Page 40 of Once the Skies Fade (Immortal Reveries #2)

Chapter 40

Calla

I was going to kill someone, and I didn’t even care who at this point.

A whole afternoon spent meeting with the competitors—my suitors—and I was ready to snap any one of their necks. Even Graham’s.

Especially his, perhaps.

I had expected the fearful meekness of Beck, the smallest male among the lot. Phillip wasn’t much better than him—unforgettable at best. Seb had been as pompous as ever during his time with me, describing his harrowing tales of surviving the forest, as if these might impress me in the slightest. Those were easy enough engagements, albeit dull and pointless. I’d learned nothing from those three males other than how miserable marriage to them would be.

Graham now sat on the very edge of the armchair across from me. Leaning forward, his forearms resting on his legs, he inched his hands ever closer to my legs, and I had to fight the urge to scoot my chair away from him. I stiffened when his fingertips lightly grazed over my knee in a gesture I assumed he intended to be comforting. Instead, it conjured a million pinpricks down my arms.

“You should have just accepted my offer, Calla,” he said softly.

I pressed my tongue hard against the roof of my mouth so as to hide my irritation that made me want to gnash my teeth together. Drawing in a slow, calming breath—that failed to soothe anything—I pulled my lips into a relaxed smile.

“Perhaps, but then we’d miss all the fun of these games.”

He laughed dryly. “Yes, you seem to be having loads of fun.”

Stiffening, I pinned him with a glare. “Don’t mock me.”

His face fell, and he slid his hand away from me, shifting back in his chair. “Apologies, Calla. I only wish to spare you this?—”

“I don’t need you to save me, Graham.”

“Oh, that’s right,” he said, his eyes darkening before he looked away. He slowly crossed his ankle over his other knee and dropped his arms to the armrests. “That’s Matthias’s job, not mine.”

Heat gathered in my chest, and though my shadows stirred just beneath the surface of my palms, they remained contained. That remedy Jocelyn had created for me worked better than I could have imagined. I didn’t even need to fist my hands now to keep my magic subdued. Too bad it didn’t temper my anger though.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I asked, trying to keep my tone as even as possible.

Graham’s dark, speckled eyes snapped to mine, but I couldn’t quite read his expression. Anger, pain, rejection, disgust. His features seemed to display all of these at once. When he answered me, though, his words dripped with jealousy.

“You know exactly what I mean. You claim you can’t open your heart to anyone else, but then the moment you need help, you let him ?—”

“I was fucking unconscious in the forest that day he arrived! I didn’t let him do a stars-damned thing.” My hands clenched tight, my fingernails biting into my palms.

“And the dance?”

“What was I supposed to do, Graham? I couldn’t risk making a scene with the Assembly there.”

“Convenient,” he muttered, now crossing his arms at his chest.

“We’re done here,” I said and pushed to my feet.

Graham simply stared up at me, his lips sliding into a cocky grin. “My time’s not up yet.”

“I say it is.”

He didn’t make any effort to move but rather dropped his head to an angle. “The Assembly might be interested to find out you’re playing favorites.”

“Favorites? I’m beginning to detest you all equally.”

Graham dropped his chin to his chest, closed his eyes, and shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry, Calla. I shouldn’t let him get to me. It’s just…” He didn’t bother finishing his sentence as he looked to the large wooden clock standing in the corner. He released a weary breath. “I have just five more minutes. Then I will leave. I don’t want to get you in trouble with the Assembly by leaving early.”

My scoff came out more of a growl, and then I turned away from him.

“I need a fucking drink,” I mumbled to myself and strode over to a small cart tucked between two bookcases.

I’d resisted pouring a glass of brandy during the previous suitors’ visits, but as irritated as I was with Graham, I knew he wouldn’t begrudge me this one comfort. I poured a small amount of my favorite brandy, Vrani?’s from Dolobare, into a crystal glass and lifted it to my lips, relishing its sharp scent.

I’d just tilted my head back for a sip when someone knocked at the door. I didn’t move to answer it, and Graham grumbled as he rose and stomped across the room. Closing my eyes, I imagined myself far away from here, away from this room, this tournament, this entire situation.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Graham grumbled, and I squeezed my eyes tighter, wishing the peaceful image in my head was real—a remote cottage tucked away in a mountain forest with no need for enchanted protection.

“I was told to be here.”

That damned voice. I breathed deep, catching hints of his wood and leather scent.

Matthias .

“You’re early,” Graham said through gritted teeth.

