If somebody had done anything to my wife, I was going to fucking jail tonight. And I put that on all six of my kids.

“Aloft out by the Perimeter.”

“What the fuck, Masai?” I groaned. “How did—” I paused when I remembered something Maddie Claire said earlier tonight when she and I were on the phone. “Text me the room number,” I told her before I hung up.

After getting dressed and handling my hygiene, I hopped in my whip and raced across town.

On the drive over, Masai had sent me her room number, so after releasing my car to the valet, I took the elevator up to her floor.

I didn’t know what the fuck I was getting ready to walk into, but I prayed that whatever it was, it didn’t end with my ass being in the newspaper.

“Masai…” I whispered as I knocked on the door. “It’s me.”

It took a few minutes for her to open the door, but when she did, I took one good look at her face and dropped my head.

Masai had cried so much that her eyes were damn near swollen shut.

Something was bothering her, and because of our current location, I had a feeling I knew what that something was.

Masai didn’t say a damn thing. Instead, she walked away from the door and went over to the sofa to take a seat.

Tucking her feet under her, she grabbed and clutched the robe together in her hands and stared out the window.

Standing across the room from her, I looked her up and down for a few seconds before taking a seat.

Outside of her soft sniffles, the room was silent.

I would wait years before I spoke first because whatever needed to be said had to start with her.

“I planned it,” she finally spoke after what seemed like hours. “I thought this would be a turning point for me. The “okay, I’m free and now over it” feeling. But when it was over, I felt dirty… like ‘what the hell have I done’ type of dirty.”

I wanted to ask her what the fuck she was talking about, but I knew exactly what it was. I knew from the moment my eyes took in her face and her disheveled appearance. Looking away from her, instead I asked, “Did it feel wrong?”

“No.” She shook her head slowly. “Not wrong because it wasn’t wrong.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how you used to draw circles in the center of my back after we made love.

My mind was trapped in the little things that made us, us when we were intimate— like how you never let me get up for the towel.

The way you would rub my legs until I stopped shaking…

my mind was trapped in you while another man…

” She paused and looked away from the window.

I could feel her eyes on me, but I wasn’t ready to meet them yet.

“I know it wasn’t wrong because we’re over, Kreed.

I guess I thought I would feel vindicated, you know?

My body was present, but my heart is still desolate, and it’s causing my mind to allow anyone else to enter the space that once belonged to you.

” Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robe, she waited for me to respond.

I knew it was coming; she was attempting to be free sexually.

I think hearing it, opposed to just knowing it, was two vastly different things.

I knew, eventually, she would give herself to someone else.

Someone less deserving of those parts of her, but she would still do it because being intimate with someone else was her way of proving that she’d moved on from me.

But we knew that wasn’t the case. Masai could continue to pretend her heart, spirit, body, and soul no longer belonged to Kreed Dolla, but that simply wasn’t the case.

She was still mine as much as I was hers—she just refused to accept it.

I sighed. “I know that feeling all too fucking well, Sai.”

“He was kind. He asked if I was okay… if I wanted him to slow down. And I told him I was fine. But the whole time, I felt like I was… performing… Like I was there in the physical, but I’d convinced my mind to zone out.

I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of convincing .

To you. To myself. Hell, to the whole world.

I’m steadily trying to convince everyone that I’m okay and that I’ve moved on.

When in reality, I don’t know what moving on means. ”

One thing I know is Masai Dolla. I knew her more than she fucking knew herself, and she’d just confirmed what I had been feeling since signing those divorce papers.

Moving on from her wasn’t possible, so there was no logical way to do so.

It was why my ass was in the crib or at the stadium every day.

While she had a desire to move on, I knew it wasn’t possible.

“I don’t know, Sai.” Resting my head back on the couch, I sighed dejectedly. “I don’t know what the fuck it means either. I haven’t been out here trying to figure the shit out, though.”

