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twenty-two

Harlow

Tuesday morning, I woke up mortified. I remembered everything I said to Knox the night before, regardless of how drunk I was. I told him he has a sexy ass and that I think of him in the shower. The ground could’ve swallowed me whole right then, and it would’ve been a welcome reprieve.

My only saving grace was that he didn’t acknowledge it the next day. He could have tormented me about it, how his friend’s little sister, his fake girlfriend, thinks of him when she gets herself off. He could have laughed in my face, and I would have understood. But he didn’t, thank God.

We’ve still seen each other every day, and I’ve had to pretend that I don’t feel awkward so we can continue to not acknowledge what I said. It’s been easy enough to avoid, though, when the Stars had a two-game home series they split with the LA Suns. Once Thursday’s game finished, we all jumped on the plane to head off to Pittsburgh to start a ten-game away trip. And since we slept on the plane, Knox and I didn’t need to acknowledge it then, either.

When I wake up Friday morning, I know I need to talk to somebody about it. Ignoring it completely is driving me crazy, and since I don’t want to talk to him about it, I figure Lucia and Rory will be good, even if they tease me about it like I know they will.

Since Rory and I always share a room, Lucia comes to meet us. “Okay, what’s up with a nine a.m. meeting, ladies?” Lucia asks as Rory lets her into the room.

“Your guess is as good as mine, Luc,” Rory replies. “This is Lo’s doing.”

I smile sheepishly from my bed. “What’s going on, Lo?” Lucia asks, eyeing me curiously as she and Rory sit on Rory’s bed across from me.

“I, uh…” I start awkwardly before falling back on my bed, hands over my face. “I massively embarrassed myself, guys, and I don’t even know what Knox is thinking.”

“Oh, we gotta know what you did then,” Rory says. “Where’s the popcorn?”

“I hate you,” I say, but she just laughs. I take a deep breath before I blurt out, “I told him that he has a sexy ass!”

“You actually told him that?” Lucia pries.

“Yes,” I reply, sitting myself back up again. “After you drunkenly decided we needed to visit the guys Monday night, I slept in Knox’s guest bedroom, and I told him he has a sexy ass.”

Rory smirks. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

“That’s not helpful, Ror.” I sigh. “But it gets worse.”

“You did more than tell him his ass is sexy?” Lucia prods, trying not to smile. She’s clearly amused.

“Sure fucking did,” I say as I try to compose myself. “I may have also told him that I think about his ass… when… I’m in the shower.” I wince when I say it aloud.

Lucia and Rory can’t contain themselves and double over in laughter, gasping for breath. “Lo, you did not tell him you masturbate while thinking of him,” Lucia says as she wipes a tear from her eye.

“This isn’t funny!” I shout. “I’m fucking mortified.”

“So,” Rory says, “what I’m gathering is that you like touching yourself to the thought of Fort Knox.”

“Rory!” I shout. “Please seek therapy. You should not always be thinking about sex.”

She roars with laughter. “I don’t always think about sex, Lo. But it is so fun to mess with you.”

I groan. “What the hell do I do?”

Lucia asks, “Well, are you going to keep being awkward around him if you don’t talk about it?”

“I think I’m going to be awkward no matter what,” I reply honestly. “How the hell can I be normal around him again?”

“Try not to think about it when you’re around him,” Rory says. “Eventually, you’ll stop thinking about it altogether, and you can forget it even happened.”

“I have no idea if I can do that.”

“Don’t let it faze you, Lo,” Lucia adds. “You’re a woman who likes sex—own it.”

That I’m going to have to try to do.

The Stars played a damn good game tonight. They didn’t get the win, but Cole was part of a great 6-4-3 double play.

And all through the game, Knox kept looking at me, smiling every time he did. I couldn’t help but smile brightly in return.

We’ve been getting so much closer, to the point where I look forward to seeing him each day. And I think he does, too.

And I think I really, really like that.

Now that the game is over, I’m sitting on the floor outside of the away team clubhouse, Sage sitting right in front of me. Rory needs to talk to her dad, so I’m watching Sage while we wait for Lane.

“There we go,” I say, fixing the small ponytail atop her head. “All set, Sagie.” She claps before she turns around and gives me a slobbery kiss on my cheek. “Aww, thank you, Lovebug.”

The clubhouse door opens, and Lane, Knox, Cole, and Josh step out. “Ah, there’s my baby girl,” Lane says as he leans down and scoops Sage off the ground.

“Dada!”

“Why are you still up, Sagie? You’re usually asleep by now.”

I stand up to join them. “Rory said she ended up taking a late nap today. We haven’t been able to get her back to sleep yet.”

“Well, that means we’re in for a long night, aren’t we, Sagie?” She giggles as Lane tickles her. “I’m heading back then. I gotta try to get Sage down for the night.”

“I’ll head back with you,” Josh says. “I want to talk to Ella before she falls asleep.”

“We’ll see the rest of you tomorrow, then,” Lane states as he, Sage, and Josh take off down the hall.

I look to Knox and Cole. “You had a good game today.”

“We lost, Lo,” Knox replies. “Not what I’d call a good game.”

I shrug. “You can’t win ’em all. But it’s not like you got the loss either, Knox. Stars were still in the lead when you came off.”

“There’s always tomorrow,” Cole adds. “We can still win the series.” He thinks for a moment. “Where’s Rory, Lo?”

“She had to talk to Skip about something. She’s probably still with him.”

“Ah, okay,” he replies, rubbing his neck. “Makes sense.”

I eye him. “Why are you being weird, Cole?”

“It’s weird to ask where my friends are now, is it? I don’t think that’s very weird.” He crosses his arms.

“That’s not weird,” I reply. “But you’re acting weird as hell.”

“She’s got a point, man,” Knox adds.

“I should’ve known this whole—“ he gestures between Knox and me, ”— thing would’ve had you two ganging up on me.”

“Ooh, he’s getting testy now, Knox,” I say as I look at him. “What do we think he’s hiding?”

“I’m not sure,” he says with a smirk, “but I bet we can find out.”

Cole throws his bag over his shoulder and grumbles, “I’m getting out of here before either of you keep talking,” before he takes off down the hall away from us.

Knox and I both laugh. “He can dish it, but he’s never been able to take it,” I say.

“That’s not surprising in the least,” Knox says.

“What are you up to tonight, Slick?”

“Ah, I will just be enjoying the freedom of having my own room for this series.”

“Ooh, how’d you swing a solo room, Fort?”

“Not a fucking clue, but I’m not going to complain.” He pauses for a moment. “Why don’t you come over? We can watch something or just talk.”

I smile at him slyly. “Are you just trying to get me all alone, Knox?”

He leans to my ear. “I’m constantly alone with you, Harlow. But if you’re worried about me trying to come on to you tonight, I promise you’re safe.”

I laugh it off, but it’s still kind of… disappointing? It’s not like I expected him to go for something. And if he did, I’m not even sure what I’d do.

…

Yeah, that’s a lie. I think I can admit to myself that I clearly want Knox. But wanting is one thing; giving in is another. We’re friends now—friends who just happen to be in a fake relationship. We don’t need any complications or strings.

At least, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself…