Page 33 of One Forbidden Kiss with the Laird (The Cinderella Shepherd Sisters #2)

‘S ir William knows,’ Selina said as she burst through the door of the little cottage, the words tumbling from her mouth as if they could not be contained any longer.

She paused, looking around her. It was not a large house, but inside was beautifully decorated and Callum had chosen pieces of well-made, simple furniture.

Everything was spotlessly clean and Selina felt a sense of safety here she had not experienced for a long time.

She shook herself; now was not time to start imagining herself mistress of this home.

‘He knows…?’

‘About us. About last night. Catherine was awake early and saw you leaving. She thinks we were intimate then and she told her father.’

‘But we weren’t…’

‘Not then,’ Selina agreed, ‘But it hardly matters, does it? You were seen creeping out of Taigh Blath and even though at that point we had not…’ She waved her hands around, suddenly embarrassed to put what they had done in the woods into words, ‘They know you have taken my virtue.’

Callum staggered back, flopping into the comfortable armchair set in front of the fireplace.

‘She told Sir William this morning and I could not deny it. He called me all sorts and then escorted me from the house.’

‘He threw you out?’

Selina nodded. ‘As I am. I did not have much with me, and the clothes in my trunk were mainly ones he had bought me over the past year, but he did not even allow me time to gather my sentimental items.’

‘He is a cold man.’

All the tears Selina had desperately tried not to shed in front of her father welled up now and spilled on to her cheeks.

‘I hate him,’ she said quietly. ‘All this time I have been desperate for his love, for some attention from him, yet he is a monster. What does that make me?’

‘A young woman who wanted to know her father, nothing more.’

Callum reached out and took Selina’s hand.

‘You’re not alone, Selina,’ he said, his tone reassuring.

She looked at him long and hard, her eyes flicking over his face, trying to work out what he was thinking.

‘I am alone,’ she said eventually. Despite being thrown out of Taigh Blath, nothing had changed, not really.

‘You’re not alone. I would not abandon you after what we did in the woods…’

‘So I am an obligation?’

* * *

Callum stiffened, realising he was on shaky ground.

His mind was whirring and he perhaps wasn’t being his most sensitive, yet it was hard to concentrate on just Selina when he had the guilt of the thought of abandoning the people of Ballachulish to their fate with Sir William. A now irate Sir William.

‘No, not an obligation. I meant what I said last night, Selina, I love you.’

She studied him again and he felt as though somehow she was slipping away from him.

He had struggled to understand her vehement refusal to marry him.

After they had made love he had thought the decision was made.

He would not walk away from a woman who could be pregnant with his child.

When Selina had told him nothing had changed, that she still meant to leave Scotland and he should still marry Catherine, he had been stunned.

‘What do you propose for our future?’ she asked, a sharp edge to her voice. ‘We marry and stay in Ballachulish and watch Sir William destroy the lives of everyone you have ever cared about.’

‘I…’

‘I finally see, Callum. I mean really understand. Seeing Mrs Murray pleading with that horrible Mr Robertson, her life destroyed in an instant, her children gathered round to see her humiliation…it was awful.’

‘I know,’ Callum said quietly.

‘Many men would be able to live with that. They have hard hearts and a self-interest that is at the forefront of what they do, but not you.’ Selina’s voice was softer now, but the tears were still flowing.

‘It would destroy you, seeing the people of Ballachulish evicted from their homes one by one, the community decimated, the villagers scattered to wherever they could get work and shelter.’

‘That doesn’t mean I will ignore my duty to you.’

Selina wailed, ‘I don’t want to be a duty.

For a year I have been a burden, a dirty little secret to be hidden away and controlled and suppressed at every opportunity.

I have become a shell of my former self.

I doubt my sister would recognise me if she passed me on the street and she certainly would be puzzled at what I have let myself become.

I have spirit, I have a backbone. I am not some simpering girl who is content with being ordered around.

Yet this past year I have allowed Sir William to turn me into something I am not. Weak.’

‘I don’t think you’re weak, Selina. I think you’re one of the strongest young women I’ve ever met.’

