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forty-five

Knox

The Morphine must have worn off overnight because I wake up in a lot of pain Monday morning.

I’ve had some grade one hamstring strains, which have always healed in a few days. Grade two is significantly more painful.

“Fuck,” I say more loudly than intended as I sit myself up in the bed. I desperately want pain medication right now, and I need to go find some. I need my crutches, though, because I want to follow the doctor’s orders to get back on the field as soon as possible.

My crutches must have fallen overnight because they aren’t leaning against my nightstand anymore—they’re lying on the floor about three feet away from my bed. “Goddammit,” I mutter, figuring out how I’m going to hobble over to them without hurting myself more.

But then I hear footsteps in the hallway leading to my bedroom door.

Harlow.

In my haze this morning, I completely forgot she agreed to stay with me and help me while I recover.

The woman that has me going out of my fucking mind is going to be living with me for at least the next couple of weeks.

I can’t decide if that’s going to be good or bad. But I don’t have time to consider that now when Harlow lightly knocks on the door a few times before slowly pushing it open. “I thought I heard you,” she says, walking into the room with a glass of water and what looks to be a bottle of over-the-counter medication. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m in a lot of pain, honestly,” I admit. “I’ve had hamstring injuries before, but this is the worst one.”

“Yeah, your MRI showed a pretty bad tear.” She sets the water and pill bottle on my nightstand. “Take some of the Aleve; it’ll help with your pain and swelling.”

She bends down to pick up my crutches as I ask, “Where did you get the medicine? I usually only have Advil lying around.”

“I ran to the pharmacy before you woke up,” Harlow says, leaning my crutches against my bed as I take two pills from the bottle. “Naproxen lasts longer and always provides me better pain relief. Figured it would work well for you, too. I also grabbed a shower chair while I was out because you need to stay off your leg, and, no offense, I’m not bathing you.”

I laugh heartily. “Fair enough,” I say with a smile. “Thank you, Harlow. I appreciate you helping.”

“It’s no problem, Knox.” She smiles, and it seems less forced than it’s been lately. “I don’t mind helping you out.”

“I know, but…” I sigh. “I know how hard it is for you to be around me right now, so I just want you to know it means a lot that you’re still willing to help.”

“You’re welcome,” she replies softly. “Here, let’s get you up. You can do whatever you need to do for your morning routine, and then you can come out to the kitchen. I grabbed some coffee and bagels for breakfast.”

I wince as she helps me up and hands me my crutches. “Thanks. I’ll be out to the kitchen shortly.”

“Oh, uh… no problem,” she says awkwardly. “I’ll just, uh… see you out there.”

“Why are you being weird right now?” I ask before looking down and realizing I’m literally just in a pair of boxer briefs. Ah, that’ll do it. “Sorry,” I mutter quickly. “I, uh… didn’t think about that. Don’t worry, I’ll throw some clothing on before I come out.”

“Right, of course,” Harlow quickly replies. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

She starts walking to the door, so I use my crutches to propel me to my bathroom to brush my teeth and clean my face. When I get to the bathroom doorway, I can feel eyes on me. I peer back over my shoulder as Harlow quickly turns her head and walks out of the room.

Was she just checking me out?

I guess she could’ve been assessing the giant fucking bruise on the back of my left thigh, but I don’t like that option as much.

I’m choosing to believe she was checking me out. That she was staring at my ass covered in black fabric, just like she used to do.

And even if only in my mind, it feels good to have her looking at me again.

“So,” Cole says as he walks into the living room to join me where I’m sitting with my leg elevated on the couch. “How awkward has this morning been so far?”

I sigh. “It could be worse,” I admit. “She’s still not talking to me a lot. Breakfast was pretty quiet.”

“She’ll come around again,” Cole says, sitting on the chair.

“I’m not going to rush her or make her uncomfortable. If not talking to me helps her, then so be it. It’d be selfish of me to want her to just ignore everything that happened.”

“Damn,” Cole laughs. “I told you Harlow would brighten you up. Now you’re here making sure you do everything possible to keep her comfortable when she’s here to do that for you .”

