Page 54 of Once the Skies Fade (Immortal Reveries #2)

Chapter 54

Matthias

T he word hung heavily in the air between us.

Us.

It was an absurd notion, and yet…

Calla’s words could have easily been my own. I couldn’t ignore this need to be close to her. I couldn’t run from this hold she had on me. And I hated myself for having feelings for her after everything she’d done.

Despite what Sera had claimed, I wasn’t overlooking the atrocities Calla had committed. I acknowledged them, accepted them, and that confused me to no end. I’d seen the power Shadow Keepers wielded, how mercilessly they took life. I’d witnessed the pain and loss Calla had left in her wake.

Stars, I should have been trying to stop her, not trying to save her or protect her or help her or whatever I was doing here.

I shouldn’t have cared about her—shouldn’t have cared what happened to her—but I did.

She was guilty of so much devastation and fear, but somehow, for some reason, I couldn’t abandon her.

“There is no us ,” she whispered, pulling me gently out of my thoughts.

“That was almost convincing,” I said, offering a slight smirk.

She dropped her gaze to my chest. “There can be no us.”

“Until I win this tournament, you mean.”

Shaking her head slowly, she released a long sigh and settled her forehead against her hands where they still clung to my shirt. I shut my eyes, debating what to do next.

What would Connor do?

I laughed silently to myself. He’d probably run away and sulk.

Or he’d mention some disgustingly romantic notion like mates.

Mates.

Snapping my eyes open, I searched my memories for every conversation I’d had with Connor about the stars fating souls for each other. He had noted the unnerving need he had to keep Lieke safe, but then, that was just Connor in general—the savior of his people, doing everything for everyone else and nothing for himself.

What if that had been the bond, though? What if their bond had been pulling them to each other before they’d ever kissed?

“Mates.” The word fell from my lips on a rough breath, and Calla’s head jerked up. Releasing my shirt, she stepped back, her eyes wide and lips parted as she regarded me apprehensively.

“What did you just say?” Her question was barely more than a breath.

“What if we’re...” Fuck, I couldn’t say the word again. It was insanity. There was no way the stars would play such a cruel trick. What would happen if she had, in fact, killed Brennan and I had to kill her to avenge him? Would I be able to keep my word to Connor? Would I be able to do what I was sent here to do?

Calla shook her head, slowly at first, and then faster and faster, in time with her quickening heartbeat. Lifting her hand, her fingers trembled against her lips.

“No,” she breathed. “It couldn’t be.”

Her wild eyes darted erratically around the cell as if searching for some answer written in the air. She stilled, her mouth still hanging open in disbelief.

“It can’t. We can’t,” she murmured, her voice growing louder as her words spilled out. “There’s no way. I can’t be…I can’t…”

Her eyes squeezed shut, her shaky fingers pressing hard into her temples. I wished I could take back the word, go back in time and keep my stars-damned mouth shut, anything to fix this. But being strung up in these iron cuffs limited my ability to do anything useful.

“Calla, it’s probably not…that. I shouldn’t have even?—”

“No.” She started to shake her head again, her hands falling away as she slid her eyes open and lifted them to mine. The space between her brow crinkled adorably, countered by the pained fear gazing back at me. She whispered again. “We couldn’t be. Could we? Is that why…”

Her voice fell away once more behind a shaky hand I wished I could hold if only to reassure her everything was fine.

“It’s probably not true, but…” I started, not quite sure what I was doing.

“There’s one way to know for sure,” she mused quietly. Her expression hardened with dark determination.

“It’s probably not,” I repeated, my words losing what little confidence they’d held earlier.

She took slow, cautious steps toward me, stopping an arm’s length away. Her eyes held mine captive as she lifted her hands to my jaw. Her fingers brushed past my ears and sank into my hair. I wet my lips and let her guide my face lower until our breaths mingled in the small space between us.

What did the bond feel like? My mind went blank trying to remember if Connor had ever described how it felt when it had formed. Calla sighed, her breath warming my lips, and I had to fight every screaming urge to shift forward and kiss her myself, to prove this ridiculous notion false. Before she could move any closer, though, the iron door behind her flew open, slamming loudly against the wall.

Isa stormed inside.

“Your Majesty,” she said in a reprimanding tone. I winced as Calla shoved my face away from her and dropped her hands, twisting around to face the general.

“What is it, Isa?” she asked in a shaky voice, running her palms against the folds of her dress as if trying to wipe any memory of my skin from them.