“Am I?” Matthias asked, and I downed the remainder of my drink and turned in time to see Matthias stepping past Graham who stumbled back a half-step. His eyes caught mine immediately, and a dashing smile lit up his face, which somehow still looked handsome despite his slowly healing wounds, though in a more roguish way than before.

“Killer,” he said, dipping his chin in greeting. My stomach squirmed and tightened in response. Was I actually starting to like the absurd nickname?

Graham straightened, squaring his shoulders. “Don’t call her that,” he commanded.

“It’s alright, Graham,” I said, which earned me a quirky look from Matthias that I did my best to ignore. “He doesn’t mean any harm by it. It’s just a joke.”

“Not a very funny one,” Graham said, tension still evident in his rigid stance as he tried to block Matthias from entering further into the room.

“Your time’s up, Graham,” I said. His head swiveled around, and he opened his mouth—probably to argue—but slammed it shut again. His eyes, however, remained furious. I bowed my head. “Thank you for coming to chat with me.”

Graham stood there, gawking at me for a few painfully long breaths, until I mouthed the word go .

Fuming, he stormed out, ramming his shoulder into Matthias’s as he left. Matthias grimaced and started to lift a hand to his stomach as if he was in pain, but then he stopped, shoving his hand into his pocket instead. The door slammed so hard the portrait frame on the wall beside it rattled precariously.

Matthias tossed his thumb toward the now-closed door.

“What’s eating him?”

I waved my empty glass in the air dismissively. “He’s just being Graham.” I spun back around to the cart, still holding my glass up. “You like brandy, right?”

What am I doing?

I’m not here to fucking connect with any of them!

Especially not him.

It’s just a drink though, and I could use another one.

“I do, in fact,” Matthias said. “Are you offering?”

I peeked over my shoulder at him where he remained near the door. “Just this once.”

His laugh filled the room, rough and low. He took slow steps toward me. I tensed, waiting for his warm scent to invade my senses, but he stopped sooner than expected. With a strained exhale, he dropped into one of the armchairs, and his voice came out weary when he finally spoke again.

“I don’t like to share either, especially not the good stuff.”

Turning on my heel, I slowly walked back to the sitting area and offered Matthias his glass. He breathed it in, and I nearly smiled when his eyes closed with an appreciative sigh.

“You’ve had this before?” I asked, pivoting around to settle into my chair across from him.

“Indeed,” he said, lifting his drink toward me in a silent toast. “The Vrani? family makes the best brandy I’ve tasted, and I’ve had my fair share.” Carefully he drew the glass to his lips and tipped it up to let the dark mahogany liquid slide into his mouth. Another sigh escaped him as he pulled it away and stared at it longingly, whispering, “I’ve missed you, old friend.”

I hid my laughter behind my glass, but when his eyes—alight with pure bliss—met mine, I sobered up, remembering why he was here and why I didn’t want him to be. Tossing my drink down my throat, I set the empty glass on the table beside me. I started to pull my legs up into my chair, to tuck them under me as I usually did, but I quickly thought better of it. Dropping my feet to the floor, I stiffened in my seat.

Matthias chuckled again, but this time it was quiet and subdued. “I thought a couple drinks were supposed to help you relax.”

I bristled. “I am relaxed.”

His eyes trailed down my rigid posture, past my tightly clasped hands in my lap, to my feet.

“Clearly,” he muttered. “So am I the last for today?”

I dipped my chin. “One couldn’t make it.”

I immediately regretted bringing up Korben, even more so when understanding lit on Matthias’s face.

“Ah, yes. Thanks for your help with that, by the way.”

My pulsed picked up speed, and I lowered my brow slightly. “Help with what exactly?”

The corner of his eye twitched, and for a moment he seemed about to argue with me, to remind me that I’d attacked Korben. Instead, he offered a soft, conspiratorial smile along with a series of small nods. “Right, right. I forgot,” he said, and then lifted his fingers to his mouth to turn an imaginary key, which he pretended to drop into his glass, his lips pressed firmly together.

His eyes narrowed as his lips lifted into a lopsided, mischievous grin. “I suppose I don’t have to thank you for visiting me in the infirmary either then?”

Shit. He’d heard me speaking to him. I’d specifically gone when no one else was around, trusting the healers’ assessments that the poison had rendered him unresponsive. Still, this was easy enough to refute.

I wrinkled my nose at him. “What makes you think I visited you?”

“I heard your voice, felt your touch?—”

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes. “You were poisoned, general.”