“I know. But I’m half-expecting her to not come back from her apartment at all. That she’ll get there and be like, ‘Fuck this, and fuck him.’ I wouldn’t really blame her.”

Cole shakes his head. “You’re great at some self-loathing. Goddamn, man. Lighten up.”

“I’ll try,” I say before taking a deep breath.

“To change the subject, how do you feel about being put on the IL?”

“Don’t love it, that’s for fucking sure. But I don’t need surgery, so thankfully, I can just go on the 15-day IL. I’m going to be antsy tonight, though. It’ll be weird watching the game from home and not the dugout.”

“Knowing Harlow,” Cole says, “she’ll try to keep your mind off missing the game. I don’t know what she’ll do for that, but I can confidently say it won’t be sex with you being in the doghouse and all.”

“Dick,” I say, tossing my hat at him. “I’m in a fuck ton of pain. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind right now.” He throws my hat back. “Also, don’t be so fucking weird. That’s still your sister.”

“Yeah, I regretted it as soon as I said it,” he replies with an uneasy laugh. “I’m still used to being able to tease you, Lane, and Josh about this shit. I keep forgetting that it’s my sister you’re… involved with now.”

I wince. “I don’t think you can really say we’re involved now.”

“You’re both still playing it up for the tabloids, right?” I nod. “Then you’re involved in some way.”

“I guess,” I sigh. “I just wish she would talk to me normally again. I just…” I trail off.

Cole smiles. “You miss her.”

“I think that’s pretty fucking obvious,” I groan.

“Man, you gotta figure your shit out,” Cole says. “You’re in fucking deep, and you don’t even realize it, do you?”

“Oh, I realize it,” I admit. “Why do you think I’ve been such a mess the past few days?”

“I get that,” he says with a sigh.

“You actually do, don’t you?”

“Don’t be coy, Knox. I already know you figured it out.”

“In my defense, I think everyone but Rory has figured it out.”

Cole groans. “I fucking know.”

“It’s not like you could do anything about it anyway,” I tell him. “She’s Skip’s daughter. He’d probably bench you just for looking at her.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Probably for the best that she hasn’t figured it out then.”

“Keep ogling her, and I’m sure she will figure it out,” I smirk.

“Fuck off,” Cole replies, tossing a throw pillow at me.

I toss the pillow back at him. “Don’t you have a game tonight, Pierce?”

“Yes, but my sister asked me to stay with you until she gets back with her things. You’re a fall risk, you know.”

I want to hate that Harlow had Cole come over to watch me like a child while she was gone. But I don’t hate it all.

Honestly, it’s really sweet that she’s so concerned she’s calling in reinforcements to keep me from being left alone.

In fact, I think I feel my heart fall a little bit further.

The past few days have driven me stir-crazy.

I’ve always been a homebody, but I want the option to easily get out. These goddamn crutches make getting around tricky as it is, so I’m sure as hell not trying to navigate Manhattan when I can’t fucking walk.

Harlow and I have been watching the Stars’ games, more so just in the background. She needs to see what’s going on for Starred and Fast . She’s doing a lot of writing while she’s here, but just like Cole said, she’s distracting me when the games are on.

We talk. We play mindless games on our phones. We even play “Guess the name of this celebrity.” She is evidently very into pop culture, so she already knows them all. Me? I think I get two correct.

But all of that is precisely what I need. I’m able to rest and elevate my leg, and Harlow makes sure I ice it periodically as well. The pain is starting to get a bit better now. It’s easy to forget that I can’t easily move from my spot on the couch or that I’m missing another game with my team when I have her beside me to take my mind off things.

We spent days barely speaking before I was injured. Monday was still somewhat awkward as we both adjusted to being around each other after everything that had happened. Now, we’re falling back into a more familiar rhythm.

Harlow is talking to me again. And it doesn’t feel forced now. It seems like once she got past the unease, she was able to enjoy being around me again.

That’s all I could ever ask for right now.

“Alright, Slick,” she says from the other end of the couch, turning my attention away from the game playing on the TV. “You’re on a desert island and can only have three things with you. What are you picking?”

“Why would I be on a desert island?” I ask incredulously.

“Maybe you were on a plane that went down, and the only safety you could find was an uninhabited island in the middle of the ocean.”

