Page 42 of Off Pitch (New York Stars #1)

forty-one

Harlow

After the shittiest night of sleep I’ve had in ages, I wake up Friday morning ready to just go back to bed. But seeing as I have to be with Knox and walk around The Battery, I have to get my ass up and plaster a fake ass smile on my face.

I decided to get ready for the day before I go meet him, so I don my favorite jeans and my Pierce Stars jersey because Knox isn’t getting the pleasure of seeing me in his, and I pull my hair up into a high pony. After applying a light bit of makeup to make it seem like my eyes aren’t all puffy from crying, I take the subway into Battery Park City to get this over with.

I only have to knock on Knox’s door once before he swings it open, looking far more disheveled than I expected. The bags under his eyes tell me he didn’t get much sleep, either.

“Harlow…” he says softly. “It’s good to see you.”

I roll that off. “Let’s just go, Knox. This doesn’t need to last longer than necessary.”

His shoulders slump at the words. Was he expecting me to just move on from everything he said yesterday? Or was he expecting my feelings to be enough for me to welcome him back with open arms?

Either way, seeing him is already a stab in the chest. I can’t be around him too long, or the last fragile pieces of my heart will shatter entirely.

Knox and I are silent as we leave his building and walk to The Battery. We’ve been here multiple times since we first came all those months ago. That was the day that started me on this journey, falling heart-first for somebody who claims he doesn’t see me the same way.

The Battery always felt so warm and inviting. Now, it’s just cold and unappealing. The overcast sky doesn’t help, but I don’t think it has much impact on how I’m feeling right now.

As we walk through the entrance to the park, he severs the silence between us. “So, uh… how was your night, Harlow?”

“Shitty,” I scoff. “Thanks for asking.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry about how yesterday went down, Lo… Harlow.”

“I know you are, Knox,” I admit. “But I’m going to need time to get through all of this on my own.”

“I just don’t think I can take the thought of you hating me…” he says softly.

I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. “I don’t hate you. I don’t think I could ever hate you. But I’m hurt, and it’s going to take time to get past everything. It’ll take time before I can call you a friend again.”

He just nods his head in understanding, staring at the sidewalk under his feet.

We continue walking through the park, slowly traipsing along in the silence that consumes us again. For a Friday morning, the park is full of more people milling about than usual.

As we approach a group gathered around the base of a tree, I reach out and take Knox’s hand in mine. He gives me a look that’s a mix of surprise, understanding, and gratitude.

“I did say I’d play the part,” I say, my voice low. “This is all just part of the act.”

“Right…”

For someone who was adamant yesterday that this entire arrangement is fake, he sure seems downtrodden over the whole ordeal. Even before Knox regularly smiled, he never looked like this .

He just seems so… sad.

And I hate that.

But I’m sad, too.

He can hate the situation we’re in now, but he should also realize we’re here because of the lies he’s telling himself, no matter how much he’s hurting from it, too.

As we continued our stroll, I noticed someone with a camera on the trail ahead of us.

And I take a deep breath.

“Knox, there’s someone with a camera.”

“Oh,” he says. “Just smile as we walk by then.”

“No,” I say, stopping and facing him. “We’re selling this, remember?”

And before I have time to tell myself this is a terrible idea, I stand on my tiptoes, bringing my lips to his and kissing him.

It’s not a long kiss, just a tiny peck.

But all the hurt from yesterday bubbles up again when all I feel are the butterflies taking flight.

No matter what, I won’t be able to move on while we’re keeping up this charade.

The rest of this season is going to be hell…

“Yeah,” Cole says from the clubhouse sofa. The guys went out to the field early, so Cole snuck me in to do our interview here. “Getting to play for the Stars has been a dream. Having grown up in Brooklyn, I grew up a Stars fan, and I always said I’d play for the Stars one day. This is a lifelong dream realized.”

“You did always say that,” I reply with a laugh. “How often did you tell Mom and Dad that you only wanted to play on the Stars?”

“Hey, I meant that. Those three years I spent between the Kansas Huskers and their farm system just solidified it.”

“Didn’t enjoy the cornfields, huh?” I tease, finally smiling today. I spent some time with Rory and Sage to try to recuperate after seeing Knox before I met up with Cole. It helped a bit but didn’t cheer me up as much as I’d hoped.

“You know damn well how much I hated that,” Cole says, crossing his arms. “I’m pretty sure I called you every fucking day to ask you to find a way to get me out of there.”

“Yes, your sister—with absolutely no pull in the MLB—was definitely going to be the one to get you out of Kansas.”

“Thankfully, Kansas eventually wanted me out of Kansas, and now here I am where I always wanted to be.” He laughs and smiles. “It’s all I ever dreamed of.”

“I do enjoy having you here as well, Cole. I missed you when you were in Kansas.”

“Because I’m the best big brother anybody could ever ask for,” he says with pride and a smirk.

“Such a fucking ego,” I say, pushing Cole’s shoulder. “You’re the only brother I know, so I have nothing to compare it to.”

The clubhouse door swings open, and Knox walks in. When he spots us, he quickly turns around and leaves. I can’t hide the hurt on my face.

“You okay, Lo?” Cole asks seriously.

“Yeah,” I say, dusting myself off, though there’s nothing there. “I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you aren’t, you know.” He smiles at me reassuringly.

“I know,” I reply. “Lucia and Rory came over last night, and I got all of that out of my system with them. Today still sucks, but it’s not nearly as shitty as yesterday.” I take a deep breath. “Okay, back to the interview. I need to finish before you decide to tell me you changed your mind.”

Cole laughs heartily. “Better be quick then.”

I roll my eyes before looking through my list of questions and topics. “What’s your favorite part of getting to play for the Stars? You said it was always your dream, so what do you love most about seeing that dream unfold?”

“Familiarity and family mostly,” Cole replies. “I know the city well since I spent my life here. And getting to stay around you, Mom, and Dad is awesome. I’ve always been family-oriented, so I didn’t like being away from you all. Aside from those, the Stars are an incredible organization with love for their players. You feel cared for and know they aren’t just looking for a buck off of you. That’s always nice.”

“Fun questions now!” I chime. “My favorite part.”

“Lay ’em on me, Lo.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue. Just a standard blue.”

“Favorite food?”

“Chicken wings. Only really eat them during the offseason, but I still love them.”

“Last but not least, favorite Taylor Swift song?”

“Hmm…” Cole rubs his chin, thinking. “What has everyone else said to that?”

“Lane said The Very First Night .“ I decide to tease him a little bit. “But Rory said her favorite is Dress. ”

“Oh,” is all he can say before an unmistakable blush flushes across his cheeks. “Interesting.” He coughs now, trying to regain his composure. “My favorite would be… Shake It Off, I guess. That one’s fun.”

“So stereotypical,” I say as I laugh. “Going for one of her biggest singles.”

“I don’t know her entire discography front to back like you do, Lo.”

Cole and I dissolve into conversation now, enjoying a bit of downtime before he needs to warm up for the game. And it actually gets my mind off Knox for at least a bit.

This hurts, and it’s going to hurt for a while.

But I’m strong.

I’m going to be okay.

I know I am.