“So you didn’t ask me not to die?” he asked, lifting a hand to his lips. I shook my head. “Well, this is embarrassing.”

Pressing my lips into a thin smile, I lifted a shoulder. “Could happen to anyone in your state.”

“Has to be pretty flattering to you, though,” he said. “My dreaming of you, that is.”

“Ah, yes, I do aim to be on the minds of every incapacitated male.”

Matthias leaned forward, dropping his arms to rest on his legs. As he spoke, he stared down at the near-empty glass cradled in his hands.

“Speaking of incapacitated. My friend, Oryn.”

“What about him?”

“First, thank you for getting him to the healers. Unfortunately, he’s not going to make it,” he said, his voice growing quiet yet still confident. “He should be sent back to his family so he can be surrounded by loved ones when he passes.”

I stilled, recalling the words I’d spoken to Ami. Anything he needs—it’s yours. Matthias wasn’t wrong, but his request conjured the memory of me clutching Brennan, begging him not to leave me.

Dropping my chin into my hand, I fought back the threatening tears. I pulled in a deep breath, hoping Matthias saw it as my buying time to think rather than needing a moment to rein in my traitorous emotions. Finally, I cleared my throat—a test to ensure my voice was prepared to answer him.

“I will speak with Isa tonight about it. We should be able to spare one carriage and a guard detail to escort him home.”

Matthias’s face brightened as he sat upright. “You’ll allow me to thank you for this, right? Or is this another secret I need to keep?”

Bitterness gripped my heart as I stared at this male. He didn’t know the first thing about keeping a stars-damned secret, of having to stay silent about something to the point that it threatened to strip you of the last remaining good things in your life.

“Why are you here, general?” The question was on my tongue before I could reconsider it. He opened his mouth, that mischief returning to his eyes, but I lifted a finger. “And I don’t mean here in this room right now. I mean here in my kingdom, competing in this tournament.”

His mouth snapped shut with a dull pop. Spinning the gold ring back and forth on his finger, he settled back in his chair and shifted his eyes to the wall of windows behind me. I followed his stare to the pristine view of the setting sun and didn’t turn back to him even when he finally responded.

“As I told your general when I registered, with the approval of my king, I stepped in as Engle’s representative.”

Isa had indeed said as much, though Matthias now kindly omitted the little point that no one from Engle wanted to vie for my hand, as if I’d take some kind of offense to that.

“Out of the goodness of your heart,” I said, slowly turning back to look at him and marveling at how different he seemed from the other competitors. Unlike Beck, he didn’t seem at all wary of me. And unlike the others, he didn’t act superior at all. He spoke to me as if I wasn’t a queen suspected of murder, but a simple female in need of a friend. It should have been a welcome comfort, but that was the last thing I wanted from him or any of them. The Assembly—and even Isa to some extent—may have hoped these forced encounters would help the efforts to select a king, but they certainly didn’t help me.

“Something like that,” he muttered, falling silent for a few breaths before he asked the last question I expected. “Why are you here?”

He stared at me with such compassionate curiosity, as if he actually cared about my answer—cared about me—which seemed far more worrisome than if he were here to kill me.

“And don’t say because the Assembly made you,” he added, barely a hint of humor present in his tone.

“Arenysen must be ruled by both a king and queen,” I said, trying to hide my bitterness over this law. “If I must find a king, why not make it fun?”

His eyes widened, genuine shock written plainly across his face. “You have an odd definition of the word fun .”

“I thought warriors lived for danger and mayhem,” I challenged. “Or are you getting soft in your old age?”

Matthias’s laughter came out hollow and forced, then he lifted his glass and poured the last of his brandy into his mouth. “Mind if I get a refill?”

Of course I minded, but for some unknown reason, I waved my hand toward the bar in invitation. He nodded appreciatively before helping himself to my favorite brandy. Bastard was going to drink it all, and I didn’t know when I’d be able to get more.

“Don’t worry,” he said, looking back over his shoulder. “I won’t take it all.”

“It’s fine,” I bit out, and this earned me a dark laugh.

“I see that. Would you like another?” He held up the half-empty bottle, but I shook my head.

I couldn’t sit still anymore. Pushing to my feet, I walked over to the window and looked down at the forest’s canopy bathed in gold. I lowered my head to one side as I continued to stare out at a world that had lost all its luster when Brennan died. Why did I fight so hard to keep this kingdom? Why did I bother trying to hold onto my throne? It would be so much easier to just give up and let the Assembly select a new pair to rule.

