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thirty-two

Harlow

Before returning to my apartment today, I have to borrow some clothing from Knox. All I have with me is that damn dress, so I’m wearing clothing that is way too large for me to get back home and get ready for the day. Thankfully, he drops me off on his way to practice today, so I don’t have to sit in a subway full of people staring at me with oversized clothing, wet hair, and red marks all over my goddamn neck.

All. Over.

If Knox’s goal last night was to claim me, it’s safe to say he succeeded. Anyone who even looks at me will see that I belong to somebody. Somebody so possessed with desire and need for me that he marked up so much of my neck and chest that I have to throw on a turtleneck to wear under my jersey.

A turtleneck.

In the middle of fucking June .

No amount of makeup is going to cover up those dark bruises, so a sleeveless turtleneck is my best bet. Combine that with the fact that I’m wearing leggings to a game due to Knox’s penchant for sticking his scruffy face between my legs, and my friends will all know something is up. This is far from how I usually dress when I head to the stadium.

But I have to head into the stadium early today. Paul agreed to be my next interview, and I need to catch him in a short window after practice.

I knock on the door to Paul’s office, a computer bag slung over my shoulder so I can take my notes. “Come in,” I hear from the other side of the door.

I step into his office, still walking a bit funny from Knox and the raw skin he gave me between my thighs. I’m trying to play it off, but it’s not going very well.

“You alright, Harlow?” Paul asks, glancing over the papers in front of him, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, yep!” I say, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just pulled a muscle in my leg when I tripped in my apartment this morning.”

“Well, if you live like Rory, you have things scattered everywhere. Easy to trip over.”

“Haha, yeah. I’ll have to get better about that.” Oh God, this is not convincing at all.

Paul gives me a curious look before dropping the subject altogether.

Phew.

“You know,” he says, sitting across the desk from where I sat. “You’ve been looking a lot happier lately, Harlow.”

Paul doesn’t know about everything that happened with Derek. He knows we dated and broke up, but that’s the extent of his knowledge. It’s not like my friend’s dad needed all the intimate details, but that means he has no idea why I wasn’t happy in the first place.

“I’ve been a lot happier,” I admit, smiling brightly. “Life is really good right now.”

“Knox has been looking a lot happier, too,” Paul says with a knowing glance. “Not hard when he never gave anyone a damn smile before.”

I laugh in earnest. His image has really been improving this season, but it’ll take a while for him to shake the grumpy asshole persona entirely. “I like to think he’s been happy, too,” I reply as I feel a blush creeping across my cheeks.

Paul gives me a soft smile. “Team morale has been better, too. I never thought I’d want to delve into my players’ dating lives, but considering you two are plastered on the front of every tabloid in the supermarket checkout line, it’s hard to avoid. But you guys somehow work together. And I’m all for it if it means every goddamn reporter isn’t asking me why the league’s best pitcher never wants to talk to anyone.”

We both laugh. “Okay, enough about my personal life, Paul. Let’s get down to business, shall we?”

“Shoot,” he says. “I’ve got about half an hour before I need to start preparing for the game.”

“I can make that work. I’ll start with my standard questions before we get to the deeper ones.” I pull up a blank document on my laptop. “Favorite color?”

“Navy, of course,” Paul says with a laugh. “Gotta be Stars navy.”

“Favorite food?”

“A BLT. Simple and hits the spot every time.”

“Favorite Taylor Swift song?”

“Why do you want that?” he asks incredulously.

I shrug. “It’s just something for fun. My readers seem to really like it.”

“Okay then. Well, what one did Rory pick?”

“She said, uh…” I’m absolutely not going to tell Rory’s dad that she said her favorite song is Dress . A little white lie never hurt anyone, right? “She picked Maroon .“ She did technically say maroon but as her favorite color, not her favorite song.

“I don’t think I know that one. What’s that one about Romeo and Juliet? That one is fine.”

I laugh heartily. “ Love Story . Got it. Now let’s get into the rest of this…”

“Where’s Sage?” I ask as Lucia and Rory walk into Lucia’s office, where I’ve been taking refuge since I finished my interview with Paul. I’ve got time to kill before the game, so I’ve been hiding away from everyone and lying with my back on the floor.

“Lane wanted to keep her for a little longer today. He still struggles with leaving her sometimes.” Rory and Lucia walk to where I’m lying on the floor and plop down on either side of me. “Lo,” she says with a tone I can’t quite place. “What are you wearing?”

Shit .

I knew they’d notice this wasn’t my usual attire, but I completely forgot to spin a lie that would be believable.

Shit shit shit .

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” I say in a dismal attempt to shirk this.

Lucia grabs my hand and helps me sit up, saying, “Lo, you’re wearing a turtleneck. In June .”

“I found it in the back of my closet and thought it would be cute for today.”

“You’re also in leggings,” Rory adds.

“I desperately need to do some laundry,” I say with a dismissive laugh that is far from convincing.

“Okay, okay,” Rory says with a smirk as she shoots a look toward Lucia.