‘I will be,’ she said, her voice low and determined.

‘You are not merely a duty,’ he said carefully, not wanting to lose this point. ‘I love you, Selina.’

A soft smile flickered on to her lips. ‘I know. It baffles me, but I know you love me.’ She sighed and took up the empty seat opposite him and for a long moment they were both silent.

He could sense her mind whirring, her eyes flicking from side to side.

All he wanted to do was reach out and touch her, to caress her face and show her he did care for her.

‘I might not be merely a duty, but there is a sense of doing the right thing when you look at me. I don’t want that, Callum.

I want to be all anyone can think about.

I want someone to be completely and unreservedly happy to marry me, not conflicted about it.

’ She held up her hand to quiet his protest. ‘You cannot have everything you wish for. Either you marry me and the people you care about suffer, or you let me go and you can salvage the situation with Sir William.’

‘I will not let you go. There has to be some other way.’

Selina shook her head sadly. ‘I am not asking you to choose, Callum. I am making the decision for us.’

‘You’re saying no to a life with me.’

‘I’m saying no to making you miserable.’

‘You wouldn’t make me miserable.’

‘What you lost by marrying me would.’ She sighed. ‘And as I said, it is not just about you. I am finished with being an inconvenience, I do not want to be hidden or explained away. It might sound selfish, but I want to be the most important thing in someone’s life.’

‘Selina…’

She shook her head. ‘My mind is made up, Callum. I will not spend my life feeling responsible for so many people’s unhappiness. And I will not marry you knowing you might grow to resent me in the years that come.’

‘I could never resent you, Selina.’

Callum felt a deep desperation. He had never really considered how he had made Selina feel these last few weeks.

He’d been unable to hide his attraction to her, unable to keep himself from kissing her, yet all the time he had shown her that she was not his priority.

No wonder she was so reluctant now to believe him when he said they could have a future together.

She had been conditioned over the last year, a terrible year spent with her cruel father, to believe she was not worth anything—the last thing he wanted to do was reinforce that idea.

‘Please, will you just give me a little time? I need to—’

‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘You are a very persuasive man, Lord Leven, and if I stay here in Ballachulish for too long you will no doubt convince me of anything you want.’ She bit her lip.

‘I do have a favour to ask though, the main reason I came here today. I have no funds whatsoever. I wonder if you could lend me the money for a passage back to England. I know my sister will give me the money to pay you back as soon as I turn up on her doorstep and I will send it with haste.’

‘You’re leaving for England.’

‘I think it is for the best, Callum.’

‘How can it be for the best if we are never to see one another again?’

‘You are a persuasive man, a charming one when you want to be. Go and use that charm on Sir William and Catherine. Conspire with them on this story that I am a fallen woman, a seductress, and you are merely a man who was unable to resist some physical gratification.’

‘What we have is so much more than that,’ he said, feeling the anger begin to swell inside him. ‘You may want to brush away everything we have shared, but I do not.’

‘For the sake of your people, you need for me to be the common enemy. Catherine will forgive you when she realises your story agrees with her narrative—she is the valuable daughter, I am good only for a short fling. She will ask her father to forgive you and to proceed with the marriage. Negotiate hard, regain control of what your father lost to debt and give the people of Ballachulish the landlord they deserve.’

‘You make it sound so easy,’ he muttered. Inside his chest he was feeling a tight squeeze and he wondered if this was what it felt like to have your heart broken.

Selina stood and bent over his chair, kissing him lightly on the lips. ‘It is not easy, not for either of us, but it is for the best.’

She turned and walked over to the door. ‘I will take a room at the Lost Sheep for the night. If you could arrange for someone to bring me the money to pay for my fare to London, I will start on my journey tomorrow. I am sure the innkeeper will know the best way to seek passage south.’

Callum stood, launching himself forward to grab her arm as she turned to go.

Firmly he pulled her towards him and kissed her long and hard.

His mind was reeling and he didn’t agree with anything she had said, but he needed time to work out how to get himself out of this mess and convince Selina not to leave.