Page 27 of One Forbidden Kiss with the Laird (The Cinderella Shepherd Sisters #2)

S elina blew out the candle beside her bed and wriggled down under the bedsheets. It might have been a warm day for the Scottish Highlands, but the nights still had a chill about them and she was grateful for the extra blanket she had purloined from one of the unoccupied rooms.

She had kept to her bedroom for most of the afternoon, making her way through a couple of the books she had taken from the extensive library at Taigh Blath.

She hadn’t wanted to see anyone and up here she had been left alone.

At dinnertime she had sent her apologies, saying she had a headache.

Thankfully one of the maids had taken pity on her and sent a tray with some bread and cheese and leftover cake to her room, otherwise her grumbling belly might have forced her downstairs.

Selina closed her eyes, hoping sleep would come and take her. She wanted a dreamless night, to be able to revel in the oblivion of a restful sleep and wake rejuvenated and fresh in the morning.

Almost immediately the image of Callum slipped into her mind. She thought of how he’d looked at her when they’d walked home from the dance. He’d gazed at her with such an air of longing she had felt her resolve waver and the attraction once again flare.

Banishing the memory from her mind, she tried to think of anything else.

Flowers and bumblebees and the way the sea sucked at the sand as the tide went out at the beach.

It worked for a minute, but then Callum sneaked into her picture, wet from the spray of the sea, his shirt sticking to his muscular body.

‘Stop it,’ she told herself crossly. ‘Sleep.’

She turned over, squeezing her eyes tightly shut now to try to trick her brain into complying.

As she turned there was a clink on the glass of the window. She stiffened, but then reasoned it was probably just the wind making everything in the old house shift. She had just convinced herself to relax when there was a second clink and then a third.

Wishing she had not blown out her candle, she rose from bed and stepped across the small room to the window. The view outside was shielded by heavy red curtains, made of a thick velvet that once must have cost a fortune, but now the edges were fraying and the material faded.

Unsure why she felt so nervous and reminding herself she did not believe in ghosts, she gripped the edges of the curtains and then pulled them back.

At first nothing was visible in the darkness, but as she looked down at the garden stretching out ahead of her the moon came out from behind a cloud and she saw Callum standing below, his arm drawn back ready to throw another stone at her window.

Selina felt a thrill of excitement that she quickly quashed. If she had any sense she would send him away without even talking to him. Even him merely being outside Taigh Blath was inviting questions she did not want to answer.

She felt for the fastenings that held the window closed and tugged at them. They were stiff from years of misuse and creaked terribly when she finally managed to draw them back. The window only opened a crack, but it was enough for her to show Callum he had her attention.

‘Selina, I need to talk to you,’ he called up, his voice carrying much further than was wise on the quiet night.

‘Go home, Callum. We can talk in the morning.’

‘I need to see you now.’

Selina frowned, wondering if he was drunk.

He had told her of his father and his dependence on alcohol, and had always remained in control, even at the local dance where there were plenty of people in their cups.

Yet tonight his words were not as clear, not as sharp, and she wasn’t sure if he was swaying a little.

‘Come down and open the door,’ he half-whispered, but his voice was loud enough to carry all the way up to the window.

‘Go home, Callum,’ Selina repeated, wondering if he would go away if she closed the window and pulled the curtain or if he would find a more disruptive way to get into the house.

He’d spoken of multiple hidden passageways and secret openings concealed in Taigh Blath.

She couldn’t risk him taking one that might take him past Sir William or Lady Kingsley’s room.

‘Please, Selina.’ He clasped his hands together in front of him and looked so earnest she felt her resolve waver. He must have sensed the change in her demeanour for he took a step forward and then another.

‘Wait there,’ she instructed. ‘And do not make a sound.’

Knowing she was going to regret her actions, Selina shut the window and silently padded across the room to the door. She opened it a crack, listening intently before stepping out on to the landing.

Selina paused, wondering whether to go down the main stairs and let Callum in through the front door or whether to try the passage he had shown her the other day.

The thought of trying to navigate the passage in the darkness by herself made her shudder and Selina quickly decided on risking the main stairs.

She took her time, trying to remember where there were creaky floorboards and where was safe to stop, but four times she had to stop, her muscles tense with anticipation and terror, convinced the loud creaks must have woken someone up.

Finally she was downstairs and as swiftly as possible she retrieved the key for the front door from its spot on a hook in the passage to the kitchen. As quietly as she could she unlocked the massive front door and poked her head out.

Callum was there in an instant, darting inside the house. Before she could open her mouth to admonish him for his reckless behaviour he stepped close, placing a finger on her lips.

‘Hush, I know I should not be here, lass. I just needed to see you, that was all.’ He grinned at her and gave her a cheeky wink. ‘You’re glad to see me, though.’

‘If anyone sees you here…’

‘They better not see me, then.’

He took her by the hand and pulled her with him, pointing out what spots to avoid as they ascended the stairs.

With Callum’s knowledge of the house they were much quieter and much quicker going upstairs and within two minutes they were in Selina’s bedroom with the door firmly closed and locked behind them.

‘Now I am glad the rest of the family are in a completely different part of the house,’ Selina murmured.

‘As am I.’

They were standing a few feet apart and Selina suddenly felt self-conscious.

She was in her nightgown, a demure garment made of thick white cotton that reached from the base of her throat all the way down to her ankles.