Hearing that she’d slept with someone else didn’t make me angry. Shit, to be honest, I wasn’t even fucking jealous. I was hurt. I was real life hurt because, in my mind, I had been holding on to this image of what she had been—of what we had been.

I now understood exactly how she felt after hearing that I’d been with somebody else.

It was as if someone had seen her in a manner that was reserved for only me.

He might have had her, but he for damn sure ain’t have her the same way I had.

I wanted to be angry as hell, but I couldn’t.

My drunken actions had caused all of this bullshit, and it was my time to feel the pain of betrayal even though Masai was no longer legally my wife.

“I wanted it to mean that I was healed. Or at least that I was healing. All it did was remind me that I’m still tangled in this web of us. And I hate that. I hate that I miss us. I hate that I want you, but have to settle for someone else.”

“I’m sorry, Masai.”

“Do you think it’s possible to ever stop loving someone? Even when it doesn’t make sense to love them anymore?”

“I don’t know, and I’m too selfish to ever wanna find out,” I spoke truthfully.

Masai was searching for something that I couldn’t provide.

Our love lingered in my heart because it was never supposed to be an ending to us.

I wanted her to be happy again; I genuinely did.

But not with anyone other than me. Call it selfish—call it whatever you want—but I wasn’t that fucking mature.

Getting up from the sofa, I took a few short steps until I was towering over her.

Holding my hand out, I reached for her. She looked up at me for a few seconds before placing her hand in mine.

When I had her up on her feet, I wrapped an arm around her waist and used my free hand to palm the back of her head.

“Listen. None of this shit is easy. It’s all one big ball of confusion.

I can’t tell you how to process it and move on ’cause I ain’t trying to move on, Masai.

The selfish part of me wanted you to remain untouched, but I also know that shit was practically impossible.

I truthfully wanna fuck some shit up, hearing that you’ve given yourself to another man, but I can’t.

I understand my role in how all this shit is playing out.

“Your only mistake tonight was doing this to prove a point. You left, baby. I caught the hint then. You ain’t gotta prove nothing else to me.

If you don’t want to hold onto those feelings anymore, then let them go.

You deserve to be happy. I’m not saying sleeping with another nigga is going to make you happy, though.

I think you’ll be more fulfilled being celibate. ”

“Stop…” she whined, and we both laughed.

“I’m fucking with you.” Exhaling, I squeezed her waist. “You’re crying because deep down inside, you know this ain’t you, Masai. A lot has happened, and you’re having a hard time sorting through your feelings. That’s valid, and it’s understandable.

“If this cat fuck with you the way you think he fuck with you, then he will wait until you’re really ready to go down that road. If he can’t accept it, then he’s not the one.”

“I wanted it.”

“I know. I heard you say that. I’m just saying… You ain’t gotta feel compelled to do it again until you can do it and not feel contrite afterwards.”

“Does it get easier?”

“Girl, I’on know.” I snorted. “I told you, I ain’t been between nobody’s legs but yours. The last pussy I played in was Masai Dolla’s. I know you probably think I been out here deep diving in some shit.”

“You probably have.” She jabbed.

“On my kids, I haven’t. If I can’t have yours, I’on want it. I told you, I ain’t trying to move on.”

“I hear you talking.”

“Then believe me, nigga.” Letting go of her head, I grabbed her chin and tipped her head back. “You gone be good?”

She breathed softly before nodding. “I think so.”

“Aight.” Wiping her eyes with my thumb, I pecked her forehead and let my lips linger. When I pulled back, we gazed into each other’s eyes. “You know I love you, right?”

Masai nodded. “I love you too.”

“Yo’ ass better. Got me sitting up here listening to you cry ’cause you done gave my pussy up to a random-ass nigga. Make sure you tell that nigga, he better hope I’on catch him outside. I’mma dust his ass.”

“Oh my God. You’re annoying.”

“I’ll be that. Go put yo’ clothes and shit back on, with yo’ thot ass. Got my kids at the house with your mom while you in the hotel with another nigga.”