Lucia now squints her eyes at me, looking in closely. “What’s that on your neck, Lo?”

“What?!” I yell, immediately bringing my hands to my neck to cover it up… but it’s still covered by the turtleneck.

Fuck.

They caught me without even trying too hard.

Rory covers her mouth as she squeals, and Lucia yells, “Harlow Louise Pierce!”

“Show us your neck!”

“Do I have to?” I say as my face falls. They both just stare at me expectantly. I take a deep breath before pulling the turtleneck down, showcasing multiple dark marks across my fair skin. “I, uh… fell?”

“Fell onto Knox’s dick, apparently,” Lucia says with a giant smile.

I groan. “Fine, yes.” I take another deep breath. “I had sex with Knox last night.”

“Finally!” Rory shouts. “It was inevitable after the way you two were eye-fucking each other last night.”

“What do I do, guys?” I say, sinking back down onto the floor.

“Well,” Lucia starts, “I think that depends on how it was.”

As much as I was trying to beat around the bush before is now how much I can’t stop myself from spilling everything.

“Unbelievable. Insane. Incredible.” I sit up again, discomfort washing away. “It was so good, guys. He has such a dirty mouth, and I evidently really like that. He was so commanding, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“How was he commanding?” Rory asks, a rapt look on her face.

“He, uh…” I have to hide my smile as I remember. Thinking about it already has me ready to jump back on him. “He made me beg . I had to beg him to fuck me, and I loved it. Who even am I now?”

“So the sex doesn’t seem to be an issue,” Lucia says with a smirk. “Sounds like you had fun after dinner last night.”

“Yeah, he all but attacked me pretty much as soon as we got to his place. And then again when he saw me in his shirt overnight. And then I kinda attacked him in the shower this morning. And I have to wear leggings today because the man loves sticking his head between my legs, and his facial hair basically rubbed me raw.”

“Fucking get it, girl!” Rory says with a whoop. “I’m not really seeing a problem here.”

“The problem is that we aren’t actually together, but I want to jump back on his dick and ride it off into the fucking sunset.”

“Wow, Lo,” Lucia laughs. “That’s an image.”

“I say you just go for it, Lo,” Rory adds. “You had great sex—three times apparently—so I think you should just keep going for it. There’s nothing wrong with some casual sex.”

“I’ve never done casual sex before, though. Sex always involves feelings for me.” Lucia and Rory both look at me with widened eyes, and I realize what I just said. That I always have feelings when I have sex. “No, uh… I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Harlow…” Lucia places her hand gently on my arm as a way to comfort me. “Do you have feelings for Knox?”

I just stare at them for a few moments before making a sound somewhere between a groan and a squeal. “I have no idea. But I love spending time with him. He’s really sweet and caring. And the man gave me five orgasms in the span of like ten goddamn hours.”

Rory says in a serious tone, “Lo, it really does sound like you have feelings for him.”

“No,” I say, vigorously shaking my head from side to side. “I couldn’t possibly have feelings for him. I’m not living out a romance trope.” My voice lowers now, wavering slightly. “I can’t have feelings for him.”

“Sweetie,” Lucia says as she and Rory both lay their heads on my shoulders, “It’s okay if you do.”

“No, it isn’t,” I say, voice breaking. “This isn’t real, and I wasn’t supposed to actually start falling for him. Sex could make everything so much more complicated.”

“So don’t sleep with him again,” Rory states.

I just stare at her in disbelief. “If he wants me again, I’m sleeping with him again. I know I will because I want to. I’ll just have to learn how to keep things casual.”

“If that’s what you want, you know we’re here for you,” Lucia says, throwing her arms around my shoulders in a tight hug.

“Thanks, guys,” I say. “But I’m not going to let it get to me. I had a great night and morning. I mean, I can barely fucking walk. I’m going to remember that and not focus on anything else.”

“That’s my girl,” Rory says, joining Lucia’s hug.

“I love you guys. Thank you for your support.”

Things can only get more complicated from here. This is the first time I’ve acknowledged that I might actually have feelings for Knox. But I have Lucia and Rory with me to help navigate everything. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

“How are you feeling now?” Rory asks, taking a sip of her iced coffee as she sits across from me on the floor in the hallway outside the clubhouse. She and Lucia really helped me feel better about everything. It was nice to get everything off my chest, but accepting that I could have feelings for Knox is hard. That’s something that would most likely end in me brokenhearted—not something I particularly want to go through.

“I’m doing better,” I admit, snagging the cup from Rory’s hand and taking a sip of it for myself. “I think I’m gonna be okay. I’m just going to have fun and try not to worry about anything else.”

“Good,” Rory replies with a reassuring smile. “We don’t need another Derek situation.”

“That would never happen with Knox.” I smile shyly. “He’s made it a point to lift me up. He’s never put me down, and I can’t see him ever doing that. He likes to tell me how wrong Derek was, especially about the freckles.”