“Does the volleyball already come as my best friend, or do I need to include that as an item?”

Harlow laughs heartily. “We’ll say he’s already there, washed up with you from the plane’s wreckage.”

I can’t help but smile. This might be one of her most random attempts to take my mind off the game, but I’m enjoying the spontaneity. “What would I take?” I ask myself aloud. “Baseball cap. I definitely want a baseball cap.”

“Of course you do, Mr. Baseball Star.” Her smile is bright and teasing.

“Mr. Baseball Star,” I say with a smirk. “I like that. I might have to formally request you start using that from now on.”

“Not a fucking chance,” she laughs. “Come on. You still need two items to join you, your volleyball best friend, and your baseball cap.”

“A pocketknife. That would probably be really useful. Now for item number three…” I think for a moment. “Can I take a person?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Perfect. I’m taking you with me then.”

Harlow blushes as she sweetly smiles at me. “Why do you want to take me with you?”

“Because,” I say, “I don’t think a volleyball will be enough company to keep me sane, so I need a person with me. I think you’re the only person I could ever tolerate enough to take with me.”

“I’m tolerable?” she says, hand on her chest. “Knox Spencer, that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to anyone .”

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” I laugh. “That’s the exact same thing you said to me when we started this whole fake dating thing.”

“It is,” she says. “Nice memory, Spencer.”

“Harlow…” I start before trailing off.

“Yes?” she asks.

I let out a breath. “You know you’re more than tolerable to me now, right?”

She smiles at me. “I know, Knox. I never questioned that.”

“Good,” I say, smiling back at her. “I don’t want you to question how important you are to me.”

Her smile falls a little bit. I can see that she wants to believe me, but my telling her last week that this is all fake to me makes it hard. I can understand that. It sucks, but I understand.

I’ll just have to help her see that I mean it.

To change the subject back, I ask her, “You gotta tell me what you’re bringing to a desert island with you, Freckles.”

“Ooh, okay,” she says, finger tapping her chin as she thinks. “I’m gonna take a page from your book and say a pocketknife. I want a water purifier thing since you can’t drink ocean water; I’ll need something to take the salt out. And if I’m bringing a person like you did, I’m definitely bringing a man. I’m a woman; I have needs.” I have to choke down a laugh. “Cole’s my brother, and Josh is engaged, so I’m nixing both of them. So I’d probably have to go with Lane. He’ll do.”

“Lane, huh?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow.

“Why not? He’s fun to be around. We’d probably have some interesting conversations.”

“You know,” I say, “I’m glad you’re still more than willing to tease me.”

“You’d probably be concerned if I didn’t.”

“I’d definitely be concerned if you didn’t.”

We both smile and laugh, and things start to feel more like they did—the times when we just genuinely enjoyed each other’s company without the expectation of anything more.

Taking me by surprise, Harlow slides her foot down the couch cushions, bringing it just in front of the pillows propping up my left leg. Her foot falls down to the side, brushing her skin against mine where it rests.

“Knox…” she says softly.

“Yeah?”

Her gaze meets mine, those ocean eyes drawing me in and taking me prisoner. “Why do you like my freckles so much?”

“Where is that coming from?” I ask.

“I’m just curious. You know about Derek and how he felt about them. Why do you feel differently than he did?”

“Are you still uncomfortable with them, Lo?” That slips, but I don’t correct myself this time. Harlow’s sweet smile tells me I don’t need to.

“I’m not, actually,” she admits. “I loved them before Derek, and now I’m finally loving them again after Derek. And that’s because of you. Well, sort of, at least. You helped me see that I didn’t need to hide them from anyone.”

“I’m happy to hear that. I really am.” Her smile is so bright it’s almost blinding, but I just take it all in. I’ve missed being the one to put a smile on her face. “To answer your question, though, I think the freckles are very pretty. They just make you… you.”

“Thank you. That’s very sweet.”

“I do mean that, Harlow.”

“I know.”

God, I was such a fucking idiot last week.

I can’t believe I ever claimed this to be fake when I’m falling so goddamn hard for this woman right here.

Now, we’re back on the path that might enable me to do something about it.