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thirty-seven

Harlow

After an afternoon away game win against the Chicago Windjammers on Sunday, Lane and Knox flew down to Miami for the All-Star Game while the rest of us and Sage flew back to NYC. Since most of the team wasn’t selected for the game, only those who were attended. This means Rory and I stay behind as well since we’re not even officially part of the team anyway.

Monday night is the Home Run Derby, which neither Lane nor Knox are competing in. But they are playing in the All-Star Game on Tuesday before they fly home right after. Lane considered not accepting the invitation at all because he didn’t want to be away from Sage, but Rory assured him that Sage would be just fine.

Now, standing outside of Cole’s apartment building in Tribeca on Monday morning, I run into Lucia. “Morning, Torres,” I say as I stride over next to her.

“Oh, hey, Lo. This is the right building, isn’t it? I’ve never been to Cole’s before.”

“Yeah, this is the one,” I reply. “Rory said she and Sage got here a little bit ago, and Cole already had everything delivered for brunch.”

“Smart man, that brother of yours.” Lucia laughs. “But maybe not so much around Rory.”

“What does that mean?” I ask as we cross the building lobby and step into the elevator.

“Lo, you can’t possibly have missed the signs.”

“Signs for what? Cole and Rory?”

“Babe, I honestly don’t understand how you haven’t figured it out.”

“Figured what out?” I say, exasperated.

Lucia laughs lightly, softly smiling. “Are you unaware that your brother has his eye on Rory?”

“No, he doesn’t,” I say quickly. “Does he?”

“Harlow, Cole is not an awkward man… except around one person.”

“Rory,” I say, letting the puzzle pieces finally fall into place. “Holy shit.”

“Indeed,” Lucia replies as we step off the elevator and head down the hall toward Cole’s apartment. “Rory remains oblivious as well, but I do have my suspicions that she feels the same way. She’ll just never admit it or do a goddamn thing about it.”

“Well, I’m sure as hell not meddling in that right now. I’ve got my own shit to worry about,” I say with a laugh.

When we reach Cole’s door, I knock. “Come on in,” he says from the other side. Lucia and I walk inside to find Sage cuddled up on Rory’s lap while she and Cole sit close to each other on the couch.

I have been really oblivious, haven’t I?

“Good morning, guys,” I say, throwing my bag on the floor and walking across the room to meet them. “Hey, Sagie!” I say, scooping her up into my arms as she giggles.

“What is Miss Sage having for breakfast this morning?” Lucia asks as she joins us.

“A bunch of bananas,” Rory says with a light laugh. “Literally. I brought a literal bunch of bananas for her since it’s her favorite food right now. Lane goes through a ridiculous amount of bananas.”

“Nana!” Sage shouts.

“And that’s our cue to head to the table,” Cole says. “Come on, breakfast is already set up.”

I sit Sage down in her portable high chair that Rory attached to the end of Cole’s table. There are already two bananas split in half on a plate in front of her, and she immediately reaches over and takes one half of a banana in each hand.

I grab a cup of coffee before sitting in front of the plate of French toast, taking the spot across from Cole.

“So, what are your plans for the break, Cole?” Lucia asks from beside me. “Anything fun?”

“Still going to be spending some time in the gym,” he replies, stuffing a piece of bacon into his mouth. “Gotta keep up if I want to keep playing well.”

“I still can’t believe you weren’t invited to the All-Star Game,” Rory says from beside Cole.

“I mean, it would’ve been nice,” he says, “But I’m not one of the best shortstops. There are plenty of guys better than me.”

“Don’t be humble, Cole,” I say. “I run a damn blog with player stats—you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You say you’re not one of the best when you’re the number five shortstop for the entire league.”

“Honestly,” Lucia chimes in, “It’s a crime you’re not there with Lane and Knox.”

Cole lets out a breath. “But I keep to myself, so I’m not a very popular player. I know that hurts me with things like this, but it’s hard to give up my privacy. Maybe next year, though.”