Lucia, Rory, and Ella have done so much over the past year to help me believe the things Derek would say aren’t true. That he was just a small-dicked—Lucia’s words—asshole who gets off on making himself feel better than women. But it wasn’t until Knox that it all started to finally sink in.

It’s not like I needed a man to tell me to actually accept it. I think it’s more that he has no reason to say those things if he doesn’t mean them. Lucia, Rory, and Ella are my best friends—they’re supposed to say things to make me feel better. But Knox doesn’t have that obligation since this isn’t a real relationship. But he does it anyway, and I’m almost at the point where I’ve never felt better in my own skin.

“So you really did tell him everything about what happened, huh?” Rory says, snagging the coffee back from my hand.

“I did,” I tell her. “It kind of just felt right to share it with him. He shared everything with me as well, and I think that’s really brought us closer.”

Rory raises her eyebrow questioningly. “What did Knox have to share?”

I take a deep breath. “It’s not my story to tell. But I can say that he’s not so withdrawn from everyone and everything for no reason. He’s been through a lot.”

“Fair enough,” Rory relents. “I’d never want you to share something he doesn’t want to be told. But whatever it was, you’re definitely helping him get over it. Him being comfortable enough with you to say anything at all speaks volumes about what he thinks of you.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I say, rubbing my neck. The clubhouse door opens then, and the team walks out and starts down the hallway while Knox, Cole, Lane, and Sage all make their way over to us.

Rory and I both stand up, and Rory reaches out to Lane. “Hey, Sagie! You ready to hang out with me again?” Sage smiles brightly and giggles as Rory starts to tickle her.

“Sometimes I can’t get her to leave my side,” Lane says to no one in particular. “And sometimes she can’t get to Rory fast enough.” He laughs and shakes his head as he leans down and kisses Sage on the top of her head.

“Hey, Lo,” Knox says, turning his attention to me. I can see the hint of a smirk when he sees that I’m wearing a fucking turtleneck because he knows exactly why I’m in this damn thing. “Ready to watch the game tonight?”

“Ready to see how many runs you give up tonight, Slick,” I reply with a mischievous tone. The urge to tease him is too strong.

“Such a fucking ball-buster, Harlow.” Knox laughs and rubs his jaw. “I know I can count on you to always knock me down a few pegs.”

Cole, who has been suspiciously quiet so far, chimes in now. “Lo, why the hell are you wearing that? It’s like eighty degrees right now.”

My eyes widen, and a worried look crosses Knox’s face. Our silence right now is deafening.

Lane connects the dots faster than Cole, dropping his jaw in amusement as he chuckles.

“Why is Lane lau-” Cole cuts off sharply and groans, finally putting the pieces together. “Fucking hell. I don’t want details, and I’m going to pretend to be blissfully unaware that my sister was in Knox’s goddamn bed last night.”

“Say it a little louder, won’t you?” I say as I cross my arms. “I don’t think the rest of the clubhouse heard you.”

“Fuck me,” Cole says, scrubbing a hand over his face.

Lane throws his arm around Cole’s shoulder and slaps his other hand on Cole’s chest. “Nope, no fucking for you. But I do believe that’s what those two lovebirds got up to last night.”

“Goddammit, Lane.” Knox pinches his brow, probably wondering how neither of us could hide this for even a damn day. “We really don’t need to get into my damn sex life right now.”

Cole covers his ears like a child, and I can’t help but laugh. I sure as hell don’t want him to have details about what Knox and I did last night, but it’s fun to torture him about it. He’s been doing that to me my entire damn life.

“Fine,” Lane says. “But if Knox pitches a good game tonight, Harlow, you know what to do before each start.”

“I’m sure I can manage that,” I say, batting my eyelashes right at Knox, who shakes his head and laughs.

“You’re a goddamn menace, Freckles.”

“You like it,” I say, standing on my tiptoes to get closer to him.

“I don’t mind it.” He gives me a soft kiss, and Cole pretends to gag. So goddamn dramatic, that one.

I fall back on flat feet and look at Cole, throwing my hands in the air. “Okay, okay. I’m done torturing you now, Cole. You three go get to the field. Rory, Sage, and I will find our seats.”

“Thank fuck,” he says. “I want out of here.” Cole runs down the hall to escape the situation we’ve put him in.

“Love you, Sagie.” Lane plants a kiss on Sage’s cheek as she smiles. “Daddy will see you after the game.”

Knox throws an arm around Lane. “Come on then, Daddy . We’ve got to get on the field.“ They start off down the hallway before he looks back and gives me a soft smile.

And butterflies erupt in my stomach.

Butterflies?

Why am I getting butterflies again?

Knox just smiled at me. That’s not a big deal.

Is it?

No, of course, it isn’t. He’s smiled at me too many times to count now.

But that smile was just for me. Even in a hall full of people, that smile was only for me. And the smile on my face afterward was only for him.

…

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This isn’t real. This is a show.

And yet, here I am, butterflies still fluttering around when Knox is nowhere in sight.

That means I did something I shouldn’t have done.

I started falling for Knox Spencer…