Maybe I should have accepted another drink after all.

Pivoting on my heel, I spun around, expecting to find Matthias still at the bar or back in his seat. But he was standing directly behind me, nearly an arm’s length away. Startled, I retreated, my back hitting the window. My arms flew out to my sides to catch me, my palms smacking the glass hard.

I glowered at him. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”

A smirk pulled at one corner of his mouth. “Sure you don’t want it? It is yours after all.”

I gawked at him, realizing too late that he was referring to the brandy in his hand, the brandy he now lifted higher between us.

“No,” I said, dismissing his offer with another shake of my head. Pushing past him, I returned to my seat and folded my hands in my lap. “You need it more than I do anyway.”

He followed me to the sitting area, but remained standing. The corners of his mouth drooped down into a thoughtful frown and all amusement disappeared from his face as he peered down at me. “I beg to differ,” he said, his tone dripping with pity that lit a new fire in my blood.

I shrugged, attempting to appear casual, though my movements were probably too stiff to be convincing. “I’m not the one who got myself stabbed, poisoned, and nearly killed.”

A hint of laughter flashed briefly in his eyes.

“Known risks of your tournament, Killer,” he joked, but his expression darkened again almost instantly. “You, on the other hand, didn’t know you’d lose both your parents and your husband, and in such a short time too. That’s a lot to handle, even for someone as formidable as you.”

Why did he have to mention Brennan? Why remind me of all that I’d lost? Not that I could ever forget.

He lifted the glass toward me. “Take it,” he whispered.

A tidal wave of grief crashed into my sternum, threatening to drown me as it had that first week, but I refused to cave to it as I had then. I wouldn’t be bent to its will—not now, not with an audience.

Pulling my shoulders back and down, I lifted my chest as if to greet the pain. Tears started to gather in the corners of my eyes, and I silently cursed my stars-damned sentimental heart. I wanted to move on, not dwell on a future snuffed out by death.

Pressing my tongue high in my mouth, I slid my eyes closed. I would not cry in front of him. I dropped my chin to my shoulder, angling my face away from him and focusing on the steadiness of my breathing, counting my inhales and exhales until my thundering heart began to settle. My shadows licked at my palms, as if eager to help soothe me, but I urged them to rest, amazed when they listened and curled back into my veins. Jocelyn’s remedy worked wondrously, but it was still unsettling to have my powers obey my will so easily.

I had almost calmed myself completely when a warm, rough hand slipped over mine. I froze, my breath snagging on my next inhale as that comforting woodsy scent swarmed my senses. Snapping my eyes open, I slowly turned to find Matthias crouched in front of me. His hazel eyes held mine, and I couldn’t look away no matter how much I wanted to, like he had captured me in an invisible embrace. Slowly, his thumb brushed over the back of my hand, and as if coaxed out by the movement, my shadows appeared, washing over my skin and up over his hand. He didn’t seem to notice as he still stared at me with a curious mix of regret and compassion.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was?—”

“Fine, it’s fine,” I choked out, my voice weak and broken. I waited for him to comment on how not fine I clearly appeared, but he didn’t.

“No, it’s not.” He lifted his hand to my face, his fingers trailing along my jawline and sending ripples of prickly warmth through me.

I cleared my throat, trying to keep myself from leaning into his touch. “You weren’t wrong, though. I’ve lost my entire family.” My voice cracked embarrassingly, but I still couldn’t pull my gaze away.

His thumb brushed over my cheek. “And now you’re forced to replace them. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

A dry laugh escaped me. “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard, general, but life isn’t fair.”

“You don’t deserve this, though,” he said.

With a quiet sigh, he stroked my cheek again, and my resolve melted under his touch. Closing my eyes I nestled against his hand, letting myself relish in this moment of comfort, no matter how fleeting. Slowly, he shifted, moving his hand up to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear. Then his fingers tenderly traced the length of my neck, blazing a trail of fire over my skin. Even after he pulled away, that heat remained, washing across my chest and plummeting lower to my stomach until it settled in my core.

No.

I can’t want him.

I can’t let this happen.

I pushed to my feet so forcefully Matthias toppled backward, barely catching himself with his hands before he could fall onto his backside. Finally breaking his stare, I retreated back to the windows. My shadows slowly followed me, pulling back into my palms almost reluctantly.

Standing there, I waited for the fire he’d ignited within me to fade.

It didn’t, not when he walked away wordlessly, not when he left the room and shut the door.

It burned on, a desperate yearning that terrified me.