“Have you talked to Lane yet today, Rory?” Lucia asks.

She laughs. “Like three times already. He’s been away from Sage for barely twelve hours now, and he’s already missing her like crazy.”

“Who wouldn’t miss her?” I say. “Sage is the cutest fucking kid.”

Cole laughs. “Lane’s gonna be fucked in another year with all the swearing Sage hears.”

“Most of what she hears is from Lane himself,” Rory replies. “Mouth of a sailor on that one.”

“I think that could describe literally every one of us,” I say with a laugh. “Hell, we might just make some sailors blush.”

“We’re not that bad, Lo,“ Cole responds, slightly offended.

Lucia chuckles and says under her breath, “That’s because you haven’t heard Knox in bed.”

“Lucia!” I shout.

Cole groans. “How the fuck do you even know what he sounds like in bed, Luc?”

“Because your sister tells me everything,” Lucia replies with a smirk.

“And I’m regretting that right now, believe me.”

“Speaking of Knox, though,” Rory interjects. “Have you heard from him yet today, Lo?”

“Not yet,” I say as I sip my coffee. “But he’s got some things to do this morning to prepare for tomorrow’s game, and then he’ll be there to watch the Home Run Derby tonight. I probably won’t talk to him until after that.”

“How ever will you survive?” Cole says with a smug look.

“I’ll be just fine, Cole.”

“You sure about that?” he asks, eyeing me.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I reply. “It’s not like I’ve never been away from a boyfriend before.”

“Harlow,” Rory says, catching what I accidentally said. “You just called Knox your boyfriend.”

“That was just a slip of the tongue.”

“Is it that,” Lucia asks with a serious look, “or is it because this isn’t so fake to you anymore?”

“Umm…” I manage, trying to hold back… but it’s futile. “It could be that…”

“Seriously?” Cole says, surprised.

I let out a deep breath. “Yeah… it’s been feeling less and less fake. And I have no idea what to do about it.”

“You should talk to him,” Lucia says. “The way he looks at you makes it obvious that he’s feeling it, too.”

“I don’t know. We both went into this with the expectation that the relationship wasn’t real.”

“Yeah,” Cole says with an eye roll. “And then he started coming to talk to you before every game. He started happily talking to the media and going out publicly with you to be photographed for the tabloids. He started lighting up the moment someone even mentioned your name. Lo, that is not the man I’ve known for three years.”

“Well, things can feel less fake without us wanting to actually be together. It’s not like he has feelings for me or anything,” I reply. But that last part comes out weakly, as if it hurts me to say it. Like it hurts me to think about the fact that my feelings might not be reciprocated. The feelings I’ve tried so fucking hard to deny, but it’s so damn obvious to anyone that sees me with him that none of it is fake to me.

“I don’t want to meddle at all, believe me,” Cole says. “But I do think you’re wrong. I’ve already been thinking that, but I didn’t want to say anything. Whatever you do, though, just don’t get yourself hurt.” He reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “We’re all glad to have Happy Harlow back. You’re finally back to the sister I always remembered.”

“No matter what, I’m not letting myself go back down that road. There’s the real possibility that nothing comes from this whole arrangement other than our pre-agreed terms and now sex. It all is what it is, and I’ll handle it.”

“You could talk to him when he flies home after tomorrow’s game,” Cole says before he takes a bite of his omelet.

Rory smirks. “I don’t think talking is what they’ll be doing then.”

“It is not,” I say, heat creeping across my cheeks. “Actually, Cole, I was thinking we could do a raincheck on our breakfast this week. I’ve, uh… got some other plans.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Cole mumbles.

The change of direction in the conversation was nice, but I know they’re all right. I’m going to have to talk to Knox about all of this at some point. The longer this goes on without me saying anything, the more likely I am to get hurt.

But even the thought of having that conversation makes me nauseous.

All of this would have been so much easier if Knox wasn’t so fucking perfect.