“The Assembly needs to see you. I tried to persuade them to wait, but they insisted. They’re in the meeting room waiting for you.”

Calla was nodding hastily, speeding out of the door without a single look my way. I expected Isa to follow her, but she turned toward me, strolling over with her hand resting on the pommel of her sword.

“General,” she said. “I know what’s been going on between you two.”

I lifted my brows. “Could you fill me in, because apparently I don’t.”

She didn’t seem at all amused, though I wasn’t joking. I couldn’t explain it any more than I could understand it.

“I can’t watch her get hurt again,” Isa said.

“Is this to be one of those if you hurt her, I’ll kill you lectures then?”

A soft smile graced her lips. “Perhaps, but I don’t think you need it. If you hurt her, she’ll likely kill you herself.”

“Fair point. So what are you here to discuss then?”

“I know you, general,” she said, shifting her weight but keeping her eyes locked on mine. “You’re a male of integrity, honor, loyalty. I was there at the battle when your friend fell to that Shadow Keeper. I was just a young soldier at the time. While it wasn’t the bloodiest death I witnessed, it was one of the hardest, because of how it pained you and your prince.”

Swallowing hard, I ignored the image that flashed in my head as I noted, “Yet you let your queen use the same power to cut down innocent?—”

Her sharp stare stayed my tongue mid-sentence.

“They’re not truly innocent though, are they?” She angled her head at me. “The queen passed a law with strict consequences, and they still chose to disobey. Whether we understand the reason for her exiling them matters little. They knew the consequences, and they defied her regardless.”

“So you condone what she’s done?”

Isa was quiet for a moment, her eyes boring into mine as if trying to detect any ill-will behind my question.

“I think she does what she has to, as queen. Mercy has its place, yes, but when so many are vying to steal her crown, she can’t afford to appear weak. Those who blatantly defy the law are more likely to pose a threat of rebellion in the future. And you know better than most how dangerous a rebellion can be.”

She wasn’t wrong. Lieke had defied Emeryn’s laws and almost ended up dead because of it. Not everyone had the benefit of a crown prince to rescue them. I shook away the memories and focused back on Isa.

“What was your question then, general? Or did you just come to flatter me and my honorable heart?”

Pausing, her brow lowered slowly over her dark, brooding eyes. “How do you do it? A Shadow Keeper killed your friend. Yet you’re here, pledging your heart to one with the same power.”

“Technically, my heart is only hers if I win,” I corrected her, but the lie tasted sour.

“Liar,” she said, one brow arching playfully, a stark contrast to the sadness in her voice. “You didn’t answer the question, though.”

“I pledged because I had to,” I said, knowing this wouldn’t appease the general but needing to buy myself time to find the answer to her actual question.

“You’re no idiot, Matthias. You know what I’m asking.”

“I don’t love her,” I insisted.

“I never claimed you did,” Isa said. “But you obviously care for her. You don’t see her as the monster everyone else does. Why? How? Given all you’ve seen and lost?—”

“Because that’s not her,” I interrupted, hating that I was having to discuss Gabriel’s death again today. “She didn’t kill my friend. She’s killed because she has to. And if you think about it, so did the Shadow Keeper in that battle. That’s the nature of war, of politics, of the world. We choose who we fight and who we fight for.”

“And why do you fight for Calla and not against her?”

“What are you expecting me to say here, general?” I asked, growing irritated with her roundabout intent.

“I’ve known her my whole life,” Isa said slowly. “I’m all she has left. If I abandoned her, I don’t know what she would do. But you barely know her. Why is it that you are able to see past all she’s done, when so many others can’t?”

“Because that’s not her,” I repeated. Lowering my head, my gaze softened on the floor, the cell around me blurring. “She’s in pain. Grief can drive anyone to do things they might not otherwise. I mean, grief led an entire kingdom to go to war, and thousands of fae and humans died because of it.”

Isa regarded me for a moment, as if weighing the truth of my words. Pulling a ring of iron keys from her pocket, she stepped forward, reached up, and unlocked the cuffs from my wrists.

“If I could get you back to your room tonight without raising suspicions, I would,” she said, and I wasn’t about to admit I knew of the secret passageways behind the walls. “You’ll need to spend the night in your cell, but I’ll be down to release you in the morning for the third trial.”

“And what of Raven and my sister?” I asked, stretching out my aching arms as Isa moved to open the door.

“She’s your sister?” Isa half-turned to face me. I nodded. “I’ll have to speak to Calla, but their infractions can’t simply be ignored. I’ll do what I can, though, general.”