It was hardly an outfit that invited immoral thoughts, but Callum was regarding her as if he were a fox ready to pounce on an unsuspecting rabbit.

‘You’ve been drinking,’ Selina said, trying to work out his motivation for coming here this evening.

‘I have, although I am not so drunk you have to worry I will not remember this in the morning.’

‘Would you have come here if you were sober?’

He seemed to take a moment to consider the question and then blew out his cheeks. ‘Truly, Selina, I do not know. I have had the strangest day and I cannot think what I would have done if even one part of it were different.’

Selina took a step closer, unable to stop herself.

‘Why are you here, Callum?’

‘As I was sitting in the tavern, drinking terrible beer with my oldest friend, I realised I needed to talk to you. My head was in a jumble and I knew I would not sleep until I had seen you.’

‘It must be important for you to come here at night.’

‘Yes. It is.’

He held out his hand and as if in a dream Selina stepped forward and took it. She thought he might kiss her, but instead he led her to the narrow bed and sat down, making space for her to sit down beside him.

It was dark in the room, although Selina had left the curtains open a sliver and a beam of moonlight shone through the gap. Most of Callum’s face was in darkness, but she could see his eyes, shining as he looked at her.

‘All day long I have been pulled this way and that. For so long my focus has been on doing the right thing by the people of Ballachulish, my people, that I have denied all personal desires. Yet with you I cannot ignore what I feel.’

‘What is it you feel?’

‘I do not want you to leave Scotland. I do not wish to never see you again.’

‘You know that cannot be. I need to move forward with my life.’

‘I know,’ he said and Selina felt herself deflate a little.

Part of her had wondered if this was the declaration she had been hoping for, his promise that he would fight for her, that he would choose her over anything and everything else.

That was what she wanted deep down, whatever brave front she presented outwardly.

‘I know that, but still I cannot rid myself of thoughts of you. You plague my waking hours and my sleep. I am captivated by you.’

He shifted a little, his hand coming to rest on her leg, and she felt the skin under her nightgown pucker into goose pimples.

Never had she imagined being so physically attracted to another person that a mere hint of a touch would affect her so much.

‘It sounds terrible, but I want to possess you. I want to make you mine and never share you with anyone else. I want to lock you away from the world in my bedroom so there are no distractions, no interruptions.’

Selina’s heart was pounding in her chest and she knew she would willingly do anything Callum suggested. Her virtue was one of her most valuable things, but one look from Callum and she would throw it away in an instant.

‘The desire I feel for you is almost uncontrollable,’ Callum said, his voice low and anguished, ‘but I feel so much more. I think I was trying to pretend what I felt for you was just physical, that it was an attraction that would pass as soon as you were out of sight, but I was lying, Selina. What I feel for you is so much more than a physical desire.’

‘What do you mean?’ Her voice was barely more than a whisper. This was not how she had envisioned her night unfolding and she thought Callum was about to make a declaration that would have far-reaching consequences.

He took his time, lacing his fingers through hers and adjusting the curtain so he could see her clearly.

‘I love you, Selina Shepherd. I think I started to fall in love with you that first night by the loch and every moment we have spent together since has deepened that love.’

‘You love me?’

‘Yes. I do. I love you and I desire you.’

Inside her chest Selina’s heart swelled.

Never had she thought Callum would declare his love for her.

The whole situation had been a mess from the very first time they had met, complicated by Callum’s sense of duty to the locals and Selina’s unsympathetic family.

Yet all that seemed inconsequential if Callum loved her.

‘I honestly do not know what the future holds, Selina. I cannot see how to make things work so everyone is happy, but I was sitting in the tavern and I realised that I loved you and I knew I could not keep that to myself.’

‘You love me?’ Selina asked again, still not able to quite believe it. She felt the thrill of his words before a coldness settled upon her. ‘You love me, but you cannot be with me.’

Callum looked away, the pain evident on his face. ‘I am sorry,’ he said, his voice low and desperate. ‘I should not have said anything. I know this makes everything worse, yet I could not keep it to myself.’

Selina knew she should feel angry towards him, yet all she could summon was sorrow.

Callum was a good man, a noble man. He had set his mind to righting the wrongs his father had committed, to helping the friends and family who had suffered when the land was sold off to Sir William.

For years he had worked towards this goal and now, with the end finally in sight, his heart was tearing him in two.

‘I love you, too, Callum,’ she said quietly. It was all she had to give him and she knew it did not change anything, but she had to say it all the same.

‘You love me?’

She nodded. ‘Even though I know we are doomed, I know we cannot end up together, I still love you.’

Their eyes met, desire and longing and love pulsing between them until Selina stood up, stepping away to put some distance between them.

‘You need to go, Callum, before we do something we regret.’

‘Would we regret it?’

‘Yes,’ she said firmly. ‘It would change nothing. You would still have to go ahead with the marriage to Catherine.’

He groaned but nodded. ‘You are right, of course. I apologise for coming here tonight. I just needed to see you. Bruce and my mother were going on about following my heart, yet I cannot reconcile myself with the idea of letting everyone down.’

‘I know, my love. That is why you must leave before anyone finds you here.’

He stood, taking a few steps towards her before taking her hands in his own.

‘One kiss,’ he said, ‘Can we at least share one more kiss?’

Unable to refuse her own desire, she swayed closer, feeling the tears pricking at her eyes and dropping on to her cheeks as they kissed.

Before she was ready he was gone, slipping from the room and away through the house as if he were an apparition.